All That the Heart Desires

by June Moonbridge

  “You know when I’ll put it on sale,” I said.

  Harry sighed.

  “When you’ll find him.”

  “Yes.”

  The next two weeks were even crazier. I was free of Shore, as the Formula 1 caravan had moved to Canada, but every day new customers came and demanded Demain and I was still not ready to sell.

  All three of us somehow managed to keep the perfumery going, although it was tough. Some of the customers threatened to sue me for false advertising. I tried to get the billboard taken down, but, although House of Dame had exclusive rights to it, the space had been double commissioned for the whole summer, and paid for. I begged Harry and Luis to put up another advert to that billboard what was the House of Dame right, but in the end, it was House of Dame’s product. I was unable to do anything.

  Blackbird made his new move after Friday’s free practice in Montreal was finished. I was surprised to see from his message that he was in Canada. He didn’t say where, only that he was convinced my son was there.

  “I want to meet you in person!” I wrote on Skype. But the connection was already lost. And I was lost, too. Totally. Blackbird was toying with me.

  I picked up my mobile and called Dame. He was, as always, ready to listen to me without interruption. It was not fair on Harry, but I needed him. And he knew that.

  For more than a month I was under constant pressure. I just couldn’t escape it. I was tense, like a taut string, ready to snap at any moment.

  Anger prevailed. I was angry at all who came to the boutique and wanted Demain. I was angry at Shore who had started it all. I was angry at Blackbird who had disappeared again and left me without information. I was angry at Harry who wanted me to do things I didn’t want to do. And I was angry at myself and at my weakness at not being able to say ‘No!’ and stand firmly behind that word.

  I’d managed to hide the perfume from Shore. After the Canadian Grand Prix, he was in the perfumery every single day. I was shocked to see him come in on Tuesday morning looking for it. I knew it would be hard for me to get my nerves under control, so I left him alone with Lucille and Michelle and hid in the back office. But that was the only day I managed to avoid him.

  The following day, I was billing a customer for her purchase and, before I knew it, Michelle and Lucille had gone and hidden in the office. Seeing his smiling face as he gallantly opened the door for the departing customer, my heart started to pound so hard, I was afraid he might actually hear it.

  “Hello again,” he said and came closer. “I missed you yesterday.” I was still behind the counter.

  “Good morning. Well, I didn’t know you were here yesterday. Was something wrong, that you are back today?”

  “You weren’t here, that was all that was wrong.” He came closer and leaned on the counter. At the same time, I stepped away and pressed myself up against the wall and almost blended in with it.

  He looked handsome as always in his jeans and black Tee shirt and he was aware of that. The silver glow of his grey eyes returned when our eyes met.

  “And I’m still without the perfume.”

  “And it will stay that way!” slipped out of my mouth before I actually think properly.

  “You think?”

  “I know! You can choose any one from these shelves, but not Demain.”

  “We will see,” he smiled, stepped away from the counter and went to the door.

  “Interesting, I can smell it today, more intensely than yesterday.” I looked after him and the closing doors with astonishment. He could smell it?

  The next day’s encounter was almost the same. The difference was Michelle and Lucille asked me if they could go for an early lunch. As Jasmine was empty, I let them go. Five minutes after they were gone, Lorcan Shore reappeared.

  “Will today be my lucky day?” he asked.

  “No,” was my short reply. His eyes narrowed and he smiled. At that time I actually could read his mind. He was not referring to the perfume. And I … blushed.

  ‘Really?” he winked at me and his broad smile somehow made me furious in an instant.

  “Take down the billboard!”

  “No!”

  “Then leave, for heaven’s sake! We have nothing to discuss!”

  “Are you sure about that?”

  “Yes!” Passing him by, I went to the doors, opened them and showed him out. Surprisingly, he did what I asked.

  “Don’t come back!”

  “I can’t promise you that,” were the last words I heard, before the doors closed behind him.

  If only he wouldn’t look that damn sexy.

  I slammed the doors of my office and stayed there for the rest of the day.

  I had a bad feeling the following day. I sensed he would return, but as the morning passed and the afternoon too, I became more confident that he had finally got tired. Wrong! The door opened and there he was. White Tee shirt, jeans and a broad smile on his face.

  “Good afternoon, ladies,” he greeted us all. “What a beautiful sight.”

  He was right. He was a beautiful sight. Something to rest your eyes on. Michelle and Lucille giggled and before I knew it they were gone.

  “Take down the billboard!”

  “No.”

  “Why not? People threaten I will be sued because of the false advertising…”

  “Nonsense,” he smiled widely. “They can’t. The message is clear.”

  “Not to the customers!” I hissed and went to the entrance. Before I could reach the doors, he grabbed my hand and pulled me closer to him.

  Looking up at him, I opened my mouth to speak, but at that moment I felt mesmerised by his eyes. They weren’t sparkling, they were calm, and somehow I felt he was seeing through me, watching my soul. I heard his short, sharp breathing and couldn’t move. Staring into his eyes, I noticed he was slowly leaning to me. I felt his breath on my face.

  I remembered the first kiss we shared and … our lips almost touched and sparkles returned into his eyes. He turned his head, leaning even closer and suddenly I felt his lips on my neck as he whispered:

  “So, you do remember.” I was not sure if I imagined or if it was the real thing, but I heard victory in his deep voice.

  “Get out!”

  He straightened back and looked at me.

  “Not again?”

  “Yes. Again.”

  “Okay have it your way,” he said and left.

  Without thinking, I went to the office and both Michelle and Lucille left without saying a word. Next day he didn’t come, but on Friday he was back. Lucille and I were alone in the boutique as the day before Michelle had asked me for a day off. We were alone in the perfumery and, as soon as Lucille saw him, she wanted to leave, but I wouldn’t let her. I didn’t trust him … or myself.

  “What do you want?” I said, totally unprofessionally. He didn’t look surprised, more bemused.

  “Demain.”

  “Why?” I finally decided that I needed to know the reason.

  “Can’t forget the smell and I like it.”

  “It’s a woman’s perfume, not men’s.”

  He nodded.

  “I know. But from the day I smelled it for the first time, I can’t get it or her out of my mind. I want it.”

  “But how…? Desiree is the…”

  “Lucille, go to the back office and call Mr Dame.” I knew what she wanted to say. That I was the only one who used it. I didn’t want him to know that. He would then realise I was the one on the Grand Corniche.

  “Yes, Desiree.”

  Lorcan Shore was watching both of us, narrowing his eyes. As soon as she left, he asked:

  “Now can I get the Demain?”

  “No. It’s not for sale.” We stood only one step apart and suddenly the silver sparkles in his light grey eyes were not like champagne bubbles; I saw a lightning in them. He became deadly serious.

  “I will get it. I can promise you that!” He turned around and left. Again I stayed alone and wished I could
leave the boutique myself, never to return. In the past few weeks he had made my professional life living hell and that started to affect my personal life, too. My boutique was my life, after all.

  “Mister Dame is waiting, Desiree.” I heard Lucille and turned around.

  “Thank you. I will be with you soon.”

  “I have good news for you; the first two samples of perfume have been accepted and production will start as soon as you send me the recipe. The third one, unfortunately not…” Harry stopped talking as soon as he saw me crashing on my chair. “He was there again.”

  “Yes, he was.”

  “Wouldn’t it be easier for you if you sold the bottle to him?” That question was like a red flag to a bull.

  “Are you insane? That’s the last thing I’ll do!”

  “You’ll get your peace back, Desiree.” He was trying to calm me down.

  “No silly girl will ever get my perfume. Definitely not the ‘Paddock bimbos’. No way!” I spat out with anger.

  “Alright, Desiree. I understand, but…” He grew silent.

  “But what?”

  “Are you sure that he wants it for one of them?”

  I couldn’t answer; he had disconnected without saying goodbye.

  I leaned back on my chair and sighed. Somehow, deep down, I knew eventually he would win. It was only a question of time. He had help from many; Dame helped him with the advert; Lucille and Michelle vanished instantly he appeared … I started to think that even the hotel staff somehow were helping him … I stood alone.

  His visits to the boutique continued daily and our conversations were the same each day. He asked for the perfume, I refused. Then I demanded the billboard be removed, he refused and I threw him out.

  Finally, the battle almost ended with a simple call from Dame. He’d had enough.

  “Give it to him or I will close down the boutique!” he threatened. “I’ve had enough of his calls, Desiree.” I was silent. I didn’t know Shore had been calling Harry. At that point, I knew I was defeated. Until then, I hadn’t realised how much the fall would hurt.

  “Right. He’ll get it tomorrow,” I answered quietly.

  “He is leaving for the UK the day after tomorrow. You’ll take it to him today.”

  “No, I won’t!”

  “Yes, you will. I promised.” That was the end of conversation. After that I a text from him detailing Shore’s Monaco address. I deleted it immediately.

  I managed to escape the inevitable for the last time. I simply didn’t go where I was expected to go. I hid in the house and, even when Anne-Marie came to the door, I didn’t answer. I switched my mobile off and went to the laboratory to work on the final perfume.

  That evening I decided to try one last time to make the perfume according to the wishes and demands I had been given, and if the client disagreed with it again, I would suggest they try elsewhere instead. Enough was enough.

  Again, I worked almost all night long. I fell asleep when the fragrance was finished and packed. The morning came too soon. After a shower, I slowly went downstairs only to find Anne-Marie on the back porch of the house with a big pot of coffee.

  I knew what was wrong and also it would be crazy of me to try another escape. The phone on the counter was still off and I left it that way. I needed to talk to Anne-Marie first.

  “Bonjour,” I said when I opened the porch door. She looked at me and greeted me, handing me a big cup of coffee. I sat down on the swing seat and waited.

  I was halfway through my coffee when she finally spoke, and her words almost made me choke on my next sip.

  “Philippe left me. Well, I should say, he left us.”

  My eyes widened. It was something I had somehow expected, but was never sure would happen.

  “I’m sorry,” I answered.

  She looked at me and put her cup down on the table.

  “I’m not.”

  It was a short and simple answer. I tried to collect my thoughts. I was unsure whether to comfort her or not. She smiled at me.

  “You should only be sorry if he took the boys away from me, but he didn’t … So, don’t be sorry.”

  “When did this happen?” I asked her. For the last two weeks we hadn’t seen each other; hot dinners in the oven everyday were the only connection between us.

  “Last Friday,” she replied. Five days had passed and I hadn’t known what was going on with her.

  “Are you alright?” I asked her carefully. For a moment she looked somewhat lost and she turned away and gazed out over the horizon. She shook her head and laughed.

  “Of course I am,” she said. I was not quite sure who she was trying to convince.

  “You know,” she continued, “I always loved this house and the connection with the beach.”

  “Do you want it back?”

  She laughed out loud.

  “No, I didn’t mean it that way. Don’t worry; the rent is paid until December. I won’t throw you out.”

  “Do you have somewhere to stay?” I asked her. The expression on her face was puzzled.

  “The house is mine,” she said slowly. I nodded. I knew that. Dame had told me.

  “I don’t mean just this house. The house we are living in is mine too. Philippe had nothing when we married.” Now that was something I didn’t know.

  “I’m sorry,” I said. “I thought…” but she didn’t let me finish. She waved with her hand.

  “As everybody else did … that I am, I was, a rich man’s wife. Well, not quite. Philippe is smart and handsome. I have to give him credit for that. He became a successful financial advisor without my help or help from my family. So I’m not the only one with a secret. I need to know yours.”

  Instantly I became cold and could feel myself visibly pale. I wondered what she actually knew about me.

  “Don’t look at me like that,” she said after a few moments of silence.

  “I just need to know why you switched your mobile off. Mr Dame has called me almost every hour. Well, every waking hour. He’s worried sick about what is going on with you … and perhaps even more, where you are.”

  I stood up from the swing, and looked across to the beach.

  “He can go to…”

  “Now, wait a minute,” she interrupted me. ”I can see you two have some unresolved argument. I won’t push you. You can tell me in your own time.”

  “Did you tell him I’m home?” I turned around and faced her. She was standing up to collect the cups. She nodded and picked up the tray.

  “I presumed you were home. I saw no lights but the car was in the driveway.”

  “Thank you,” I said simply.

  “Any time,” she replied. “Will you be home as usual this evening?” I nodded. I hoped I would be.

  “Right. Dinner will be in the oven…”

  “… as usual,” I finished her sentence.

  “As usual,” she repeated. “That won’t change.”

  It was a beautiful morning and I just couldn’t make myself go back to the house and switch the mobile on. I knew what waited for me, but I had no choice. There was no escape. I wondered why Dame hadn’t rushed to the Côte d’Azur to find me. Anne-Marie must have convinced him I was alright.

  I dressed quickly and gathered my things, along with the parcel. I didn’t want to forget that. I’d worked too hard on it. When I spotted the mobile I took it, too, and left the house. I put in my earphone and, only when I was already in the car, I switched the mobile on.

  I didn’t manage to get out of the driveway before the phone starting ringing. I answered but did not speak. It was Dame and I listened to him without interruption.

  “For heaven sake Desiree, what is going on with you? I was trying to reach you all night, but you’ve disconnected the phone. We have an agreement; our mobiles are on always when we are apart. If Anne-Marie hadn’t confirmed to me several times that you were home, I would already be there this morning.

  Not to mention the other agreement we had! You shoul
d’ve done it, as I told you! As God is my witness, I will close down the perfumery and you’ll come back to Paris! Why didn’t you deliver the Demain to Shore yesterday? I had him on my mobile half the night! He was so pissed off.

  He wanted to find you. He insisted that I give him your address. Can you even imagine what have you done? That damn perfume! Everything because of it—and you wearing it constantly. If you would have just sold it to him that first day, we would have peace now and not … not this mess…” He finally lost the ability to yell at me, just as I parked in the railway station.

  “Are you there yet?” he asked after I heard him taken in few deep breaths. He had obviously calmed down.

  “At the railway station, yes. I just parked,” I answered. “In five minutes I’ll be in the perfumery. Do you need anything else, other than the perfume I made last night?”

  There was a short silence on the other end.

  “You worked the whole night again?” he asked. “I’ll cancel the order. You can’t live like this.”

  “I’ve been living without my son for the five years. Do you think I don’t sleep when I work?”

  “I’m sorry Desiree. I’m trying to help.”

  “I know you are.” I spoke a little more softly this time. He really was trying to be understanding. He tried all the time. He was almost as much of a wreck as I was.

  The British Grand prix in Silverstone that weekend offered no real thrills. The track was wet and Shore was thankful for the pole position that allowed him to escape a major crash in the second round. He won. What a surprise!

  But he had some bad luck at the Grosser Preis von Deutschland. The old question: ‘What happened in Monte Carlo?’ came out again. I was surprised that no one, particularly the press, had forgotten about this. When Lorcan prepared himself to answer the reporter, he was not looking at him directly, but was looked straight at the camera. I turned the television off before he spoke. I didn’t want to hear the answer.

  On Thursday, after the race in Germany and almost ten days before the one in Hungary, a package arrived in the middle of the day, delivered by courier. Checking out the sender’s address, I saw it was from Dame’s Paris office. The package was accompanied by a letter. I read it and went to the back office.