I was out in fifteen minutes, showered and dressed. My suitcase was already missing from the room and Harry stood up as soon as he saw me.
“How are you, Sis?” he asked me and gave me into a big brotherly hug.
“I don’t know.”
“You look bad.”
“Thank you.” I returned sarcastically.
He smiled.
“No really. For someone who witnessed the accident of someone they are supposedly not in love with, you look splendidly good.”
“Oh, shut up!” was all I managed to say.
During lunch and the drive to the hospital, Harry told me everything Crest wanted and needed me to do. I was silent all the way. I didn’t want to interrupt him. My job, basically, was to take care of the prime star on the Crest estate. I couldn’t imagine how.
“Did you sign me up to that in that contract of yours, too?”
“C’mon, Desiree. Don’t be a child.” I sighed and closed the passenger door, when another question popped into my mind. I knocked on the window.
“What about Molly?” Harry put the window down.
“Molly?”
“Yes, Molly. Lorcan’s cousin. She’s his family.” Harry turned the engine off and stepped out of the car.
“You’ve met her?” he asked. I nodded.
“I met her in the box on Friday and Saturday. Actually we had a girls’ night on Saturday.” We were looking at each other over the top of the car.
“I don’t know, Desiree. That is something you will have to ask Lorcan and not me.”
He sat back in the car.
“I want my car by the latest, tomorrow. Is that understood, Harry?” Harry closed his door and nodded.
“It will be done. Now go. They are waiting for you.”
I turned around and saw a group of reporters at the main door, with different types of cameras.
“Oh hell,” I murmured, but Harry smiled, closed the window and drove off.
I wondered what to do. I was lucky enough not to have been spotted in the carpark. Then I saw an elderly couple who could barely manage to walk from the carpark to the hospital. I ran to them and offered my help. At first they looked surprised, but then gratefully accepted my offer of help.
The lady was so fragile that I was afraid to take her arm, but was somehow surprised when she took my arm with a force I knew was keeping her alive. Both must have been around ninety.
The man introduced himself as Angelo and his wife as Gina. They were going to see their great great grandson. That much I understood.
Just before we came close to the reporters, I let my hair fall and partially cover my face. Photos of me running back to the box were now published in several magazines and also the video had been shown on the news.
“Possiamo entrare?” (Can we enter?) I heard Angelo ask in a firm voice. Actually no one looked at us, they just moved out of the way. The front door closed behind us and I wanted to ask where to accompany them, but Gina smiled and patted my hand. She spoke in flawless English.
“Run, dear girl. They didn’t recognise you.” They smiled at me. I returned their smiles and thanked them.
Everybody was waiting for me as I was late. I tried to apologise but the doctor waved his hand and motioned for the hospital porters to take Lorcan to a waiting ambulance. I tried to warn them about the reporters outside the hospital, but the nurse calmed me down, assuring me that everything was taken care of. Lorcan wanted to meet them as much as I did.
Silently, I followed them to the elevator, hoping they’d really taken every precaution. Despite all the fuss, they managed to get Lorcan to the nearest ambulance, pushing me inside too and, as soon as the rear doors were closed, the sirens blared.
“God,” was all, I was able to say when the ambulance took its first turn out of the hospital. At that moment I felt Lorcan’s hand holding mine. I held onto his bed trying to steady myself. I raised my head and that was the first time we’d looked at each other since the morning of that dreadful Sunday.
“We need to talk,” he said, finally. I was staring at him. His eyes were back. So was his smile. Somehow in that moment, I knew he would be all right.
At the Crest estate, I was practically alone with Lorcan and Crest’s staff. The first few days the doctor and physiotherapist agreed on how Lorcan’s recovery should takes place. Every day the physiotherapist came and worked with him for an hour or so. Although his left leg needed rest so that the fractures could heal, Lorcan wanted to continue to work out. He wanted to stay fit to get back into the racing car as soon as possible. I managed to avoid being alone with Lorcan for that week.
The first few nights, he slept like someone who had been hit with a baseball bat. Tom gave us the same rooms as on my first visit to the Crest mansion, so during the night I was able to sneak into Lorcan’s room several times to check on him. I did that until Tom caught me. He didn’t say anything about seeing me sneaking into Lorcan’s room but merely nodded in agreement.
“I’m checking on him too,” he said when I finally closed the door. He was dressed in his suit, but without his bow tie.
“Why?” I asked him. I couldn’t imagine why someone who worked all day would also be working during the night.
“Well.” he started, but I interrupted him.
“Don’t Tom. I’ll check on him and, if there is anything I can’t handle myself, I’ll call you.”
“Are you sure?” he asked. I nodded. I was sure. It was one of the ‘duties’ entrusted in me by Daniel Crest. Lorcan had no clue.
“Right.”
“I’m pretty sure he’ll sleep through the night without interruption.”
He looked seriously at me.
“Then why are you watching over him?” His voice sounded serious too. Before I could think of a proper excuse, the words just slipped out of my mouth.
“Because I love him.”
“And here we are. Finally,” he said, turned around and left me standing alone in the hallway. Only then did I realise what I had said out loud. I became angry with myself. I’d spoken without thinking and let the truth be known.
“Christ!” I muttered.
“I won’t tell him.”
The next morning I woke up late. It was no wonder, as I had found it hard to get back to sleep after that conversation with Tom.
When I managed to show my presence downstairs, Lorcan was on the terrace: it was a warm and sunny September day. Tom brought me a cup of coffee from the breakfast room. Finally after a week, both he and the cook realised that no matter what they prepared for breakfast, I would not eat. I was standing in front of the parlour door watching Lorcan from across the room, when Tom said:
“He’s waiting for you.”
“I didn’t tell him anything.”
I sighed with the resigned sigh of a convicted criminal and went to join Lorcan on the terrace. Although he had heard me coming, he didn’t turn around.
“Finally,” he said, “it’s time to talk.”
I gritted my teeth but stayed behind him. He turned around and looked at me.
“Please sit down. I am afraid you’ll run away and I will be talking to thin air.”
I had to smile because he had actually, guessed my next move. I took a few steps closer, took the nearest chair and moved it away from Lorcan.
“I won’t eat you. I don’t want to shout what I need to tell you.”
I looked at him and sighed. I’d done that a lot for the past few days. Again I was trapped, so I did as I was asked.
He was watching me intensely and said nothing. His eyes were as clear as crystal-silver as the day we met; the day I had noticed his unique, appealing scent. I took a sharp intake of breath and that same scent was all around him again. I blushed and turned quickly away.
“You do remember, don’t you?” he asked.
I pushed my loose hair back from my face and nodded, unable to speak properly.
“I’ve never really apologised for what almost happened on Grand
Corniche, have I?”
I wondered what direction this conversation was heading in and what he really wanted from me.
“You don’t have to apologise. I know you’re sorry,” I blurted.
“Thank you.”
I nodded. I didn’t believe for one minute that this was what he wanted to talk to me about.
“Do you remember telling me your reasons why we can’t be together?”
I became as imperturbable as a stone wall, almost paralysed. The sound of my coffee cup on the saucer gave away the fact that I was actually alive, my hands started to shake. I’d left that part of my life behind me. I’d said my goodbyes. Why on earth did he want to open those wounds?
“Hear me out, and my reasons why we belong together.” Speechless, as I had been so many times since we’d first met, I listened to his list:
“I love you. You’ve told me you have a child, and I still love you. You’ve run away from me several times, but I still love you. You said you will let me down, but I can tell you that can’t happen, because I love you. Last but not least: lately I can’t drive properly because … I’m thinking constantly about how much I love you.”
I jumped out of my chair and almost spilled my coffee. I quickly put the cup on the terrace wall.
“Just stop! You were almost killed because I was there and you wanted to talk to me! I’m the one to blame.”
Before he could say anything, I ran from the terrace and headed to the maze. Oh, how I wanted to get lost in it. But instead of the maze, I chose the big willow tree with its branches touching the ground; a perfect hiding place.
How much time had passed, I was not sure. I finally realised what had been bugging me all this time since the crash, at last I confessed it to myself. If I hadn’t been there, everything would have been all right and Lorcan wouldn’t have crashed his car and broken his leg.
I heard steps coming across the grass. As I was sure it wasn’t Lorcan, I didn’t turn around. But then I heard his voice.
“You blame yourself for my accident? Christ, Desiree, why?”
I stood up and looked at him. He had crutches in his hands and had come all the way to me, though he had been told to rest. I managed to wipe the tears off my face and turned to him.
“If I hadn’t been there.” I sobbed.
“I wanted you there. I needed you there. Don’t you understand? I love you. That hasn’t changed.”
“But my past.” I started again.
“It’s your past. I’m your present. And if you will allow me, I’m your future. I will help you search for your son.”
All I was able to do was stare at him. I tried to read him but there were really no hidden thoughts in his eyes. No secrets. No ulterior motives. He was genuine. He opened his hands in a gesture that promised me a hug, a hug I needed badly.
Slowly, I came closer and he tightened his embrace around me. It was all I needed. When I felt his lips on my forehead, then all over my face, searching his way down to my lips, my body responded wildly. I could barely contain myself.
Both short of breath, we finally managed to steady ourselves. I sensed he’d overdone things, so I helped him back to the mansion.
Lorcan and I spent the whole day together. He explained to me what kind of scenario he and Crest orchestrated to get me back to him. Although the contract was real, my part of being the ‘delivery boy’ was just an act. Harry knew that and had agreed to it. He thought it was the best distraction for me.
What they hadn’t expected was that I would take some things into my own hands and do them my way. Harry had been very upset when he’d learned I didn’t board the jet and, when he couldn’t get me on the phone, he was convinced something must have happened to me.
He’d checked all the hospitals and police stations in Paris to get information about me. That was when he decided to go to Milano and wait for me there. He’d been a nervous wreck until I’d checked into the hotel. As soon as I’d left the lobby, the receptionist had called him and let them know I’d arrived.
I didn’t know what to think. All that Lorcan told me made sense. I was Harry’s only relative and he was mine. I knew I would go insane if anything happened to him; that was how much I loved him. It was the same for Harry. I had just forgotten about that simple fact.
“As for Molly.” I shook my head.
“What you did wasn’t fair.”
“I know, but it was the only way. You hated those ‘paddock bimbos’ so much, we needed to show you how snobbish you can be.”
My eyes widened.
“What?” I said and I heard my voice rise. Lorcan started to smile and pulled me back to him. We were sitting on the couch.
“You know I’m right. You judged those girls without really knowing them.”
He grinned. I sighed and leaned on his arm. He was right. I did judge them,, but their appearance and the way they behaved when the cameras were on them gave me some insight.
“Molly agreed to act like one of them, although to be truthful, she hates deceiving people.”
I smiled. She told me that herself that Saturday evening in my room. She didn’t leave before she’d told me everything, who she was and why she did what she had done. At first, of course, I didn’t believe her, but after showing me her identification documents I was convinced. From that moment on, we were drinking and talking.
“As for the accident,” Lorcan started. I stopped breathing again. “It was not your fault. Something went wrong with the car and the sensors didn’t send the correct data to the team.
If I need to, I will spend my life, till the day I die, trying to make you recognise the truth. Was that the reason why you were staying with me at night in the hospital, avoiding me during the day?”
Slowly I nodded.
“You can be such a ‘bimbo’ sometimes, you know that?” Before I could disagree, I felt a kiss on my head.
“But I love you.”
After dinner Tom helped Lorcan back to the first floor. I followed them. Walking was slow as Lorcan was very tired.
“If you need me …?”
“I won’t. Desiree will stay with me.”
“No I won’t,” I replied. Both men looked at me. Diplomatically, Tom left.
When Tom’s footsteps faded away, we were still looking at each other.
“I will not stay here!” I broke the silence.
“And just why not? You’d rather wake up every two hours and check on me?”
All I could do was glare at him. He knew I’d been watching over him.
“The bed is.” I raised my hand and silenced him.
“If I stay here I won’t sleep in your bed. I will sleep on the sofa.”
He sat down on the bed, tired.
“Why not?”
“You need your rest. That’s why!” He nodded finally.
“All I want is for you to be with me. If you want to sleep on the sofa, so be it. Although I would rather you sleep on a proper bed.”
Before he’d finished, I was gone. I took my pillows and blankets from my room and returned to his. He was still waiting.
“Will you help me?” he asked, when I put them down on the sofa. I turned around.
“What?”
“I need to shower.”
Helping him shower was a strange experience. He waited for me to join him in the shower, all wet but his left leg. With a quiet sigh I took a sponge from the shelf and wiped his masculine, strong body. We were both aroused. It was impossible not to be, but I managed to hide it.
As soon as he was out of the shower and I’d helped him to dress, I ran to my room. I needed a shower myself. A cold one! However, I decided instead to sit on the balcony, smoking that long forgotten box of cigarettes I had bought during my first visit to the Crest estate, looking at the stars.
I returned half an hour later; Lorcan was lying on the sofa, where I’d put my bedding. I watched him and took the blankets from him and headed to the door without saying a word. I knew that verbal threats woul
d not do, so I made to leave. Seeing me leaving, he gritted his teeth and stood up.
“You are so stubborn, you know?”
“I know,” I answered and when he moved to the bed, I made mine on the sofa.
“No good night kiss then?” I knew it was a bad idea, but I needed it too. As much as I tried to stay away from his hands, he managed to pull me on top of him and kissed me so deeply and with such a passion that I almost forgot everything I said I would not do. But somehow something in the back of my mind reminded me: he needed his rest. I pulled myself slowly from him and went breathlessly to the sofa.
Sleeping was not quite an option, but finally when I heard his slow, steady breathing, I closed my eyes and fell asleep.
I woke up the following morning with cramp in my back. Lorcan was right. Although the sofa was comfortable to sit on, it was not comfortable enough to sleep on.
He was already awake and he saw me getting up from the sofa less than gracefully, with a grimace on my face! I saw he wanted to say something, but from the look on my face he realised it was better not to say anything, for the time being.
“Good morning, my love.” I nodded; I was never very talkative in the morning and, living for three years more or less on my own, I’d actually forgotten about morning manners.
Only after I managed to adjust my spine did I mumble a greeting in return.
“Good morning.”
Lorcan began to laugh. I looked at him in surprise: he was being incredibly cheerful. Seeing him looking gorgeous first thing in the morning, just as if he had fallen out of a fashion magazine, I envied him. I knew I was a mess. My hair was knotted and I was dishevelled. I was not a pretty sight.
“Come here,” he said.
I looked at him.
“Why?” I asked.
His smile was wide.
“I can’t get up on my own and Tom won’t come while you’re here”
The explanation was reasonable enough, so I went to his bed.
“Can you put my leg down?” Very carefully I did as I was asked.
“Sit down.”
Again, I did what he told me to and was ready to take some of his weight on my shoulders. He lifted his arm, but instead of putting it over my shoulders, he started to massage my painful spine. It felt so good I actually forgot why I’d come to his bed.
All That the Heart Desires Page 25
