Summer Beach Reads

by Thayer, Nancy

  When the work was done, Carley and the others brought lunch to the table beneath the grape arbor. It was the first day warm enough for eating outside, and she’d spent last night preparing picnic food: cold pesto-rolled chicken cutlets, Parmesan potato salad, macaroni salad—the children’s favorite—arugula and spinach, sliced tomatoes, the first early sweet ones of the season, and four different kinds of cookies for dessert. The children ate fast and raced off into the yard, leaving the adults to enjoy their conversation.

  “Wyatt,” Lauren asked, taking a second helping of potato salad, “where’s Angie? I thought she was coming.”

  Wyatt shrugged. “Angie’s not big on physical labor. I think she went over to the Cape.”

  “You think?” Lauren cocked an eye at him. “Is there trouble in Paradise?”

  “Lauren.” Wyatt lowered his head and gave her a level glare. “No one ever said it was Paradise. We’re just friends.”

  “Leave the man alone, for Pete’s sake!” Frame bellowed. “You women.”

  Carley refrained from pointing out that she hadn’t said a thing. “—do you, Carley?”

  “Oh, sorry, Frame, what did you say?” Fortunately just at that moment a soccer ball rolled under her feet. She tossed it back to the kids.

  “I said it seems to me your kids are doing fine,” Frame repeated.

  Carley looked out at the yard. Fourteen-year-old Nicholas, nine-year-old Rosalind, and five-year-old Will were playing against twelve-year-old Cisco and five-year-old Margaret in a nonsense game they’d named “Kick-Steal,” which was basically a free-for-all with the big kids protecting the little kids from getting tackled.

  “They’re having a good time now.” Carley lowered her voice. “Cisco’s had a rough week. Madame Fourier told her that her shoulders are too wide for her to become a classical ballerina. She’s devastated, and furious at me.”

  “Why is she mad at you?” Wyatt asked.

  “Because she got her big shoulders from me.”

  “Your shoulders aren’t big,” Wyatt objected. “They’re perfectly—” All at once he looked embarrassed. “Fine,” he muttered. “Perfectly fine.” He crammed another cookie into his mouth.

  Across the table, Lauren said, “I have an idea. Has Cisco ever ridden? Why don’t you bring her over and let’s put her on one of our horses and see if she likes it.”

  “Your horses are twelve feet tall,” Carley gulped.

  “They only look that tall. They’re all loves. I’ll bet Cisco would take to it. She’s just the right age.”

  “All right,” Carley agreed. “We’ll try it.” She was ready to try anything to make her older daughter smile.

  At the end of the day, Lauren and Frame rounded up their three children and went home. Wyatt helped Carley bring the food into the kitchen. It was only natural for Carley to offer him some wine. Cisco went up to her room to tap on her computer, and Margaret settled in her own room with her dolls. The evening was still bright with early spring sunshine, but the air was chilly.

  “Let’s sit in the living room,” Carley told Wyatt. “I could use a soft cushion after working all day.”

  For a few moments, they sipped their wine in silence. Carley allowed herself to look at Wyatt, really look at him. He was as handsome as always, even in his old stained work shirt, but his eyes were weary and silver sparkled in his glossy brown hair. Surely Wyatt was too young for silver hair.

  “Wyatt, how are you doing?”

  “Oh, I’m all right.”

  “No, seriously, Wyatt. Tell me.” When he didn’t reply, she prompted, “Do you miss Gus?”

  “Of course I do. I miss him like hell.” Wyatt’s face creased. He rubbed his hand over his forehead. “I feel so damned guilty.”

  “You! Wyatt, why should you feel guilty?”

  Wyatt looked down into his wineglass. “I knew Gus was unhappy with the law. I knew he wanted to make more money. He was investing heavily, and not always wisely. When he lost it all, I loaned him some money, but it wasn’t enough. He wanted more. I couldn’t give it to him.”

  “I didn’t know that. I was aware that he was playing the stock markets but I certainly had no idea he’d borrowed money from you. How much?”

  “That’s not the point, Carley. The point is I wish I’d been a better friend to him.”

  “Wyatt, remember, Gus didn’t die because he was worried about money. He died because of a faulty heart valve no one knew he had.” Softly, she said, “Wyatt, Gus was your best friend.”

  Wyatt’s voice was hoarse. “Yes.” Wyatt bent over, elbows on knees, head in hands, and his shoulders shook.

  Carley sat very still. She could feel Wyatt’s grief rising off him like a mist, a fog of misery and guilt and sorrow. Her heart ached for Wyatt, for Gus, for herself. She wanted to pat his back like a mother consoling a child, but she didn’t reach to touch him.

  “Sorry, Carley.” He stood up suddenly, setting his glass on the coffee table. “I’d better get out of here. I’m tired and sounding downright maudlin.”

  She followed him to the door. “Wyatt, I want to pay you back the money Gus borrowed. How much is it?”

  Wyatt shook his head. “Carley, don’t even think about it. It was nothing.”

  “But—”

  “Really.”

  “Oh, Wyatt, that’s unnecessary. But thank you. Thank you for helping today, too.”

  Wyatt smiled down at Carley. “I’m always glad to be here.” He kissed her cheek lightly.

  Then he was gone.

  • • •

  Sunday night, after Carley had Margaret tucked away in bed, she knocked on Cisco’s door.

  Cisco looked up. She was in her pajamas, lounging on her bed with her laptop open. She just stared at her mother.

  Carley sat on the end of Cisco’s bed. “Can we talk a little?”

  Cisco didn’t look at Carley. “Like I have an option?”

  “Well, I guess that’s right. No, you don’t have an option.” She considered her words. “You spent last night with Granddad and Nana. How was it?”

  Cisco picked at the skin around her thumbnail. “Okay.”

  “Did Nana help you feel better about not being a ballerina?”

  Cisco hunched her shoulders. “I guess. She said life is a process of losing what we love.”

  “But Cisco!” Carley grasped her daughter’s hands. “That’s so sad. That’s not the way Nana thinks when she’s her normal self. Goodness! Life isn’t just about loss.”

  After a moment, Cisco whispered, “Nana cried.”

  “Honey, we all cry about losing Daddy.”

  Cisco peeked up at her mother. “Nana lost her son. Her only child. She’ll never be able to replace him, just like I’ll never be able to replace my father. But you …”

  Carley sat very still. When Cisco didn’t continue, she prompted, “Go on.”

  Cisco didn’t speak.

  “You mean that I’ll be able to replace my husband?”

  Cisco shuddered and hugged herself tight, but couldn’t keep it in. “Isn’t that the truth? You’re young, Nana says! You’re pretty, Nana says. Men will be coming around to help you …”

  “Cisco, no man will ever be able to replace your father. Gus and I had a life together for thirteen years. We made you. We made Margaret. We were a happy family. You know that, Cisco. Your father loved me and I loved him.”

  Reaching out, she took her daughter’s foot in her hands. Cisco didn’t pull it away.

  Carley continued, “Annabel and Russell could never doubt that Gus and I loved each other.”

  “Nana wants me to go live with her.” Cisco chewed her lip.

  “Cisco, I am fully aware they want us to live with them, but that’s not even practical. You’re too young to have to hear about all the financial aspects of owning a house, but …”

  “I said, I should go live with her. Just me.”

  Carley was appalled. “Oh, Cisco! What about Margaret?”

  “S
he said Margaret could stay with you.”

  “But it would break Margaret’s heart if you didn’t live with her, Cisco! She’s your little sister! My God, what is Annabel thinking!” Distraught, Carley pushed off the bed and paced the room. Anger and desperation made her voice shake. She dropped to her knees and gripped Cisco by the arms. “You are my daughter. Mine. You might not like that, but you can’t change it. Nothing can change it. I take care of you. I always have and I always will. If I want to sell this house and move to Australia with you and Margaret, that’s my right and no one can stop me!”

  “Mom, you’re hurting my arms.”

  “Well, you’re hurting my heart!” But Carley released her hold.

  Cisco whispered, “I don’t want Nana to die.”

  “What?” Carley moved up Cisco’s bed, sitting next to her. Cisco scooted over, making room. They sat side by side, leaning against the pillows. Carley could feel the tension in her daughter’s body. “Cisco, Nana’s not going to die, honey.”

  “If Daddy had a weak heart, he might have gotten it from Nana’s side of the family. Nana’s heart …”

  “Nonsense,” Carley stoutly objected. “Look how healthy Nana is. She eats well. She exercises. She’s not overweight. She takes care of herself. And she’s got Granddad to love her and watch over her. And she’s got us, but we don’t have to live with her for her to have us.”

  Cisco wasn’t reassured. Studying her daughter, Carley thought: this isn’t about how Cisco feels about me. It’s how she feels about her grandmother. Cisco wants to do something. She wants some control of something in a world where all control has been wrenched away. After a moment, Carley offered, “What if you spent every Saturday night with Nana?”

  “Why not more? Why not three nights a week? Nana says—”

  “I couldn’t stand to have you away so often. Margaret would be miserable. And I am the official keeper of your schedule! This is your home.”

  “What about Friday and Saturday nights?” Cisco pleaded.

  “Oh, Cisco.”

  “I think Nana would like that, Mom. I think it would help her.”

  “Oh, Cisco. All right, then. Do you know how much I love you?”

  “I know, Mom.”

  Cisco leaned in to Carley’s embrace. They sat together, hugging tightly, too tired to cry.

  18

  • • • • •

  Carley had had Hugo build a row of cubicles in the back hall leading into the kitchen. She was folding and carefully putting away brand-new, newly washed hand towels, bath towels, washcloths, and beach towels, stacks and stacks of them so that Maria, who was going to help her clean the rooms, would always have plenty on hand.

  She stood back to admire her organization. Each room would have its own summery color—sea blue, navy blue, or leaf green. The beach towels were in stripes of all three colors. Everyone could use those. At an amazingly inexpensive outlet shop, she’d found beach bags and umbrellas covered in polka dots in similar colors, dark and light blue and green. Next, she’d take the hair dryers around to each room, and the shampoos and conditioners and the clever little radio alarm clocks—

  Maud pounded on the kitchen door and then burst into the house.

  “Carley, Toby’s going to leave Vanessa!” Maud’s eyes were shining. She’d never looked so glorious.

  Quickly, Carley took stock. Margaret was in her room, playing with a neighborhood friend. Cisco was out with Polo. And there went Maud’s boys, kicking a soccer ball around the yard.

  “I told the boys to stay in the backyard.” Maud hugged herself, grinning from ear to ear. “Toby’s going to do it. He’s telling Vanessa tonight.”

  Carley’s fists clenched. “Maud, come on! You can’t do that to Vanessa. It’s so wrong! You should be ashamed of yourself for even—”

  “Ashamed? There’s nothing shameful about love. When have you become so frigid?”

  Carley stared at Maud, inarticulate with anger and misery. Maud glared back, determined.

  “You don’t know what you’re saying, Maud.” Carley let her voice go soft as she sank into a chair. “You don’t know what you’re doing.” She felt ill. “My God, Maud. This will change everything.”

  “Well, duh! I’m dreading it.” Maud paced around the kitchen table. “But it will be all right, Carley, really it will! I mean everyone on the island adores Vanessa. Toby won’t be out of the house two seconds before half the men on the island show up to take care of her!”

  “I hope you’re right.” Carley put her head in her hands. She could think of no way out of this.

  Maud was irrepressible. “Carley. Toby loves me and I love him.”

  “And Vanessa?”

  “Toby will take care of Vanessa financially.”

  “Oh, good. Because money’s all that matters.”

  “I’m not saying that. But it is important. Vanessa will be fine, Carley. To start with, she’s totally beautiful. She’s a strong woman, and she’s so active on all those boards. She won’t even realize Toby’s gone.” Seeing Carley’s face, Maud sagged. “Oh, Carley, of course I’m concerned about Vanessa. I don’t want to hurt her. I don’t want to hurt anyone. But it’s possible, isn’t it, that after all the dust settles, Vanessa could be happier?”

  “I don’t know. It’s not like it’s her choice.”

  “Come on, Carley. Her marriage with Toby is over, it was over before he and I started sleeping together, we wouldn’t have gotten involved if there had still been even a spark between him and Vanessa. You have to trust that Toby and I care about Vanessa. We’ve gone over and over this, looking at it from every possible angle.”

  “Especially from lying on the bed,” Carley shot back.

  “All right, yes, and what’s so terrible about that? Life is short. Life is fragile. Life is hard. Toby and I are passionately in love, and it just seems right for us to be together.”

  Looking at her friend’s shining face, Carley sighed. She knew she couldn’t change anything. Perhaps she should have done something when Maud first told her, but she hadn’t, and things had gone so far, it was too late now.

  “Okay, Maud. Talk it through for me.”

  “Okay. First, my boys will not have to go through any major upheaval. Of course they already think Toby’s cool; he’s their doctor. I’ll need to introduce them to the idea of Toby being in my house and in my life. Second, Toby’s going to talk with Vanessa tonight.” She shivered with happiness. “He’s going to come to my house tonight. He’s going to spend the night.”

  “Who’s going to be with Vanessa?” Carley asked.

  “Don’t be so judgmental.”

  “I’m just asking the question. If Toby leaves her, she’ll be all alone. It seems only decent to arrange for a friend to be on call.”

  “Fine. You can be on call.”

  Carley spit out the word. “Fine.”

  Maud put her hand on Carley’s arm. “Please don’t be angry with me. I’ve been so lonely for so long, Carley. You’ve lost your husband, you should understand the kind of loneliness I’ve gone through, except I’ve been going through it for years. John left me when Percy was just a baby.” Tears flooded her round blue eyes. “Carley, now my boys will have a father living with them! Vanessa doesn’t have any children, so we won’t be hurting any, don’t you see?”

  “Yes,” Carley agreed, reluctantly. “Yes, I do see that. Of course it’s been hard for you, raising the boys alone. But you’ve done a good job, Maud, remember that.”

  “Thanks for saying that, but I do worry. Sometimes the boys seem so wild. And as hard as I try, I can’t show them how to hit a ball or catch a Frisbee.”

  “That’s true,” Carley agreed; Maud was spectacularly uncoordinated.

  “But that’s not why I’m in love with Toby,” Maud insisted. “Give me a break, if I’d just wanted to get a father for my boys, I could have found someone.”

  Carley nodded. This was true. Not only was Maud lovely to look at, she could be stag
geringly funny and great fun to be with. She was often almost eerily insightful about people. She’d predicted that the high school principal’s son would join the military, that the Grossfelds would get divorced, that Sonya Elliston would go to New York and make it in the theater. When Vanessa and Carley asked Maud how she got to be so psychic, Maud had replied simply that she just looked and listened, and she did have an innate talent for paying attention. She worked hard on her books, which were favorites in children’s libraries and bookstores across the country, but she was modest about her success, never flashing herself around like a star.

  Carley looked hopelessly at Maud. “But how can I wish you happiness when I’m sure it’s going to cause Vanessa misery?”

  “Because it’s not.” Maud drew herself up straight. “Do this: remember all the times Vanessa complained about Toby.”

  “I complained about Gus just as much,” Carley retorted dryly.

  “Yes, and that’s something you ought to think about, but that’s not what we’re talking about right now. We’re talking about Vanessa and Toby. She thought he was boring sexually, right?”

  Carley ducked her head. A kind of sadness slid through her, like the guilt of a child who tattled on her sibling, or stole someone’s doll. An intimate, deep, even primitive regret settled in her heart and fogged her mind. She had loved Gus, but never passionately. She’d never told her friends that. She probably never would. It seemed wrong, now that he was gone.

  “Do you agree?” Maud prompted. “Vanessa found Toby boring?”

  Quietly Carley agreed, “Yes. Of course I remember.” Lifting her head, she met Maud’s bright gaze. “Maudie, to be honest, I think I’m sad for myself, too.”

  “Because I found someone and you’re alone?”

  “No. Not that. No, because our threesome has been so important to me. It’s held me together, in a way. I’ll miss it.”

  “Look, you can still be my friend. And Vanessa’s friend, too.”

  “But not the three of us together. Las Tres Enchiladas! Won’t you miss that?”

  “Of course I will. I love Vanessa. I know how remarkable our threesome was, but it wasn’t enough, it wasn’t everything.” Maud stood up. “Carley, the whole wide world is before each of us. Maybe now Vanessa will meet a man who really rings her chimes. Maybe in a year she’ll be in love and the three of us will be back in our trio again.”