Summer Beach Reads

by Thayer, Nancy

  Carley had never learned to ride, and she was a little wary of the big beasts Lauren hauled around like giant puppies. But she was glad Cisco had found something else to give her heart to.

  When they arrived, Lauren strode out of the barn, an equestrian goddess in jodhpurs and riding boots. She led a huge gray horse that looked to Carley to be about ten feet tall.

  “I thought you might like to see Cisco ride Blue awhile,” Lauren said. “She’s really coming along.”

  Margaret slipped her hand into Carley’s and squeezed next to her, eyes wide at the sight of the big horse.

  Cisco followed Lauren and the horse into the ring. She stroked the horse’s neck and talked to it, then Lauren gave her a leg up, and Cisco was in the saddle, straddling the enormous beast. With a slight squeeze of her legs and a click of her tongue, she urged the animal to a brisk walk around the ring.

  “Cisco’s a natural,” Lauren told Carley as they leaned against the fence. She noticed Carley’s face. “Don’t be afraid. Blue hasn’t ever bucked or thrown anyone.”

  “He’s huge,” Margaret whispered.

  “Yes, he is,” Lauren agreed. “But he’s eleven years old and the sweetest old guy on the planet.” To Carley, she said, “Did Cisco tell you I’m considering having her work for me?”

  “She’s going to yuck out the stalls!” Margaret said.

  Both women laughed.

  “The thing is,” Lauren said, “I hate charging you for Cisco’s lessons, but it costs a fortune, keeping this place going. Not just feed and vet bills and maintenance, but keeping the tack cleaned and grooming the horses. If Cisco really gets into riding, it’s something that could last her a lifetime, and she needs to learn everything. She could be helpful to me at the same time.”

  “I have to tell you,” Carley admitted, “Cisco’s not the biggest fan of cleaning house.”

  “That’s different. That’s her home. Here she’s made herself very useful. Let’s at least give it a try, what do you say?”

  “I say a big fat thank you! Lauren, I’m awfully grateful to you for introducing her to riding. It’s filled the void of ballet, and it’s helped her move on”—she glanced down at Margaret—“in other ways.”

  “You and I have to agree that if it doesn’t work out, our friendship will remain intact.”

  Friendships! What a minefield they’d become. “Of course.”

  Cisco had the horse trotting, and Lauren called out, “Thighs! Hands down!” To Carley she said, “Look how well she’s posting already.”

  “Thanks, Lauren.” She gave Cisco a thumbs-up. “What time shall I pick her up?”

  Lauren checked her watch. “Give her three hours.”

  “Fine.” Carley smiled down at Margaret. “Let’s go to the grocery store.” They headed back toward their car.

  Some days Margaret eagerly went to The Boys and Girls Club or to a friend’s house, but some days, for no obvious reason, she clung to Carley, sticking by her side no matter what odious task Carley had to perform. The counselor had advised Carley to go with this, not to make a fuss, not to urge Margaret to show up for T-ball practice, to act as if all were perfectly fine.

  She picked up a glowing Cisco from riding, served her girls a healthy meal, pretended to eat something herself, and organized them for school the next day. She gave Margaret a bath and read her a story. She was actually invited to sit on Cisco’s bed, listening to her daughter recount every clop and clip of Blue’s adorable hooves.

  She was thrilled by Cisco’s happiness, but her mind kept returning to thoughts of Vanessa. And her body burned to be with Wyatt.

  Russell and Annabel invited Carley and her girls to dinner every Sunday, but they sometimes gently refused to come to her house.

  “I don’t want you to take this personally,” Annabel told Carley one rainy October afternoon when Carley picked up the girls after an overnight. “But when we come to your house, we feel the loss of Gus more intensely. It was where he lived, after all. It was his home. You’ve turned it into a place where anyone can live.”

  Keeping her voice polite, Carley reminded her, “The B&B is keeping us afloat financially. I could sell the house, of course, and buy a smaller place on the island, and then I wouldn’t have to worry about money, but I don’t want to do that. We all want the girls to have this house eventually.”

  Annabel sighed. Since Gus’s death, she’d become even thinner, which made her look almost forbiddingly elegant. “I’m not sure about that anymore, Carley. Russell and I have been talking … perhaps we’ve put too much importance on being a Winsted. Certainly it seemed to cause Gus more pressure than anything else.”

  “Oh, I don’t think—”

  Annabel rose. “Let’s continue this conversation on Sunday, shall we?” She seemed evasive and eager to have Carley leave.

  What’s going on? Carley wondered.

  Sunday it was just the five of them around the table. Russell grilled out one last time, barbequing chicken. Annabel stirred up the girls’ favorite casserole of macaroni and cheese. Carley tossed the salad and brought it with the bread into the dining room.

  For a while the conversation was normal, centering on the girls’ activities. Cisco sang the praises of Blue and the joys of mucking out stables. Margaret talked about her first-grade teacher, who looked like a fairy princess.

  When dessert was served—an apple pie Carley had baked—Annabel and Russell exchanged a glance laden with import.

  Then Annabel steepled her hands and announced, “Russell and I have an announcement. We’re going to Guatemala this winter with the church group. For six months. To help run their free clinic and build houses.”

  Carley put her hand to her chest. “I’m stunned.”

  Annabel raised an eyebrow. “We’re old, but still functioning.”

  “Annabel, don’t be silly, that’s not why I’m surprised. You and Russell have always been such homebodies.”

  Russell spoke up. “That’s why we want to go somewhere else. We’ve been told that one way to deal with grief is to help those in need.”

  “But the girls—”

  “I think the girls will understand.” Annabel looked at her granddaughters.

  “I understand,” Cisco agreed with quiet dignity, sitting up very straight. “When we were at Grandma’s day care center, we met kids with terrible lives. It’s true, isn’t it, Margaret?” Cisco turned to her sister for confirmation.

  In her high clear voice, Margaret added, “Some little kids didn’t have daddies. Some didn’t even have mommies! Some didn’t have very many clothes—”

  “Mom, we saw little children with really sad illnesses. And Grandma and Bernice took care of them.”

  “You didn’t tell me this,” Carley said faintly.

  Margaret hurried to explain. “We didn’t want to make you cry.”

  “Oh, honey,” Carley said, nearly crying.

  “When do you leave, Nana?” Cisco inquired, sounding quite grown-up.

  “After Thanksgiving. We come home in May.”

  “Will you ride on a donkey in Guatemala?” Margaret’s question, and her mangling of the pronunciation of the country, made them smile.

  “We’ll take our laptop, and I’ll email you photos every week,” Russell told them. “We can even talk live on Skype.”

  “Granddad, you are awesome,” Cisco told him, and gave him a high five.

  “Carley?”

  “Hey, Maud.” She’d been anticipating this phone call.

  “I hear Vanessa’s back on the island.”

  “She is. She came over last week.”

  “To your house?”

  “Yes, to my house. She looks great.”

  “Someone saw her on the street and says she looks, um, like she’s gained weight.”

  “She looks like she’s pregnant, because she is.”

  “She’s pregnant?” Maud’s voice lifted with delight, and in that moment Carley forgave Maud everything on Vanessa’s behalf, beca
use Maud was so purely, spontaneously happy for Vanessa. “Who’s the father? When’s the baby due? Will she live here? Oh, how amazing!”

  Carley laughed. “Listen, you could take a moment to ask me how I’m doing.”

  “Why? Good Lord, are you pregnant, too?”

  “Very funny. I only meant it’s been weeks since I’ve seen you. We haven’t even spoken on the phone.”

  “Give me a break. I had book tours all summer, then Toby needed a vacation so we all went to the Adirondacks, then I had to get the kids ready for school. Would you come over for coffee tomorrow?”

  “That would be great, Maud.”

  31

  • • • • •

  Wyatt arrived at Carley’s at ten o’clock at night, when the girls were asleep. The moment he stepped in the door, he pulled Carley to him.

  “God, I missed you.” He kissed her fiercely.

  She curled herself around him tightly, breathing in his warm male aroma, loving the swell of his masculine muscles, the length of his bones, the hardness of his body. She wanted to burrow right under his clothes.

  “I guess you missed me, too,” he whispered.

  “Can we just go to bed?” she pleaded. “No, wait, I can’t even make it up the stairs. Come into the den.” She pulled him by the hand. “Don’t worry. The door locks.”

  She pushed him down on the leather sofa and straddled him, running her hands over his cheeks, shivering at the prickles of his evening beard against her soft palms. She kissed his eyes, his forehead, his nose, cheeks. She brushed, then bruised his mouth with kisses. She nudged under his neck and down into the V of his button-down shirt. She was crazy for him, shoving herself against him, the cold metal of his belt buckle catching on her panties.

  “Hey.” Wyatt was smiling. “Slow down.”

  She couldn’t. She unbuttoned his shirt, almost ripping off the buttons. She yanked her tee off over her head, and she’d purposely worn no bra. She unbuckled Wyatt’s belt and unzipped his trousers, and then Wyatt wasn’t smiling anymore, he moaned deep in his throat and rolled her over so that her back was on the sofa. He shoved into her. She held on to him as if she could never let him go. They were burning, sweating, panting, holding back, trying to hold back, needing to be this way together, locked together, joined, two beasts, two animals, two spirits, fused into one.

  Later, curled together on the sofa, they caught their breath. After a moment, Wyatt said simply, “Wow.”

  Carley’s face was pressed against his chest. “I want to have sex with you all the time. I hardly know what to do with myself.”

  His laugh was full and hearty. “I think you know exactly what to do with yourself,” he told her.

  They dressed and went into the kitchen to finish off the apple crisp Carley had made.

  “How do you feel about Russell and Annabel going to Guatemala after Thanksgiving?” Wyatt asked.

  Carley nodded. “Truly? I’m shocked. They’ve never done anything like this before. Will you be alone in the office?”

  “Yes, but I can handle it. Winter’s usually quiet. Although Russell and I have broached the subject of taking on a new partner. I think that’s one reason they want to go away, far away. Without Gus, Russell has no one to leave the firm to. He’s ready to retire. Ready to change his life.”

  “You’re a partner in the firm,” Carley reminded him.

  Wyatt said, “Yes, that’s true.” He put down his fork and crossed his arms on the table. “It’s complicated. Russell might retire, but he’s active, vital. I can’t see him not wanting to look over my shoulder. Can I carry the burden of Russell’s expectations?”

  Carley nodded. “I can sympathize.”

  “I could do it if I had you on my side.”

  Lightly, Carley responded, “You can have me on many parts of your body.”

  “Carley.” His voice deepened.

  She looked up, surprised by the tone in his voice. She pulled the neck of her robe tight.

  “Carley, I’ve kept myself reined in for years. I loved Gus, he was my best friend, I would never disrespect him. You know I never came on to you. But Gus is gone. I’m thirty-eight years old. I want a life with you.”

  Carley didn’t know how a person could be this happy and this sad at the same time without breaking apart. “Wyatt … it’s so soon. Too soon. Gus hasn’t been dead even a year. I can’t get my head around this.”

  “I understand that. Although I was hoping you felt the same way …”

  “I don’t know how I feel.” She shook her head to clear it. “The girls come first. Always. I have to consider their feelings.”

  “Of course. I love your daughters, too. I don’t want to do anything to hurt them. But Carley, I want to be with you.”

  “Do you mean going out together?”

  “First, of course. And staying in together, too. For the girls’ sake, to let them get used to the idea. Marriage, eventually.”

  “Marriage.” She took a deep breath. His gaze was intense. She slid off her chair, crossed her arms over her chest, and paced around the kitchen. “Annabel and Russell.”

  “We can’t live our lives trying to please them.”

  “The girls …”

  “I think the girls like me. I care for them. If we go slowly, they’ll get used to the idea of us together.” Wyatt came close to Carley, put his arms around her, and held her against him. “I’ve frightened you, and I don’t want that. I don’t want to pressure you. But you have to admit,” he continued, confidently, “you and I have something pretty special together.”

  “True.” She spoke against his flannel shirt. It was so soft and smelled so good, so clean. “But sex, well, it makes me think of Maud and Toby.”

  “We aren’t hurting anyone.”

  She nodded, but her thoughts were in turmoil. She pushed away. She walked away, the length of the kitchen. “This is so much, Wyatt. I do need to think. I do need some time.”

  He looked disappointed, but not defeated. “Yes, I thought as much. Carley, I’m going away for a few weeks.”

  “Where?”

  “A friend’s asked me to join him hiking down in North Carolina. I’m going to be really tied to the office when Russell leaves. I’ve got to take this opportunity to take a break. And to give you some time to think. That’s why I planned this trip. Although I’ll admit part of me was hoping not to take it.”

  A kind of pain sliced through her at the sight of this lovely man making himself vulnerable to her. On the refrigerator a picture Margaret had drawn in school depicted a family of three females, clearly Carley and her daughters, bright in colorful clothing, dancing in the flowers. It was two months old, but Carley didn’t want to take it down. It was pretty, cheerful, and it gave her hope, this illustration of a widow and her fatherless daughters dancing, happy, enjoying life. Carley’s heart felt torn in so many ways.

  “When do you leave?” she asked.

  “Not till the end of October. I’ll go for a month. I need to be back before Russell leaves for Guatemala just after Thanksgiving. I’d like to be with you—and the girls—at Christmas.”

  “Christmas?” She put her hand on her forehead. “That seems so far away.” She saw that response had disappointed him.

  His eyes were solemn. “Life goes by fast, Carley.” He approached her carefully, as if she were a wary animal. He kissed her lightly on the lips. “I’d better go home. It’s late.”

  Carley walked him to the door, embraced him one last time, stood in the open doorway to wave good-bye as he drove away. She closed the door and her legs went right out from under her. Sliding down to the floor, she leaned against the door and hugged her knees. She was crying; she wasn’t sure why.

  32

  • • • • •

  She’d almost forgotten how much she loved Maud’s house. It had begun as a basic ranch house, but over the years as Maud’s books made money, she’d added wings and skylights and bay windows and nooks. Long shelves ranged throughout the
house, holding all the treasures she’d bought whenever and wherever she found them to inspire her in her writing. Gargoyles, griffins, and ogres grimaced down next to fanciful fairies and angels. Of course there were mermaids everywhere—it was almost a mermaid museum. Shelves and walls held replicas of seals, sea lions, octopi, whales, sharks, fish, in addition to bowls and glass jars of every imaginable kind of shell. Wind chimes and small glass balls in swirls of color hung from the ceiling. Sun catchers turned the light into rainbows on the living room furniture.

  Maud hugged Carley when she arrived. “I haven’t seen you in forever.”

  “The summer just whipped past.” The front door opened directly into the long living room. “Maud, let me just walk around first and look.”

  “Shall I make coffee?”

  “I’ve had enough caffeine. Maybe some juice. Wait. You’ve changed your kitchen.” She followed Maud.

  Maud swept her arm around the spacious open room. “The boys are getting old enough to be interested in what I do, and Spenser especially likes art, so I’ve made a kind of arts and crafts area for them. It’s a mess, that’s why we never have people to dinner, but since Spenser’s having trouble with school, I’m trying to open up new possibilities for him.”

  “I had no idea Spenser was having trouble with school.”

  “We thought it was dyslexia, but it’s not that. It might be emotional, because Toby’s moved in. He’s stopped talking as much, he’s sulky, he won’t commit any time to school work, he won’t focus on it. But when I get the boys going on art work, he zeroes right in.”

  Maud crossed the room and held up several large sheets of construction paper. Some were covered with colored pencil, some with glued papers and pieces cut out of magazines.

  “Bizarre, right?” Maud shook her head. “It looks chaotic. Makes no sense to me. But it means something to Spenser and he freaks if I try to throw any of it out. When they were small, I did art work with the boys. I helped them ‘write’ their own ‘books.’ Perhaps this is kind of an extension of that.”