Dungeon Configure: Book One Dark Exchange

by Troy Neenan

  And it had been fun; Kim had actually talked to a horse, was hit on by this hamster monster, and chatted with this talking bunny who was wearing a bow tie.

  As the night progressed Daisy and Cassidy's jobs had turned from making small talk to playing David's stupid card game, the lazy bastard didn't even have time to fight his own battles, his attention on his auction. It wasn't until Kim and her friends had woken up that things had gotten truly weird.

  As she walked to the building she noticed that an old van was sitting within the factory parking lot. She wondered who it belonged to but wasn't that interested in it. Right now she needed to kill someone.

  A deep growl made her stop and hesitate. She turned her head ever so slightly and she nearly pissed herself, “Shit.”

  The biggest, meanest fucking dog that Kim had ever seen crept out of the shadows. The beast let out a soft growl as it stalked its way towards her, its yellow eyes hungry and its lips curled back, revealing ivory teeth. It took a second for Kim's terrified brain to realize that the thing was a god damn wolf.

  “Nice doggy,” Kim said stepping back.

  She glanced back over her head to her rental and saw that the most beautiful cat that she had ever seen was sitting on her hood staring at her with calculating eyes. The cat had golden and silver fur which glinted in the starlight. It let out an exaggerated yawn and stretched. Its claws had shredded the shit out of her bonnet.

  There was the sound of what Kim thought was a pogo stick and something pierced the ground next to her. Already on high alert, she looked over to where the noise originated from to see a sight that caused her brain to freeze up.

  What appeared to be a hundred mice were standing on the van's roof. The vermin had what appeared to be green and black face paint on and they seemed to be handling a series of nails which they swung around like swords. Five of them had what looked like a nail gun aimed at Kim's head.

  “Ahhh.” Kim screamed and stepped forward. She had been so overwhelmed by the bizarre sight of the mice that she had been unprepared for the wolf to flank her side and nip at her ankle. How the big bastard was able to close the distance without alerting Kim was frightening in itself. Thankfully it hadn't drawn blood.

  She pictured herself ending up as a big pile of dog shit, but the wild animal just used its head to push her towards the building. She didn't think it was wise to argue.

  The smell inside of the factory, if anything was worse than it had been yesterday. Something with wings dive bombed Kim and she screamed and waved her arms to ward it off. She looked at her latest attacker and her mouth fell open.

  It was a mouse on the back of a budgie. The fucking mouse was flying a bird like it was a tiny horse; in its hands was a piece of wire which it used to clumsy steer its mount. She suddenly got flashes of Avatar.

  The flying rodent gave a definite squeak before flying off. Kim looked up and saw a seeming cloud of colourful parrots, hawks, and to her astonishment there was a small winged dinosaur gliding above her head, all of them being flown by a mouse.

  The wolf, growing impatient nipped at Kim's heels again causing the woman to jump forward.

  Exactly where she had left him, David was placing his hands on the corpse of a man. The man had been savaged, his legs showed signs of being eaten and his mouth, or what was left of it, hung open in horror. Kim stifled a scream; she had never seen a real body before. She, of course, had seen them on television but that was just fiction, actors with make-up on. But nothing could prepare her for what was to come.

  David scooped up a tiny Chihuahua, a nasty rat thing with a collar. Kim had never understood the fascination people had for the things. The rats were just embarrassing to have and you couldn't even call them a dog.

  The little yapping monster protested before it suddenly let out a cry. Within seconds its tiny body swelled out and then exploded in a fountain of gore.

  Kim couldn't hold it in, she leaned forward and vomited. “Oh God. You sick fuck.” When she was able to breath without throwing up again, Kim looked up and really wished that she hadn't.

  David was holding a squirming worm of a thing. As the disgusting thing in his hands grew, it began to take a familiar shape as a head sprouted from its deformed body. Seconds passed and arms and legs materialized on its body. After five minutes passed the tiny and naked creature that he held let out a miniscule whine and Kim understood what it was that David was creating, she just didn't know how he was doing it.

  The Dungeon Core’s face was twisted in concentration that was when Kim noticed that the corpse was shrinking. The poor man's body was withering, his skin becoming like shrink wrap and his stomach eating itself.

  The human body disintegrated, turning to nothing but skin, bone, and his shoes. Still, David stole from it, taking the calcium and the man's clothes as fuel for his creation. A few more seconds and the Dungeon Core was holding a six week old wolf cub and a few handfuls of dust.

  Done giving both God, Darwin, and the RSPCA the finger, David opened his eyes to see Kim dressed in a bright yellow raincoat. He looked at his phone, “It's only four, what the hell are you doing back here? And why are you dressed like that?”

  “You... I...” Kim stopped herself before she had an aneurysm. She pointed at the pile of dust that once been a human body. “You killed that man.” The wolf at Kim's side growled and she remembered her audience might not appreciate her raising her voice.

  David looked like he had just been caught looking at his dad's porn collection. “One of the dungeons that I traded with had a dead body hanging around. I traded it for a piece of rebar.”

  Kim could tell that he was lying but she was not in any position to call the dungeon on his fib. Her face shielded by her raincoat, she could only glare at her boss in frustration, praying that she was not his next victim.

  The Dungeon Core glanced around, “Where's Judith?” he asked.

  Kim bit her lip and attempted a forced smile, “She's back at the hotel,” She had been so freaked out that she didn't notice or remember the girl. The truth was that she was still confused and disoriented, the small army of mice, dead bodies, and wolves were incredibly distracting.

  “You left Judith alone?” David said slowly.

  “She's only three or four. Right now, you can tell me what happened to me and the others.” Kim pulled off her raincoat exposing her own transformation.

  While Cassidy had gotten a Baywatch theme going on and Daisy could have gotten the starring role in a fantasy comic book series, Kim's transformation had been less subtle. She didn't have horns, or a tail, or fangs. Her hair was still pink, her skin white, and everything looked where it should be. There was just one major difference between the Kim that left the building yesterday and the Kim that was standing there today.

  Kim had turned into a cartoon.

  Even the animals in the room turned to the living illustration in shock. One mouse was so focused on Kim that he sent his flying mount into the side of a wall, leaving a rather disgusting mark on the bricks.

  David's mouth began opening and closing like a goldfish who just found out that its wife had been cheating on him. “How?” he said trying to understand what was happening.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Additions had been made to the casino since David had performed his first auction. Now the place was filled with all manner of games and machines. It had also changed from one huge empty chamber to having a number of rooms, including a toilet, a kitchen, an office, and a single hotel room.

  This, like the casino itself was purely for show. Many of David's dungeon clientele had never experienced anything as simple as a bowel movement and liked to experience it at least once. The dumb shits were even willing to pay for the indulgence.

  The three women who entered his mental hideaway were not impressed by the décor or the games. Cassidy, dressed in Daisy's largest clothes took one look at Kim and stood there in stunned awe. “Holy Christ!” she said as she admired the cartoon woman.

 
Kim gestured to Cassidy, her face twisted in a child's pout, “What the hell are you complaining about? You look like you crawled off out of Red Sonya.” The cartoon squinted, “Did you dye your hair blonde?”

  “Who's Red Sonya?” Cassidy asked, wanting to not talk about her hair.

  Out of all of them Cassidy had been the normal one. Even back in school, she was the popular one, the one that mostly everyone loved. Now all of her better features seemed to have been cranked up a notch. The pre-law student had a body that hadn't been invented until the last decade.

  Cassidy had gone from pretty in pink to sexy gold. Kim and David could literally see her starring in her own Xena series.

  “Woah,” Daisy breathed as she looked at Kim's animated body.

  Daisy had been the sport's girl, the athlete. Her puberty had a lot of angst, anger, and sexual frustration in it and sports was a good vent. Now she had green skin, and abs that could break walnuts, not to mention that her breasts were large enough that a child could swing off them.

  The cartoon stared at the green skinned giantess, “Why do you look like She-Hulk?”

  “That's what I said.” Daisy said. “And why do you look like an 80's cartoon?” She moved over and gave Kim's skin a poke, it felt like real skin. “This is so weird.”

  A familiar figure appeared at the glass table, “So what is going, woah.” David hesitated as the Dungeon Core looked to his three employees. Getting used to the weird and bizarre he gathered his wits quickly and began to tap on the table.

  Cassidy stormed towards the Dungeon Core. “You.” her voice dripped with accusation, “What did you do to me? To all of us?”

  Preferring to concentrate on his tablet, David ignored the golden woman. He needed answers more than explaining himself to people who would not understand him anyway; it was a basic skill that all trouble shooters picked up. Ignore the client's attitude while trying to fix their crap.

  After a second he found something.

  Name: Kimberly Ranson.

  Species: Human, Cartoon.

  Faction: Dark Exchange.

  Profession: Scribe. Musician.

  Job: Assistant.

  Bonus: Blessing of the Night Club.

  The Night Club? The name hit a bell. David brought up the information that he had on the dungeon.

  The Night Club was one of the few dungeons that didn't kill people for a shot of power. One of the few non-murdering dungeons it instead turned itself into an old fashioned speakeasy. Based in a world that is filled with cartoons it ate off the residual energy of those who visited it.

  Seeing the dungeon he brought up its blessings.

  Blessing of the Night Club. Magic pockets. Wardrobe change. Species change Cartoon.

  Well that explained a lot. He turned his attention to the other women.

  Name. Daisy Brown.

  Faction: Dark Exchange.

  Species: Human.

  Job. Assistant.

  Profession. Tutor. Speciality: Sports trainer. Speciality: Muscle trainer. Flora Barbarian.

  Bonus: Blessings of the Beauty in the Compost.

  Quickly, David looked up on what the blessing did.

  Blessings of the Beauty in the Compost. Profession change, Flora Barbarian. Minor regeneration in direct sunlight. +5 natural strength, +2 natural armour.

  Flora Barbarians are plant-like savages that are much more violent than their Pestle counterparts. These plants use flowers and scents to lure prey into an ambush and then use their superior strength and their thorn covered appendages to rip their meal apart.

  It looked as if Daisy's colour change and her new body were a result of her new profession. David didn't know that professions could perform physical changes; it looked as if he would have to experiment further.

  Name: Cassidy Hepburn Sasca.

  Race: Human, monster.

  Faction: House of Heroes.

  Profession: Student.

  Job: Assistant, Dungeon boss, Summoned monster.

  Profession: Student, Dungeon priestess, Assassin, Warrior, Wizard.

  Bonus: Contract with the House of Heroes.

  Contract with the House of Heroes. +10 to all stats. Race changed, monster. Job changed to Summoned monster, Job changed Dungeon boss. Profession changed to Dungeon priestess. Profession changed to Assassin. Profession change to Warrior. Profession change to Wizard.

  There was a reason that it had taken so long to find Cassidy. It was because she was no longer his employee. The bitch had changed factions.

  He frowned and glared at Cassidy, “You dumb bitch,”

  Cassidy didn't take insults well and neither did Daisy. The green-skinned woman wrapped her fingers around David's shirt and stopped as her attempt to lift him off his feet and wave him around like a flag failed.

  Daisy growled as she readied herself to deck the man. “You want to say that again?”

  A simple shove from David that was little more than a passing tap resulted in Daisy flying several feet backward, her but landing on the carpet. She stood, unhurt but weary. “Did you just…” she was interrupted as David pushed a button on the table.

  A holographic image floated above the table, in it a red skinned Cassidy had her hands on a toilet seat, behind her a large man with muscles like a young Arnold Schwarzenegger and dressed in a simple harness was pounding her from behind.

  “Yeah, yeah. Oh, God it's been a while,” Cassidy moaned.

  If Daisy and Kim had been shocked by their transformation, finding out that their friend was a moaner took them right off their game. The pair stared at the 3D sex tape and then at their golden friend who appeared to be having a stroke.

  The man with the blonde locks and the absurd muscles bent over to whisper into Cassidy’s ear, “Do you accept my gift?” his accent was a combination of Spanish and French; somehow he made it just work.

  The doll-sized Cassidy let out a growling, “Yes.”

  David pushed another button and the screen changed to an exhausted Kim who had just been playing her fourth gig. She sat by the bar and gulped down the remains of a bottle of bourbon. The drink, of course, was only a memory but that just meant that she could drink more.

  A cartoon dog took the seat next to Kim’s; he was dressed like a noir detective. The cartoon looked oddly familiar none of the women could place from where. “You sing pretty good, kid. How about you sign up with me?”

  “Already got a gig,” Kim said too tired to care that she was talking to a cartoon dog. Unconsciously, she gave the bloodhound a scratch behind the ear.

  The cartoon dog's eyes went wide and suddenly it looked like he was on pot. He made a goofy stoned smile as his eyes went in the back of his head. When she stopped the dog seemed to come out of a trance. “Cripes, babe. You got some magic fingers right there.” He pulled out a business card from his coat and gave it to Kim, “If you ever get bored with this dump, give me a call.”

  “I'll think about it.” Kim rummaged in her own coat pocket and produced a pack of cigarettes, seeing the dog, she offered him one.

  The dog looked at the offering and the four observers could see that he was holding back a smile, “You sure?” he asked as if she was about to park in a handicapped zone.

  “Go ahead.”

  “Gift accepted.” The dog took the cancer stick and searched for a light. He looked up to see Kim holding a lighter to his face. “Gift accepted.” He repeated, his eyes suddenly turned sharp and full of mischief. “Hey, how about I get you a proper drink?”

  David went to push the button again but a wide eyed Daisy held up her hand, “Woah, woah. Ah ah. It's cool man. We get the picture.”

  “What picture?” Cassidy shouted still embarrassed, “It's just a dream. I had a sex dream. It happens.”

  “It wasn't a dream. Does this look like a dream to you?” Kim gestured to his casino. “This is a dungeon, Cassidy. Remember what I told you about them?” Seeing that her friends were still not getting it, Kim gave up explaining. It was frustrating try
ing to teach a sub-genre of fantasy to two people who thought Frodo was a type of coffee.

  “Just pretend everything here is real. You Cassidy really fucked He-Man in a bathroom stall.” Kim looked to David, “Can you turn us back to normal?”

  David thought for a moment. “Daisy's is easy. All she got was a profession change. One of the upgrades in her muscle training is Body Sculpt. It should allow her to change her body to however she wants while keeping her strength. Or she could use the points to purchase the Model profession where she can change her skin tone.” He looked to Daisy, “What do you want to do, Daisy?”

  The woman in question raised her hands, “I have no idea what the fuck you guys are talking about.”

  Kim groaned. She was going to have to really explain some things to these dumbasses. “What about me David?”

  “Yours is harder, Kim. You changed your species. You are literally classed as a cartoon. Physics change around you. On the bright side you get magic pockets and wardrobe change skill.”

  Kim raised her hands in the air and gave a big whoop. “Fuck yeah!”

  “The what skills?” Daisy asked not knowing nerd lingo.

  “You know those cartoons where the characters turn into a tornado and they instantly change clothes?” David gestured to Kim, “She can do that now. Try it Kim. Close your eyes, think of a costume and spin around.”

  Kim did as he said. She closed her eyes and spun around. To Daisy and Cassidy it was like seeing a small Kim-sized tornado. A second later and Kim stood there wearing an amazing sparkling red dress, red pumps, and to everyone's astonishment her hair was now long enough that it covered half her face.

  “Jessica Rabbit?” David said deeply impressed. He got down on one knee, “Marry me.”

  Kim held up her arms, “Wait wait wait. I have always wanted to do this.” Moving faster than anyone with high heels should be capable of running; Kim reached the stage and began playing with the guitar up there.