Dungeon Configure: Book One Dark Exchange

by Troy Neenan

  He ignored the question and looked to the unnecessary army that he had created. He really went overboard making them.

  Judith approached the cave opening, “Dad, what is happening in there?”

  Dad? Cripes, David had a daughter now. Hell, he had a good dozen children now. How did that happen? David sucked in a breath and spoke, “We won.”

  The children revealed their bone spikes and raised their hands in the air. The wolves howled and wagged their tails. A chaotic symphony of squeaks and bird songs filled the air as the mice and their mounts celebrated. They had won the day.

  David didn't see what the fuss was about. There had been no big war, no great fight. Kim, armed with a can of raid and a stick could have won this with less trouble. He did not understand that his creations' cries were not for the easy victory but that their God would not die.

  From the safety of her car, Kim came over and looked at David's new dungeon. It was definitely bigger than its exterior would make people believe. “You bastard, you told me there would be a fight.”

  David moved to the place where his security office should have been. It was just stone, faceless rock that was no different than the rest of the cave walls. David placed his hands on the rock and his fingers began to navigate around the rock.

  His smile widened as he found the catch. A simple press and a slot appeared. To another dungeon or an unobservant human the hole would have just been part of the scenery. Dungeon David hadn't been a hundred percent sure, but he guessed that any dungeon or creature that managed to screw him over would be working on the basic puzzle solving mechanisms. Mostly levers and switches, maybe a magical gizmo, but nothing quite as hi-tech as a USB slot.

  From his pocket universe, the Dungeon Core pulled out a USB drive. “Work. Please work.”

  The pain of being crippled in a car crash, the torment of being melted, and all the agony of David's dreary life seemed to be condensed into a single moment and then shoved down his throat. His immunity to pain proved only to be a speed bump to the pure truck load of agony that washed over him.

  David opened his mouth and tears made of ruby red blood dribbled down his cheeks. Every muscle seemed to be turned into molten lead, his bones became as gooey acid, what felt like a swarm of venomous spiders biting him from the inside, and all through the tortuous minutes, the Dungeon Core screamed. He had come home.

  When he opened his eyes his reflection stood before him. David had changed since he had first come here, both physically and mentally. He had lost a large amount of weight and he stood a little straighter. Before, he had been a beaten down slob, whose highlight of the year was when he didn't have to talk to idiots about how to turn on their computers. Now the Dungeon owned a small army of monsters, he was rich compared to the common Joe, he had powers, had a stunning girlfriend, and his very existence altered reality around him.

  “That sucked,” the Dungeon AI said. The avatar of the murder hole examined his surroundings. He had both his dungeon core and the previous dungeon’s memories dancing around in his head.

  For six months he had been here trying to scrape out a killer bachelor pad one grain of dirt at a time, and now it was as if he had gone back to stage one. No, worse. This time his domain was ten times larger and the cave was filled with rubble. If his core walked outside for just a second both would perish.

  “How are you holding up?” The core asked himself.

  “I can feel it. The pain blockers are holding up but they won't last. I've got about five minutes before it comes back.” The Dungeon AI took in an exhausted breath; the action was purely out of reflex since he didn't need air to survive. “We really fucked ourselves over. How did that son of a bitch last as long as he did?”

  Your dungeon is operating at 7% efficiency.

  The text message told David that he had a lot of work to do.

  On shaking legs, David stood up. The Variants that he had come in with aided their master. “Let's go ask him,” he said.

  David’s painful return had been a result of linking to his dungeon domain. When he had first entered the dungeon he had been thankfully unconscious when his human body was mutated into the equivalent of a nuclear generator and his mind was cut in half and forced to regenerate, he hadn't been so lucky this time.

  The dungeon was David's true body, the walls were his stomach lining, its heart was his heart. What he had done to himself was akin to disembowelment with a claw hammer. That split second of pain was what the Crawling Fate had experienced for the past five days straight, how it hadn't turned into a gibbering mess was as shocking to David as the pain had been.

  He stood just on the edge of the entrance way and saw Judith standing there with a rifle aimed at her creator's head.

  David smiled, “I hate Mondays.”

  At hearing the call sign, Judith lowered her rifle and got ready to receive orders. Not knowing exactly what would happen if he connected to his dungeon, her creator had made a password. If he had not given the correct one or attempted to play on her emotions, then she would know that he was possessed by the enemy. If he had developed amnesia then the cave would be sealed off until he became David again.

  “The domain is still wrecked, the cave is in ruins, and I am bleeding energy like mad.” David said “If I leave this place I'm dead. I need to do another dungeon configuration. I don't know what will happen.”

  The Dungeon Core’s eyes glanced at the ruined suit of armour that was being placed inside the Faraday cage that he had made. The container was made from a combination of conductive metal and David's own dungeon essence. From the report that Zellio'zeri had given him the design did a good job of blocking the influence of dungeon core fragments.

  His girlfriend really did not like competition. Every time that a new dungeon popped up Zellio'zeri physically crushed the poor bastard. The shards contained the barest hint of the former dungeon's power but not their personality, which made them useful batteries for powerful boss monsters and equipment.

  The armour now safely inside the custom made Faraday cage, David nodded towards it, “I’ll need him for a moment. I'll also get you to start pulling in equipment and digging up the rubble in here. Kim, this is just going to be boring. Could you take the wolves to the keeper?”

  The cartoon woman gave a mocking salute and smiled. A toon bringing in an extinct species of wolves to the Darwin zoo was going to be front page material that could end up being broadcast internationally. The idea of selling the wolves to science never appealed to David, getting every arsehole with a doctorate in genetics banging on his door, however, was something he liked.

  Kim was surprised at how obedient the wolves were. She barely had to take a step towards the pickup truck before the largest of the overgrown puppies were in the back, waiting for her. The animals were so huge that there was only room for one of them to be in the truck at any one time.

  “Weirdest fucking job, ever!” she said smirking. This was so much better than working at a fast food restaurant. Before getting in the truck and making the first in what would be many runs, Kim looked back at her employer, “Hey, don't die.” She didn't want to return to normal just yet.

  “I'll try,” David called back as he helped move the first of the drills inside the dungeon

  Five hours of having your teeth being pulled and your knees being rebroken. That was what it had felt like when the Variants started drilling, and every moment of it the Dungeon AI was on his back, begging for death. Next to him, his core could do little else but look away and pretend not to listen.

  The children worked tirelessly to move the stones and fallen rocks. They moved giant slabs of concrete to hold up the ceiling, they drilled into David's flesh, routing and tearing away stone. There was no time given for being gentle, they hammered and picked free everything that was in their way. They used pressurized water to move and dissolve the rock and dirt, they used acid, thermite, and their own fingers, and all during that time they heard their master's screams.

 
; The Variants did an amazing amount of work for five hours, each of them working with a supernatural efficiency that would shame any human labourer.

  After five hours, a gasping and crying AI stopped its screaming and lay limply in the air. Its body floating a full metre off the floor. David saw this and inserted the USB drive back into the slot. It was time for round two.

  This time the pain was like living through the aftermath of getting hit by a train. David felt all kinds of wrong, his bones were dust, and his muscles were crushed. And as quickly as it came the sensations vanished.

  Your dungeon is operating at 9% efficiency.

  Do you wish to configure your dungeon?

  Again David looked at himself; his AI had reverted to its earlier state. “Better,” the reinstalled Dungeon AI said. “But it's not just the rubble and the broken walls. The domain is fucked up, man. Power is also a problem. I can't access anything yet.”

  The Dungeon Core looked at the box that held the armour, “Looks like we're trying alternative power sources. Judith, chip off one of its pinkies.”

  The scream that the AI heard sounded like music, mostly the death metal kind as Judith used a circular saw to cut free one of the Clawing Fate's fingers. Using a pair of tongs she brought the severed finger to the dungeon's entrance.

  Being as careful as possible they put the finger inside the dungeon and put it into a ceramic pot. A half a kilogram of thermite later and a new prompt filled the dungeon core's vision.

  Your dungeon has absorbed the power of one of your own kind, adding its life force to your own body. Due to the damage to your dungeon you receive only 5% of the potential energy gain.

  The walls of the cave seemed to vibrate and flex like they were living muscles. The dungeon was syphoning off the energy and was digesting the new treat. It looked so much more repulsive than seeing it on a monitor.

  “Did this happen every time I killed something?” David asked himself

  Your dungeon is operating at 15% efficiency.

  Both the core and the AI's eyes widened at the prompt and spoke in unison, “Holy shit.”

  Two nights filled with David's screams passed. When Judith's kind weren't digging, the mice were busy scratching their way through the walls. While the Variants used picks and drills, the super intelligent rodents used their size to surgically weaken the walls and make way for the heavy work.

  Kim groaned and sat next to David who wasn't sweating despite the heat and lack of wind. “Dropped off the dogs and my picture is going to be on a lot of magazines. How are you holding up?”

  “If I don't reset myself every five minutes my AI feels like it’s getting its heart torn out through its mouth. Think like a really old computer with a fan problem. Besides that, I'm good.”

  “Ouch, been there. Can't you just not use an AI? Can't it all run through you?”

  “Love to but can't. The dungeon has all the control over the monsters. Think base building games. How hard do you think that would be in first person? I'd have to run around and micromanage everything.” It was a pain in the arse. One minute to learn the system and then four to do the management side, rinse and repeat. “Sorry you didn't get the battle you were expecting?”

  “It's fine. It can't be all swords and fireballs. I did read a few LitRPGs.” Kim smiled at David, “You were planning a harem end when you hired me, Daisy, and Cassidy, weren't you?”

  “You volunteering?” David grinned back. He settled back down, “No. I wasn't planning on turning you into sex slaves. What I was planning to do if this did go belly up was renting a few hookers and just going wild.”

  “Eww.” Kim said.

  “But really, I'm just happy I get to live.”

  Kim patted him on the hand, “I'm happy you lived to, David. I could have done without the exploding dogs, but it's been a fun week.”

  David lost count of the amount of times that he had to reset the damn dungeon AI. Each time he reset the mother fucking thing the momentary link allowed him to experience a living hell, each time feeling worse than the previous episode.

  Within two days they had managed to make five more rooms and got a good deal of tunnelling done. David's rooms were now full of wooden planks, steel sheets, aluminium, drilling equipment, marble, bathroom tiles, plumbing, and other odd pieces.

  Your dungeon is operating at 21% efficiency.

  The number hadn’t changed since the last reset and David guessed that it was the extent of his remodelling could accomplish. With the wolves now safely in a zoo and the Variants now having access to temporary housing outside, it was time to stop procrastinating.

  David looked at the army of mutant birds, rodents, and cats that now sat in his corridors and rooms. His Variants were outside, giving him blank looks. Judith had a bomb in one hand, the device hovering over the mouth of the Faraday cage where what remained of the Clawing Fate was whimpering. It had not enjoyed its stay in this world; it also probably didn't enjoy the fact that coating the insides of that box was a glass layer filled with Variant acid.

  A simple nudge would be all it would take for the doomed armour to cross into David's domain; the amount of energy that it would bring to the table should lessen the requirements and perhaps shave a few months off the reconfiguration.

  Do you wish to reconfigure your dungeon?

  David glanced over at the piles of magical equipment that he had managed to bargain out of the other dungeons. They weren't anything special. Mana and health rings, a rusty dagger with an ice enchantment, a few light stones, and an old shirt with a cleaning enchantment. If he could absorb just one power than it was more than worth the loss.

  He should probably say something, an inspiring speech. He looked to his monsters and spoke, “This is probably going to hurt.”

  With the signal from her master, Judith dropped the bomb in the Faraday cage and kicked the box into the starting room.

  With a single thought, David selected yes to the reconfigure.

  He hadn't been wrong. It hurt.

  Epilogue.

  Steve viewed the book he was holding with disinterest. It was just another hero sausage fest and dick measuring contest, but they were all going that way. It was no longer about the story anymore; it was about breaking the traditions that no longer mattered.

  Undoing whitewashing a character, gaying up superheroes, making them feminists, toning down the racism, toning up the powers to even more absurd levels. It was all getting way out of hand.

  Perhaps it was Steve becoming more adult or maturing as a person, but the major comic book industries just seemed to be running on a big hamster wheel. The risks didn't matter, the wars didn't change anything. It was all about playing for movie rights now.

  “Hi there,” a woman said.

  Steve looked to the left expecting to see a clerk. They always bitched that you never bought anything and left cheese fingerprints on the cover. Considering how the skanks in these books were dressed, you would think they would be afraid of worse things dirtying the pages.

  One look at the gorgeous woman caused Steve's brain to sink down to his dick and his hands to sweat. She looked as if she could have been a model. Her blonde hair, her huge killer body and breasts, and the skin tight shirt she was wearing combined to turn her into a mythical creature. The woman was a fucking nine.

  Steve began to curse himself for wearing a dorky Doctor Who shirt and not shaving. He noticed that everyone else in the store was giving him a curious look, and he knew exactly what they were thinking because he was thinking it to. Why the hell is this woman talking to a freak like him?

  “C... can I... I help you?” Even to his ears it sounded as if Steve had a mental handicap, which he did. Most of his blood was leaving his brain and headed down south for the winter. He had a feeling that he had to pay to have a woman this hot talk to him.

  The woman looked nervous and she looked around, “What would you pick? An assassin, a wizard, a warrior, or a priest? My friend is doing a dungeon and he's looking
for players.”

  If it had been a guy, Steve would have given him the finger and told him to piss off. He had grown out of the tabletop phase, mainly because there were so few players around. DMs also had this thing about not stabbing your party members when it came time to dish out loot.

  Steve's answer to this was simple, “Hey, they picked me up at a bar. It's called being in character.” Not that any of them listened.

  But this was a nine asking him. A blonde bombshell with huge fucking knockers.

  A seventeen year old basement dweller came over and stuck his pimply nose in on the subject, “I'll play. I've got a rogue sheet already in my bag.”

  From the look of the little cockblocking shit, Steve would have put money on that certainty. The shitstain looked like that sad sod who carried a character sheet in the same way that teenagers carried a condom in their wallet.

  Two more sweaty bastards turned up. One, a normal looking kid wearing a school uniform, the other slightly older and wearing all black. Both boys looked like they were ready to jizz themselves just being close to a real woman.

  “We'll play.” The older boy said.

  The younger boy looked to goth kid like he couldn't believe what he was hearing. “But Hugh, you hate...” he got a hard elbow to the gut for his words.

  “Will you be there?” Hugh asked the woman.

  The woman looked uncertain for a second as she looked at the younger of the two newcomers. “I don't think...” a beep came from her hip and a flash of terror crossed her face only to be replaced with a cheap smile. “Sorry, but I'm trying to get out of this. I am willing to pay you each five thousand each to play.”

  His brain unable to deal with the overload of nonsense being shoved onto him, Steven closed his eyes. “Wait. You're going to pay us five grand each to play a tabletop game?”

  The blonde pulled out a thick wad of hundred dollar bills from her pocket. “I'll send you all a text message. All you have to do is click on the yes button.”

  ***

  Daisy once again examined her appearance in the mirror. Thanks to obtaining the model job from the Dungeon Core not only had her skin returned to normal but her face had become symmetrical and the flaws that she had never noticed before had vanished. It was just one of many of the perks of her new career path.