Courting Mrs. McCarthy

by Ian Thomas Malone

  He also took solace knowing that his time cooped up in the house was soon coming to an end. The Rousseau family vacation to the Bahamas was coming up in three days’ time. Nathan had tiptoed around the issue of what was to be done with him while they were away, but Victoria told him that his father had made arrangements for him to join them. They would be gone for ten days, after which the rest of the town would begin to venture off to their own vacation destinations as August approached.

  The Rousseaus liked to take vacation in July rather than August because of Megan’s career as a talking head. August was when she had the most amounts of opportunities to sub for other pundits, so she preferred to be in town. Nathan looked forward to this opportunity for a reset, hoping that talk of him and his affairs would die down by the time that people started returning back to Roxburgh. The fact that it was his first real family vacation was also exciting to him.

  One day when Nathan was searching for a shirt that he thought Griffin had swiped from him, he came across the pile of DVDs used for the joke foreshadowing what would happen if Nathan continued his relationship with Jackie. His warning had been an unlikely prophecy, though he knew that this had not been Griffin’s intention when he planned the prank.

  Common sense would’ve told Nathan to put the DVDs away and maybe even suggest that Griffin remove them from the house. Part of him was slightly surprised that his friend still had them considering the efforts he’d gone through to make Nathan feel at ease. He decided not to move on from the tempting Hollywood classics.

  He brought the stack into his room. Many people might have taken this as an act of emotional self-harm. Nathan had no good reason to be watching movies that hit this close to home. But instead of listening to common sense, he popped Harold and Maude in.

  The dark comedy did not have its intended pleasurable effect on Nathan. Instead he sat and psychoanalyzed the plot as if it was running parallel to his own life. The problem was that the two scenarios bore little in common besides the obvious comparison of an older woman having a relationship with a younger man. He wanted to see himself in young Harold, but it just wasn’t there. The film bore more of a resemblance to his relationship with Mrs. Buchanan, albeit without the coitus.

  The ending was slightly melancholy, but not happy. Nathan felt the ending was a cheap way to wrap up the movie. Therefore, it bore little in common with his relationship with Jackie, which was not operating under the confines of fictional limitations.

  With the Rousseau family at work, Nathan watched The Graduate next. The story structurally looked a bit more like his own situation, but Nathan wasn’t all that convinced that this film would have any more answers for him. Mrs. Robinson was no Mrs. McCarthy, and Nathan grew bothered by the parallels between the two scenarios as both of Jackie’s daughters were far too young for him.

  The only thing he thought he’d learned was that Mrs. Robinson really knew how to carry out a proper affair, though a hotel room would have been pointless in his own situation since he had his own open house. Getting caught had so many repercussions for Nathan which he had never taken seriously, given the brevity of their actual affair. Even after Kalford saw them on the train, he didn’t think that lightning would strike again so soon.

  He was about to pop Manhattan into the DVD player when he stopped himself to reflect. Though he liked Woody Allen, this wasn’t a way to spend a pleasant summer afternoon so much as it was an effort to rake himself through the coals to see the error in his ways. The films had not been a complete waste of time though.

  The one message that was clear and concise throughout every film on the stack was that intergenerational love was not sustainable. The desired happy ending had eluded all of the intergenerational romances. Griffin had gone through a lot of trouble to acquire the films to get a rise out him, but also to explain to his friend that the road he was headed down was only filled with pain.

  But Nathan couldn’t quite wrap his head around the question of why. He could go through each movie and point out the reason why it didn’t work out and it just so happened that none of them involved a mutual agreement to end the partnership based on grounds of irreconcilable differences without the aid of loony outside interference.

  Such was the case of his romance with Jackie. If no one had meddled with their relationship, they’d likely still be together. This may not be the case later on, but it would certainly be true on this pleasant July afternoon. Nathan wasn’t sure if he was ready to let someone like Corrine Kalford dictate when his relationships were to end. He could live with the idea that this wasn’t just his choice to make, but he was uncomfortable giving an outside party the power to interfere like that.

  Nathan had done a good job of positioning himself as a suitable companion to Jackie. Companion being the key word. The romance would’ve had a decent shot at lasting the summer had it not been tampered with. With Jackie poised to leave Steve, it was possible that the end may not have been in sight just then. At the very least, Nathan would have been given an opportunity to fight for what he wanted to continue. The choice would then by Jackie’s and not Kalford’s. Nathan could live with that rejection.

  It seemed selfish to call Jackie, but Nathan couldn’t help himself. He knew that if he didn’t get closure, he’d spend the rest of his life wondering about what might have happened to her. He gave himself the reassurance of knowing the damage was done. Unless his phones were tapped.

  As he picked up his phone, he paused for a second to make sure that he was doing the right thing. From a moral and fair standpoint, whether or not it was necessarily right took a backseat for the sake of closure. But it was the right thing for Nathan to do to move on with his life.

  He called her number, which caused a brief moment of panic. He realized that he hadn’t actually planned anything to say to her. He told himself to speak naturally, but he lacked the confidence to be comfortable with how that might turn out.

  “Hi, Nathan,” Jackie said, answering faster than she had before. “Sorry I’ve been MIA for the past few days. Things have been really hectic.” She sounded like she was trying hard to be cheerful, which was painfully out of place.

  This wasn’t lost on Nathan, but he was so happy to hear her voice that he didn’t really care how she sounded. “That’s okay. How are things going out west? Did Steve back off with his lawyers? Tell me everything.” Had he prepped before the phone call, he might have told himself to hold back a little, but the emotion was genuine.

  “I’ve been meaning to call you. I’m actually going to back east to get some things before I head to Virginia to stay with my sister for a while. I’ll be arriving earlier in the day. If you’re around, I’d love to see you.” Her not so negative tone couldn’t hide the fact that things obviously hadn’t gone well if she was heading back east alone.

  Despite Nathan’s strong desire to get some more information out of her, he held back knowing that she would have told him if she’d wanted to tell him over the phone. Instead, he told her to give him a call when she arrived and he’d come meet her. That represented a shift in caring about what was right for her rather than what was worked for him.

  Nathan couldn’t help but feel like the conversation had not gone well even though he would see her the next day. He’d spent countless hours over the past weeks fantasizing about his next encounter with Jackie and how he’d make things right between them. He would’ve traded anything for just five minutes with her, but now having gotten that and more, he didn’t feel any better.

  Part of him felt guilty for not giving her a more personal farewell on the phone. “I love you,” was out of the question and wildly inappropriate, but there was nothing wrong with, “I miss you.” Nathan desperately wanted to show her that he was still thinking about her constantly and that her pain was his own.

  What Jackie had said appeared to close the door on their time together. She was returning for a brief while, only to leave for Virginia. Even if the worst had in fact happened, Nathan was still appare
ntly not a part of Jackie’s plans moving forward as a single woman with three children that she could lose in a custody battle with a total asshole.

  While Nathan wanted to take this hard, he refocused his mindset to remember that this was what Jackie had decided for herself. Damage had been done to her life regardless of his intentions throughout their time together, and that was fair. Her tone toward him didn’t suggest any level of anger, but he could understand why she wouldn’t want to be with him after what had happened.

  The question that Nathan now faced was what to do with the time he had with her. Before, he was determined to win her back. Now, that idea just looked selfish any way he tried to spin it.

  The possible scenarios and options were numerous. Nathan could sit in his bed and ponder them for hours. He could ask Griffin for help, but he knew the stance his friend held. Putting Griffin in that kind of position to objectively play devil’s advocate wasn’t very fair either, considering the favors he’d done for him already.

  Jerome had refused to aid Nathan is his question to figure out what to do. His father might have done that because he believed that Nathan could do it all by himself or possibly just because he didn’t want to get involved. He wanted to think of this as a vote of confidence, but his father was also biased, having firsthand experience with a failed relationship. He needed the advice of someone who both knew him and didn’t have any past misgivings. He needed Mrs. Buchanan.

  Chapter 26

  The drive to the library was more awkward than the one to the coffee shop to meet Jerome. It felt odd to say that Nathan cared more about the feelings of an old woman than his own father, but he felt immense guilt not only for avoiding her, but also for the fact that he was ending this embargo only to seek her advice once again.

  He stopped to get her a tea as a peace offering. Truth be told, Nathan had no idea if she actually knew what had happened. Mrs. Buchanan was no gossip, but he hadn’t much clue as to how far word had spread. He wouldn’t be surprised if someone had told her, though he might have expected a telephone call if that was the case. He wasn’t sure if he wanted her to know already which would save him from having to tell the story yet again but it would also add to the awkwardness. The idea that he might be able to lie to her never crossed his mind. Nathan was past that stage in his life.

  Mrs. Buchanan was sitting in her chair, as expected. She was reading a large book and appeared to not notice him walking up to her. She glanced up from her book. The situation was eerily similar to the coffee shop where Nathan had met Jerome. He tried his best not to think about that.

  “Ah, the prodigal son returns. And bearing gifts I see,” she said with a grin on her face. Nathan doubted that she knew anything about Jackie.

  He handed her the tea and sat down without saying a word. He regretted not plotting out what he was going to say to her just as he’d opted not to make a plan for Jackie’s phone call. But the time to change his course of action had passed.

  “I’d ask if the sun was treating you well, but I can see that you haven’t been spending much time outside,” she said while she looked at him with a puzzled stare. Nathan was uncharacteristically pale. His skin was normally much darker for this time of the year, though he’d spent minimal time outside, save for some reading on the back porch of the Rousseau house.

  Though it was obvious that Mrs. Buchanan had no idea what had happened, Nathan knew he had to tell her. He’d come for her advice and it was time to talk about what had happened to someone other than Griffin or Jerome. He wanted to get it over with as quickly as possible.

  “I take it you haven’t heard what happened then,” he said, not realizing that his sorrowful tone could lead her to believe that someone had died.

  Mrs. Buchanan put her book down. “No, I have not. When things happen, people don’t generally make it a habit to rush to the library to notify the old woman. If it isn’t on the news, I don’t really hear about it. Maybe I should get a Twitter.” Her colloquial nature was making Nathan feel better about being there.

  “I don’t think it was on the news. I hope not, at least,” he said, realizing that he had passed the point of no return. He wondered how much more gas he had left in the tank. “Do you remember that girl I was asking you about a few weeks ago?”

  Mrs. Buchanan kept up her friendly nature. “No. I remember you cryptically babbling about someone, but you didn’t give me enough details to form any sort of memory as to whom this person might be. But go on,” she said with amusement.

  He felt somewhat relieved by her handling of the conversation. Mrs. Buchanan didn’t need to be braced for a bombshell. Knowing that she’d probably be on his side no matter what, Nathan finally stopped beating around the bush.

  “There was a reason I was so secretive. The girl in question wasn’t exactly a girl. Well, no, that came out wrong. She’s a woman, a married woman who was leaving her husband. I formed a relationship with her and then it got out. Things are a huge mess and I was ashamed and I didn’t want to see you or anyone else because I care about her. Now her life is ruined and I don’t know what to do.” He fought back tears as he emptied his thoughts to Mrs. Buchanan.

  If she was surprised or horrified by this revelation, she certainly didn’t show it. Instead she reached into her purse and pulled out a napkin and stood up from her armchair. She went to the table Nathan was sitting at and gave him the napkin and held him. For someone who had never had children, she seemed to know how to comfort a grieving adolescent quite well.

  “It’s okay, Nathan, you don’t have to justify anything to me,” she said while patting him on the back. “Just take your time and say what you need to say.”

  It took him about an hour to tell the full story, starting with the glimpse of her at the opening ceremony. He left out the graphic sexual parts as he had when he told his father. This was the most complete account of the events that Nathan had told anyone up to that point. Not even Griffin had heard this complete of a testimonial.

  The tears were very uncharacteristic of him. He generally took after his father when it came to publically displaying emotion. The last time he’d cried in public was when he sprained his wrist jumping off of his swing set. Emotion did not come easily for his family. But after lying to nearly everyone who cared about him, it came naturally.

  When he’d finished his account, he nearly fell back in his chair with relief. He disagreed with his aunt’s assessment that he needed to see a psychiatrist, but it felt good to be able to talk to someone about what he was going through who he didn’t have to live with and who wouldn’t scold him like he was a child.

  Once Nathan was done giving his account of the events of his summer leading up to that point, Mrs. Buchanan stood up to retrieve her presumably cold tea and returned to her armchair. She took a long sip of the tea and stared at him without speaking.

  This was a bit troubling to Nathan, who wasn’t used to being this exposed emotionally. “I’m sure you’re horrified by all of this,” he said without looking at her. He began to worry about the effect this would have on their friendship moving forward.

  Mrs. Buchanan wasn’t all that worried. “I’m not horrified, Nathan. Your generation’s biggest problem is that you’re all so connected that you forget there was life before you and your fancy cell phones came out of the womb of technology.”

  Nathan struggled to understand the relevance of this slight. “What does that have to do with anything?”

  “You think that what you did is something new that an old woman like me couldn’t possibly understand,” she said sarcastically. “You forget where I came from. Scotland shares an island with the country that invented modern day divorce. People killed each other over the right to be with someone else. I might have been with the same man my entire life, and in my perfect world that’d be an ideal way to avoid a lot of mess. This being no exception of course.”

  Nathan tried to reply, but she cut him off. “Let me finish. You spoke for an hour and I’d hope you came
here to hear what I had to say. I know you’re worried about what people around town have said about you, but my God, child, wake up. This world has changed so much it’d be hypocritical of anyone to dictate what consenting adults wish to do with each other,” she said while banging her cane on the floor like she was a social activist.

  The sight of the old woman causing a scene in the library was amusing to Nathan, but he still had plenty of questions to ask of her. “But what about her husband? He’s done a number on her,” Nathan said, presuming Mrs. Buchanan had forgotten about him.

  “That’s Jacqueline’s business, not yours, Nathan,” she replied in a cold manner that was unexpected.

  Nathan didn’t agree with this. “Not entirely. I was a willing participant,” he said, defending his woman.

  Mrs. Buchanan rested her head on her cane. “A participant to what? The loss of her children? No, what you did was different. I have told you this time and time again, you cannot control what other people do, even if that causes you pain. The only thing you can control is how you react to it. This is a mess and it would be a mess if you were in your thirties. But you can’t change that.”

  He couldn’t argue with anything she’d said, but Nathan wasn’t filled with the clarity he’d hoped for. “What should I do when I see her tomorrow then?” he asked. It seemed unfair to put that kind of pressure on her, but Nathan took advantage of all the help he could get.

  She picked up her tea and gulped the rest of it down and tossed the cup across the room in an overly dramatic fashion. “That isn’t for me to say, is it? I’m not the one who’s tangled in this.”

  Nathan feared that she was giving him the same results that his father had a few days before. “That’s not very helpful. You’d think with all your years on this earth you could give me better advice than that,” he said, trying to get a rise out of her.