Crave (Splendor Book 2)

by Janet Nissenson

  But once their conversation ended, she stared for long minutes at the offending envelope, knowing she’d never be able to sleep until she opened it.

  She’d known without even looking at the return address that the envelope contained the divorce papers. She didn’t get a lot of mail in general, and certainly nothing as thick and official looking as this packet. Sighing, Tessa slid the papers out of their envelope and took a quick glance at the top page.

  Well, it was over. Officially so, even though her marriage to Peter had in all honesty never really begun. They had been best friends, roommates, confidantes, but never lovers or partners, not in the true sense of the word. Now that she knew what it truly felt like to be in love, to experience sexual fulfillment, and, yes, to finally feel like a woman, Tessa could accept her seven years with Peter for what they had actually been - a means to an end; a safe haven for her; and a dysfunctional mess that should never have been permitted to go on for as long as it had.

  Still, she cried for awhile, because it was never really easy to let go of something that had been part of your life for so many years. And then, she opened her email account on the rather ancient old laptop Peter had scrounged up for her way back in high school, and began to compose the letter she ought to have sent him weeks ago.

  Dear Peter,

  It’s been a few weeks since we were in touch and a lot has happened during that time. First, though, the divorce papers arrived today so I guess it’s really official - we’re no longer married. I just finished having a good cry over it but I can honestly say – finally - that you did the right thing by making this happen - for both of us.

  There’s - well, I’ve met someone, Peter. I know you always wanted that for me, but I still can’t help feeling a little bit guilty about it. He’s a wonderful man, treats me like a princess, and I’m going to be moving in with him soon. As you know, the lease on this place is up in April, so I guess the timing is working out well.

  He’s older than I am, by quite a bit, but it’s not for the financial or emotional security that I’m with him. I’m honestly, completely, and ridiculously in love with him, and I hope you’ll be happy for me. I told him everything - about my mom, the whole mess I was in when you married me, and about us. He’s not only been good to me but good for me as well, and I’m hoping he’ll be the one to slay the rest of the dragons, the few that you didn’t already kill for me.

  I hope you know how much I still love you, Peter, and how much I always will. You were there for me in my darkest times, and I will never, ever forget that. I hope we can continue to be the best of friends, and that you will keep in close touch. And, most of all, I hope that someday you can finally find the peace that you need so badly - that you’ll meet someone who will slay all of your dragons.

  With much love,

  Tess

  Wiping away her tears, she dragged herself into the bathroom and got ready for bed, hoping that between her emotional state and her physical condition that she would sleep soundly tonight. As she started to shut down her laptop, she was astounded to see a new message had popped up, and even more surprised to note that it was from Peter. He never replied to her emails so quickly, and she surmised he must have been online when her message had been delivered to him.

  Hey, Tess,

  What you are doing up so late? I’m the insomniac, remember? But in all seriousness - yes, I knew the divorce was going to be final today and was thinking of you the whole time. Guess I was just too much of a coward to email you first.

  I can’t tell you how happy I am that you’ve found someone, Tess. You deserve to have a normal, healthy relationship, and to be loved and adored more than anyone else in the world. I’m just sorry I couldn’t be the man to give you that kind of love, because I know I’ll never meet anyone half as wonderful as you.

  Would I be wrong in guessing that this new, older man in your life is your boss? I might be going out on a limb here, but I remember that Christmas party you dragged me to a couple of years back. I never told you this, didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable, but I saw the way he kept watching you all night and giving me the evil eye (just kidding!) If it is him, I think you’ve made a very wise choice. He’ll take good care of you, Tess, give you all the things I never could. Oh, I’m not talking about stuff like cars or houses or clothes. I know you don’t give a shit about any of that. The things I’m talking about are romance and normal sex and maybe having a baby one day. I always wanted those things for you, and I’m glad you’re finally going to have them.

  One last thing, because I’m starting to lose it here myself. I’ve begun therapy, Tess. Once a week I Skype with someone in the States, someone who specializes in my sort of issues. And while I’ve got a long, long way to go, I’m hopeful that one day I’ll be able to slay my own damned dragons.

  I love you, too, Tess, and we will always be best friends. Take care and be happy, and please do keep in touch.

  Love,

  Peter

  She was crying again as she finished reading his message, but this time they were tears of happiness.

  Chapter Fourteen

  London

  It took every ounce of Ian’s self-control to disguise his impatience as the evening seemed to drag on intolerably. He loved his family deeply, and under normal circumstances would be relishing this opportunity to spend as much time as possible with them. But these were far from what he considered normal circumstances - being several thousand miles away from the woman he adored, the one he longed to be with every minute of each day, and whose touch he craved like an addict did a fix.

  He checked his watch again, discreetly, of course, and had to hold back a sigh when he realized how late it was getting. It was already early afternoon back in California, and he only hoped Tessa wasn’t ready to give up on him calling today. The eight hour time difference between London and San Francisco hadn’t been especially easy to manage these past few days, given that he couldn’t very well call her while she was at the office.

  And of course he’d had to wait until he was alone at this end before calling her, not wanting to take the chance he’d be overheard by one of his family. Ian had very intentionally not told any of them about Tessa, especially Colin, who’d be pumping him for very intimate details were he to know about the new woman in his life. Until Tessa resigned from the Gregson Group, Ian had no intention of mentioning her to any of the family. When he’d told Tessa there would be unpleasant repercussions for both of them should their relationship become known, he’d been deadly serious. Regardless of the fact that he reported directly to his father and uncle, the other board members could very well vote to demote or censure him in some way if they learned about his love affair with one of his employees.

  As for Tessa, the demand would certainly be made for her immediate transfer, if not her termination. And even though she’d be resigning soon enough, he knew she would want that to be on her terms and not because it had been forced on her.

  There would be time enough to tell his family about Tessa, he reassured himself, but for now he intended to keep it a secret. It was just too damned bad, he thought impatiently, that this dragged out dinner at the home of his elder brother Hugh was interfering with his daily phone call to her.

  To make matters worse, his sister-in-law Victoria had invited a recently divorced female friend of hers to join them for dinner, and the woman’s interest in Ian was rather obvious. Victoria had seated them next to each other, and the woman - Sondra - had been not so subtly flirting with him all evening. Even if he hadn’t been obsessed with Tessa, he knew he wouldn’t have found Sondra attractive. As a rule, he had a general dislike of overly aggressive women, especially ones who practically drowned themselves in perfume. He’d been polite to Sondra, feigning an interest in what she had to say that he certainly didn’t feel, but making it a point to keep his distance and not give her even the tiniest bit of encouragement.

  Sondra got the hint eventually, especially when he gently declin
ed her offer to meet up for a drink or a coffee sometime during his visit, but he still felt uncomfortable in her presence. Thankfully, his mother seemed to sense his discomfort, and tactfully suggested that they all call an end to the evening.

  Once back at his parents’ house, he made his excuses as quickly as possible, though he didn’t miss the odd look his mother gave him as he practically jogged to his rooms.

  As he so often did when it came to matters involving Tessa, Ian felt like an awkward fifteen-year-old boy who was trying to summon up the nerve to call the girl he’d been crushing on for months. His pulse rate ratcheted up a notch or two as he pulled his phone out and pressed the speed dial button for her number. But his anticipation quickly turned to concern when she didn’t answer her phone right away, especially since she nearly always picked up after just a couple of rings. And given that it was still mid-afternoon on a Saturday in San Francisco, he knew she couldn’t be at the office.

  Just as the call was about to go to voice mail, Tessa answered, but the sound of her voice filled him with instant concern.

  “Ian.” Her voice was whisper soft, almost as though she was struggling to speak.

  “Are you all right, love?” he asked in alarm. “You sound ill. Were you sleeping?”

  “Just resting. And I’m not sick exactly. I, um, have my period.”

  “Ah.” He was somewhat mollified at this information, but still worried about how weak and exhausted she sounded. “Is it - that is, do you usually have problems during your cycles? This is the first time I can recall you having a period since we’ve been together.”

  “Yes, to both questions. My cycles aren’t always regular, so this is definitely the first one I’ve had since we started seeing each other. And, well, the IUD is reliable but has some unpleasant side effects.”

  Ian didn’t bother to mask his distress as he probed for more details. “What sort of side effects?”

  There was a pause before she replied in a somewhat halting voice. “Um, the usual sorts of things - fatigue, lack of energy, mood swings. And, well, the bleeding is usually really heavy, and the cramps can get pretty bad.”

  His level of alarm had increased with each symptom she’d mentioned. “Darling, that sounds terrible. And forgive me, but you sound terrible. Did this just start overnight?”

  “No. On Wednesday. My cycles usually last at least a week, sometimes a bit longer.”

  Ian was aghast at this revelation. “You’ve been feeling this poorly for three days? And you went to work? Tessa, you should have taken some sick days, love. God knows you’ve earned them.”

  “No, Ian, it’s all right.” She was quick to reassure him. “As lousy as I feel, it’s actually better for me to keep busy. To keep my mind off of - things.”

  He was becoming increasingly agitated with the tone of this conversation. “What things, Tessa? Is something troubling you? Now that I think of it, you have sounded out of sorts the last few days. Please, darling, tell me what’s wrong.”

  Her voice was trembling, and he could tell she was fighting back tears. “I don’t want to bother you, Ian. You’re so busy back there, and I’m probably just being silly…”

  “Tessa.” He interrupted her as she began to ramble almost incoherently. “I am never too busy to listen if something’s troubling you, or if you need anything. And I’d be on a flight home within the hour if you asked me to, if something was really wrong. So don’t ever feel that you’re bothering me. Just tell me what’s wrong, love.”

  “My divorce papers arrived in the mail. On Wednesday, of course. Because -”

  “Because bad things always happen to you on Wednesdays,” he finished, heaving a sigh as he did so. “I knew there was something wrong. Why in the world didn’t you tell me before now?”

  This time she couldn’t hold back the tears, and Ian’s heart ached to hear her weeping over the phone. “I - I don’t know. I suppose I didn’t want to bother you, didn’t want to seem weak or needy. And, well, you’ve been sounding so tired and stressed every time we’ve talked that I didn’t -”

  “Hush.” He couldn’t bear to think that she’d been suffering, both physically and emotionally, for three days now and that he hadn’t been there to console her. “Nothing is more important to me than you, Tessa. I don’t give a damn about my job or these meetings, and especially not when you’re this upset. God, what terrible timing, love, what with those blasted papers arriving right when your period started and me all the way over here.”

  Tessa sniffled. “I know. And I’m - well, I’ve been a little down in the dumps these past few days as well. It’s just everything all at once, you know. I miss you, Ian.”

  He swore softly beneath his breath. “I’d give anything to be there with you this very second, my love – to take care of you and hold you close, and make sure you know exactly how much I love you.”

  The soft sound of her sobbing made him feel sick, helpless, frustrated. “I - I do know,” she whispered. “I just miss you so much. I’m sorry to be this way, to be so needy and pathetic and -”

  “Stop.” His voice was firm, almost stern. “Don’t you dare apologize. And I’m the one who should be sorry. I should be there with you now - supporting you, looking after you. I feel terrible that I’m all the way over in England when you need me so badly.”

  “It’s okay.” Her reply was soft and sweet, and he was relieved to hear her crying appeared to have stopped for the moment. “I know you’d be here if you could, and that you’ll be home soon.”

  “I’m counting the days, love,” he assured her. “And I realize this past week that I’ve had to cut some of our calls short, but that’s going to end. Starting immediately we’re going to talk for as long as you’d like, and beginning tomorrow I’m going to call you at least twice a day. And I want you to promise me, Tessa, to call me whenever you need to talk. I may not be able to take the call immediately, but I guarantee I’ll call you back as soon as possible. All right?”

  “Yes, I promise. And - thank you, Ian. That means a lot to me.”

  “You’re not alone anymore, Tessa,” he told her gently. “You’ve had to deal with far too much for far too long on your own. But no longer. I’ll always be here for you, darling. And as soon as you move in with me and quit your job, we won’t have to be separated like this ever again.”

  Her soft sigh was one of relief. “That sounds wonderful, Ian. And I really was starting to pack things up here at the apartment, at least until I started feeling poorly. I even have the first paragraph of my resignation letter drafted.”

  Ian chuckled. “How many paragraphs were you planning to write? It doesn’t need to be an essay, love, just a basic letter will do. And I expect you to turn it in as soon as I return from London. This is the last time I intend to be apart from you.”

  “Okay. Maybe I’ll finish it later and email you a copy to get your opinion. I, um, need to eat something and shower first and, well, get dressed.”

  He frowned. “You haven’t been out of bed the entire day? Isn’t it after two o’clock there?”

  There was a pause before she answered. “Yes, a bit. And, well, I tried to get up a couple of times, but I was sort of - depressed, I suppose.” Tessa started weeping again, her voice dropping to a husky whisper. “I’m scared, Ian. When I get this way, I’m always terrified that I’m becoming like my mother.”

  “No, no, darling,” he crooned. “You’re not like her at all. Listen to me, Tessa. You’re a strong, capable woman, and you’ve been taking care of yourself for a long time. Right now you’re just a bit down because of all you’ve had to deal with this week. But you’re not sinking into darkness, love. I’d never let that happen.”

  “I know you’re right,” she told him tearfully. “But it just gets so hard sometimes, especially when I’m alone.”

  Ian was nearly on the verge of tears himself to hear how sad she was. “God, Tessa, you’re breaking my heart,” he groaned. “I need to be there with you, love, to take care o
f you. Let me see if I can arrange a flight home tomorrow. I’ll think of something to tell the rest of the board, and -”

  “No!” Her response was emphatic. “Please, Ian, I don’t want you to do that. I mean, of course I want to see you as soon as possible, but I’d feel less than useless if you had to cut your time in London short because of me. I’ll - I’ll be okay, I promise.”

  He was far from being convinced. “Tessa - these bouts of depression you have. Have you ever sought professional help, spoken to a therapist about them?”

  There was a lengthy pause before she answered. “Not really, no. I mean, I’ve always been able to fight them off before. And, well, the expense was never something I could have afforded.”

  “I understand. But that’s not the case any longer. If you decide you’d like to talk to someone, I’m more than happy to arrange it for you. Just say the word, hmm?”

  “All - all right,” she agreed reluctantly. “But, honestly, since I’ve been with you Ian, I haven’t really felt this way at all. You’ve made me so happy, made me feel so secure and loved, that I haven’t had any of these episodes until now.” Her voice grew soft and breathy again. “I just miss you so.”

  This time Ian could feel the physical ache of his heart at her words. “God, no more than I miss you, my love. I’ve never missed anyone this way, never thought it could be possible. But I swear this will be the last time we’ll be parted for this amount of time. If being with me helps you stave off these episodes of depression, then I’m going to glue myself to your side from here on end. We’re also,” he added somewhat sternly, “going to make an appointment for you with a good friend of mine - Jordan Reeves. He’s reputed to be the top OB/GYN in San Francisco, and we’ll see if he can help us find an alternate form of birth control. I hate the thought of you suffering this way from that contraption you’ve got inside of you.”