Loving a Lawman

by Amy Lillard

  “Jessie . . .”

  She shook her head. “Don’t, Seth. It’s better if we don’t pretend our marriage is normal. Meemaw used to always say ‘only a fool fools himself.’”

  He wanted to protest, tell her their marriage could be anything they wanted it to be. They had formed something of a bond during the two weeks that led up to today. True, Chase had come back and ruined that for all of them, but only they could allow Chase to destroy what they had. All they had to do was believe. Seth knew that, as certain as he knew his name. Yet something in the set of her jaw had him biting back his words and opening the door for her to precede him inside.

  The place had changed a lot in the fourteen days since they visited. Seth knew that Jessie had been spending almost all her free time getting the house ready for this moment.

  He looked around, impressed with the feat she had pulled off. Of course, he had hired painters, movers, and cleaners to move the process along. After all, he didn’t want her breathing in paint fumes or overexerting herself. Still, he knew that she needed some sort of vested interest in the place. Nesting, wasn’t that what all the books called it? She had done a wonderful job pulling the house together in fourteen short days all the while planning a wedding that his mother would approve of.

  The walls were painted a dove gray, which gently contrasted with the dark wood floors and pristine white trim. Sheer white curtains covered the windows, letting in light while adding an airy feel to the place. His whiskey-colored leather sofa sat against one wall with the matching armchair across from the fireplace.

  Sadie caught one look at them and barked out her welcome.

  Seth scooped her up into his arms as Jessie moved past him and into the kitchen with the juice and cake.

  Sadie whined as she watched Jessie pass. He knew the feeling. He almost had her there, had almost convinced Jessie that everything was going to be fine between them, and then Chase had to step in.

  The worst part of all was that he couldn’t stop wondering, if she weren’t pregnant, if he hadn’t forced her to marry him, would Jessie have gone off with Chase?

  Chances were that if Seth hadn’t gotten Jessie pregnant and hadn’t forced her to marry him, then Chase would have never even thought about asking Jessie to go off with him. But that was really beside the point now, wasn’t it?

  Damn it all to hell! He set Sadie on the floor and ran his hands through his hair. How was he supposed to prove to his wife that he loved her and cared for her if every time he turned around everyone was telling them how they shouldn’t be together?

  Okay, so maybe he was being a little dramatic, but he and Jessie would never make it if something didn’t give. He had made mistakes and was doing everything in his power to make them right. All he wanted was to be married to Jess, raise their child, and somehow convince her that he loved her above all else.

  Was that so much to ask?

  He looked to Sadie, who only wagged her tail in response.

  “It’s up to me, is that what you’re saying?”

  She barked, then let her pink tongue loll out of one side of her mouth. Sounded like an agreement to him.

  Without another thought, he headed for the kitchen.

  It, like the rest of the house, smelled of fresh paint and wood polish.

  Jessie was standing at the window looking out over what could liberally be called a backyard.

  “Hey,” he greeted her, hoping not to startle her from her thoughts. She seemed a million miles away as she stared into the falling dusk. Soon it would be completely dark and after that, time for bed. And that was something they hadn’t talked about since she agreed to marry him. No, sir, because paint colors and whether to buy a stainless steel or white enamel refrigerator were much more pressing matters. Now here they stood, married, acting like strangers, unsure of the next move.

  “Hey.” She turned away from the window but leaned her backside against the edge of the sink.

  He flashed her what he hoped was his most charming smile. “Why don’t you get us a couple of wineglasses full of that grape juice and we go out on the porch and watch the sun set?”

  An emotion he couldn’t name flashed through her storm gray eyes. “Seth, I . . .” She stopped, but she didn’t need to say any more for him to know.

  “Forever is going to feel like more than eternity if you don’t give this a try.”

  She shook her head. “Can we start again tomorrow?”

  He should have said yes and walked away, but something in him wouldn’t let this lie. He took her by the shoulders and turned her to face him. “Listen, Jess, I love him too. He’s my brother and I would give almost anything to go back and—” He stopped. “Just give me a chance,” he asked. “Just give us a chance.”

  She studied him quietly for what seemed like days but could have been only a few seconds. “Okay,” she said on a sigh.

  Relief flooded him.

  He pulled her close, intending on wrapping her in a warm embrace. He wanted a new start. He just wanted to hold her close.

  But as always when she was near, his good intentions seemed to fly out the window.

  “Jessie.” He groaned her name as he tilted her face to hers.

  The touch of his lips to hers was explosive. How had this happened? He deepened the kiss, pulling her closer to him, so close there wasn’t room for a breath between them. And yet it wasn’t enough. He wanted more. He needed more. He had to make sure that she knew how much he loved her and that their life together could be—would be—more than she could ever imagine.

  She had asked for tonight. And he should give that to her. He released her as quickly as he had taken her into his arms.

  She grabbed the edge of the sink as if she needed the support.

  He shoved his hands into his trouser pockets as much to hide his reaction to her as to keep from reaching for her again.

  “I’ve got to go,” he said. He had thought he could do this. He thought he could spend tonight simply being with her, being at her side, and that would be enough, but one kiss and he knew that he needed more. He would always need more where she was concerned. But he needed to take this slow. Slower than his libido demanded. She might be pregnant with his child, but they had skipped so many steps. Important steps that drew one person to another. He wanted a relationship with her, not just a bed partner. So for now . . . “I . . . I’ll be at the station.”

  He didn’t wait for her answer. He spun on his heel and beat a path for the door.

  * * *

  Jessie watched, unable to utter a word, as Seth walked out of their house.

  Their house. That thought alone was enough to send her heart pounding. How had it come to this?

  She jumped as the front door slammed behind Seth. The sound of his truck starting singed her ears. But no headlights cut through the window as he swung his truck around. No gravel spun as he started for town.

  He wasn’t supposed to have to work tonight. Yet he was on his way to do just that. After asking for a do-over with her that could only mean that he had changed his mind.

  Jessie pressed her fingers to her temples and made her way from the kitchen to the bedroom. Sadie trotted along behind her and jumped onto the bed as Jessie started to undress.

  The look on Chase’s face.

  She shook her head. This wasn’t about Chase and yet it was. She had never meant to hurt him. And now it seemed that she had hurt Seth as well.

  The beautiful lace dress dropped into a pool at her feet. She picked it up and hung it in the closet next to the rest of her clothes, her jeans and secondhand shirts. Without a doubt it was the most beautiful garment that she had ever worn. She trailed her fingers down one short sleeve, then sat on the edge of the bed and pulled off the gorgeous blue boots. Such special clothes for such a special day. Such a special day that had so quickly turned into a disaster.

&n
bsp; What did you expect?

  You slept with your boyfriend’s brother, got pregnant, and then married him. How did you expect Chase to act?

  That was the problem. Chase acted just the way she would have expected him to. It was Seth who was confusing her. One minute asking her for a second chance, the next one kissing her, but then walking out the door with her lips still tingling from wanting.

  He hadn’t gotten a call. He’d merely left. For some reason he needed to be separated from her. And that was the hardest part of all. How could he ask for a second chance then leave her to go to work? And on their wedding night.

  Just how long was this going to last? Certainly not forever, regardless of all Seth’s sweet words. She could only hope that they made it until the baby was born, but who knew?

  One thing she did know: Seth was an honorable man. He’d stand beside her and the baby until . . . forever. He’d already said that. But Jessie knew she wouldn’t be able to live with him like this forever. She wanted more from him than his honor. All she could do was her best. She would take each day as it came. Give each day all that she had and hope for the best. When the time came and it was over, she’d move on just as she had always planned.

  It seemed as if forever was going to be a long time in coming.

  * * *

  Seth wasn’t sure how long he sat in his truck in the drive. Just sat there. Everyone always told him that he didn’t talk enough. Didn’t explain, didn’t ask enough questions. Not when it really mattered. And what did he do tonight? He had walked out on the woman he loved more than life on their wedding night. That was wrong on so many levels. If they were going to have a chance—the same chance he just asked for from her—then he needed to stop holding in his feelings. He needed to get in there and talk to his wife.

  He cut the engine and slid from the Tahoe. He could do this. Too much was at stake. He stalked up the porch steps and into the house.

  Jessie whirled around as he entered. Her short blue robe brushing midthigh. She pressed a hand to her heart. “Seth, you scared me.”

  Unsure of his next move, he took his hat from his head and twirled it in his hands. “I’m not very good at this. I mean everyone fusses at me about not saying what’s on my mind and not expressing myself. I’m not a good talker. I know I’m not. I try, but the words . . .” He broke off and shook his head. “I don’t want to go anywhere tonight, Jessie. But I don’t know if we’re ready for all this.” He waved a hand in the air, hoping she understood. Wild sex in the front seat of a pickup was completely different from setting up house with a person. “I care about you so much. And I—”

  “Shut up and just hold me.”

  He stopped. “What?”

  “Shut up and hold me,” she repeated. She looked as fragile as a china doll. No wonder, she had been through the wringer these past few weeks. She didn’t need sex right now, she needed comfort. “You think you could do that?”

  He swallowed hard, suddenly realizing this was the very beginning of what would hopefully be a lasting marriage. “Yes,” he croaked.

  He pulled her into his arms and didn’t let her go until morning.

  * * *

  Midmorning the next day, Seth drove home, then loped up the porch steps and into the house. He had been loath to leave her that morning, but duty had called and he had crawled out of bed, leaving her warm embrace behind.

  Their marriage had been so hasty that he hadn’t been able to take too much time off. But he had vowed to come home every chance he got. How else was he going to court his wife? And that was exactly what he was going to do. He was going to court his wife and show her how great things could be between them. He was going to take it slow, and when they made love again, it wouldn’t be in the cab of a truck, but in a nice, soft bed. And he was going to love her all night long.

  “Jessie,” he called, not giving himself time to relish that she would be there, at the home that they shared. That had to be a good sign, right?

  Sometime between last night and lying with her in his arms and this morning, he realized that he had been going about this all wrong. Everything between him and Jessie was backward. They shared one explosive kiss that had led to an unplanned pregnancy. Now they were married and they hadn’t even been on a date. How could he expect them to have a shot at forever if they didn’t have the same opportunities as other couples? How could he expect her to fall in love if she had no reason to? But those were things that he could correct. And that was exactly what he was going to do. Starting right now.

  It was time to woo his wife.

  “Jessie,” he called again, making his way from the living room into the kitchen.

  She straightened from the box she was unpacking when he entered and clutched one hand over her heart. Pulling the buds from her ears, she shot him a relieved look. “You scared me to death. What are you doing here?”

  He grinned. “I live here.”

  “What are you doing here now?” she corrected.

  “I have somewhere I want to take you.” He shifted from one foot to the other, suddenly as nervous as a teenager on a first date. But this was more important than any date he’d been on in his life. This one counted.

  “Take me?” She set the mixing bowl she had just unpacked onto the counter and stared at him as if he had suddenly grown another head.

  He was making a mess of things. Scratch that. He had already made a mess of things. Now it was cleanup time. “I’m sorry about last night,” he said, figuring an apology was the best way to start. “But I need you to put on some shoes and come with me.”

  To her credit she did just that. She disappeared into their bedroom, returning a minute later with her worn boots on her feet.

  He swallowed hard and forced this crazy desire for her back into its safe box. With her cutoff jeans and distressed Dallas Cowboys T-shirt, she shouldn’t have looked quite so sexy, but to him . . .

  “Where are we going?”

  He smiled. “It’s a surprise.”

  She raised a brow in his direction, but he wasn’t budging.

  “You’ll just have to wait until we get there to find out.”

  For a minute he thought she might protest but then she shook her head and preceded him out the door.

  * * *

  Jessie watched warily as Seth slid behind the wheel of his old Ford truck. “We’re taking that?”

  “Of course.” He cranked the glass all the way down and braced one arm in the window. “You have something against my truck?”

  She shifted, unwilling to say the reasons out loud.

  But from the look on Seth’s face, he understood. The last time she had ridden in Seth’s truck was that fateful day of Wesley’s birthday party.

  “Nah.” She shook her head and swung into the cab next to him.

  Seth’s smile was contagious and she found herself returning it as he backed out of the dirt driveway.

  “Where are we going again?” she asked.

  “It’s a secret,” he said, casting a quick look her way.

  “A secret, huh?” She turned in her seat enough that she could see into the bed of the truck. There was a large to-go sack, a couple of fishing poles, and a foam container that she suspected contained worms. “Fishing maybe?”

  She loved when he smiled like that. When he gave her that grin, she knew everything was going to be just fine. “Maybe.”

  She sat back in her seat, determined to relax and give today a chance. Last night, she hadn’t known what to expect. Evidently neither had he, but today was a new day.

  They had to learn to go with the flow, not read so much into every situation.

  She chanced a look at him as he drove. She wanted that forever he talked about. And strangely enough, she wanted it with him. But when she added Chase back into the mix, she wanted nothing more than to hide under the covers like a child afraid
of a storm.

  The trip to the lake at the ranch took no time at all. Jessie had just enough time to get used to where they were going when suddenly they were there.

  Together, she and Seth unloaded their lawn chairs, food, fishing poles, and bait and set up their camp for the afternoon.

  A warm breeze stirred the tall prairie grass while birds flitted about and sang from the branches of the big oak tree.

  “Here.” Seth handed her a rod and sat down with the container of worms.

  “Aren’t you going to bait my hook for me?” she asked.

  He looked up at her from under the brim of his hat, squinting those remarkable green eyes as he stared into the sun. “I happen to know for a fact that you are perfectly capable of baiting your own hook.”

  She plopped down into the chair next to him. “Maybe I would like for my husband to do it for me.”

  Seth thumbed back his hat and eyed her with mock wariness. “Are you flirting with me, Mrs. Langston?”

  She tucked her hair behind one ear and pretended to think about it. “Yeah,” she finally said. “I believe I am.”

  “Well . . .” Seth finished baiting his hook and handed the pole to her. “I think you should know that I am a married man. Flirting with me could be dangerous.”

  “Happily married?” she asked, wondering where the question came from.

  The air around them turned suddenly serious. “I could be.”

  “Seth, I—”

  He took the fishing rod from her and leaned in. His lips brushed hers like the wings of a butterfly, soft and teasing. Then as quickly as they came, they were gone again. “I suppose I could bait it for you. But just this one time.”

  Jessie opened her eyes, only then aware that she had closed them in anticipation of his kiss. Every kiss they had shared had been explosive, burning out of control within seconds of the first touch. She had expected this one to be the same. Though her lips tingled where his had touched, he had kept their kiss to a mere brush of the lips. The fact made her frustrated and hopeful all at the same time.