Shattered Spirits
Page 22
“It’s not secret agent crap,” she growled, revealing more of her dragon.
He shifted, but stood his ground, even raised his chin in defiance.
If he flashed a hint of teeth, she’d rip the rest of his clothes off. “This is the truth. There is magic in this world and I am not human.”
He blinked, as if he didn’t understand her words, then barked a harsh laugh. “Bullshit.”
She grabbed his hand and pressed it to her chest where she’d been shot. “You said I was shot. All this blood came from somewhere.”
The muscle in his jaw twitched.
“I’m not human. I look human. I’m in a human’s body, but I’m different, I’m—” Oh, crap. Do it. Just do it. Rip off the bandage. “I’m a dragon.”
“This is ridiculous. If you don’t want to explain what’s really going on, just say so.”
“Yeah, we tried that two minutes ago. This is the truth. You have to know I’m different, have to sense that there’s something else, something you can’t explain about me.”
“There is something.” He pulled away, running his hands through his hair. “Now I think it’s that you’re crazy.”
This wasn’t working. How the hell had Hunter explained it to Anaea? Of course, Hunter had been stuck in Anaea’s body. She could have just seen in her head what Hunter was, no explanation necessary.
A cold, foul weight roiled in her gut. That was the answer. It was the fastest, most certain solution. She had to transfer into Ryan’s body and show him the truth. It was the only way to make him understand. It broke even more dragon laws and risked his sanity and hers. She’d never body-hopped before, but it was the only way.
Before she could change her mind, she captured his face between her palms and kissed him. He wrapped an arm around her, drawing her close, and she deepened the kiss, teasing his mouth open. Her desire swelled. This was her inamorator, she’d do anything for him, sacrifice her life for him, defy all laws, dragon and human, for him. And right now, she needed him to understand.
She seized at her essence and imagined it pouring into Ryan through their connected lips. Heat seared through her, and Ryan’s aura flared bright.
He gasped and grabbed her shoulders, trying to push her away, but she held tightly to his head, keeping their lips locked. Her essence burned up. Light flooded her senses. She was weightless, energy, too bright, too hot, too much. She screamed, but couldn’t tell if the cry was just her soul or her body. It wasn’t working and she was somehow losing herself.
She dropped to her knees, clutching Ryan’s limp body in her arms… except Ryan was too small, too fragile. Or she was too big, or—
“Capri?” Ryan’s voice rattled through her head… his head… their head.
It’s all right. I’m all right.
He froze. “What the hell? How are you—?”
We don’t have a lot of time. The longer my spirit shares your body, the greater the risk to both of us.
“This is not happening. It’s a dream. I’m crazy. I’m unconscious. We didn’t get out of the house before the bomb exploded. We—”
Ryan. Focus. His panic pressed against her, squeezing her tight. There were so many things she wanted to know. It would be so easy just to dip into his memories and find out. Like, what his earth magic was—of course, he might not even know that yet. But more importantly, if he felt the same way about her as she did about him.
Her thoughts slipped into his mind, reaching for his memories. She jerked her attention back to herself. No. Focus. Relay information and get out before she made things worse.
This is the truth. She sucked in a breath… or Ryan did—she wasn’t going to pay too close attention to the feel of his body—and concentrated on her knowledge of her reality: the truth about dragons. How she was just under a thousand years old, that she was a blue drake in the service of her Prince. She let the truth about earth magic and soul magic rush out of her and into him, and the truth about the Dragon Court and politics and everything else. Everything, unable to choose what she imparted, including the truth about how she felt about him, how her spirit had picked him, forever.
His pulse raced and his breath drew sharp gasps—and her soul magic started to heal his injuries. She felt his chest heave, felt the whirl of information threaten his sanity and his consciousness. She held on to his essence as tightly as she could. She would not lose him in this mess, and he would not lose himself.
With one last blast, the last of everything she knew poured into him, and she forced him to kiss her unconscious body—she was not going to think of it as dead, even though it was.
More heat and pain seared through her, and she gasped. Her head pounded. Mother of All, it hurt so damned much. But she was back in her own body. Ryan’s strong arms held her and his too-wide green eyes searched her face.
“I don’t—I can’t—” He shoved her from his lap, scrambled to his feet, and pressed his palms to his temples. “What did you do?”
“It was the only way.”
He staggered to the kitchen table, clutching it to keep upright. “It’s not possible.”
“It is, Ryan.” She stood and reached for him.
He jerked back. “Stay away. Whatever you are.”
“I’m a dragon. An ancient spirit surviving in this human body.”
“You’re a monster. A beast.”
“Ryan, please. You have to understand. This was the only way you’d understand.”
“Understand? I don’t understand. It’s impossible. There’s no such thing as magic. Not the kind of magic you’re talking about. Dragons aren’t real. You aren’t real.”
“I am real.” If she could just hold him, let him feel her, kiss him and show him with her lips and body how real she was, he’d believe what had happened. He would root back into his mind and he wouldn’t go crazy. She took another step closer.
“No.” He wrenched away. “This isn’t real. It’s not real.”
She reached for him, but he batted her hands aside and shoved her with more force than he ever had before. She stumbled into the table, toppling it over, and crashed down to the floor.
He grabbed his coat and ran out the door.
She rushed after him, but the hall was empty. The phone in her pocket rang. She ignored it. Ryan was more important. She had to make sure he was all right, that he processed everything she’d shoved into his mind. He could handle this. She knew he could. He had to handle this.
But the phone didn’t stop ringing. Whoever it was, wasn’t leaving a voice message, just kept calling back.
“What?” she growled into the phone.
“You’ve got trouble,” Grey said. “Tobias is on a rampage. Something about working a case you’re not supposed to be working and with a human, and a news report about it. Swipe has tried to cover for you, but you need to get to the Chamberlain’s office and deal with this now before Regis proclaims you’re a traitor and sends an assassin after you and your mage.”
Everything within her froze. “Does he know about Ryan?”
“As a normal human, yes. As a mage, no. You’re safe there, for now. But you need to deal with this before anyone finds out.”
“I can’t leave him.”
“Not you, too? What is it with dragons falling for humans? You’re starting to become a cliché. Your inamorator will be fine for a couple of hours. Trust me.”
“No, I—I tried to explain things to him and—” Her throat tightened. She’d made such a mistake. Body sharing with Ryan had only sped up his insanity. “Let’s just say he didn’t take it well.”
Air whooshed around her. The black vortex of a gate burst into life at the end of the hall, and Grey leapt through. “Where is he?”
She could have cried with relief, or collapsed, or both. She felt she’d been torn in two and she couldn’t explain it. She was a stronger drake than this, and yet Ryan had left and was going crazy and—
“Capri.” Grey grabbed her shoulders. “Where is he?”
“It’s an inamorated thing. Makes drakes do crazy things.”
“We have to find him.” She moved to shove Grey aside, but Grey held her tightly.
“You’re putting on clothes and I’m gating you to Court. You’re going to deal with Tobias.”
“But Ryan—”
“I will find your human.” He yanked her back into the apartment, grabbed the bag of clothes, and shoved it against her chest, making her take it. “This is starting to become my thing.”
More air swept around her. A black void burst into life beside them, and Grey yanked her into another gate. The world twisted, then her foot hit hard floor, and a dimly lit hall of grey granite surrounded her. They were in Court. Grey had gated her to Court.
She shoved him against the wall, dropping the clothes and reaching for a gun she no longer had. “I have to find him.”
“No. I will find him. You stay alive.”
CHAPTER 32
Ryan staggered down an alley, tripped over something hidden in the shadows, and stumbled into the wall. The uneven brick dug into his palms, but he barely felt it. His head was too full. There was too much information. Information that wasn’t possible.
He pressed his forehead to the brick and clutched the wall as if that would make the world stop whirling. But it wasn’t the world that whirled, it was him, his mind, his very essence.
Magic was real. The thought that there were two kinds of magic, earth magic and soul magic, flashed through him. They were Capri’s thoughts or memories or whatever they were.
He wasn’t supposed to know any of that. It was dangerous for him to know the truth. He could go crazy.
Also Capri’s thoughts.
He was pretty sure he already was crazy.
There was no way she could just give him her thoughts.
But she had. She’d also given him her essence, her spirit. It was just for a second, just long enough for her to reveal… everything.
His heart pounded and even with his eyes squeezed shut, he could feel the world wrenching around him.
She’d even revealed her core-deep affection for him. A love that confused and terrified her, but one that—no matter how hard she fought it—couldn’t be denied. That emotion spoke to him. It resonated with something buried within him, something he hadn’t known existed. And yet he didn’t want to examine it. That would mean what now churned through him was real.
It couldn’t be real.
It just couldn’t.
He shoved away from the wall and staggered toward the mouth of the alley and—
And what? Safety? Surety?
He couldn’t get back the sense that he knew how the world worked. He hadn’t even known he’d been so sure of things until Capri had broken that misconception.
Sure, he knew that something was different, at least with him. He saw flashes of the future. Real flashes. Horrible flashes. But for some reason that seemed sane, normal. The idea that dragons lived in human bodies, possessed magic—
No, only a handful of dragons… drakes, possessed significant magic. It had something to do with their now human bodies. Something to do with that body’s connection to the earth’s magic.
And then there were gates and inter-dimensional spheres and enhanced strength and speed and night-sight—
Oh, God, stop. Just stop.
He rushed onto the street. Deserted. But at this time of night, in this neighborhood, that didn’t surprise him. He picked a direction—it didn’t matter which—and ran. His feet pounding, his breath burning, as if he could outrun what was in his head. He had to outrun it. He didn’t want to know any of it. He could feel it burning him up from the inside out, devouring his mind, his thoughts, everything that was him.
It was too much. She shouldn’t have done whatever she’d done—
Transferred her spirit into him—
She hadn’t had the right. But she’d had no choice. He wouldn’t have believed her otherwise.
He ran for blocks—he had no idea how many—until he found a wider street. Here most of the streetlights were actually working, and two blocks down, red neon lights flashed, promising “Cold Be—” “Mechanical Bull” and “Op-n.” Even from this far away, country music blasted from the establishment. A taxi, its ‘In service’ light on, sat in front of the dive bar.
Ryan pulled out the wad of bills in his pocket that he’d found when he’d put the coat on. It looked like tens and twenties. Enough to cover cab fare. He rushed to the vehicle, opened the back door—managing to control himself long enough not to wrench at it—and slid inside.
“Where to?” The driver glanced into the rearview mirror, caught Ryan’s gaze, then glanced back to the meter.
Where to? He had no idea. He needed to get free from the knowledge whirling in his head. But he couldn’t escape himself. “25 Montgomery Street.” It was the first address that popped to mind. The address of his childhood home, now Trisha’s home.
“Sure thing.” The driver hit the meter and pulled away from the curb.
Ryan squeezed his eyes shut. Words, thoughts, images pounded through him. He fought to ignore them, to think about anything else, to think of nothing. Nothing would be wonderful right now. A dark, empty abyss, where there wasn’t him or Capri or anything else. Magic wasn’t real. He wasn’t crazy. Capri didn’t love him.
Jesus, she loved him.
He shoved that thought back. For all he knew, none of it was real. The explosion had rattled his mind, broken him somehow. His curse had taken a new horrible twist and now he was stuck in some unreality. Was he even in a cab going home?
The cab pulled into a driveway, the wheels crunching on ice and salt. Ryan opened his eyes. The familiar red brick Victorian, with its wide front porch and twin gables, sat before him. Home. Safety. In the very least, a place where he could regain his bearings and figure out how crazy he was.
Dragons were dangerous. They had laws—
Just stop.
He paid the driver the entire wad—it was too much but whatever. He rushed into the dark house and pressed his back against the front door.
Only a few human bodies could make a connection to the earth’s magic. Humans and dragons could share bodies, but the human spirit wasn’t strong enough to withstand the connection. The human spirit would become soul sick and go crazy.
The thoughts pounded against his mind. He already was crazy. This couldn’t be real. He couldn’t have seen the things he’d seen.
He staggered into the kitchen and filled the kettle to make tea. Tea made everything right for Trisha. He didn’t know how it could make things right for him, but it was the only thing he could think of… which wasn’t true.
There were dragons in his head. Great, monstrous spirits crammed into fragile human forms.
He pressed his palms to his eyes.
There. Were. No. Dragons.
It wasn’t real. Somehow Capri had lied to him. Maybe she’d drugged him. Maybe that was why he felt the way he did. Something in the water, or her kiss, or…
The kettle squealed. He took it off the element and opened the cupboard for the tea box. It wasn’t there. He couldn’t remember anymore if Trisha kept the tea in the cupboard or not. He scanned the counter—not there, either—then he glanced at the kitchen table. Trisha’s white ceramic tea jar sat on the table, surrounded by photos. Jess’s school project.
He reached for the tin, his gaze sliding over the photos of him, his sister, his whole family, during happier times. Aunts and uncles, cousins, grandparents, and great grandparents all smiled back at him, laid out in chronological order. At the top, by the tea jar, was the black and white photo he’d seen earlier, of the two couples in stuffy 1900s clothing. Trisha had said he looked a lot like Great-great-great-uncle Eric.
Ryan picked up the photo and shifted it so the light over the stove illumi
nated the picture. Yeah, he looked a lot like Eric. And the woman beside him…
He drew the photo close. It looked like Capri. He’d thought that the first time he’d seen the photo. Then, he’d believed it was his imagination playing tricks on him because she compelled him, drew him to her. Now… now he wasn’t so sure.
No. Drakes were old. Capri had received her current human form in the 12th century.
The knowledge was just there, just like everything else. She’d known Eric. Loved Eric, and had been forced to leave him because of dragon law.
Her ache for his long-dead great-uncle flooded him. He gasped against the weight of it. She’d mourned that man’s loss for a century. She’d lived for centuries before then. She was spectacular, and ferocious, and impossible.
It was all just so impossible. He couldn’t contain it, couldn’t begin to fully understand it. The burn, the tornado of thoughts, exploded within him again. He gasped and clutched the counter, struggling to keep standing. But he couldn’t find his balance. He couldn’t tell reality from fantasy, couldn’t sense up from down. He was drowning in thoughts and knowledge and the impossible.
CHAPTER 33
Capri rushed along the Lesser Promenade toward Tobias’s office, every nerve thrumming. She’d changed into the shirt, jeans, coat, and boots Grey had given her before heading to Tobias’s office, but what she really wanted was to find Ryan and make sure he was safe and sane.
Please. Let him be sane. The flurry of emotions overwhelmed her. She had to get back to him, except he didn’t love her. He didn’t believe her.
That hurt seared, flooded, consumed her.
He didn’t love her. He’d rejected her. There was nothing left for her. Her damned soul had picked him and human souls didn’t work the way drake souls did.
Her throat tightened. This was worse than losing Eric again. Her chest was too tight. Her eyes too hot. All she wanted was to curl into a ball and cry. She was losing her mind. All she could think of was Ryan and that horrible moment when he’d shoved her away and run out the door.
He’d looked so wild, so hurt. Humans couldn’t accept the truth. Every drake knew that. She should have just accepted her heartache and wiped his mind. Then only one of them would be hurting. But no, she was selfish. She’d wanted him to understand, and she’d only made it worse. Sharing his body, infusing him with all her knowledge of dragon-kind, had broken him and shattered his mind. She’d made him soul sick and then let him run away.