"Have you heard from Alex this morning? I wonder if he and Quinn left together last night. They seem like a match made in heaven. I haven’t seen anyone get to Quinn like that in... Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone get under Quinn’s skin like Alex before." I laugh.
"No, I haven’t.” He laughs too. "But given the way they were behaving last night, I think it might be a while until they crawl out from under each other."
We laugh together as we recount Quinn and Alex’s interactions from last night until the waitress comes over.
"Are you ready to order?” she asks.
I’m starving, so I jump at the idea of food. "Yes, I’ll have scrambled eggs, bacon, and French toast, please. And a coffee."
Tanner looks at me in disbelief, laughing, but remembers himself after a moment. "I’ll have a ham and cheese omelet with toast and an orange juice, please."
"What’s so funny?" I ask after the waitress leaves.
"Not many women would order a breakfast that big and do it with so much excitement in their eyes. It’s nice to see."
"Well, I don’t mess around with breakfast. It’s the most important meal of the day." I smile, pleased with myself for not thinking twice about ordering my big meal.
"Yes, it is. An important meal to go along with an important conversation,” he adds pointedly, looking me directly in the eye.
I can’t hold his stare and suddenly feel nervous. "Umm…what important conversation?"
"I’m going to be very blunt with you. I like you. I’ve liked you since you walked into that conference room. I like you even more after last night.” He smirks. "I want to explore this pull between us and see where it goes. That being said, there seems to be some reluctance from you. Your escape attempt this morning is a huge red flag. I don’t think I’ve done anything to make you feel uncomfortable. If I have, let me know. Otherwise, I think we should just have a nice get to know you conversation. I want to get to know you in many, many ways."
I feel the blush creeping up my neck to my jaw and all the way to my ears. Holy shit! Tanner Garrison wants to get to know me? Me, Ashley Mitchell! What the hell am I supposed to do now? No way can I keep this guy’s interest if I couldn’t even keep dipshit Jason happy. What am I supposed to say to that? My head is spinning. If I don’t stop it, I’m afraid it might take flight.
"Okay, whatever you’re thinking, stop! Start talking out loud so I can help you with whatever you’re thinking," Tanner insists, interrupting my run away thought train.
I snap my head up to stare at him. I feel so lost. What the fuck is wrong with me? I’m a pretty, confident, independent woman. How has this man turned me into a twelve-year old girl at a Justin Bieber concert?
"What do you mean by ‘see where it goes’?"
"I mean I want to hang out, do things together, and have sex…" He smiles deviously, "A lot. And see where this thing between us goes."
"You want to be a couple?" I ask, utterly shocked. A couple. I’d thought for sure he would want a “Wham, bam, thank you, ma'am.” With the way I keep repeating his questions, I’m fairly certain he thinks I have some kind of comprehension disorder, but let’s face it, I don’t understand a goddamn thing that’s going on right now.
"I’d like to think it’s possible for us to get there. In the meantime, I’d like to spend time together and get to know each other, date and let things develop."
"So you really don’t have a girlfriend? Is there honestly nothing going on with you and Melissa? I won’t be the other woman.”
"There is nothing going on with Melissa. We’re not in a romantic relationship. I’ll tell you more about her if that makes you feel better," he says with a tone to his voice that sounds like a combination of annoyance and anger, maybe even a little bit of pity. Well, too fucking bad.
"Would you, please?" If he tells me about the relationship they have, then I may feel more comfortable. I need to feel secure in the knowledge he isn’t dating Melissa before anything else happens.
"Melissa and I have been friends since college. She’s probably my only real friend other than Alex. I don’t date. I haven’t dated since college. I don’t trust very many people, as you already know. Most people just want something from me. I think you’re different, which is why I’m not opposed to trying to make us work. Melissa and I have an arrangement, I guess. Yes, we sleep together. I guess ‘friends with benefits’ would be an appropriate name for it. But we aren’t in a relationship per se. She’s free to do whatever she pleases, as am I. It’s just sex to us. She’s usually my plus one when I need a date for events when I don’t have a reason to go with someone specific. I guess that’s why we’ve been labeled a couple. Since I don’t date, I’ve stopped trying to correct the press. Besides, they’re going to write whatever they want anyway."
Our food arrives just as he finishes up his explanation. He’s given me a lot to take in. Even if Tanner and Melissa aren’t a couple, they’ve been having a sex for years. I’m sure that means something to her. I’m sure it would mean something to me, and that unsettles me.
"Are you sure that it’s not a relationship to her? I mean, if I were sleeping with a man for so long, it would be more than sex to me.”
"Melissa is one of the coolest girls I’ve ever met. She’s practically one of the guys. She’s drama-free and totally knows that we aren’t in a relationship. I’ll introduce the two of you, and you can see for yourself,” he says between bites.
"Umm, okay. If you think that’s a good idea.” I don’t know that I think it is.
"I do. Now let’s talk about you. What’s the deal with the douchebag from last night?" Damn, getting right to the heavy-hitting questions. I guess it’s only fair since I started with Melissa and their status is a sore spot for him.
"He's my ex, Jason."
"I’d figured that out before we left the club. Why was he being such an asshole?" He asks sternly.
"Good question. I have no idea why he was being such an asshole. He’s the one who fucked me over, and yet he's the one acting scorned." I still can’t wrap my head around Jason’s nasty attitude, but I don’t know why I should care either.
"So you found him in bed with someone else?" he asks point blank.
How the fuck did he know that?
He must see the question on my face because he answers it before I can get a chance to voice it. "I overheard. I didn’t want your night to be ruined, so I didn’t say anything. Although, I really wanted to lay him the fuck out."
"Yes, I found him in bed with someone else." I admit, refusing to give any more details. I’m so embarrassed. Just what you want someone you’re about to start something with to know. Yay, me! I don’t want to look up from my food, which I’ve suddenly lost all interest in eating, to see whatever pity is on his face. He's probably wondering what the hell is wrong with me that I couldn’t keep Jason happy. I’m still trying to figure that out myself. I’m tempted to excuse myself from the table right now and go cry in the bathroom.
"Ashley, look at me."
I don’t want to. I don’t want him to see the shame on my face, but I can’t resist his command. My eyes travel up from my plate to meet his, which I find burning with an emotion I can’t decipher. Please don’t let that be pity. Please, anything but pity.
"That says much more about him than it does about you. I’m not going to judge you for something that asshole did. I, of all people, know what it’s like to want people to see the real you. Please don’t hide from me. Don’t hide from this," he says, gesturing between us.
Sighing, I reply, "I'll try, but I need you to give me a little time. This—” I gesture between us as well “—is overwhelming, and now you know that I’m still hurting. I don’t mean to hide, but I’m going to need some patience from you. The fact that you’re you doesn’t help my nerves." I smile.
"I’m just me. You see more of me than plenty of people who’ve known me a lot longer. Now, next important piece of business: Why the hell were you sneaking ab
out this morning? Why would you think that I wouldn’t want you around?” He gives me a hard stare.
Should I tell him the truth? It might help in the long run. Maybe I could open up with Tanner and be the real me like he says. I’m tired of being the girl who is scared, and I’m sure that he’s heard much juicier stories than mine. It probably won’t seem all that big to him. But I’m not in the mood to completely strip myself bare at the moment, and I haven’t been a great judge of character in the past. I’m not sure that I trust myself with him. Maybe I’m just being blinded by his God-like looks.
"That's a can of worms that I’m not ready to open yet," I say, making eye contact to press my point. Since he seems to be so good at reading me, he should know better than to push the topic.
"Why not?" he asks in an irritated tone.
"Because I'm not. Don’t you think you’ve found out enough personal and embarrassing things about me for the time being?" I snap. "Excuse me if I don’t feel like spilling all my guts to you right away. You aren’t the only one who doesn’t trust people."
He steeples his fingers and leans forward to rest his chin on them. With a serious look, he says, "I’m not one for playing games. I’ve given you no reason to doubt me. I understand you’ve been hurt, but I won’t pay for the sins of another for long. I’m not Jason, and I don’t appreciate being placed in the same category as him.” The tone of insult rings in his words. That wasn’t what I’d intended, but I won’t be bullied into baring my soul.
"I'm sorry if you feel I’ve lumped you together with him. I never meant to imply that you’re like him, but you also can’t expect me to be a doormat. Obviously, I’ve been there before and won’t ever be again. I’m sure you have reasons as to why you don’t date, and I'm not just talking about not wanting to be used. You don’t see me pressing you for an autobiography over breakfast, so please extend me the same courtesy. I didn’t say that I’d never tell you. I just said not yet. Trust needs to be earned. I’m sure that you can relate to that."
He smirks and replies, "Actually, I can. You make a very good point. And to be honest, your little act of defiance is hot and absolutely refreshing. I don’t want a doormat. I want an equal. I can see this thing between us being really good. But I do expect one-hundred percent honesty. It’s the only way this will work. We need honesty in every part of this relationship." He winks.
Every part of this relationship? What relationship? This isn’t a relationship yet. What the hell does he want to know?
"So what do you think, Ashley? Do you think we can get to know each other and give this a chance? "
"Honestly, I’d like to. Just please be gentle with me. It’s going to take me a little bit to open up, but I’ll try." I really will. Tanner is somehow profoundly different from all the other men I’ve ever met, but that doesn’t mean that I won’t play this game a little defensively. I won’t be completely blindsided again.
Chapter 12
TANNER
I’m not able to concentrate during the meeting with the team. I can’t stop thinking about breakfast with Ashley this morning. She’s such an enigma. She’s so hot, and I get the feeling she has a wild sexual streak hidden inside. I wonder if she even knows it. But on the outside, she’s a nervous, introverted girl. She can be chatty and outgoing, but when she thinks too hard, she goes back to being a scared little girl. I haven’t figured her out just yet, and there’s nothing more that I want to do. I know I sound like a total pussy, but I don’t give a shit. There’s something about this woman that has my whole life turned upside down, and I haven’t even fucked her yet.
The minute I’d set eyes on her, the inexplicable connection had taken over. God, I can’t get her out of my head. Her beautiful eyes remind me of the ocean in the Caribbean. The color changes along with her emotions. They give away her thoughts if you look closely enough. She has a natural beauty about her that’s completely rare. I guess it’s only fitting since her character is just as rare. The best part is that she has no idea how absolutely beautiful she really is.
She’d sat at breakfast this morning thinking that she couldn’t compare to the women I’m usually with, but the truth is that she’s far superior to any woman I’ve ever met. It’s obvious that her dipshit ex has fucked her up mentally. I hate that I’m having to pay the price for his mistakes, but Ashley’s right: Trust is earned. I’ll just have to show her that she has nothing to worry about with me. I’ll break open that shell she’s hiding behind. I’ll be the one to show her that one shithead doesn’t define her worth. The fact that I want to get close to her has me thrown for a loop. I never want to get anywhere near other people emotionally, and I don’t trust anyone either. It’s been a real head trip for me.
The way that Ashley is worried says a lot about her. I know that she’s attracted to me, but she wasn’t willing to do anything about it—aside from the drunken but ultimately amazing blowjob—until she was sure there was nothing going on with Melissa. Most women would have jumped at the chance to roll around with me whether I was attached or not. Another check in the pro column for her. She does have me thinking about whether or not Melissa considers our arrangement to be more than just sex. It bugs me all through the meeting. I need to talk to Melissa to put my mind, and ultimately Ashley’s, at ease. As I’m leaving the meeting to head to Ma’s, I dial Melissa. I have a few minutes to kill after all.
"Hey, Tag," she answers on the first ring.
"Hey Melissa, what’s going on?"
"Not much. Just working. What about you?"
"So basically you're shopping?" I ask with a chuckle. Melissa’s a fashion merchandiser, so working for her means checking out the latest fashion trends. I always tease her about her job not really being work for her.
"Shut up, Tanner! What are you up to?" she yells playfully.
"I'm heading over to Ma's for dinner before we head out for the game tomorrow. Coach wants us in Chicago early tomorrow so we’ll be well-rested for Sunday."
"Oh, tell her I said hi. I haven’t seen her in a while."
"I will, but I also wanted to talk to you about something." I’m not worried about telling her about Ashley, but I’m sure Ashley is, which makes this conversation a little more difficult.
"Sure, what's going on?"
"I met someone."
"Umm, okay… Who did you meet? Anyone I know of?" she asks.
"I don’t think that you know her, but you do you know of her."
"Oh, you mean like you met a girl?" There’s shock in her voice.
"Yes. Her name’s Ashley Mitchell. She’s the reporter that wrote the article about me. I’ve gotten together with her a few times. I took her to dinner to review the article a while ago, and then I ran into her last night at Levitate. There’s this indescribable connection between us. After a little coaxing, she’s agreed to give things a try between us.” I realize suddenly that I really want Melissa to like her.
"That’s great, Tanner. I’m so happy for you. You haven’t been interested in anyone in years. She must be really special."
"She is, but she’s pretty worried about you. She thought that you and I were a couple and refused to even think about getting involved because she didn’t want to step on your turf." I laugh. "After I told her all about you, she still seemed worried. That right there tells you how different she is, doesn’t it? How many chicks would have said that, Melissa?"
"You dumbass. Of course she would be nervous after you’ve told her I’m your fuck buddy. How would you feel if she had a fuck buddy that everyone thought was her boyfriend? You guys are all such idiots." Melissa laughs. I know I’d be fucking pissed if Ashley told me she had a fuck buddy, so I guess I understand her worry a little bit better now.
"What do you think about meeting her? She definitely wouldn't worry after meeting you. I mean, you’re awesome, so she would see that she doesn’t have anything to worry about."
"Of course I want to meet your girlfriend, Tanner. I can’t wait."
"So no hard
feelings if I call off our arrangement?" I need to hear her say it out loud.
"I would only have hard feelings if you asked me to be your piece on the side, asshole. I’m not a moron. I do understand that a girlfriend means no more sex for us. I’d hope that you wouldn’t have had any hard feelings with me if I’d met someone I wanted to start a relationship with."
"See, this is why I love you Melissa. You’re the coolest chick ever. Some douchebag is going to be lucky to score you one of these days," I say. I knew there wouldn’t be any issues. Hopefully, telling Ashley about this conversation will ease her worries about Melissa.
"Thanks, Tanner. I’ve got to run. Let me know when you want to get together so that I can meet Ashley. Talk to you later, babe," she says before hanging up.
I feel so much better having talked to Melissa. Now to tell Ma about Ashley. I know Ma’s going to be a different story. She’s fantastic, but she can be overbearing at times. She means well, but Ma’s one of those ladies who thinks nothing is ever good enough for her kids. I remember the grilling that my sister's boyfriends used to get from her, and I can only imagine what she’ll do to Ashley. I haven’t brought anyone home in years, so my family’s going to have a field day with the news. I’d better remember to warn Ashley well ahead of time.
I haven’t been home in a few weeks. Ever since Ashley’s article first ran, everyone has wanted a piece of me. I’ve done endless interviews and made countless appearances. On the plus side, my image has practically changed overnight. My game has been awesome lately too. We won our home opener last week, and we’re confident we can pull out another win this week in Chicago. It’s not a guaranteed win. Chicago has a killer defense that could knock me around pretty well if we aren’t all on our top game, but I think we’re going to pull this one off. I have a gut feeling that we’re in it for the long haul this season. It’s going to be a big one. As long as everything stays on track, this could be the year for the ring.
Inhibitions Page 10
