"You know what, Sweets? Time to grow the fuck up. I love you, but I seriously can’t take this shit anymore. You’re an adult, and you can do whatever the fuck you please with whomever you please. Stop letting those dickheads from college rule your life. It was years ago. It’s time to let it go. Stop letting that douchebag Jason get to you too. I’m sorry, but he would’ve cheated on you no matter what. He’s a cheater, and that’s what cheaters do. Stop blaming everyone else and woman the fuck up. If you want this thing with the football player to go anywhere, you need to own yourself, or it won’t work with him or anyone else.”
I stare at her, feeling as though my jaw is on the ground. She’s never given me so much tough love before, and I’m not sure what to make of it. I don’t know if I’m mad at her for being insensitive or glad that she’s being brutally honest with me.
"Wow," is all I manage to get out.
"Sorry, Sweets, but the truth hurts. It’s a dirty job, but someone has to do it. So tell me what happened after he found you sneaking out."
I spend the next half an hour recounting my morning with Tanner. I tell her about the conversation at his house and the relationship talk we’d had at the diner. I also fill her in on my Aquarium date tomorrow.
"He sounds like a pretty damn great catch to me, but I’m going to give you a few pieces of advice. Do yourself, and him a favor, and go into this with an open mind. I would hate to see this thing go south because you’re still doubting everything. Chances are you’ll to be the one to push him away, and that’ll be all on you. Give yourself a break. Be free, have fun, and listen to your gut. He seems like a straightforward guy. Even if it goes nowhere, let him show you something new. Ask for what you want. I swear that he won’t think less of you. You know I wouldn’t lie to you, Sweets," Quinn says, hugging me.
God, I have the world’s best friend. "I love you, Quinn. I promise that I’ll try." I give her a smile.
"Good, now go refill our glasses, slut, and I’ll tell you more about all the naughty things I asked Alex to do to me the other night."
**********
The anxiety that I’d had all day leading up to the date turns out to be completely unfounded. I’ve never felt more comfortable on a date in my life. Tanner’s such a great guy, and I feel terrible for having judged him so harshly before meeting him. The aquarium is the perfect spot. We walk around for hours looking at all the different exhibits.
“What’s your favorite animal here?” Tanner asks as we enter.
“It’s probably a tossup between the sea otters and the penguins.”
“Which one would you like to start with?”
“How about we don’t start anywhere and just go with the flow?” I suggest.
“That sounds perfect.”
That’s exactly what we do, no set plan in place other than to enjoy each other’s company. I’d taken Quinn’s advice to heart last night and have done my best to let everything go today. Our non-plan eventually leads us down to the boardwalk and then to a nearby sushi restaurant.
“This is probably the most contradictory place that I could‘ve picked for dinner.” I laugh, settling into my chair at our secluded corner table.
“Why’s that?”
“You told me to pick a place I felt comfortable, and now I am eating what I find most comforting. I guess the fish probably wouldn’t say that they feel the same way about me,”
“Don’t be too hard yourself. I hear that this place refuses to make otter or penguin rolls.” He smiles, laughing too.
My heart skips a beat. I’m surprised that he remembers my favorite sea animals. The day has been a great one. It’s been a long while since I’ve felt this happy and free. My cheeks hurt from the amount of laughing that I’ve done.
“Are you up for some heavy talking now?” Tanner asks.
I nod. With the way Tanner always wants to talk I’d had a feeling this was coming. At least this time, I feel more relaxed, and I’m doing my best to not overanalyze anything.
“I know this has been a great day and all, but I need to know the answer to the question I asked you the other morning at the diner. It’s really been weighing on me. Did I do something that made you feel like you needed to leave before I woke up?” A look of worry covers his face, and it breaks my heart that he thinks he’s done something wrong.
“Oh my goodness, no. No, not at all, Tanner,” I reassure him.
“Then why? I don’t like feeling as though I made you feel uncomfortable.”
“You didn’t. Not at all.” I feel terrible for making him think he’d done something to make me want to run from his place as if it were on fire.
“It really wasn’t anything you did. I woke up that morning after having a bad dream. I was hung-over in an unfamiliar place, and then I started to remember everything that had happened the night before. I mostly remembered being in the limo and you telling me I didn’t need to do what I did and that I did it anyway. I felt slutty, so I figured if I left before I had to see you, it wouldn’t be as bad as facing you." I shrug, trying my best to act as though telling him all that wasn’t hard.
"Oh, sweetheart, you couldn’t be any further from the truth. I wanted what you gave me that night. I’ve said it already, but I’ll say it again: I only told you that you didn’t have to because you didn’t have to, not because I didn’t want it, and so I didn’t feel like an asshole for letting you do it. Your sweet little mouth wrapped around me was nothing short of heaven. Believe me. And I’m not a fan of oral sex."
"What?!" I cough, choking on my drink. "What guy doesn’t like oral sex?" I’ve never heard of a man with an aversion to blow jobs.
"I wouldn’t say that I don’t like it, but I’ve always found it to be the most intimate act, so I’ve always felt weird about it. But that night, I couldn’t think about anything other than your mouth working me perfectly. An interesting aspect of our connection, don’t you think?"
"You mean that you and Melissa don’t have oral sex as a part of your benefits package?"
He laughs. "Benefits package?"
I shrug and give him a smirk before shoving a spicy tuna roll in my mouth.
"Don’t get me wrong, we’ve done it a few times, but it honestly has never felt right, and I don’t really care for it. It’s something so intimate that it should only be shared with people you truly care about. I know it sounds weird, but there’s never been a real connection between Melissa and me. I’ve never had a real commitment to any woman. Call me crazy, but I don’t like the idea of licking a pussy when I don’t know exactly where it has been or letting someone suck my cock without knowing where their mouth was last."
I accidently swallow my tuna roll without chewing all the way as I fight to keep from laughing at Tanner’s confession. I try to keep from choking as my eyes water from the wasabi.
"Are you okay?" he asks, looking concerned.
"I’m fine. I don’t think that I’ve heard anything that funny in a long time. But after explaining it like that, I can see where you’re coming from. No pun intended.” I wink.
We finish our dinner with light conversation about the Jet’s win last Sunday and their upcoming game against Denver.
“Would you like to come back to my place or go home?” Tanner asks as we get back in the car to head back toward New Jersey.
I get lost in thinking about how to answer his question before I catch myself overanalyzing. Do I want to go Tanner’s? Yes. Am I okay with something happening at Tanner’s? Yes. So before I can change my mind, I answer, “Your place.”
Tanner’s face lights up like Christmas tree, and I’m certain that I’ve made the right choice.
Chapter 14
ASHLEY
“Can I get you something to drink?” Tanner asks, closing the door to the garage behind him. I’ve almost forgotten how stunning his home is.
“A glass of wine would be great.”
“Sure thing,” he says, a wicked smirk on his face.
Bastard. I know exactl
y what he’s thinking, and he’s getting nothing from me while in a drunken state tonight. One glass is all I’m having.
I walk over to take in the beautiful view from his living room window. It doesn’t look like it during the day, but at this time of day it’s captivating. The city is just lit up for the evening, and the sun has almost set. Its light reflects off the river in luminous shades of pink and orange. I don’t think that I’ve seen a sunset so gorgeous before.
Tanner reappears, handing me a glass of wine. He stands behind me at the window, close enough for me to feel the rise and fall of his chest with each breath he takes. He runs his hand up my arm to my shoulder and sweeps my hair off to one side, baring my neck. My whole body breaks out in goose bumps. I feel his breath on my skin before his lips touch my neck. He kisses the spot where my neck and shoulder meet. I can’t help but close my eyes and enjoy the feeling of his touch. It’s soft and tender but strong at the same time, a touch that I can’t deny.
I lean my head back against his chest and let out a breathy sigh. Tanner’s lighting my body on fire with his simple touches and light kisses. My whole body is attuned to him with seemingly no effort on his part. I’d felt the same way when we were dancing at the club.
He takes the glass of wine from my hand and places it on the end table. He reaches out a hand, grabbing mine, and gives a little pull to spin me around to face him before pulling me to his chest.
He slides both of his hands up my arms, and they come to rest on my shoulders. He gently kneads his way up with his thumbs, tilting my head back with his fingers. I peek at him from beneath my lashes and find him staring at me with a level of desire in his eyes I’ve never seen before. The unabashed way he’s watching me sets my body further ablaze. I’ve never in my life felt so coveted.
“Ashley, I want nothing more than to spread you wide in front of this window,” he whispers between kisses. “The city lights illuminating your body, but only if you want it too,” he says, suddenly stopping all his ministrations. I know if I put a stop to this all right now, he’ll let me, no questions asked.
I don’t want him to stop. I don’t want this heady desire to fade out. My whole body is on edge just from the look in his incredible green eyes. I notice the flecks of gold glowing more brightly now than they had been earlier. His breathing has deepened just as mine has. He’s as affected as I am in this moment, and there’s no way that I’m stopping now. Instead of telling him with words, I push myself up on my tiptoes and fuse my mouth to his. I slide both of my hands up his chest to the nape of his neck and into his hair. I’ve been dying to touch his hair ever since that first godforsaken interview. I pull away slightly from the kiss, but only enough to open my mouth and trace his lips with my tongue, hoping to gain entrance into what I’m sure will be nothing short of heaven. I know we’ve kissed before, but I don’t remember much of our last encounter.
Tanner’s arm snakes around my waist, and his free hand rests in the middle of my back. What little control I may have had in this kiss is now gone. The arm around my waist tightens possessively, and he leans me further against the hand on my back. In this dipped position, Tanner has a better angle to dive into the kiss. His lips are strong against mine, and I have no choice but to follow his lead. Now it’s Tanner who licks across the seam of my lips, and I instinctually part them for him. My body has completely softened and molded itself to his.
My mind has been completely wiped clean, except for the awareness of Tanner’s mouth on mine. His tongue explores every area of my mouth it can reach, and I have no choice but to take whatever he gives. Christ, if he can do this to me with just a kiss, I can’t imagine how it’ll feel when it’s not just his tongue inside me.
Tanner breaks the kiss and slides his hands to my waist. He grabs the hem of my shirt and gradually pulls it up, putting my upper body on display for his viewing. I do nothing to stop him. I’m merely his puppet now. He has me so far under his spell that I’d do whatever he wanted.
“I need to see this beautiful body of yours. I’ve thought of nothing but stripping you bare and having you spread out beneath me since I saw you in that dress at the club,” he whispers, his lips at my neck. “You have me totally mesmerized. No one has ever turned me this inside out before. My dick is perpetually hard because you. Please tell me that you want this as much as I do.”
“I may want it more.” There’s nothing I want more right now than to have him touch me, bend me, stretch me. Any contact will do.
“Hmmm, how badly do you want this, baby? I want it more than anything else right now. If you want it more than me, then you want it a whole hell of a lot,” he says, unbuttoning my jeans. He pushes his hands into my pant legs, rubbing his palms up and down my thighs. Suddenly, my pants are at my ankles, and Tanner is on his knees in front of me. He pulls my ankle boots off, one at a time. After removing them, he tugs my pants the rest of the way off, leaving me standing there in nothing but my panties and bra. Sitting back on his haunches, Tanner looks me up and down, as though examining a piece of fine art, lust oozing from every pore of his body.
As he stands, Tanner trails his fingers up my thighs, making me shiver in anticipation. It is in this moment that I realize Tanner still has on all of his clothing. I want to the see the masterpiece of his body as well, and I decide to be a little daring. Seeing the longing for me not only in his eyes but in the snugness of his pants as well, I know there’s no reason to be shy. I push away from him slightly and circle him. Leaving my fingers on him to trail across his torso, I walk, watching as Tanner’s eyes follow my every move. I come to a stop once I’m standing back in front of him.
“You aren’t the only one who wants to see a beautiful body, handsome,” I say as I slide my hands under his shirt to feel his abs. Holy hell. I’ve never felt anything so hot in my life. Hard planes covered in soft, luscious skin. I stroke the divots in between his muscles back and forth and trace around all eight of his abs, sighing. I need to see this perfection.
I reach for the top button of his shirt and slowly undo each one. When I reach the last one, I guide the button-down over his broad shoulders and down his strong, toned arms. The muscles in his arms feel almost as amazing as his abs, and I have to fight not to get distracted by them. I need to see his still concealed stomach and chest before I explode.
Tanner must be able to sense my eagerness because a slight glimmer of humor glints in his eyes. I grab the hem of his white t-shirt and pull it upward. I have to stand on my tiptoes to pull it over his head, but he leans down a bit to help me pull it from his body.
Good fucking lord. It’s even more magnificent than I’d thought it would be. Not only does the man have an eight-pack, his hips slope into that sexy V every man should be required to have. I feel my panties dampen at the sight of the glorious body in front of me.
“Like what you see?” he asks with a devious smirk.
I take a step closer and drop to my knees. Leaning my head forward, I kiss the slab of muscle before me. There’s no way I can keep my mouth off him.
Sitting back on my heels, I look up to tell him how beautiful he is. “Jesus, Tanner. I don’t think that I have ever seen anything this magnificent before.”
“You have no idea how happy that makes me,” he says, dragging me back up to capture my mouth with his. While distracting me with his mouth, Tanner reaches around my back and unhooks my bra with practiced ease. Clearly, he’s had a lot of experience with that. He slips the straps down my arms until my bra falls away from my body.
“Just as perfect as I expected them to be.” He bends to take one of my hardened nipples into his mouth.
The sudden warmth of his mouth ignites my body further. My head drops back, and I enjoy the pleasure that spreads through me. Tanner brings a hand up to my other breast and rolls my neglected nipple between his thumb and forefinger. The sensation is incredible, and I want nothing more than to discover all the things this man can make me feel.
I reach for the button of his jeans
and pop it before pulling down the zipper. The anticipation of reaching what’s hidden beneath the denim is worse than waiting for Santa to come as a kid. I may have already had the pleasure of seeing and tasting him, but my memory is a bit fuzzy. I slide my hand under his boxers and find a very hard, large erection waiting for me. I can’t hold in the gasp that escapes me. I hadn’t remembered his cock being so big. Holy shit!
“That’s right, baby.” Tanner beams. “It’s all for you.” And with those words, my panties are completely soaked. No one has ever talked so dirty to me, and I couldn’t be more turned on. That is until I feel Tanner’s hands slip past the edge of my panties. “You like that don’t you? You like knowing my cock’s hard as hell because of you, and I have no problem letting you know it.”
“Yes,” I whimper. I’d thought my body had been on fire before, but those flames don’t even compare to how I feel now. With each centimeter his hand slides further into my panties, more nerve endings fire. I almost think I could orgasm from a strong breeze at the moment. Tanner has parts of my body throbbing that I didn’t know could throb, and he hasn’t even hit the best spot yet.
“Do you think you’ll be able to keep yourself from coming once I get my hands on this sweet pussy of yours?” he asks as casually as if we were talking about the fucking weather.
I feel my face heat up at the word ‘pussy.’
“No need to blush. I know how turned on you are because I’m just as hot for you. So turned on my dick hurts. I can’t wait to feel this beautiful pussy. How wet are you, Ashley?”
I know what he’s doing. He’s trying to get me to let go and just be free, but I don’t know if I can do that just yet.
Inhibitions Page 12
