by Bec Botefuhr
DARK ENDINGS
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Bec Botefuhr
Copyright © 2013 Bec Botefuhr
Dark Endings is a work of fiction. All names, characters, places and events portrayed in this book either are from the Author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, establishments, events, or location is purely coincidental and not intended by the Author. Please do not take offence to the content, as it is FICTION.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
For everyone who believed in me, who knew that I could do it even when I didn’t believe it. My family, friends, co-workers and everyone who said “You can do it.” Thank you.
For my husband’s patience and love, and for not hitting me over the head for all the hours I have spent working on my novels. For my gorgeous daughters who are the best children a mother could ask for.
For all my fans, for their encouragement and belief, for their kind words and amazing hearts. You all make this possible for me.
I want to make an extra shout out to the ladies at Triple M Bookclub. Those girls have been my crack, my backbone, my reason to keep writing. Without them, I think I would have drowned. I love their craziness, I love their passion, heck, I love them!! You know who you are, and you all know what you mean to me. x
Books in this series
Dark Poison (Book One)
Dark Desire (Book Two)
Dark Endings (Book Three)
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PROLOGUE
WILLOW
Grief, they say it comes in five stages. The first is denial. A person continues to tell themselves they feel fine, they’re going to recover easily, nothing is happening. The second is anger. How could I let this happen? How could they let this happen? I hate everyone, they will pay for this. The third is bargaining. I’ll change my life, I’ll fix everything, I’ll change who I am just to make this better. The fourth is depression. I can’t live, I can’t breathe, I might as well die because it’s just too hard. The fifth is acceptance. I can’t change this situation and I either have to accept it, or let myself drown. Drowning is not an option.
Right now, I’m at stage four, depression. I’ve been at stage four now for about six months. I can’t seem to move past it. I went through all kinds of crazy when I arrived back in LA. First I did everything possible to try and resolve the situation. I made calls, begged the gang members, bribed people for information and did everything in my power, at that point, to save him. Then I got angry, blinding rage filled me day and night and I couldn’t move on, I couldn’t stop blaming myself and everyone else for what happened. Then came the bargaining, I tried everything to make myself feel better, to ease the pain inside. I begged, I pleaded, I offered to lay down my life to ensure someone helped me, but no one did.
Now depression, I’ve lived with depression before, so it’s nothing foreign to me. Oddly, I’m dealing with it better than the previous three emotions. In fact, I’m dealing with this stage quite well. I was sure when I got back, that I’d crumble and fall back into my old ways, and for a while I did…until Cody. He changed my life, he made the sun begin shining again. He gave me a reason to live. He gave me a reason to push myself from my bed each day. He gave me a reason to breathe. He became my everything and I would fight to make sure nothing ever happened to him. Cody is my son.
I didn’t know I was pregnant when I first got back. In fact, I didn’t know for three months. It wasn’t until Ava noticed my weight gain that she dared to mention it. When I did the test, I sat staring at the two pink lines for over three hours. I was numb, I could feel nothing. The usual ‘how did this happen?’ or ‘how will I break the news to him?’ didn’t pass through my mind. I had no one to break the news to. I had no emotions. I couldn’t think about anything except the tiny lines in front of me.
Ava and Jenny both supported me through my pregnancy. They took me to my appointments, fed me well, made sure I took my vitamins and held me when I screamed and cried for Jagger. When labor came around, they were both by my side as I welcomed Cody into the world. Cody became my sunshine. He’s gorgeous and a spitting image of Jagger. His eyes are that beautiful light blue, and his hair is dark and thick. He has my lighter skin, and he’s a beautiful, happy baby.
We moved to the beach two months after returning to LA. I tried, I chased down everything I could to get Jagger back, but it was of no use to me. The gang wouldn’t support me, instead they supported their boss’ words. If they helped me find him, then he would kill them all. Their loyalty won out and I was on my own with no other choice but to do as Jagger asked; run away and hide. So, that’s what I did. With Ava and Jenny by my side, and our combined money, we purchased a house by the beach a bunch of states away in Florida.
Ava and Angel had a huge fight before we left, because she wanted him to come with her but he refused. He was choosing his gang over his girl, and that just wasn’t ok with her. Not that I could blame her, but I understood Angel wasn’t going to leave at a time like that. He couldn’t just pack up and run. I told Ava to stay, but her mind was made up and her heart was broken. So we moved. I haven’t seen or heard from the boys since, and that alone is enough to break someone’s heart, let alone adding the idea that her lifeline is being beaten half to death each day.
The images in my mind stop me from sleeping most nights, which is ok since Cody is a restless baby. I lay awake more often than not, starting at the stars from my window and listening to the waves crashing against the shore. I don’t know where Jagger is, I don’t even know if he’s alive still. That makes me sick, it rips down to the very core of me and eats away at it, slowly but surely. I can’t sleep, I can’t smile…not when he’s living the way he is. How can I? How can I ever smile again and feel ok about it?
~*~*~*~
“Hey my little munchkin,” Ava croons, swooping down to scoop Cody up into her arms.
He smiles at her. He has this big, beautiful smile that puts sunshine back into all our lives. He’s gorgeous, everything about him is pure perfection and beauty. He’s six months old now and the happiest baby under the sun. He reaches out and clutches Ava’s necklace and she laughs.
“No Cody baby, that’s Aunty Ava’s special necklace.”
Like he cares. He pops it into his mouth and drool runs down Ava’s chest.
“You’re the only man I’d let drool over me, Cody boy.”
I nearly smile. I don’t smile anymore but my face lights up, or so Ava tells me.
“He’s a charmer,” I say, stroking his soft, dark curls.
“Oh he’s a charmer alright. Where’s Jen?”
Ava puts Cody on the floor and hands him a pacifier, which he drools all over and then tosses on the floor with an angry expression. Yes, he’s like his father in that sense. The boy has anger issues.
“I don’t know, she got a call and boom she had to go out, just like that.”
Ava nods, plodding into the kitchen and pulling out a bag of grapes. She pops one into her mouth and chews, looking thoughtful.
“Do you think she’s seeing someone?”
I shrug. “Who knows, she’s out a lot lately.”
“Maybe she’s calling your mom?”
I think about my mother quite a bit. Oh the thoughts I’ve had about her. She got released just after Jagger was taken. She wasn’t too thrilled to find out we were skipping a few states as soon as she got out. I think Jenny calls her every day, just to make her believe that we weren’t running from her. I’ve tried to tell her that too, but she doesn’t want to listen to me. She’s visited a few times but it’s not something any of us are very comfortable with. She adores Cody…though part of me would never fully trust her with him. Do I feel bad about that? Sure, I do, but I can’t just let go of my fears. I’ve forgiven her and we’ve managed to build a semi ok relationship. It’s a start.
“Mom isn’t that important that she’d keep disappearing every day. No, it’s something more,” I say, finally answering Ava.
Ava contemplates this, while sucking noisily on her grape. I raise my brows at her.
“What’d the grape do to you?”
She laughs. “It tastes better smooshed and decapitated.”
I scrunch my nose up. “Seriously, you’re twisted.”
She nods, like that doesn’t even bother her, “Totally.”
“How’s work going?”
She smiles. “It’s a good job, but it’s not something I want to do forever, you know?”
I nod. “I know what you mean. At least it keeps you busy.”
She nods, popping another grape into her mouth. “It does, if I don’t work, I’ll go crazy.”
“True.”
“What about you? Are you going to go back soon?”
I shrug. “Cody is still a baby, I’ll go back when he gets a little older. I’m not ok with throwing him in care while he’s still so young.”
She nods in agreement. “I agree, I couldn’t do it either.”
We hear a car pull up and I turn, staring at the front door. Our house is very open. It’s all white on the outside and the inside. Light cotton curtains cover the open windows, flapping constantly with the ocean breeze. It’s a very tropical little place, and would fit well for a family wanting a beach holiday. We are right on the sand, literally. We step out the front door and onto the beach. It’s peaceful.
The floors are wooden and the furniture is all white or light brown. We have paintings of flowers, surfboards and ocean sunsets on the walls. The kitchen is large, with white tiled counter tops and shiny silver fittings. It’s four bedrooms, and we all have one each as well as a spare. The front of the house is set out with a huge deck and white painted chairs and swing seats.
“Oh…my…god!”
I’m snapped out of my daze when I hear Ava’s voice. I turn to stare where she’s staring, and I stop breathing. Jenny is coming up the front steps and she’s being followed by four men. I know those men. I know them nearly as well as I know myself - Ace, Angel, Rusty and Bull. I’m numb for a moment, my legs tingle and my skin prickles. When they step inside, I’m still standing completely blindsided by the scene before me.
“Willow…”
Ace has spoken, but I can’t grasp the fact that he’s standing in my lounge. Hot tears well in my eyes, I haven’t cried for months. Heck, I haven’t cried since the day I moved from LA and now here I am about to break that. How could they come here after they left me on my own and refused to help me? They were my family, I loved them like my own brothers and they left me alone.
“W…what are you doing here?”
It comes out as a harsh whisper, my voice has betrayed me and gone into hiding. Ace stares at me for long moments, his eyes narrowing at my expression. “Kid, we wanted to help out.”
“Don’t call me that!” I scream, shocking myself with my outburst. I cover my face and take a deep, calming breath.
I can’t deal with this. Not right now. I rush past them, slapping Ace’s hand away when he tries to get hold of it. I rush out the front door and down onto the sand. I can’t breathe, I can’t think straight. How could they come back and think it’s all ok? Why do they want to help me now, when they wanted no part of it when I needed them the most? I begin hurrying down the long stretch of beach, just needing to get away.
“Come on Willow, wait!”
Ace grips my arm and swings me around. My hand raises and connects with his face so hard he stumbles backwards and falls onto the sand. Anger…anger that I’ve held in for so long, finally comes to the surface. I leap on top of him and I drive my fist into his jaw. He roars with pain and grips my arms, yanking me down so he can wrap his arms around me and hold onto me so tightly, I can’t move.
“How could you?” I scream into his chest. “I loved you guys, I trusted you and you all left me alone. Now you think you can just come back? How dare you Ace!”
“I know,” he whispers. “I know what we did. We were following orders, we thought it was for the best. At that point, it was just too dangerous for you to try and save him. It would have only ended badly.”
“So what’s changed?” I scream, shoving myself off him and rolling onto the sand beside him. I sit, tucking my knees to my chest and burying my face in my hands.
“Cody.”
It’s one, simple word, and yet it has me snapping my head up.
“What did you say?”
“I said Cody. He changes everything.”
“How dare you,” I whisper, my voice like steel. “You didn’t want to help me, you just sent me on my way, heartbroken and alone…and now you want to help because of my son?”
“I know how it sounds,” Ace says. “Believe me Willow, I’m fucking gutted for leaving you the way we did. I honestly can’t tell you how bad I feel about that. I thought I was protecting you. That world was so dangerous and if you went back, you risked putting yourself into life as a slave and I wasn’t going to be the one to help you do that, but then Jenny rang me and…”
“Jenny!” I shriek. “All along you’re who she was speaking to?”
He nods.
“I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her!”
“No, you won’t. Listen to me Willow, she called a few weeks ago and told us about Cody. She said you weren’t getting any better and that we needed to make a decision regarding Jagger. So we did that, and we’ve decided to get him back. We found out he’s fighting in Florida this month and it all just worked out how it was meant to. That boy needs his dad, and you need him.”
I cover my face again. I’m so angry and confused. I want to punch and hug Ace all at the same time. I’m so angry that it took Cody to make him see that we needed to save Jagger. I’m so hurt that I wasn’t enough and yet I’m so grateful that he’s willing to help. I also can’t believe Jagger is so close, and I might not have known about it if they hadn’t showed up.
“So I wasn’t enough to help?” I whisper in a small, childlike voice.
Ace winces. “Kid, come on, you know I love you. We all do, but Jagger made us swear. He didn’t want you to go after him, he knew whatever Mick had planned would be bad and he didn’t want you involved.”
“You were my friends,” I say, standing. “You were my friends and you just abandoned me. That’s not good enough, Ace. I appreciate what you’re doing now, and I get that you couldn’t help me back then but that’s not what broke my heart. What broke my heart is that you all left me when you knew the pain I was going through. You cut contact and left me. I can’t forgive you for that.”
I turn and walk off. I stroll slowly down the long stretch of beach in front of me. I know Cody will be safe with Ava. Tears burn in my eyes, but I refuse to let them out. I haven’t had a break down since the day I left Jagger on that island, and I won’t have one now. I won’t. I’m stronger than that. I’ve hardened my heart. I’ve learnt how to deal with things.
When the sun b
egins setting, I know I have to get back. With a pained sigh, I turn and walk back towards the house. When I get in, everyone is sitting at the dining table talking. My son is bouncing on Angel’s knee. I walk over, pull him off then turn and stride down the hall. Everyone has gone silent, like I didn’t notice. I step into the bathroom and run a bath for Cody. I strip him off and put him in. He splashes and gurgles, completely oblivious. Oh to be young and carefree again.
“Hey little man, is that fun?” I say, stroking his cheek.
He grips my finger and slides it into his mouth, gooing and gahing as he slobbers all over it.
“Oh ew,” I say, sliding it out and smiling at him. He’s the only one who sees me smile. “Yukky!”
He laughs and splashes, sending water flying all over me. I hear footsteps behind me, but I don’t turn.
“Willow?”
It’s Jenny. I don’t look at her. I’m so angry. I know why she went to the boys, but what I don’t know, is why she didn’t bother to tell me. We’re sisters, but before that we’re best friends and she lied to me.
“I know you’re mad at me, but I didn’t know what else to do.”
I spin around and glare at her. “You lied to me, you snuck around behind my back. They didn’t want to help me Jenny, they left me alone and didn’t help me when I needed it and now you want me to just let them in?”
“You have to let someone in,” she whispers.
“WHY?” I scream.
“Why? Because if you don’t you’ll drown. You have a son, and he needs you but you’re not there.”
“How dare you?” I snarl, standing and getting in her face. “How DARE you tell me I’m not there for him.”
“I don’t mean it in the way you think,” she quickly says, “I mean that emotionally you’re vacant, Willow. You love him, he has everything he wants but he’s getting older. Do you think he won’t feel the emptiness you carry around?”
“He was everything to me!” I scream, trembling. “He was my life line and now he’s gone. Nothing any of you do can make that ok again. Life without him WILL NEVER BE OK!”
