by Bec Botefuhr
I’m shaking so hard my teeth are rattling together. I can’t breathe, and I begin heaving.
“Take Cody, please, put him to bed.”
I barely manage to whisper the words before stumbling out of the bathroom. I get into my room and fall to the ground, and I scream. I scream so loudly it hurts. Everyone wants to fix something that can’t be fixed. I can’t just make myself ok. It’s my fault Jagger is there, I let them take him. I didn’t fight hard enough to make sure he didn’t come after me. I will never be ok without him.
A set of strong arms wrap around me and I jerk away. I don’t want comfort, I don’t want to break down, but I do. Tears spill over and I begin wailing like a small, fragile child. I shake, scream, cry and heave until I can’t breathe. My body is being rocked, and I fight it. I shove and push at the hard chest pressed against my cheek. I push but I don’t free myself. He’s too strong.
“Fight me, but I won’t let you go.”
Ace. Always Ace.
“Let me go,” I snarl. “Let me go!”
“No.”
“He was everything!” I scream, shaking my head from side to side. “Everything!”
“I know, and we’re going to get him back.”
“It’s my fault, it’s all my fault.”
“No, don’t you ever say that. Jagger was in this mess long before you. Mick had plans for him since the day he was born.”
“He’s probably dead, oh god, I can’t live if he’s dead.”
“He’s not dead.”
I jerk my head back and stare up at him. “How do you know?”
“I know. I can’t tell you how, but I know.”
“Does…does he know about Cody?”
Ace shakes his head. “No.”
“Ace, I know why you’re here but I don’t think there’s anything we can do.”
“I think you’re wrong.”
A small amount of hope peeks its head out. Do we have a chance? Can we fix what was broken? Will my son get his father back?
“I can’t ask how right now, I can’t…I just have nothing left.”
Ace lifts me in his arms and lays me down onto the bed. Then he surprises me by crawling in next to me and wrapping his arms around me, pulling me close.
“What are you doing?” I whisper.
“I fucked up Willow; I left you when you had no one else. I should have never done that. I should’ve been there for you, at least as a friend. I should’ve sat with you when you grieved, I should’ve been there when you had Jagger’s son and I wasn’t. None of us were. So, the best I can do right now is promise you that we’re going to be here, no matter what happens. If we can’t get Jagger, we will be in yours and Cody’s lives, no matter what. I owe you both that and it’s what Jagger would want. Right now though, I’m going to hold you because I know sometimes loneliness can be the darkest of feelings, and above all else, you deserve one night without feeling that soul crushing emptiness that I know you’ve lived with since he went.”
I sink into Ace, and he’s right, I’ve been so lonely. The comfort of his arms around me brings some warmth back to my heart. I’ve been so alone in my battle without Jagger. That’s not to say Jenny and Ava haven’t been amazing because they have, but sometimes it’s just not enough. I feel my breathing beginning to even out, and soon I’m falling asleep. That’s something I haven’t done properly for a long, long while.
CHAPTER 1
WILLOW
I wake to the sound of my son’s gurgling. I shift and the hot, hard body behind mine groans and rolls. Ace stayed with me all night, just like he said he would. I blink a few times, letting my eyes adjust to the morning sunshine flowing through the window. I sit up stiffly and peer over at Cody’s crib. He’s sitting up, shaking a rattle and gurgling to himself. Always the happy camper. I smile over at him, and for the first time in a while, it’s real.
“He’s a noisy bugger,” Ace says, sitting up beside me.
I stare over at him, and realize he’s got no shirt on. Heat swells in my cheeks, not because I’m attracted to him, but because he’s in my bed like that! He snorts a laugh when he takes note of my expression.
“I won’t bite.”
I glare at him. “Yeah, I know.”
“Do you?”
I smile weakly. “Of course, I’m out of bounds to all you boys. Don’t worry Ace, I won’t get horny enough to try and jump you. You’re not my type.”
He pouts like he’s offended. I smile for real now.
“Stop it, you’re gorgeous and you know it but…”
He looks over at Cody. “Yeah kid, I know. Don’t worry, I’d never try anything on you.”
We both stare at Cody, who’s sitting and chatting happily away to himself.
“He’s just like him,” Ace breathes.
I nod, swallowing. “Yeah, he is.”
“Jagger would be proud of him, god, he always wanted to be a dad.”
“I hope he will get the chance to be.”
Ace gets out of bed and stretches, and then he grips his shirt and slides it on. He walks over to the crib and lifts Cody out. Cody squeals and grips the chain around Ace’s neck and tugs.
“Tough little sucker, aren’t ya?” Ace laughs.
“He likes necklaces.”
“We’ll have to get you a hardcore necklace then little buddy, won’t we?”
Cody drools in response. I slide out of bed and stretch. My body is aching from the pressure release last night. Crying is good like that. It’s good for the soul and all that bullshit. Whatever, it worked.
“Hey Ace?”
Ace turns and smiles at me, “Yeah?”
“Thanks, for last night…”
He nods. “Anytime kid, now come on, we’ve got a lot to discuss.”
I nod. “I’ll shower and be out. Are you ok to take him out?”
“Sure, we’ll go and drool on the other men, won’t we little guy?”
Cody smiles that toothless smile and Ace laughs.
“Just like your dad you are, it’s scary.”
I walk over and kiss Cody. “Be nice to the other kids, cutie.”
Ace rolls his eyes at me, and then disappears out of the room. A moment later Jenny walks in, her expression is carefully blank. I feel bad for getting so angry at her last night, I guess I just reached that breaking point. I honestly couldn’t think clearly and I took it out on her when she was only trying to help.
“Hey…”
I smile. “Hey.”
“Ace stayed with you?”
“Yeah, I’m grateful to him for that.”
She smiles, “Me too. Willow, I’m sorry…”
I put my hand up. “I know what you were doing Jen, and you were right. I’m drowning without Jagger, and if I don’t at least try to help him then I will never forgive myself. You did a good thing, I’m sorry I got so angry at you.”
She smiles weakly. “I don’t want to see you sinking Willow, I couldn’t bear it.”
“Thank you, for saving me yet again.”
She smiles and steps forward, pulling me into a hug. We stand, holding each other for long moments before pulling back. I sigh and stare at the door, I know what I have to face today, I just don’t know how I’ll do it. Time to pull those big girl panties on and deal with this head on, I guess.
“Time to face the music,” I murmur.
“Do you think we have a chance of finding Jagger?”
“I hope so, I truly do.”
She nods, her expression is pained. “I hope so too, I’ll leave you to shower. See you soon.”
When she’s gone, I walk into my shower and stare in the mirror. Not much has changed about me, except the light in my eyes is gone. My hair is back to its normal dark red and my skin is as pretty as it always was, but there’s just something missing now. I know what that is…it’s happiness. I find it quite interesting how important happiness truly is. People say they can live without it, so long as they’re living. But what’s living without ha
ppiness? It’s an empty, vacant world with no joy. I don’t want that world.
I get into the shower and sigh as the warm water eases my aching muscles. When I’m done, I get out and pull a towel off the rack before walking out and digging through my closet. I pick a pair of cotton shorts and a black singlet top. I was lucky in one sense, I kept my figure after having Cody. It’s probably the five mile run I go on every morning. I pull a brush through my hair and then tie it up messily before walking out to join the others.
When I step out, I let my eyes scan the four men at the table. Aside from Ace, I haven’t spoken to any of them. I take in their attractive faces and grim expressions. Nothing has changed. They’re still the same as always. Angel stands when he sees me, and surprises me by coming over and pulling me into his arms. His lips land on my forehead and stay there as though he’s breathing me in. I wrap my arms around him, I’ve missed him.
“I’m sorry Willow, we abandoned you and we shouldn’t have.”
I shrug and look up at him. “It’s done now, all I care about is getting him home.”
“We’re going to do everything we can.”
I nod and hug him again, before being pulled into Bull’s arms, and then Rusty’s. Once we have moved past that, I walk into the kitchen where Ace is pulling some ingredients out of the fridge to make breakfast. Cody is in his swing gurgling, so I make him a bottle and hand it to him. Then I go back into the kitchen to help Ace.
“What’re you making?” I ask.
“Omelet,” he says, smiling.
“Can I help?”
“Yeah sure.”
He hands me some peppers and I begin slicing them. Jenny comes into the kitchen and wraps her arms around Ace’s middle. I drop the knife. They’re together? Since when? Why didn’t they tell me? Jenny notices my expression and lets Ace go.
“We were going to tell you…”
I swallow. Emotions begin swirling in the pit of my stomach, and I feel ill. I am happy for Jenny, heck, I’m happy for Ava who is curled up on Angel’s lap. I’m happy they’re happy. I can’t control the overwhelming urge to cry, because for the first time, I’m the one sitting alone with no one. My vision blurs and I can’t seem to get myself together. I need to run, I need to go for a long, hard run and clear my head.
“Willow,” Ace says, taking my hand.
I snatch it away, and then wince. “Sorry…I need to go out for a while.”
“Willow, we’re sorry.” Jenny says softly.
I force a smile, even though my eyes are filled with tears. “I’m happy for you guys, truly I am…I just…”
“I know,” Ace says, saving me from having to spill my heart.
“I’m going to take Cody for a run, I’ll be back soon and we can talk.”
I turn and walk out without another word. I don’t know what to say, but I know I don’t want to be the one that rains on their parade. They deserve happiness and there’s no way in hell I’m going to be the one to take that away from them again.
~*~*~*~
When I’m back from my run, I put Cody down for his morning nap. I am just about to walk out and join everyone when my phone rings. I look down to see it’s my mother. Great. I haven’t spoken to her for a while and I know that I need to, but it’s still awkward at times and it can be difficult to have a conversation with her and not get into an argument. I pick up the phone anyway.
“Hi mom.”
“Willow, I’ve been calling for a few days. Where have you been?”
“Busy,” I lie. “How are you, mom?”
“Well,” she says excitedly. “I was hoping to come and visit?”
“Mom, sorry but now’s not a good time.”
“It’s never a good time!” she snaps.
“It’s not like that, I honestly have so much going on right now.”
“I want to see my daughters and my grandson. I don’t know why I can’t come out and see you.”
I sigh, breathe Willow. “You can come out and see me mom, but right now isn’t any good.”
“When are we going to move past this?” she whispers.
“Mom…”
“You refuse to let me in, I’m trying really hard. I’m better now and I’m trying but you just up and move away from me, without even giving me a chance.”
“You know why I moved away!” I snap.
“You say it’s because of him, but I know the real reason. You don’t want to forgive me Willow, I don’t know what I have to do.”
“I am having a hard time mom, I can’t deal with this right now.”
“When can I come and visit?” She persists.
“I’ll call you when things settle down, I promise.”
Her voice becomes sad. “Now why don’t I believe that?”
“Mom please, I’m having a hard time and I’m trying. I promise that you can come and visit, or maybe soon I’ll come and visit you.”
She brightens. “That would be nice.”
“I have to go, I’ll call you, I promise.”
“Ok Willow, I love you.”
I close my eyes and sigh, “You too mom, bye.”
I hang up and then head out to join everyone on the wrap around deck. It’s time to get to business. I don’t even know where to start, but I’m hoping they do. Ace scoots over and makes room for me on the swing chair, so I sit down beside him. He’s holding Jenny’s hand, but he reaches out and takes mine too. I’m grateful for that.
“Ok, so obviously we’ve decided to help Jagger,” Angel begins. “What we need to do is have a secure plan in place. It’s not going to be easy. The show Mick is running is large, as you all know.”
“Is he still running the island?” I ask.
Angel nods his head. “Yes, but that isn’t really a concern at the moment. Jagger has fights in Florida this month but the problem is finding a contact in the fighting world that’s going to get us near enough to the fight to be able to get in. Even if we make a bet, we can’t get in. It’s very strict.”
“Yeah, it’s not going to be easy. When we get a contact, we need to somehow talk to Jagger. If he doesn’t know what we plan on doing, it could ruin this plan entirely.” Ace adds.
“How are we going to get him out without someone coming after us, Mick isn’t going to just forget Jagger and move on.” I point out.
The men all look at each other and then Ace squeezes my hand and says, “We’re going to blow up the entire island. Then we’ll end Mick.”
I gasp. “You can’t do that!”
“We have to Willow, we have to end it and we have to get rid of Mick or it’ll just start back up again.”
“But all those girls…”
“We will find a way to get them off before hand, I don’t know how but we will.”
“Then you’re just going to blow it up? That won’t work. It’s far too protected.”
“That’s why we need Jagger, he goes back and forth. He can slowly begin planting explosives and getting rid of women. We’ll do a final attack right before we blow it, and we’ll get the last of the women. That’s where we will need you. We will need locations of the halls, where they eat, things like that. We want them all in one place when we go in.”
“It’s dangerous,” Ava whispers.
“It is, but if we don’t end it, I assure you it’ll get worse baby.” Angel says to her.
“I agree with Angel,” I add in. “I saw that place and I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy. It needs to end. How are we going to get the co-ordinates again?”
Angel looks at Ace and then says, “Huck.”
“Huck? Why does he keep coming into this?”
“He was with your dad a lot and they worked on the case, he’s got the information we need.”
“Ok, so we get Huck on board. What else?” I ask.
“You need to learn to fight and shoot.”
I stare wide eyed at Rusty, who said that confusing sentence.
“Why?”
“We already discuss
ed your part in this, and we knew you wouldn’t accept doing nothing, so you need to be trained. It’s dangerous Willow, and you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to.”
“I will do what I have to, but I have to think of my son.”
Angel nods. “You still need to learn as much as you can, just in case.”
I nod. “Ok, I’m down with that.”
We sit discussing our next move, when an idea springs to my mind. I never thought of it before because I thought he was dead, but he could be the missing piece in this confusing puzzle.
“Danny,” I say.
All heads turn to stare at me.
“What?” Angel says.
“Did Jagger kill him?”
“No, he survived but he wouldn’t dare come back…”
“We need to find him.”
Ace raises his brows. “What? Why?”
“Why? Because Danny’s a fighter. He has access to all the fighting rings.”
Angel rubs his chin. “How will we get him to co-operate? He didn’t exactly like you, Willow.”
“Money,” I say simply. “Danny will do anything for money, it’s why he fights.”
“How do we come up with enough?” Jenny asks.
“Easy. Jagger left me his accounts. He has enough to offer some to Danny. It could work.”
Ace nods and looks to Angel for confirmation.
“Alright,” Angel says. “I think that could work, our next problem is finding him.”
“I can do that, I know some of his friends.” I say.
“Ok, so what about when we get the information. How do we get into the fights to speak with Jagger?” Jenny says. “One look at any of us and Mick will know.”
“Disguise,” Ava says, as though it’s a no brainer.
“It’d have to be a damn good disguise.” Bull mutters.
Ava grins. “I’m the master of disguise. I can make Willow look completely different.”
“How will she get in though?” Jenny asks.
“With Danny,” I mutter. “I’ll have to look like I’m with him.”
Angel nods, smiling slightly. “This could actually work. Ava, I want you to show me what you can do with Willow later. I want to see if she’s recognizable.”
