by Bec Botefuhr
Pitiful. That’s all I am. Pitiful.
CHAPTER 7
WILLOW
“Willow, you can’t go down there!”
Rusty is holding my arm, but I am not listening. I know who they’ve got down there and I want in. I want in like yesterday…
“Let me go Rusty, or I’ll hurt you.”
He snorts. “Not gonna happen.”
I launch my foot backwards and hit his shin. He roars with pain and stumbles back, letting me go long enough to lurch forward and through the door. I bolt down the stairs and into the basement of the old warehouse the boys are in. Danny is tied to a chair, squirming. When his eyes fall on me, he looks almost pleadingly at me.
“Willow! Help me!”
I actually throw my head back and laugh. Ace snarls a curse and Angel orders me to leave but I don’t listen. Instead I storm over and I punch Danny so hard in the face that his head jerk backwards.
“That’s for my wasted years.”
I hit him again, blood spurts from his nose.
“That’s for all the blood you shed that wasn’t yours.”
I hit him again and his lip splits.
“And that’s for Jagger.”
He roars a curse and jerks in the chair, Angel and Ace are staring at me with gaping mouths. Yeah, I can be bad ass when I need to be. Danny deserves everything that’s coming for him.
“You do as they ask, because I swear to god I will end you Danny. I’ll put a bullet in you right now and end you.”
“Fuck you, slut.”
I yank the gun from Ace’s hand and press it to his temple.
“Do you think I’m kidding? I have lost my heart, my life and everything I lived for. He was everything to me. I don’t care about you. I hate you. Seeing you swim with the fishes is fine by me.”
“No,” he rasps, eyes wide. “No, please. I’ll help.”
I step backwards and run my fingers across the cool metal of the gun.
“Are you done?” Ace whispers in my ear.
“Just needed to get that out of my system, thanks, I feel great.”
Angel snorts, and then goes back to Danny.
“So, you can see we aren’t kidding. Now you tell me where Jagger’s next gig is and how we can get in.”
“You can’t get in,” Danny spits. “You can’t unless you’re a fighter or VIP. It’s too risky to let the public in.”
“You’re a fighter Danny,” Ace smirks.
Danny’s eyes widen. “No, I won’t do it.”
“How much do we have to pay you?” I snap.
Danny stares at me. “You’ll pay me?”
“I’ll pay you if you help me out. If you don’t, we’ll hunt you down and kill you.”
“How much?”
Ace snorts, “Fucktard.”
I smother a grin and Danny glares at him.
“I’ll give you half a mill,” I mutter, as though it’s no more than petty cash.
Danny stares at me for long moments. “Fine, if you swear you’ll let me go and give me the money, I’ll get you in but I can only get you in once.”
“Once is all I need.” I say simply.
“If you try anything on her,” Angel growls. “I swear to god, I’ll hunt you down and believe me, you’ll wish to god I never got hold of you.”
“I get it.” Danny snarls.
“Good, I hope you do. If you value your life, you won’t lay a fucking hand on her.”
I look over at Angel. “His fight is tonight.”
“Yes, it is. Are you ready?”
I nod. “I have to be.”
~*~*~*~
WILLOW
“Stop darting around,” Danny snarls. “You look like a fucking junkie.”
“Everyone is looking at me!” I hiss.
“Because you’re a woman, not many women come in.”
Danny pulls my hand and drags me to the entrance. I’m decked out in disguise again and I can see a lot of men lingering around the doors to the fighting club. When we reach the bouncer, Danny greets him by name.
“Who’s the lady?”
“She’s with me man.”
“You know we don’t like ladies in the club.”
“She’s cool, trust me.”
“Fine, but you can answer to Mick.”
“Fuck Mick.”
Danny pulls me through the door and we step into a large room. In the middle of the room is a massive fighting ring and surrounding it is a whole lot of men cheering and pumping up for the fight. I swallow. Seeing Jagger fight…I don’t know how that’ll go for me. I see Mick standing on a large crate at the front of the room. He spots Danny and me, and his eyes narrow.
“Mick’s coming,” I say quickly.
Danny turns his head and watches as Mick shoves through the crowd. When he stops in front of us, he hisses, “What the fuck Daniel?”
“She’s with me.”
Mick narrows his eyes. “You made a bet for the fight?”
“Yes, I did.” I say in my accent. “You didn’t think I would stay away and let you rip me off, did you?”
Mick growls, “I thought…”
That I was dead, yes, I know.
“Thought what?”
“Never mind. If you get hurt, it’s not my problem.”
I shrug and Mick gives me one last scathing look before going back to his crate. Danny pulls me towards the fighting ring and his hand remains wrapped firmly around my wrist as Mick announces the fight.
“Welcome back everyone. Tonight we have a good fight happenin’. We have Tiger from out west, he’s new here and has a fair lot of bets going for him. Of course, you all know the other fighter, my main man Jagger. Let’s hear it for Tiger and Jagger!”
My heart stops as the two men walk out of a small hallway. The man fighting Jagger is tall, black and muscly. He’s huge. I don’t care though, my eyes won’t move from Jagger. He’s wearing a loose pair of cotton shorts and nothing else. He has bandages wrapped around his hands and his body is almost pulsing with anticipation.
His body is big, much bigger than before. It’s almost too big. I stare at his face for long moments and take him in. He has a fading black eye, a fresh scar runs down his temple and there’s another on his cheek. His messy black hair is all over the place and he looks like a wild animal. He’s hopping from foot to foot, just waiting to be let loose. I feel my eyes well up, and I clamp them shut. Stay strong.
“Suck it up,” Danny hisses. “Don’t draw attention to yourself.”
“Fuck off Danny.”
He snorts. Asshole.
I watch as the two men step into the ring and bump fists. Then Mick stands between them and counts it down. Before I know it, fists are flying. I let out a little yelp, but it’s drowned out by the deafening screams and cheers of the people around me. I watch Tiger drive a fist into Jagger’s face, sending him flying back into the rubber railings.
Jagger bounces back, landing a solid punch to Tiger’s stomach. Tiger doubles over and Jagger takes the opportunity to upper cut his face, sending him stumbling backwards. Tiger spits blood out of his mouth and bounces back, driving a fist into the side of Jagger’s face. Before I can see the reaction, Jagger drives a left hook into Tiger’s jaw. Tiger’s head spins to the side and spit and blood fly through the air to land on people standing close enough to get hit.
Jagger turns to his side and drops a power punch onto Tiger’s right cheek. Tiger’s knees buckle and his back bends as he falls onto the floor. Blood pours from his nose and mouth. He’s out cold. Mick roars his victory and jumps into the ring to count it down. Tiger isn’t getting back up, so everyone cheers and roars over Jagger’s win. Mick takes Jagger’s hand and holds it up high, and everyone roars louder.
That’s when Jagger’s eyes fall on me. His eyes widen, and I actually look around, wondering if he’s seen someone else. Maybe he’s staring at Danny. When I look again, his eyes are on mine. Oh shit. Does he know it’s me? How? I don’t understand. Suddenly I
see Sharleen and my heart turns to stone. She rushes out and wraps her arms around Jagger, he hesitates a moment and then seems to shake his head a little. He wraps an arm around her and presses his lips to hers and I want to die.
I look away, feeling my skin prickle. I thought I could handle this, I thought it would be ok but there he is kissing her like I never existed. How could he? How could he just forget me like that? Is that all I meant to him? Danny grips my arm and pulls me close, not caring about my trembling lip. He wants his money, nothing more, nothing less and he’ll not stop until he gets it. He leads me through the crowd to a small door.
“You have five minutes. Jagger will go out back to get ready for the next fight. He always gets ready alone, the blonde will stay out with Mick, she always does.”
Danny peers over the crowd and when he sees Jagger disappear, he shoves me through the door. I stumble into a dimly lit room. I can’t see much, there’s a few lockers and a silver bench in the middle of the room. A man is sitting on the bench, his head hung. I know that man, I know him as well as I know myself. It’s Jagger.
“Why the fuck are you here?”
He knows. He recognized me.
“How did you know it was me?”
He looks up and turns, staring directly into my eyes.
“Do you think I’d ever forget those eyes? I told you not to come back, so why did you? I told you what I’d do.”
“And I didn’t believe you.”
He stands suddenly, and before I know it a gun is being pointed at my head. I stare in shock. He’s panting, anger flashes in his gaze and it scares me. He wouldn’t hurt me, would he?
“Jagger…”
“Get the fuck outta here, I don’t want you. I don’t love you. I wish you would get that through your head!”
Ouch. I put up my wall, straighten my shoulders and walk forward. His eyes widen and he flinches, but he doesn’t lower the gun. When I’m standing with it pressed firmly to my forehead, I stop.
“Do it, you want to fucking shoot me? Do it. I have lived through hell, you would be doing me a favor.”
“Willow,” he rasps, “just leave. We’re done.”
“We are, yes, and I wish it were that simple. It’s not simple anymore though. It hasn’t been simple for months. I wish I could just walk away Jagger, I wish I could have just packed up and moved on. Maybe if it was just me, I could have.”
“What are you talking about?”
I meet his eyes and with a hard heart, I reach into my top and pull out a photo. I slam it against his chest. He lowers the gun and his fingers brush mine as he takes the photo from my hand. Shivers run through me, but I shove them away. He unfolds the paper and stares, god, he just stares. I see nothing in his expression for the longest moment, but when he looks up at me, I see it. I see emotion. His eyes are glassy and confused.
“His name is Cody, he’s six months old and he’s your son. Do you really think I didn’t want to move on Jagger? Do you think I’ve wanted to live with the agony? Do you think I wanted to live without you? No, I didn’t. I can’t change how you feel about me. I can’t change your choice but I can change my son’s life. You deserved to know. I’m not doing this for you, right now I hate you. I’m doing it for him. You want help? You meet us at the wharf tomorrow at noon. If not, I move on and so does he.”
I turn and walk out without another word. I’ve said all that needs to be said.
CHAPTER 8
JAGGER
I sit in bed later that night staring at that photo. The boy looks just like me, I have no doubt he’s mine. My son…she had a baby…my son. I swallow and run a torn finger over the picture. This changes everything and she knows it. I’ve fucked up. I’ve made her think I don’t care, I’ve kissed Sharleen in front of her and all along she was just trying to help me and let me know I had a son. How fucking shallow could I be?
I hear a knock at my door and I look up, Sharleen walks in wearing some skimpy fucking nightie. I know what she thinks, and she’s damn wrong. I kissed her tonight because I knew Willow was there, nothing more. She doesn’t know that though and obviously thinks I want her. This isn’t going to end well, likely with a black fucking eye and another split lip. The woman has a foul temper.
“Hey, about tonight…” she begins.
Here goes nothing. “Sharleen, I fucked up. I shouldn’t have kissed you.”
She was leaning a hip against the door in a sexy way, now she’s dead straight and glaring at me. “Excuse me?”
“I don’t mean to be an asshole about this but I was…high.”
I’ve done drugs once or twice since I’ve been here and she thinks I do a lot more than I actually do. So I know it’ll work.
“What?”
Here goes.
“I’m sorry, I was out of it. I thought…”
“If you say you thought I was her,” she whispers, “I’ll finish you Jagger.”
“How many times do I gotta say we aren’t a couple? You’re fucking my father for Christ sakes.”
“So what? Doesn’t mean we can’t fuck too.”
I glare at her in disgust. “Do you have no self-respect? Do you honestly want to be a slut, Sharleen?”
She gapes. “How dare you call me a slut!”
“Well stop fuckin’ acting like one. You’re offering yourself up like some sort of toy. Have some respect. The girl I loved would never do what you’re doing now. I have more respect for myself then to ever touch a woman who clearly doesn’t care about her body.”
Her eyes widen. “Fuck you Jagger, you’re a waste of my time.”
“Right back at ya babe,” I mutter, staring at the television.
She storms out muttering pig and bastard. Well let her go, the bitch has pissed me off enough to last a fuckin’ lifetime. I stare back at the photo I slipped down by my side. My son…this changes everything. I know what I have to do now.
~*~*~*~
WILLOW
“Do you think he’ll show?” I ask, fumbling my hands together.
Ace shrugs. “I don’t know.”
We are at the wharf sitting in the car and waiting. It’s half past noon and so far Jagger hasn’t come. I stare down at Cody in his seat, he’s staring at a tree out the window. I nearly didn’t bring him, but Angel insisted that it would help Jagger make a choice. I didn’t want him to make a choice just for Cody, but I also know he deserves to see his son, even if it is just once.
A black car pulls into the empty car park, and my heart quickens. When it stops and pulls up, I squint my eyes. Out steps Jagger. He’s dressed in black jeans, a black shirt and black sun glasses. Oh god, he looks so perfect, so gorgeous. How can I ever move on? How can I just forget? I hang my head. The hurt in my heart runs so fucking deep. He chose her, I have to remind myself that he’s no longer mine.
“Give us a minute.”
Angel and Ace get out of the car. I watch them greet Jagger, and they all hug and slap backs. They talk for a moment, and then Jagger’s gaze swings to the car, I watch him lift his sun glasses and squint. I take a deep breath and then I get out of the car. Jagger stares at me for a long moment when our eyes meet. So many things pass between us, so many unspoken words. His blue eyes crush my heart in ways that are so unimaginably painful.
“You came.” I say simply.
He nods. “Is he here?”
I nod. I open the car door and Jagger hesitates a moment. I lean in and unclip Cody from the car seat.
“It’s now or never little man.”
He goo’s and smiles at me. I force a smile back, and then I lift him out of the car. When I have him out, I turn and face Jagger. His eyes widen and his body flinches, it’s almost like a harsh jerk. He begins panting and his fists clench. I can see the fresh bruises on his cheek and some stitches in his lip from last night’s fight. He steps forward and Cody turns to look at him. He smiles and drool runs down his chin.
“Oh…fuck.” Jagger breathes.
It’s silent for a long mome
nt after that. Then Cody reaches out and grips Jagger’s necklace, and that’s it for me. I look away, swallowing back my tears. Come on Willow, get it together. You have to be strong for your son. When I look up, Jagger is staring at me. Cody has a hand wrapped around one of Jagger’s fingers and it breaks my heart. It just tears it right out.
“Do you want to hold him?” I whisper.
Jagger nods, and I pass Cody over. When Jagger takes him in his arms, a tear stumbles down his cheek. Well fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I meet Ace’s eyes and the damn man is tearing up too. Fuck it Ace, where’s my back up here? Angel nods at me, but he’s swallowing. Tough men my ass. Cody touches Jagger’s face, I wonder if he knows that somehow he’s important. Jagger makes a strangled sound as Cody continues to pull and stroke his face. I turn away.
“Can we just discuss what needs to happen?” I whisper.
Jagger looks up at me, but I refuse to meet his eyes. I can’t let him see how much he affects me. I can’t. He is fucking Sharleen, I can’t ever forgive him for that.
“Bro, the choice is yours. You want our help or not?” Ace asks.
Jagger pulls his eyes from my face and stares over at the two men.
“Yeah, I do.”
“Good, we need to discuss it in private. How long have you got?”
“Two days. I have two days off. I always disappear during that time.”
Two days. Two days with him. I have to do it. Cody needs it. Cody. Cody.
“Right, Willow can he come back with us?”
I stare at Jagger, and his eyes meet mine again. “I don’t get a choice, do I? So can we just go?”
I reach for Cody and Jagger turns slightly. “Can I hold him a minute longer?”
I close my eyes and swallow. “Ok.”
“You want to take your car?” Angel asks.
“Nah, leave it here. No one will see it. I don’t want it followed.”
“Right, let’s go then.”
We all get into the car. Jagger hands Cody back to me, and once again I avoid that gaze. He knows it’s affecting me, he knows it and he’s still doing it anyway. I strap Cody in and sit beside him. When Jagger slides in beside me, I stiffen. Shit, bad move. I should have rode shotgun.
