hoarding of, 167, 174
ignoring phone when with, 156
image sharing among, 35–36, 37, 151–52
and monitoring phone use, 147, 154
online, 164, 167, 172–73, 174
other-directedness and, 145–46
past history and, 168, 169
phones as disrupting conversations of, 157–58
physical closeness in, 140
“real” conversations of, 174
reinforcement, 174
second chair and, 10, 11, 235–36
and sharing goals of self-realization, 175
and talking about what’s on phones, 150–52
technologies and, 139–42, 152
texting and, 144–48
true, 174–75
“What do you want in a friend?” exercise, 163
“Who has my back?,” 163
gambling, analogies with life online, 72–73, 74, 234
games, computer, see computer games
Gardner, Howard, 323, 324
Gasser, Urs, 222
gay adolescents, 112
Gchat, 34, 103, 105, 127, 193, 195, 202, 203–5
student collaboration and, 244–45
generations, 12–14, 27–28
compact between, 359
friendship and technology and, 139–42
Gladwell, Malcolm, 297–98
Glass Bead Game, The (Hermann Hesse), 221
global climate change, difficulties of conversation about, 16, 300, 310, 311
Gmail, 305, 327
Goldilocks effect, 21, 29, 202, 203, 265
Google, 19, 74, 104, 219
cafeterias at, 274
Docs, 244
*“garages” at, 320
Gchat, see Gchat
Glass, 168–69, 170
Gmail, 305, 327
privacy and, 306, 313, 315–16, 327
Google jockeying, 218
GPS, 303, 304, 306
grazing, attentional, 222–23
Habermas, Jürgen, 332
Happiness Tracker (app), 95–96, 99
Harvard Divinity School, 233
Harvard University, 211, 243
MOOCs, 228, 229, 233
Hayles, Katherine, 217–18, 219, 221
Hesse, Hermann, 221
Hill, Anita, 303
hiring employees, 45–46
Holbrooke School (pseudonym), 3, 5–6, 7, 68–70, 71–72, 161–65, 323
Hoover, J. Edgar, 302
hospitalization, 135, 136
hoteling, 48–49, 269
Huffington, Arianna, 326
hurting others’ feelings, in middle school, 162, 164, 165–66
hyper attention, 217–21, 222, 227
image sharing, 35–36, 37, 151–52
imagination, 62, 64, 65, 66, 71, 218, 317
Incredibles, The (motion picture), 288
information and data, 116, 119, 151, 232
databases and, 224
emails and, 264
in medicine, 224, 282
narrative and, 222–23
privacy and, 301, 306, 310–15, 327, 328–29
romance and, 192, 193, 203
searches for, 224–25, 306–8, 312, 313, 315–16
valuing and overvaluing, 354–55
information silos, 50
in-person conversation, see face-to-face conversation
Instagram (app), 112, 117, 138, 139, 140, 152, 172
intellectual serendipity, during collaboration, 245
intelligence, meaning of word, 51–52
Internet, 85, 86, 240
advertising and, 307, 308
as hindrance to life, 115, 116
information searches on, 224–25, 306–8, 312, 313, 315–16
politics and, 293-316; see also politics
privacy and, see privacy
time on, as solitude, 61, 74–75
weak ties and, 297
Internet Explorer, 304
interruptions, 35–38, 41, 44–45, 53, 68, 286, 321
experienced as connections, 37, 125
intimacy, 4, 7, 12, 50, 158, 175, 180, 346
collaboration and, 246
Invisible Children, Inc., 294, 295. 296
iPads, 55
in classrooms, 72, 216–17
in meetings, 257
Iran:
hostage crisis in, 15
uprising in, 297
Jackson, Daniel, 239–40
Jackson, Samuel L., 339–40
Jobs, Steve, 55
journaling, 82, 83, 85, 88–89
with 750 Words, 90–91, 93
judges, conversation among, 263–64
Kafka, Franz, 67
Kahneman, Daniel, 245–46
Kassirer, Jerome P., 224
Kelly, Kevin, 349
Kismet (sociable robot), 341, 342–44
Koller, Daphne, 231, 236
Kony, Joseph, 293, 294–95, 296, 297, 298
Lane, Robert, 183
leadership, 77–78, 271–72, 274
learning:
grazing and, 222–23
relationship with teacher and, 231–32
see also education
lectures, 74, 215, 228, 231, 232, 234–35, 236, 237–38, 241, 242
Lévinas, Emmanuel, 342
library books and “mindspace,” 302, 303, 304, 310
lightbulb moments, 76
Linux, 312–13
listening, 71–72, 109–10, 118, 129–30, 161–62, 163, 165, 357, 359
to oneself, 98
literary fiction and empathy, 69, 111
loneliness, 23, 65, 265, 286–87, 346
Loopt (app), 304
love, 246
falling in, 180, 189
see also romance
machines, 173
advice (personal) from, 355
conversations through, 16–17, 293–316, 338
conversations with, 16–17, 50–52, 337–61
empathy and, 338, 340, 347
with faces, 342
fourth chair and, 16–17, 50–52, 337, 338, 359
psychotherapy through, 347–48, 351
Siri, 50–51, 337, 339–40, 346–47, 348, 357
treating people as, 345–46
with voices, 341–42
see also robots
machine zone, 72–73, 74, 185, 279
MacVicar Day (MIT), 239–40, 247
Madrigal, Alexis, 73, 74
Malkovich, John, 339–40
Mann, Thomas, 67
marketing, targeted, 307, 308
marriages, arranged, 184
Marx, Karl, 307
Massive Open Online Courses, see MOOCs
maximizers, 182–83
Mayer, Marissa, 269
McCain, John, 39
McCarthy, Joseph, 302
mealtimes, phones at, 13, 19, 29–31, 48, 153, 170, 267, 345
cell phone tower game and, 30–31
family and, 42, 47, 104, 109, 110, 112–15, 118–21, 284, 345
no-phones policies and, 121
rule of three and, 19–20, 30
medical scribes, 283
medicine, conversations and education in, 224, 281–83
meditation and mindfulness, 280, 288, 361
meetings, 4, 9, 15, 43, 52, 53, 251, 252, 253, 254, 255, 257, 258, 259, 260, 262, 264, 267, 271, 272, 273, 275, 278, 287, 289
politics and, 298
work, see work meetings
meme tracks, 255–57
Memex, 76, 320
memory, outsourcing of, 224–25
mentoring, 11, 13–14, 105, 115, 262, 331–32
for conversation, 264, 284
of students, 247
messaging, see texting and messaging
Microsoft, 304
mindspace, 302, 303, 304, 312, 316, 330
mind wandering, 74, 76–77, 79, 97
see also daydreaming
Minsky, Marvin, 338, 352
mirror neurons, 342
“missing chip” hypothesis, 110
mistakes, 51, 53, 174, 241, 347, 356
MIT, 211–12, 231, 232, 238, 242, 341, 347, 349
Artificial Intelligence Laboratory, 342
MacVicar Day, 239–40, 247
Media Lab (MIT), 252
Project Athena, 234–35, 236
MOOCs (Massive Open Online Courses), 227–34, 235, 237, 238, 239
Coursera, 230, 231
face-to-face contact in, importance of, 230
Udacity, 230, 234
Mood Map (app), 93–94
Morozov, Evgeny, 91, 304, 329–30
Morris, Margaret E., 93–94
mourning, 92, 135–36
Mozart, Wolfgang Amadeus, 67
multitasking, 14–15, 39, 42, 43, 139, 213, 219–20, 154, 251, 264, 321
as addiction, 215
attentional pluralism and, 219
brain and, 213, 221, 321
in classrooms, 213–17
effects of, 220, 257, 260, 261
at meetings, 251, 257, 258–59
myth of, 213, 215
Tabless Thursday and, 261
work and, 260, 283–84
Myers, David, 183
My Real Baby (sociable robot doll), 349
MySpace, 140
Nagy, Gregory, 229, 233
narratives, 81, 87, 88–89, 220, 222–23
numbers and, 89, 90–91, 93
about oneself, 308
Nass, Clifford, 40–42, 138, 318
National Security Agency (NSA), 313, 327
negotiations, email and, 266
neighbors, “disappearance” of, 114
Netscape, 85
news:
catastrophes and, 300
news crawl, 15, 42
newspapers, as distraction, compared to digital media, 115
New Year’s party, by teleconference, 268
New York Times, 228
Ng, Andrew, 230
Nobel Peace Prize, 297
Nobel Prize, 182, 245–46
noise, and anti-noise movement, 329–30
nostalgia, 104, 114, 184
NOTHING gambit, 177–79
NSA (National Security Agency), 313, 327
objects not-to-think with, 310–12, 327
O’Brien, Conan, 59
“on call,” being, 158–61
online real, 293
opinions, controversial, desire not to have them, 311, 322
Orwell, George, 298
other-directedness, 145–46
Palfrey, John, 222
panopticon, 305, 306
Papert, Seymour, 228
parents and children, 22, 26, 27, 47
advice and, 355
and asking children to use words, 36
asymmetrical relationships between, 120–21
and availability of parents, 160–61
and checking location of family member, 130–31, 134–35
digital passbacks and, 63, 66
eye contact and, 36, 108–9
mentorship in, 11, 13–14, 105, 115
phones and, 62–63, 66, 104, 107–8, 112–15, 117–26, 160, 179, 284
rules and, 121
technological expertise and, 118–19
trust and, 113
turning to phone while on school field trip, 122–23, 124, 125
see also family
parties, 153
birthday, in the early days of texting, 141
finding, and paralysis by FOMO, 145, 146
for graduating seniors, silence at, 138
online, 268
romance and, 181–82
patience, 35, 38, 69, 161–62, 172
Pavarotti, Luciano, 177
Pentland, Alex, 252
performance, online experience as, 24, 62, 83, 84, 106, 109–10, 117
“personalization” or tracking, 314–15
pets, virtual, 352, 356
Pfeifle, Mark, 297
Phillips, Adam, 98
phone calls and conversations, 45
cancelling plans and, 33
fear and avoidance of, 119, 148–49
responding to, 142–43, 148, 299
at work, 149
phones, 24, 42, 55
addiction to, 32, 37–38, 113, 126
as adding value to conversations, 123, 124
apps on, 73, 74, 126, 306
in classrooms, 14–15, 121, 164–65, 212–14
discarding smartphone, 167–68
as disrupting conversation of friendships, 157–58
as distraction in relationships, 192–94
early smartphone years, 140–43, 144–45, 147-48
emergencies” and, 26, 53, 158, 160, 299
and fear of missing out, 145, 146–47
and feeling like a whole person, 123–-24, 150
ignoring, and thus making a person feel more important, 156
and keeping conversations light, 20, 21, 160
at mealtimes, see mealtimes, phones at
no-phones policies, 121, 213–14, 259–60, 283
parent-child relationships and, 62–63, 66, 104, 107–8, 112–17, 117–26, 160, 179
presence of, 20–21, 27, 319
privacy and, 303, 304, 306
putting people “on pause” in order to check, 124, 155, 345
sleeping with, 42, 66, 116, 122, 158, 159, 300
talking about what is on, 150–52, 161
and vulnerability to feeling alone, 152–53
see also texting and messaging
photograph sharing, 35–36, 37, 151–52
phubbing, 4,137
physicians, 281–83
Picasso, Pablo, 67
pilot in cockpit analogy (for associates in law firm), 28–29, 249, 266, 287
Plato, 220
play, 3, 5, 62-64, 65, 71
Poincaré, Henri, 76
politics, 50, 293–316
friendship model for, 296–98
Kony and, 293, 294–95, 296, 298
social media and, 295–98, 314
see also public square
PowerPoint, 218, 220, 223
predictable time off (PTO), 287
presence, physical:
electronic presence and, 154
value of, 262–64, 271–72
Prévost, Abbé, 332
privacy, 50, 85-86, 302–4, 312–16, 327-330
all-or-nothing thinking about, 329–30
apathy about, 310-312, 313–14
browsers and, 312, 313
convenience vs., 303, 304, 312
creativity and, 67, 310
data and, 301, 304–306, 310–15, 327, 328–29
democracy and, 301-304, 310, 316
email and, 86, 303, 304, 305, 312
family and, 106
library books, “mindspace,” and, 302, 303, 304, 310
local, 312
not thinking about, 310–12
phones and, 303, 304, 306
protecting, 303, 304
self-surveillance and, 304–6
surveillance and, 50, 86, 304, 3
05, 312–13, 315
thought and, 301, 302–3, 309–10
productivity, 24, 56, 228, 233, 244, 247, 250–51, 252–53, 258, 261, 264, 271, 276
programmers, 67, 277–78
Project Athena (MIT), 234–36
projection, 80, 96–97, 343–44
psychoanalytic culture, 79, 80, 89, 96–99
psychotherapy, 79. 80, 89, 91, 96–99, 347–48
crowdsourced, 347–48, 351
public square, 15, 293–316, 332–33
catastrophe culture and, 299–301
and friendship model for politics, 296–98
privacy and see privacy
suveillance and self-surveillance, 304–309
punctuation, and meaning in online exchanges, 132–34, 181, 189–190, 200
“Quantified Breakup, The,” 92
quantified (algorithmic) self, 81, 89-96, 99, 317
quiet moments, silence, 23, 26, 38, 75, 153, 218, 323
lulls in conversation, 23, 26, 39, 150, 151, 153, 322
Radesky, Jenny, 107–8
reading, 110–11, 219, 221
deep, 69, 111, 221
privacy and, 302, 303, 304
real time, versus the delays of the edited life, 22, 35, 129, 143, 148, 149, 198, 199, 201, 206, 207, 240–41
Republic (Plato), 220
Richards, Neil, 309
Riesman, David, 8, 145–46
Rilke, Rainer Maria, 66
risk, 7, 27, 36–37, 128, 140,187, 194, 240, 297–-98, 310, 347, 350, 351, 352, 362
“risky talk,” 37
robots, 337–62
elderly and, 349-350, 358–60
faces and voices for, 341–342
jobs, formerly human, and, 349–50, 351, 356, 359–60
Kismet, 341, 342–44
My Real Baby, 349
Nurturance as a “killer app,” 352
pets, 352, 356–57
sociable, 51–52, 337, 338–44, 346–47, 348, 349–52, 356, 357–360
see also artificial intelligence; machines
Rock, Chris, 198
romance, 177–207
archive of, 198, 199–200, 205–207
arguing online in, 194–96
arguments about competing with phones in, 194–96
projecting nonchalance, 188–89
breakups and, 25, 196–97
choice and, 182, 183–86
and friends’ collaboration on texts, 189
“editing” the self for, 199–200, 201–-202
Facebook and, 186–87, 141–142
flirtation in, 178, 179, 182, 186-189, 190
“friction-free” social engagement through apps 179–81
Gchat and, 193, 195, 202, 203–5
information and, 192, 193, 203
Goldilocks fallacy and, 202
maximizing and, 182,183
NOTHING gambit in, 177–79
phones and messages, 188-89, 192–92
Reclaiming Conversation Page 48
