rejection in, 178, 179–80, 187-88, 196-198, 205–07
texting and, 177–79,186–94, 196–198, 198–207
text punctuation, importance of, 189, 190, 200
Tinder and, 38, 179–80, 181–82, 183, 184, 185
WhatsApp and, 191–92
Sacks, Oliver, 211
Sandel, Michael, 241–43
San Jose State University, 234
satisficers, 182–83
Sawhill, John, 317
Schmidt, Eric, 19, 74, 219, 221, 316
Schooler, Jonathan, 76–77
schools, schoolchildren, 211–48, 321
downtime and, 70–71, 164
empathy and, 5–6, 7, 68–69
Holbrooke (pseudonym), 3, 5–6, 7, 68–70, 71–72, 161–65, 323
Radway (pseudonym), 165–66
see also classrooms; college students
Schüll, Natasha Dow, 72–73, 74, 92–93
Schwartz, Barry, 182
Science, 246
seeking drive, 43
self, 24–25, 46–47, 62, 77
algorithmic (quantified), 81, 87, 88–96, 99, 315–316
“edited self,” 198–99, 201–202
online representations of, 131, 201-202, 294
performances of, 24–25, 62, 82–85
of surveillance culture, 305-310
solitude and, 10, 47, 59–78
SelfControl (app), 215
self-reflection, 3, 10, 11, 24, 41, 75, 78, 79–99, 317
Facebook’s aspirational self and, 83–85
history of personal web use as, 85–86
psychoanalytic culture, talk therapy, and, 79–80, 81, 89, 90, 96–99
vulnerability and, 85
self-tracking, 89–96, 99, 306
Senju, Atsushi, 170
September 11 attacks, 299, 300
serendipity, intellectual, as goal of collaboration, 245
750 Words (app), 90–91, 93, 94–95
seven-minute rule, 153–54, 155, 322–23
sharing, culture of, 61–62, 83, 106, 138, 142, 143, 150–152, 164–165, 309, 310
Shiva, conversation and technology during, 135–36
Siegel, Daniel, 170
Silent Spring (Rachel Carson), 4
silent treatment, 179
NOTHING gambit, 177–79
Simon, Herbert A., 182
Siri, 51, 337, 339–40, 346–47, 348, 357
Skype, 105, 112, 262
meetings by, 253–54, 267
sleeping with phones, 42, 66,116, 121–22,158, 159, 300
slowing down, 69, 70-71, 76-77, 220, 223, 319–20
small talk, 193, 234, 357
smartphones, see phones
Smith, Zadie, 215
Snapchat, 103,138, 139, 139, 152
Snowden, Edward, 305, 315–16
social change, 49–50, 294-298. 300-301
social media, 47-48, 61–62, 73, 81-84, 109, 138,
bullying on, 166
emotions and, 25, 40–42, 314
families’ use of, 106–107, 112
and fear of missing out, 83, 145, 146–47
other-directedness and, 145–46
politics and, 294–98, 314; see also politics, social change
profiles on, 137–38, 139
romantic rejection and, 178, 179, 180
and sense of self as performance, 24–25, 83–-84
and social anxiety, 25, 42, 138, 141–42
voter turnout and, 314
social world, as third chair, 10–11, 14, 16, 47–48, 235–36
sociometric badge, 252
Socrates, 171
software programmers, 67, 277–78
solitude, 10, 56, 59–78, 163, 171, 317, 330
“alone with,” 65, 325–26
being alone, 26, 46, 65, 71, 286–88
brain and, 61, 62
capacity for, 321
creativity and, 62, 67
as crowd management, 75, 86
cultivating capacity for, 65, 66–67, 77, 81
first chair and, 10–11, 16, 46–47
Internet surfing as, 61, 74–75
loneliness and, 23, 65–66, 265, 286–87, 346
playing alone, and, 65, 71
self and, 61
virtues of, 60–62, 79
vulnerability to feeling alone, 152–53
work and, 287
Sontag, Susan, 151
Spectator, 333
spontaneity, 4, 22, 53,143
Stanford University, 40, 138, 230, 231
Starbucks, 285
strangers, conversations with, phone as “security blanket,” 152–53
stress,
emotional exposure as, example, 264–66
of family life, 117–18
work and, 250, 253, 277-278, 280
of being “always-on,” 278–79
see also anxiety
strong and weak ties, 297
students, see college students; schools, schoolchildren
summer camps, device-free, 11, 26, 104, 114–16, 175–76, 317–18
Summers, Lawrence, 230
suveillance, 50, 86, 304, 305, 312–13, 315
self-, 304–6
see also privacy
Syria, senate hearings on, 39
Tabless Thursday, 261
Taipei (Tao Lin), 194–95
talk therapy (psychodynamic), 96–99
teachers, 5-6, 231–32, 241-244
actors as (for online courses), 211, 238
see also Holbrooke School, Radway School,
technological affordances, 43–44, 111, 126, 261
technology,
addiction to, 126, 215–16
and choosing right tool for the job, 324–25
conflicts about role of, learning from 325
“coping,” a metaphor with problems, 171
and forgetting what we know about life, 13, 23, 232, 325–26
human values and, 7, 319, 321, 359
vulnerabilities and, 25, 27, 30, 44, 114, 126, 124, 135, 171, 216, 261, 358, 360, 361
telecommuting, 269, 270
teleconferences, 268
telephone calls, see phone calls and conversations
television, 111–12, 115
terrorism, 300, 311
September 11 attacks, 299, 300
see also catastrophe culture
texting and messaging, 4, 11-13, 19–20, 21-24 , 42, 139, 140, 141, 144–46, 152
apologies and, 32–33
breakups and, 25, 196–97
in classrooms, 164–65, 212–14, 215, 243
collaboration on, 189
as commitment, 160
consolation and, 155, 156, 172
documentation and, burden or advantage, 167–68
editing and, 21, 22, 28 35, 36, 37, 54, 107, 128, 139, 143, 149, 200–201
emoticons and emojis in, 23, 132, 170, 189–90
family disagreements and, 105, 127–31, 169
preference for, over conversation, 22, 26–27
punctuation in, 132–34, 181, 189, 190, 200
responding to, 160, 164–65, 188–89, 299, 320
responding to phone calls with, 142–43
romance and, 177–79, 181, 186–94, 196–202, 205
WhatsApp and, 35–36, 37, 191–92
see also phones
therapy, 8, 129, 131
cognitive behavioral, 94, 95
crowdsourced, 347–48, 351
psychoanalytic and psychodynamic, 79–80, 81, 89, 90, 95, 96–99, 348
thinking, 75, 76, 77–78,
see self-reflection
and time alone at work, 287–88
daydreaming, 74, 77, 219, 322–23
mind wandering, 74, 76–77, 79, 97
about past, 75
with Google Glass, 168-170
privacy and, 67, 85–6, 301, 301–2, 309–10
Thomas, Clarence, 303
Thoreau, Henry David, 51, 62, 175, 326, 333, 337, 338
three chairs of, see chairs
at Walden Pond, 9–10, 309, 317
three chairs, see chairs
Tillich, Paul, 65
time off, predictable (POT), 287
Tinder (app), 38, 179–80, 181–82, 183, 184, 185
TOR, 312, 313
toys:
dolls, traditional 343–44
pets, virtual 352, 356
smart, our vulnerability to, 351–52
tracking and feedback devices, 89, 90–91, 93–97, 99, 306, see also algorithmic (or quantified) self.
transactional language and exchanges, 197, 248, 319
transference, in the therapeutic context, 96
transgender adolescents, 112
transparency (as a property of programs), 191, 328, 330
trust, 8, 35, 107, 113, 126, 135, 163, 166, 180, 272, 276, 284, 288, 289, 347, 356
Turing, Alan, 349, 354
Tversky, Amos, 246
Twitter, 12, 24, 27, 43, 73, 88, 157, 200, 222, 277, 299, 357
as classroom tool, 242–43
as instrument of political change, 295, 297
Udacity, 230, 234
Uncle Tungsten (Oliver Sacks), 211
unitasking, 216, 221, 225, 256, 258, 260, 261, 321
University of California at Santa Cruz, 232
University of Southern California, 218
university students, see college students
UpToDate (app), 224
validation, 156, 174, 288
Verghese, Abraham, 282
videos, educational (online), 220–21
Vimeo (video hosting site), 294
Vine (app), 139, 152
virtuous circles, 10, 11, 61, 68, 317
Von Kleist, Heinrich, 37, 39
voter turnout, social media and, 314
vulnerability, 24, 25, 27, 44, 109, 124, 171
to artificial intelligence, 341–45, 348-49, 358-360
to distractions on devices, examples of, 216–17, 260–261
to feeling alone, 152–53
self-reflection, as a cause of, 85
to technology, 216, 261, 361
Waber, Ben, 252–53, 271, 274, 275
Walden Pond, 9–10, 309
Watson, Sara, 308
weak and strong ties, 297-98
web, see Internet
Weizenbaum, Joseph, 341
WhatsApp (app), 35–36, 37, 191–92, 256
white space (free time), 266
Wilde, Oscar, 298
Williams, Rowan, 172
Williams College, 247
Winnicott, Donald W., 71
Wired, 349
Wolf, Maryanne, 111, 221
Woolworth’s lunch counter sit-in, 298
work, workplace, 28–29, 48–49, 249–89, 321
apologies, importance of, 15, 32–34, 267
best practices and, 261, 272, –76, 279–80, 284-88
bringing people “home to work,” 270–72
cafeterias (and kitchens) at, 274, 276, 278, 279
case studies of workplaces (pseudonyms),
Alan Johnson Miller and Associates (law firm), 249–52, 255, 261, 288, 289
Borning Associates (security firm), 289
Castell Advisors (venture capital firm), 275–76, 285
HeartTech (software company), 255–56, 276–81, 286, 323–24
Radnor Partners (consulting company), 270–272, 276
ReadyLearn (consulting company), 253–55, 258–61, 267–68, 288
Seahorse Theater Company, 257–58,
Stan Hammond Consultants (financial services), 266–67, 274, 276
Stoddard (design firm), 272–74, 276, 283
mentoring for conversation, example, at, 259-260
designing for conversation, impact of culture on, 274–81, 283–88
developing leadership culture (for conversation) and, 271–72
dispersal of workforce, impact on conversations at, 49, 261-62, 267–69, 270
email at, 149, 251, 252, 261–62, 264–67, 275, 277, 278, 280, 319-20
entertaining clients and, 251–52
face-to-face conversations (deliberate) at, 15, 54-55, 251–53, 274–276, 288-89
“hiding” at, 286
hiring for conversational ability and, 46
at hospitals, 281–83
hoteling and, 49, 269
multitasking (example of perils) and, 260-61
physical proximity, importance of, and, 262-64, 271, 273–274, 274–276
pilot in cockpit analogy (for associates in law firm), 28–29, 249, 266, 287
predictable time off (PTO) and, 287
productivity, 250–51, 252–53, 258, 261, 264, 271, 276
sociability and productivity link at, 250–51
solitude (through disconnection), importance of, and, 286-88
stress, example leading to connection not conversation, 264–65
unitasking at, 258, 261, 321
timing emails in the, 277, 280
working from home, 49, 253–54, 269, 271
work meetings, 15, 54–55, 240, 249–64, 275
appellate court justices and, 263–64
breakfast as a path to presence, 272–74, 283
Dropbox, effect of in one organization, 258
email miscommunications and, 266, 267
inattention and multitasking at, 251, 254–55, 257–58, 259, 262
Hansel and Gretel experience and, 253–57
meme tracks and, 255–57
device free, 259–60, 275, 283, 285
stand-up, 275
technology-based, 253–54, 267–69
and value of presence, 263–64
Yahoo, 269
YouTube, 150, 294
Zittrain, Jonathan, 314
Zuckerberg, Mark, 301, 309
* Holbrooke is a fictitious name. In this book I disguise the identities of all individuals I cite and of all institutions I visited–schools, universities, businesses. I use real names when I draw from the public record or cite words delivered in a public forum. For more on my method, see note here.
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Reclaiming Conversation Page 49
