I'll Be Home for Christmas

by Lori Wilde

  And here he’d thought Casey’s first year of life had been overwhelming with diaper changes and two-hour feedings and colic. He had to feed her three square meals a day on a regular schedule and that made him realize how erratic his own meal habits were and how often he ate out. He had to make sure she had clean clothes to wear and then he had to entertain her. That was the hardest part. He and Gabi had already done all the fun things he could think of with her. He understood nothing about the inner workings of the mind of an eight-year-old girl.

  The farmhouse didn’t have cable or Internet and now that it was going to be his house, Joe went ahead and ordered it, but they wouldn’t be able to get the services until after Christmas. Joe wracked his brain trying to think of ways to keep her occupied.

  Kismet cookies.

  The idea popped into Joe’s head the Saturday morning after Tatum left for rehab. He’d remembered how excited his nieces got over making kismet cookies so they could put them under their pillows on Christmas Eve and dream of their true love. All right. It wasn’t just girls who enjoyed making the cookies. He had a clear memory of standing on a stool in his mother’s kitchen, wearing one of her aprons that was way too big for him, while he stirred a big stainless-steel bowl of cookie dough. He might have been there more for the cookie dough than the romantic legend, but it had been a lot of fun. Mom would put on Christmas music and they’d all sing together.

  But when he sprang the idea on Casey over breakfast, she narrowed her eyes and assessed him skeptically. “You know how to bake cookies?”

  Um, no he didn’t. “I’ve got a recipe. How hard can it be?”

  “Tatum can’t bake.”

  “You call your mother Tatum?”

  Casey’s shoulders hopped in a shrug. “It’s her name.”

  “You should call her Mom.”

  “She doesn’t want me to call her Mom.” Casey crunched a mouthful of Froot Loops. “She doesn’t want guys to know she has a kid.”

  Aw shit. Really? “She’s missing out,” he said lightly.

  “Yeah?” Casey cocked her head. “How’s that?”

  “I’m really happy to have a kid as cool as you call me Dad.”

  A genuine smile lit Casey’s mouth. “Maybe I’ll try calling her Dad. See how that flies.”

  Joe burst out laughing. For all her missteps, Tatum had done something right. Casey was an awesome kid. “So about the cookies …”

  “If you think you can pull it off.” That bunny-hop shrug again. “But could we ask Gabi to help? She looks like she knows how to bake cookies.”

  “Maybe we could ask someone else. Gabi’s got a lot going on.”

  “She’s still mad at you, you mean.” Casey finished off the Froot Loops, raised the bowl to her lips, and drank the milk turned pink from the cereal.

  “Gabi’s not mad at me.”

  “Then how come she’s not talking to you.”

  “She’s talking to me.”

  “Since when?”

  The kid had a point. “She’s not mad, but things between us are …” He paused. “… complicated.”

  Casey rolled her eyes. “That’s something grown-ups say when they’re mad at each other.”

  “We’re not mad at each other.” This parenting gig wasn’t easy and he’d only been at it a few days.

  “It’s because of me, isn’t it?” Her voice got small. “I’m what’s complicated.”

  How did he answer that? “Tell you what, I’ll ask Gabi to come help us bake kismet cookies.”

  “Yay,” Casey crowed. “Maybe they’ll turn out now.”

  “You were in the gifted and talented program at your old school, weren’t you?” Speaking of school, he was going to have to get her registered so she could start up in Twilight once the holidays were over.

  Casey’s grin took up her entire face. “Yup,” she said. “Call her now before she gets too busy.”

  An hour later, Gabi was in his kitchen with Casey, showing her how to use his grandmother’s old stand mixer. Gabi wore a green apron decorated with white snowmen. From the mp3 player, Bruce Springsteen promised that Santa Claus was coming to town. Gabi and Casey were singing loudly and bumping hips and giggling. He rested his shoulder against the door frame, noticing how happy they both looked.

  Joe watched Gabi place a hand to Casey’s shoulder, encouraging her with step-by-step instructions. Gabi’s hair was pulled back into that perky ponytail that swished when she moved her head and there was a smudge of flour on her cheek. A helpless smile took him hostage as it did every time he looked at her. It dizzied him, this sensation. He felt as if he’d been blind his entire life, but now he could finally see what a beautiful, amazing place the world was simply because Gabi was in it.

  What if she didn’t have to go back to LA? What if she could stay forever?

  At that moment, Gabi turned and caught him staring at her. Instantly, her cheeks pinked prettily and she lowered her lashes, slanting him a knowing gaze.

  “Dad,” Casey said. “Did you know if you sleep with a kismet cookie under your pillow on Christmas Eve you’ll dream of your one true love?”

  “I’ve heard rumors to that effect.” He chuckled.

  “You gotta save one of these cookies for Christmas Eve,” Casey urged. “You only get one shot a year. Now is your chance.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind.”

  “Maybe you’ll dream about Gabi.” Casey giggled. “That would be cool.”

  “Add the butter in small batches,” Gabi said, steering the girl away from the topic of fated love, the pink in her cheeks deepening.

  “What if I dream of old lady Connors?” he teased Casey.

  Casey looked momentarily horrified, then giggled again. “You wouldn’t.”

  “I might. If she were my one true love.”

  “She’s not,” Casey said staunchly.

  “How do you know?”

  “ ’Cause Gabi’s your one true love.”

  Gabi stilled, her hand posed over the mixing bowl. She was barely breathing. “Casey,” she said. “Please get me the vanilla out of the pantry.”

  Joe’s eyes met Gabi’s and he could see her struggling to keep the emotion off her face. Hell, she wasn’t the only one thrown by feelings. He was in over his head as much as she was.

  I want you, he mouthed.

  I want you too, she mouthed back.

  He felt the longing to the very center of his soul, but couldn’t figure out a way to get her alone so they could have a big chunk of uninterrupted time together. But as badly as he wanted her, he’d settle for simply being near her.

  Anything.

  He was a beggar. He’d take crumbs.

  “Hey,” he said. “I’m taking my grandfather’s place in the annual Winter Solstice Parade on the twenty-first. I’ll be driving a team of horses pulling a buckboard wagon to honor Twilight’s founding fathers. Would you like to come with us?”

  “Yes, yes, come, come,” Casey pleaded.

  “Well.” Gabi laughed. “How could I say no to an invitation like that? Sure. I’ll come. What should I wear?”

  “Dress comfortable and warmly,” he said. “I checked the weather report and it might snow.”

  “Really,” Casey exclaimed. “Awesome!”

  On the afternoon of Monday, the twenty-first, Gabi joined Joe and Casey on the buckboard wagon drawn by two large horses named Clyde and Denton. The air was cold and the sky cloudy. Everyone crossed their fingers for snow, dreaming of a white Christmas.

  Traffic stopped as they rode by, people pulled over to wave, call out greetings, and take pictures. When they reached Twilight Joe guided the wagon to the high school football stadium, where the parade participants gathered to start the procession.

  The parade route took them around the town square where townspeople and tourists alike gathered to watch. It was so much like the town of Gabi’s imagination when she looked at her snow globe that her heart seemed to swell, pushing against the seams of her chest. She’
d achieved what she’d come here to do. She’d found the fairy-tale snow globe town in which to spend Christmas.

  And soon, very soon, she would be gone.

  “Are you crying?” Casey asked loudly.

  Gabi shook her head, put a knuckle to swipe away the tear at her right eye. “Allergies. They make my eyes water.”

  “Looks like tears to me,” Casey said.

  Joe shot her a look, but she glanced away before he could see and confirm Casey’s assessment.

  “Isn’t this a lovely parade?” Gabi said. “Oh look, there’s Sam and Emma.”

  “Aunt Belinda and her family too.” Joe nodded.

  “I remember her,” Casey said. “And her kids. Ooh, ooh, can I get down and go hang out with them?”

  “Okay, but don’t just leap out. Hang on and I’ll pull out of the flow of the parade.”

  “How do we find her again after the parade?” Gabi asked.

  “Duh,” Casey said. “I’ll borrow someone’s phone and text you.”

  Belinda had already figured out what was going on as her daughters clapped and jumped around and she was already moving forward to intercept Casey when she stepped down from the wagon. Belinda waved at Joe and Gabi, slid her arm around Casey’s shoulder, guiding her to the sidewalk.

  “We’ll take good care of her,” she called over the noise of the parade. “You all relax and enjoy the quiet.”

  By the time the parade came to an end it was starting to get dark and just when Joe was about to text Casey to tell her that they were ready to head home, the phone rang with his aunt Belinda’s caller ID.

  “Has Casey been behaving?” he asked.

  “She’s a love, Joe Cheek, just a love. The girls are having a slumber party and wanted to know if Casey can stay over. You know me. I adore kids in the house. The more the merrier.”

  “She doesn’t have any clothes.”

  “Don’t worry about that. We’ve got plenty of hand-me-down PJs. We’ll find her something to wear and we’ll call before we bring her home in the morning.”

  “Umm …” All he could think about was alone time with Gabi and how this couldn’t have been more convenient. Thank heavens for big families. “Sure. Okay.”

  “Great. See you.” Belinda hung up.

  Joe turned to Gabi. “Looks like we’ve got the evening all to ourselves. What would you like to do? Dinner? Movie? Dancing?”

  “Not hungry, not interested in a movie or dancing.”

  “Sooo …”

  “To quote Meg Ryan in Top Gun, ‘Take me to bed, or lose me forever.’”

  “Good God, woman,” he said. “I was praying you’d say something like that.”

  “Hit it, cowboy.”

  Joe clicked his tongue and slapped the reins. Gabi snuggled closer to him, burrowing beneath the blanket, an over-the-river-and-through-the-woods smile crossing her face as the horses picked up speed, pulling the wagon over the plank bridge through Sweetheart Park. Being near her like this swelled his heart and tightened his chest.

  He loved this tradition, the echoing clip-clop of horses’ hooves against the wooden runners, the rhythmic jingling of Christmas bells on their bridles. He loved it from the very first moment he’d ridden on the buckboard with Gramps—he couldn’t have been more than three years old—and he’d felt settled then, contented, serene.

  And now he felt it again, a solid sense of inner quiet.

  Peace.

  He felt peaceful.

  The wind nipped, the evening air chilling the tops of his ears and the tip of his nose. Once they left town, he gave the horses their heads until they were trotting at an exhilarating clip.

  The sun squatted on the horizon in front of them, the sky blending orange, purple, and various shades of blue with a darkening churn of gray clouds. Snow was still a possibility. The damp, heavy scent of dusk punctuated everything.

  When they reached a neighborhood development rich with Christmas lights and decorations, he pulled the wagon over so they could watch it from the top of the hill. He slid another glance over at Gabi. She had the woolen blanket drawn up to her chin, her eyes were closed, and her lips tipped up in a beautiful smile.

  His body responded instantly. Going hard and hot and eager.

  She didn’t move.

  “Gabi?”

  She didn’t answer.

  Alarm skipped along his nerve endings. “Are you all right?”

  “Shh, I’m savoring the snow globe moment,” she said.

  He chuckled and her eyelashes lifted with a graceful flutter, her gaze falling on him as her smile deepened.

  “You know what I mean?” Her teeth flashed white in the thickening darkness. “This moment is so perfect I wish I could capture it and preserve it forever in a snow globe.”

  “Uh-huh,” he said. Because honestly, right now, he’d say yes to absolutely anything she proposed.

  “The lights, the wagon, the horses. It’s timeless.” She breathed and he watched her breast lifting high on the inhalation and he thought, I once was lost but now I’m found. Oh yeah, this was a snow globe moment.

  Her eyes were closed again, her face full of peace and contentment. Here, in his hometown, she’d found what he’d spent his entire life looking for. As the sun slipped from the sky and the Christmas lights on the houses twinkled a myriad of motion and color, Joe reached for her hand underneath the woolen blanket. Her little palm was warm against his big one, so delicate and perfect that he had to swallow away the lump that knotted up in his throat.

  He squeezed her hand.

  She squeezed back.

  He interlaced his fingers through hers, marveled at how soft her skin was. She leaned her head against his shoulders, her sweet breast pressed against his upper arm. Need tensed his entire body. He pressed his lips to the top of her head, smelled the fresh fragrance of her hair.

  She let out a shaky breath that cut him right in two, shifted closer against him, and moved their joined hands to his upper thigh.

  “Darlin’,” he warned gruffly. “Gotta stop wriggling like that. You’re playing with fire.”

  “I’m not playing,” she said. “I’m serious. All I have in this town is this moment. You’ve got forever to play around here. I’ll be gone in a few days. I want to milk the most out of the experience. It’s got to last me for the rest of my life. You’ve given me pleasure I’d never had before, and then you deprived me. I know it’s complicated. I know we’ll never be a long-term couple, but I don’t want to waste any more time. If you really want to be with me, be with me, Joe Cheek, while I am still here.”

  Joe’s chest tightened so much that he couldn’t breathe. He pulled her into his lap, turned her so that she was straddling his legs, facing him. He stared into those soft blue eyes that had so captivated him from the very first second he’d peered into them. Eyes that had managed to stop his restless mind and make him yearn for things he’d convinced himself he didn’t want or need.

  Her lips trembled and her eyes widened and he fell, just simply fell into the pool of her blue, blue eyes and drowned.

  “Please,” she begged. “Please stop toying with me.”

  What was she saying? That she wanted him for sex and nothing more? “But … but I don’t want to use you. I’ve used women in the past and I don’t want to be that guy with you. I—”

  “Don’t you get it?” she cried, her legs locking around his. She leaned into his chest, pressed her forehead against it, and stared into him until they were both cross-eyed. “By doing things with me, being nice to me, you’re leading me on. Making promises you can’t keep. Just have sex with me, Joe. Use me! Please use me!”

  “Gabi,” he whispered, gently pushing back so he could see her more clearly. He cupped her cheek, tried to lift a smile that was pretty damn shaky. “Don’t you get it? It’s already too late for this to be just sex between us.”

  “But we were together only that once. Even if we did do it several times.”

  “You don’t think I�
��m fully aware of that,” he growled. “That every time I close my eyes I see you naked in the hot tub? That every time I touch you every nerve inside my body lights up. That every time I look into your eyes I come undone?”

  She grabbed the front of his coat in both fists, shook him hard. “Then do something about it, dammit!”

  “Woman,” he said. “Just remember you poked the bear.” Fire pouring through his veins, he dumped her back down on the seat beside him, clicked his tongue, and put the horses in motion again, urging them into the same frenzied heat that was rushing through him. He had to have her or go right out of his ever-loving mind.

  They flew back the way they’d come—hooves galloping, bells jingling, hearts pounding. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder, tucked her underneath his arm, felt her breathing grow quicker and quicker until he thought she was going to hyperventilate and then he realized her frantic breathing matched his own.

  By the time they pulled up to his farmhouse, his head whirled dizzily as he reined in the animals. He yanked his phone from his pocket, texted Lee, and asked him to come take care of the horses. Then he turned to Gabi, finally able to give her one hundred percent of his attention.

  She quivered on the edge of the buckboard.

  “You okay?”

  “No,” she said fiercely. “Not until you keep your promise, dammit.”

  “You asked for it, missy. You got it.” He slipped his hands underneath her armpits and lifted her up, swung her into his arms. She curled against his chest, slipped her arms around his neck. He looked down into her eyes and was gone.

  Simply gone.

  He swung down off the wagon, clutching his most precious cargo for all he was worth.

  “Now this is what I’m talking about.” She breathed on a dreamy sigh.

  Yeah, well, she wasn’t the only one getting what she’d been dreaming of. Every night since he’d met her, he’d lain in his bed thinking about her beautiful body, aching for her. Wanting her. Needing her.

  No more denying himself.

  No more waiting.

  She was his now. It didn’t matter for how long. It didn’t have to be forever. Now was now. He could only live life one moment at a time and this was their moment. And he knew as he carried her to his house that this moment would be forever etched in both their minds.