"Is that so bad?" she murmured.
"In our case, yes. You see, I have a set of morals I live by, Letty. I don't toy with women. I think it's a waste of time. Oh…I'll admit, when I was a kid I had my fair share of female company. But that's not what I want. I learned that fast enough. I won't introduce you to my grandmother because I can't marry you…."
Letty's head whirled to stare at him. Marry? They hadn't even dated.
She heard every word he said, and it cut deep into her heart, deeper than she would let him know.
"I'm not sure I understand. I didn't ask you to marry me, Hank. Why, we haven't even dated before. I wasn't expecting a proposal."
"It's a forgone conclusion that most women want marriage. I'm presuming you're no different in that respect. But in reality, you and me would never work. So, I guess I'm going to have to quit my job and move on."
"Quit your job? Why?" she shrieked.
"'Cause I can't be around you and not want you. 'Cause I can't offer you enough to marry you and because you deserve more than I can ever give you. So I will quit and move on, and try to forget you."
"Try to forget me?" she yelled. "I might understand it if we'd dated for some time and it led to something like marriage, but we haven't. I'm not even sure you know me."
"Oh, I know you. And as for dating, I guess you are right about that. But sometimes a man and a woman meet and just know…"
"Know what?"
"That they are attracted to each other."
"Well, I'm sure it won't be hard to get over this…attraction you have for me," she cried.
"Well, it won't be easy," he grumbled, putting his hands on the steering wheel and gripping it with a death hold.
"I shouldn't have kissed you just now. Like you say, we haven't even dated."
"That's not exactly my fault." Letty raised her chin proudly.
"I guess it doesn't make much sense when you come to think of it."
"No sense at all."
Letty sat there in the truck, rehashing his words, trying to find a solution and coming up short. She slumped against the seat, and stared out of the windshield. "You won't have to quit. I'm leaving the ranch."
"You're what?"
"I'm leaving the ranch. I've had plans to do so for some time. I've just made up my mind is all."
Hank turned squarely to face her. "You can't do that."
"Oh yes I can. And you won't have to deal with temptation any longer. I won't be around. I'll visit my folks on the weekends, when you are home with your grandmother. You'll never see me. I'll make sure of it."
"But that's not necessary."
"It's very necessary, now take me home…" she cried and this time the tears rolled freely down her cheeks.
He stared for a long while, and then finally he turned the ignition and got back on the road. They rode in complete silence back to the ranch.
As she was scooting out of the seat to leave, he looked at her long and hard.
"I love you, Letty."
But she had already started for the front door and didn't hear him.
***
Hank threw the horseshoe down on the ground, stirring up the dust. His anger festered. His heart broke, and his head ached. This was all wrong. It should be him that was leaving, not her. This was her home.
He was a coward. He couldn't say it to her face. And it really didn't make any sense. She was right, they hadn't even dated. How could he be so bold faced in love with her? And yet from the moment he saw her on Thunder he knew he loved her. So why hadn't he told her while she was still in the truck?
Caleb wandered over to the barn and saw Hank in the corral and joined him. "Something eatin' you, boy?"
"No, I'm fine, Caleb." Just the way he said it had Caleb taking another look.
"Yeah, sure you are. Who put the bur under your saddle?"
"It's nothing," Hank almost yelled at the old man. He wiped his forehead with his bandana trying to calm down.
"What's Miss Letty been up to now?" Caleb chuckled. "That girl wiggles and you squirm."
"It's not funny Caleb, she's leaving the ranch."
"You mean to work…"
"No, I mean she's leaving, moving, getting out of here."
Caleb leaned against the railing. "You're kiddin'."
"Nope. I gave her a ride home and she told me she's leaving," Hank repeated, as though the thought just wouldn't gel in his own mind.
"She can't leave, she'll give up all that money."
"Yeah, I know. If I'm reading her right, she just doesn't care. And I've got to figure some way to stop her. She can't give it up, it's hers, it's rightfully hers," Hank insisted. "Unless she stays I'll worry over her for the rest of her life. I've messed things up good."
He picked the horseshoe up and turned it around in his hand, then moved to go into the barn near the anvil and picked up the hammer, hung on one wall near the back of the barn.
"Me too. You are absolutely right. Why does she want to give it up? I've never seen a woman so bent on giving up on an inheritance that would set her up for life," Caleb questioned. "I mean, she told me she wanted to, but I didn't understand it. Do you?"
Hank threw one hand up. "I don't know. She's not thinking straight is all. She told you she wanted to give it up too. Did she say why?"
Caleb scratched his chin. "Well, she had quite a conversation about how she wanted to be thought of as a person, and not just a person with money. Part of it was when she went to get a job in town, I know that much. Said no one treated her right. Said they made such a difference. She don't understand how little towns are about things like this. They hire within the family, or friends first. It's pretty normal. Jobs are hard to come by. They want to hire people that are gonna stay with them. She thinks everyone sees her as a rich woman and treats her differently. Like it's an injustice to her. Said no man would really love her for herself with all that money. And she may be right there. I thought she was just talkin'. I guess she meant it. Well…I gotta admit it will take some guts to walk away from that kind of money. Oh…don't fret so. She probably won't do it."
Hank shot Caleb another frown. "I think she will. You see I'm guilty of hurting her feelings too. I judged her on the money. It wasn't intentional like she thinks. I gotta admit, but it was different. I think I told her that…because I was too cowardly to tell her the truth."
"And what is the truth?"
Hank sighed heavily. "The truth is I fell in love with her the day I saw her on Thunder. It was funny I guess, in a way. But the horse and her, they looked like one living thing, not two. She is what every cowboy wants, in every way. Yeah, I fell in love, at first sight, who would have thought. But…I know I'm just a regular cowboy. I can't compete with all that money, and I can't be a man and married to a woman I can't support like she deserves."
Caleb studied Hank a long time silently. "Does she know?"
"I tried to tell her…"
"Maybe you need to try a little harder, son. Loving a woman is the best thing in life, Hank. I should know. I had four wives, and loved every one of them with my heart. You can do without a lot of things in life, but doing without the right woman…that's pure torture. Nothing wrong with being a cowboy either. You should be proud. Remember that." Caleb nodded and walked off. "I guess I'm guilty of the same though. I think a lot of that little gal. If she goes, it'll cut to the bone."
Hank nodded, as the hammer came down on the horseshoe, then he dipped it into the fire.
Chapter Fourteen
True to her word, Letty moved out of the ranch house and into a small apartment just a couple of blocks from the café. The apartment wasn't pretty, it held only the essentials, but it would do. She spent the next weekend fixing it up. She planned on wall-papering it, and decorating it so that it would be sunny and bright.
Debby and Joe offered to help her, and Letty so appreciated it.
Determined not to let Hank or the move bother her, she sunk herself into working and shopping for her new
place.
The landlord had been so sweet about letting her re-decorate the place and Letty asked Debby and Joe about what to buy and how much. She had no idea how to decorate, but the excitement of it helped her get through the loneliness she suffered.
She missed the ranch, but she missed Hank and Caleb more than anything. She doubted she would ever see them again, and it broke her heart when she thought about it.
How could a woman fall in love like she had? How could you love a man that never asked you on a date, or took you to meet the family? But she did.
Debby and Joe knew there was something wrong with her, but she refused to talk about it. She satisfied them with saying she simply missed her family and the ranch.
"I don't see why you had to move, honey," Debby said. "I mean, it's not like your folks kicked you out, like mine did."
Over a pizza and Coke, Letty got to know Debby much better.
"Your folks kicked you out?"
"Oh sure, I was dating Bo Lyle, I was sixteen, pregnant and they couldn't put up with that being born again Christians like they were. Said I was whoring myself and that I should repent. When I didn't, they threw me out. Well…to make a long story short, Bo left about the time I told him I was pregnant. If it hadn't been for Joe I would have been in real trouble. I had no money, nowhere to go. He and his wife took me in for a spell, gave me a job and I begin to get on my feet."
"What happened to the baby?" Letty asked, reaching for her hand.
"Joe and Carrie, his wife, helped me find an adoption agency. I gave it up. I wasn't doing that well, and I was still very young."
"Oh…God, Debby. I wish I had known you then, I could have helped you…"
Debby squeezed her hand. "The baby was adopted by some folks in Dallas. They were pretty well off and I got a full report on her for several years. Then they stopped sending me anything about her, I told them it was just too painful. But I knew she was in good hands."
"That must have been terribly hard on you." Letty pulled Debby into her arms to let her cry.
"Hardest thing I ever done. I mean, I held her in my arms once, and she was so pretty…" Debby cried. "For a while, when I first got pregnant, I had such dreams. At least until Bo left town then I realized it was just dreams."
"Did you ever hear from Bo again?"
"No, not directly. One of his old buddies told me he got married; he's got about six kids now. But I never saw him again after he left town," Debby cried. "It's just as well, I don't think I want to see him again. Not now."
"I can understand that."
Letty held Debby for a long while letting her cry and letting her tell her story in all her own words. She just listened and cried with her.
Hearing Debby's story made Letty realize what a sheltered life she had led and she could see things more clearly. Life was hard for a lot of people, and she was just now learning how hard it could be.
Joe told his story too, and Letty wanted to cry. Joe and his wife had lost their grown son in the service, in Afghanistan. The boy had insisted on enlisting in the army, and they could not stop him. Two years later, they were informed he died in the line of duty. It was nearly more than they could bear. Joe admitted he had thought seriously of killing himself, but his faith had kept him from it, that and his love for his wife.
All the long talks she had with Joe and Debby made Letty more humble, and able to see people with different eyes. It also made her realize that not seeing Hank was not the end of the world.
It didn't stop her from missing him though.
"I know there is something wrong in your life too," Debby said one day when Letty grew too quiet.
"Oh, it's nothing…"
"No, it's something. We've shared with you, won't you share with us?" Debby offered as she shot Joe a glance.
"There's nothing really wrong…" she began, but Joe raised a brow.
"I miss home for one thing…" she insisted.
"Yeah, but that's not what is eating you." Debby shook her head. "Come on, you are among friends, here."
"Do you believe in love at first sight?" Letty asked.
Both of them nodded.
"I've never even dated Hank."
"Hank, is that his name?" Debby smiled.
"Yeah. He's a horse wrangler on the ranch. I don't know what it is about him. But I never really connected with anyone like I have with him. It's like…I don't know. You've heard the expression of soul-mates. That's the only thing that explains it."
Joe nodded. "Yep, I know exactly what you mean. When I met Carrie, I took one look, and I knew. It was the strangest feeling."
Letty laughed. "Really, I thought ya'll would laugh at me."
"We aren't laughin'. But we sure would like to see you do that more often."
"What?"
"Smile…" Debby chuckled.
"Hank is old fashioned. He's like I don't know…macho. Wants to wear the pants in the family. He thinks, because I have money, that we aren't compatible."
"So that's the reason you left home, to show him?"
Letty considered her words. "Well, I had planned to leave before I did. It's hard to explain. My father built that ranch from nothing. He made something of himself. But…then when he died and they read the will. I don't know, I began worrying all the time. I'd never given the money a thought. I had made it. But now, I was going to inherit money. Money I didn't earn, didn't deserve. And the way people began to perceive me, scared me. Men looked at the money first, not me. People thought of me as a rich princess. But actually I had worked for my own money for some time. I was used to working. The stipulation in the will said we had to stay on the ranch for a year to inherit. I made it about six months. Now I won't inherit…and believe it or not, I don't care. I really don't. I've come to realize that I want people to like me for what I am, not who I am. I want them to see the real me. I don't need Dad's money. I can make money. I know that."
"Wow, and I thought money would solve all my problems." Debby chuckled.
"No, it won't. It'll just make more."
Joe nodded. "Yeah, you know when we first got the café going, my whole life centered on making it a success. I was constantly worried and constantly trying to do better. Then one day Carrie looked at me. She asked me, 'What's the most important thing in your life?'
"I remember laughing, 'That's easy, you."
"'Then stop worrying about the café. It will either make it or not. But it won't change what is important.'"
Letty's eyes widened. "She was right, wasn't she?"
"Oh yeah. After I quit worrying so much, things began to ease up. Now I'm just happy I'm alive and we are still together."
Letty smiled. "You live and you learn."
"Well, enough of that, let's get this place wall-papered," Joe said and went back to gluing the paper on the wall.
From that day on, Letty made a budget for herself. If she was going to support herself, she would watch her money and her spending. Now that the apartment was coming together, she wanted to make sure her life was secure.
Her modeling money filled in the gaps for her work. Her studies were coming along slowly. She hadn't been as fragile about them. Her heart was not in law and she knew it.
With determination she decided to give it up, even though she only had a short distance to go. She looked over her choice of fields and decided one day to take a different route. She wanted to work in social services, helping girls like Debby, and men like Joe to make better decisions in life. Not that she wasn't proud of both of them, she was. But if she could help steer someone away from bad decisions, that would be an accomplishment she could be proud of. She turned her masters around and began studying something she knew would make her happy.
Now that she had her schooling on the right track, she enjoyed life more. She made herself smile and be happy, despite the fact that deep down, she missed Hank, like a hole was in her heart and it couldn't be filled.
Some of her customers asked her on dates. At first she tur
ned them all down, but Debby and Joe both encouraged her to try.
Still, the dating was so empty. Not one man she dated interested her as anything other than friends. In departments of the heart, she was losing.
Deciding not to feel sorry for herself, she took up hobbies and visited Julie and Kellie more.
"I just don't get it," Julie insisted one evening when Kellie and Letty were playing checkers for the tenth game.
"Get what?" Letty asked distractedly.
"Why won't it work for you and Hank?" Julie questioned, putting the cup towel down and joining them at the table.
Cade strode through and shook his head. "You just can't leave it alone, can you honey?"
"There's no reason they both have to be so miserable," Julie insisted.
"We know that, but they don't," Cade insisted.
"Why don't you go talk some sense into Hank?" Julie asked.
Letty chuckled. "Oh no…if Hank changes his mind, he knows where to find me. And I don't need any help changing it for him. He's stubborn, and refuses to see what we could have together. So…nothing is going to change his mind. I've learned to accept it."
"You're acting like an old maid, Aunt Letty," Kellie blurted.
"Excuse me?" Letty shrieked.
"Well, look at you. You used to dress to the nines. You used to smile all the time. Now you rarely smile. You wear old clothes; it's just not like you."
Julie nodded. "She's right. I hate to say it, but she's right."
"Well, thank you both very much. I guess you agree with them too?" She looked at Cade.
"Now, don't get me in this mess. I have enough to contend with working with that sour puss of a cowboy." Cade laughed.
"I'm getting over Hank. Can't you tell?" Letty insisted with a frown at them all.
"No!" they all choired.
If that wasn't enough humiliation, Sandy and Wendy started in with her the next weekend.
"Don't you regret moving out of here, giving up all the money?" Wendy asked.
"No, not at all. I make good enough money," Letty insisted. "I work at the café during the day, model during the evenings or mornings, and studying in between."
Ring of Fire Page 14
