Neighbours From Hell : DCI Miller 2: The gripping Manchester thriller with a killer twist

by Steven Suttie

  “Not very nice, that.” Said Kev, as Mick got closer to him on the drive. He was wearing a sarcastic grin on his face, and he seemed pretty pleased with himself.

  “You what?”

  “You, being all moody. If that’s the thanks I get for sorting that shithouse out over there, I can’t believe I bothered.” Kev’s cheerful expression disappeared and he began to look really pissed off, staring aggressively at Mick.

  Mick wasn’t about to back down. He didn’t know this Kev, but he wasn’t going to back down from him. If this Kev character was testing the water, thought Mick, then he’s going to get wet. Mick locked stares with his neighbour.

  “Tell you what mate, if you call me a cunt again, I’ll bite your fucking nose off.” Mick banged two sturdy fingers against Kev’s chest, tap-tapping him hard enough to let him know that if he wanted a fight, this was the time to throw a punch. If he didn’t, it was time to shut the fuck up. Mick kept his stare locked as the force from his fingers forced Kev to step backwards. Mick’s face was fixed, his glare was scary and the vein on his temple was pulsating, like a worm that was trying to wriggle off his face. Kev caught on very quickly that he’d started giving abuse to the wrong person. He’d received Mick’s message loud and clear.

  Kev broke the locked stares, smiled and then laughed, releasing his shoulders as he did so. It was a long, exaggerated laugh, and Mick knew the expression well enough to see that his neighbour was struggling to snap out of a “oh shit, what do I do now?” moment.

  “Ha ha, see, I knew you was one of us. Just wanted to see if you had a bit of a back bone on ya mate. People like us, we don’t take any shit do we? Nice one. Ha ha, you had me at it there pal. What did you say your name was?” Kev took a sip from his beer can, and his hand was shaking noticeably.

  Mick kept his face locked, he wanted there to be no doubt in Kev’s mind that he was a serious bloke. He genuinely didn’t want any associations with this person whatsoever. This was a golden opportunity to break any connection with the dickhead before anything further could come of it. “I told you my name the other day. Anyway, I’m going home now. Sort your head out speaking to me like that yeah? In fact, just don’t talk to me at all. Right?”

  “He ar mate, there’s no need for all this. I’ve just got that fucking dick sorted out over there – and this is the appreciation you’ve showed me?”

  “I don’t know fuck all about that. I don’t owe you fuck all, so whatever you’re trying to blag me about, you can forget it.” Mick turned, and started walking slowly away from Kev. He knew that if anything was going to come back at him, it would be now whilst his back was turned. He continued walking, expecting to be jumped, or punched, or to have that can of lager thrown at the back of his head. He was ready.

  But nothing happened. Mick walked slowly up the avenue, swaggering past the house that divided them. As he reached his own drive, he turned to look at Kev, but he had gone inside. Mick sniggered to himself as he reached his front door and went inside.

  *****

  “He is a fucking dead man!” shouted Kev as he slammed his door shut. It shook the whole house.

  “What? What the fuck is that, stop slamming the doors Kev, you egg belly bastard.”

  “Shut up you, you fat old boot.”

  “Hoi, I’ll smash your fucking head in with this iron. You can’t be slamming the doors, we’ve got to look after the house. Why are you such a twat Kev? Just answer me that. I think you need your head seeing to.” Tania was fuming. She knew that it was going to be hard work living in a nice house with her idiot husband. She felt the anxiety suffocate her.

  “Shut your face.”

  “No you shut your face Kev. I’m sick of it.” Tania was stood right in front of her husband, holding the steaming hot iron. “Honestly, I am. Sick to death of you being a dick, slamming doors and all that. You’ll get us kicked out for that, and then what are we meant to do? Just try and act normal for once in your life.”

  “They can’t fucking kick us out for shutting a door loud. Get over it Tania, Jesus, you’re doing me nut in.”

  “Well why was you slamming the door anyway?” It hadn’t occurred to Tania to ask her husband what was wrong, she was so angry about the way he showed such disrespect to this beautiful new house.

  “Nowt.” Said Kev, grabbing another can of lager from the fridge. “Just that dick from next door but one. He’s full of himself, thinks his shit smells like Lynx he does.”

  “Why, what’s been said?” Tania looked concerned.

  “Not much, he just offered me out.”

  “Aw for fucks sake Kev. Why are you such a knob?”

  “Oh, so automatically it’s my fault?” Kev looked hurt.

  “Fucking right it is. Go in there and stay out of my face. I’m going to get you put down, you make me hate life.”

  “Fuck off.”

  “No, you fuck off. I wish you would, I wish you’d been knocked off Strangeways roof when they were firing those hose pipes at you!”

  *****

  “Hi honey, I’m home!” shouted Mick as he closed the door behind himself.

  “Alright Dad?” shouted Liam.

  “There you are!” Rachel marched through from the kitchen. “Where’ve you been love?” she asked.

  “Got a bit of overtime in. It’s dead busy, and a few lads have been off, so I got three hours in.” Mick raised both of his hands in the air and mouthed “yes!”

  “Aw, nice one love. That’ll come in useful!”

  “There’s probably going to be more. Hope so anyway, need to sort out a better settee than those flipping chairs. They kill your arse after a bit. I just want summat I can flop out on after work.”

  “Do you wanna brew love?” she asked as she gave Mick a kiss on the lips and grabbed his butty bag off him.

  “Na, do you know what, I’m gonna have a big massive glass of cordial. My mouth’s as dry as a nuns muff.”

  “Michael!” said Rachel, in exaggerated offence as she walked through into the kitchen. Mick followed.

  “I have officially had the weirdest day of my life. Starting this morning, I had a visitor.”

  “Oh aye, her from across the road?” asked Mick, he was planning to ask Rachel if she knew anything about what had been going on with the weirdos over the road.

  “Yeah, she came over, bold as brass, asking me why I’d arranged for her husband to get beaten up!” Rachel poured vimto into a glass and ran it under the cold tap.

  “Get out! She thinks it were you?” he shook his head and wiped his hand over his face.

  “Yeah, well, that’s what she asked me. So I said it’s got jack shit to do with us, and then guess what she did!” Rachel grinned as she handed the glass to Mick.

  “Dunno?” said Mick, but Rachel could tell he was desperate to know from the bemused expression on his face.

  “She lifted her top up right, and there was one of those straps, you know like what you put heart monitors and stuff on with, well there was a phone strapped to her chest, recording everything that we were saying – he’d obviously sent her over to get a confession! He must think his beating was down to us.”

  “What. Wait a sec.” Mick looked completely puzzled by what Rachel was saying. It took him a few seconds to figure it out. After a short while, he continued speaking,

  “So, if she’s come over here, accusing you and trying to record you doing a confession – why would she lift her top up and show you?” Mick was still completely baffled by the story.

  “I don’t know! It doesn’t make any sense!”

  “Unless, he made her do it,” Mick pointed over in the direction of their neighbours house.

  “Well, yeah, clever dick. That’s obvious – but why would she show it me – what’s she trying to prove by that?”

  “Well, I don’t know. All I know is, they are as a mad as a bag of wasps. You have binned her off, haven’t you love?”

  “Yeah, I said to her as she was going, I said we need to st
ay apart from now on. She looked gutted. I think she was crying as she went home.”

  “Bunny boiler!”

  “Aw, don’t Mick, I really feel sorry for her. She’s a lost soul.” Rachel looked quite sad as she looked at Mick.

  “Oh, no way, speaking of absolute dickheads, guess what that goon from up the road has just been saying!” Mick had a wide grin as he remembered his conversation with Kev.

  “Who?”

  “That cabbage from a few doors up. Kev Soprano.”

  “Oh, why what’s he said?” Rachel suddenly looked worried.

  “I was just walking up the street, and he’s shouting “give us a lift to move summat,” so I was like “leave it out mate, I’ve just finished work.” So he shouts “don’t be a cee word. So I went over and told him off. He shat himself.” Mick laughed at the memory of Kev’s face when he realised he’d cocked up.

  “Aw Mick, what did you do?” Rachel looked really concerned.

  “Nowt, just told him that I don’t want nowt to do with him.”

  “Is that all you said?” Rachel knew that her partner had a bit of a temper at times. Mick downed the rest of the vimto and forced an appreciative burp out, then wiped his mouth with his sleeve before replying.

  “Yeah, honest. I just advised him that if he calls me a cee word again, I’ll bite his nose off.” Mick laughed at Rachel’s look of disapproval. “Don’t be like that love, he was over stepping the mark. It’s dealt with now, he knows where the line is, and he won’t be crossing it again. Job done.”

  “Well,” said Rachel, looking suddenly very stressed and anxious. “I think there’s a problem. Shit.”

  “What?” asked Mick, folding his arms and leaning back against the kitchen worktop.

  “They came round here earlier, him and his wife Tania. They said they’ve got the neighbour problem under control, but we owe them two hundred and fifty quid.”

  “You what?” Mick’s face changed from humour to anger in the blink of an eye.

  “They said they had to pay some people to sort it out, and as we’re benefiting, we should give them half.”

  “What did you say?” Mick looked really annoyed.

  “I said okay.” Rachel looked down at the floor as she spoke.

  “Aw, fuck off mate. You didn’t did you love? That’s what he’ll have been going on about it for. Right, well fuck him. He’s not having jack shit. If they come to the door again, tell them they need to speak to me.” Mick placed his glass down and started walking out of the kitchen. “I’m going for a shower love, I smell like John McCririck’s jock strap.”

  “Mick, wait. I gave him the money.” The anxiety was clear in Rachel’s voice. Mick stopped walking, paused a second or two, before turning around. His face had gone bright red.

  “Are you being serious?” Mick was furious, there was absolutely no mistake about it.

  “I just, well, I didn’t think.”

  “I’ve been doing two bastard jobs to get the money together for this move, and you’ve given it to that dick? Why?” Mick hated being unpleasant to Rachel, but this had seriously annoyed him. He just couldn’t keep his views silent.

  “I just thought it would be best to keep the peace. I’ll go round now and get it. It’s fine.”

  “Nah, I’ll go round and get it. That’s an absolute fuck up that Rach. Seriously.” Mick stomped off and slammed the front door behind him.

  “Shit.” Said Rachel, realising that she’d been so caught up in her story about what a weird day she’d had, that she’d forgotten to tell Mick about the random cheque for five hundred quid that had been posted through while she was at the RSPCA.

  “Shit.” She headed to the back door and lit a cigarette.

  *****

  “What a fucking idiot!” said Mick under his breath as he marched down his drive.

  He walked quickly along the street, and then turned sharply as he reached Kev and Tania’s driveway. He kept pressing the bell, and also banged on the door, in much the same way that Kev had knocked on Mick and Rachel’s own door on Sunday morning. There was no answer, and Mick gave it another few bangs. There was still no answer after a further thirty seconds had passed. Mick saw that the car was on the drive, and it was only about five minutes since he’d been talking to Kev.

  Mick tried the door handle. It offered no resistance as he pushed down on it. The door began to open, and Mick stepped confidently inside.

  “Kev!” he shouted. “Kev!”

  “Hey, what are you doing? You don’t just walk into people’s houses like that,” said Tania as she appeared from the front room. Her voice was raised but she looked slightly scared. Her face was bright red.

  “Didn’t you hear me knocking on the door, and ringing the bell? Where’s Kev?” said Mick, offering no doubt whatsoever that he was unhappy.

  “He’s gone out. He’s not here.” Tania was bulging her eyes out, trying to appear sincere. But it wasn’t working, Mick knew that she was lying.

  “I don’t believe you. You know why I’m here. I want my money back, so just pass it here, or I swear down, you and Kev are going to wish you’d never seen me.”

  “Alright, I’ll get you the money, it’s no big deal – we just thought you’d want to chip in, since you’re benefitting from it.”

  “I’m not benefitting from fuck all. Just give me back my money, and tell your bad man husband to stop hiding under the stairs or wherever he is.”

  “He’s not, he’s gone out. I swear down.”

  “Right, well, whatever. Has he left my money?”

  “I’m looking for it now. That’s what I was doing when you was knocking on. Kev told me you’d spat your dummy out. We was expecting you.”

  “So he is here?”

  “He’s not. For fucks sake – he’s gone out.”

  “The car’s still on the drive.”

  “He’s gone to the shop.”

  “The shop’s about two fucking miles away.”

  “He’s not here love.” Tania looked frustrated at having to keep repeating herself.

  “Well, listen. I want my money back, and I don’t want you thinking that we owe you anything.”

  “Wait, your missus was being sound about it. It’s nothing snide, we just thought you’d want to put in.”

  “Well, I don’t want to put in. I wish my missus hadn’t got involved the other night. I just want my money back, give me my money back.” Mick was getting angrier and his voice was getting louder – he was stressed out that he was having to have this argument with Kev’s wife.

  But right then, Kev appeared from the front room, and he was holding a carving knife.

  “Tell you what mate, come and fucking get your money, yeah?” he said with a psychotic grin on his face.

  “Kev! What the fuck are you doing, put that down you dickhead!” screamed Tania, as she walked across to the doorway and stood in Kev’s way. “Fuck off, put it away you stupid twat.” Screamed Tania.

  “Get out of my way, if this fucker wants to come round here, giving us shit, he can have a stab mark.” Kev looked a bit wobbly, a mixture of adrenaline and the strong lager that he’d been drinking were clearly having an effect.

  Mick had one rule, which was to never back down. But this situation was escalating far too quickly and he realised that he needed to get out of there, he knew only too well that some of the worst things happen when drunks have hold of knives.

  “Come on then, if you want your money, come and get it.” Kev was shouting, his eyes were wild and it was clear that his nutter button had been flicked onto maximum. Tania was visibly scared as she stood in between her husband, and Mick who was stood in the doorway that separated the lounge and the hallway. Mick was panicked, he couldn’t think straight. This knife changed everything, and his mind was racing – he was frozen, unsure of what to do.

  “Come on, you fucking hard man, come and get your fuckin’ money!” shouted Kev. He was moving forward, pushing against his wife who was battling to
keep him restrained. He was waving the knife above her head, and it was pretty obvious that he’d lost the plot.

  “Tell you what, yeah, I’m just going to go home. But I want my money back, and I will fucking get it back, make no mistake Kev.”

  “You can fuck off, alright pal. You ungrateful cunt! Fuck off!”

  Mick walked backwards, out of the house and onto the doorstep. He grabbed the door handle and closed it slowly, calmly before he turned and ran quickly back to his house.

  “Where’s the key?” he shouted as he burst into the house and slammed the door behind him. Quick, we need to lock the door!”

  “What’s going on?” shouted Rachel from the backdoor step, holding a cigarette in her hand.

  “He’s pulled a fucking knife.”

  “Aw for fuck’s sake!” she stubbed the cigarette out against the back wall and slammed the back door shut.

  “I know. Are all the kids in?”

  “Liam, Noel, Shania, Britney! Are you in?”

  “Yes,” shouted Noel.

  “Who is?” shouted Rachel up the stairs.

  “Where’s my bat?” asked Mick, his eyes were wide and he was in a state of panic.

  “I’m in,” shouted Shania from the landing.

  “Liam’s playing football down the street.” Shouted Noel.

  “I’m on the toilet!” shouted Britney.

  Mick unlocked the front door and inched out – looking out towards Kev’s house. There was no sign of him, or Tania. It was all quiet on the street. He couldn’t see Liam, there was no game of football taking place.

  “Noel, phone our Liam, and ask him where he is please,” shouted Mick up the stairs as he locked the front door again. “Make sure that back door’s locked Rach.” He shouted through into the kitchen.

  “It is, shit! This is really bad. What the fuck is this place?” asked Rachel.