The Red Fox: A Romance

by Kim Hunter

  Leaf turned and looked at Jay in silence. She nodded at him ever so gently, speaking without words, telling him that he could handle Berkley. She took a few steps back, leaving the two to settle things on their own.

  “Now, as things currently stand, Leaf was meant to be going to the Ball with me, but this morning, low and behold, she changed her mind.” He turned to Leaf, “Didn't you, princess?”

  Leaf didn't answer, she didn't need to.

  “Now,” he said, “Why don't you tell us all why you don't want to go to the ball with Berkley.” Whenever he was particularly impressed with himself, which was quite often, he liked to refer to himself in the third person. He thought made him sound like a legend. No kidding, he really did.

  Leaf pointed to Jay, “I said I want to go to the Ball with him,” she turned and looked straight at Jay, “if he'll ask me.”

  “If he'll ask you,” Berkley repeated. “Well, let me tell New Guy what will happen if he turns up to the Ball with you.” He nodded at Brick who then grabbed Jay and dragged him over to Berkley. He grabbed Jay by the shirt and pulled him up on his tippy toes, “If you ask her to the Ball, I'll crush you. I'll make your life hell in Jacksonville, got it?”

  He lifted Jay completely off the floor and threw him backwards, sending him sliding along the hallway. Jay scurried to his feet. His heart was racing, and he found it hard to breathe. All eyes were on him, waiting for him to make a move.

  He turned away from Berkley and pushed through the crowd. He didn't answer. He didn't try to do anything except run. His heart was racing and the anxiety he had hoped he had left in New York wrapped its arms around his neck once more, choking him. He had to get away.

  He ran without a word and without looking back.

  Berkley looked at the surrounding crowd like a rooster, cocky and puffed up.

  “Last chance,” he said to Leaf. “Do you still want to go to the Ball with me?”

  She gave him the finger before running off in the same direction Jay went, knowing where he would be.

  As she ran off Lucy raced up to Berkley. She thought everything her idol did was awesome, and she was greatly turned on by his macho performance. “That was incredible,” she said. “You really showed him who's King around here!”

  He just smiled. It was true, after all.

  She leaned closer to him. “Meet me in the janitor’s room in five minutes, you wild man.”

  Berkley grinned. He watched the Lucy walk off, and wondered why she hadn't already ripped his clothes off. After a few minutes he made his way to the Janitor’s room for another make out session. Maybe more? he thought. But in this game, he wasn't the All Star in control of the play. In this game, the Terminator was the spider; he was only the fly stuck in her web.

  13.

  Leaf squeezed through the gap and found Jay just where she expected.

  “Skipping class I see,” she said. “Me, too.”

  He had his sketch book out already. It was in his art he found the good part of himself once again. The part he understood and enjoyed.

  “I can't take you to the Ball.”

  “You don't want to go with me?”

  He didn't look up as he answered, “I don't want my life to be horrible for the next six months.”

  She replied, “Berkley is all talk.”

  Jay closed his sketch book and looked up at Leaf.

  “You don't understand. I've been bullied all my life. I can't just change the damage that has done to me. I'm afraid. I can't stop this fear from clawing at me. I'm a coward, but I can't help it.”

  “You—,” she said, “are not a victim.” She took another step closer, “You are not to blame.” She was now right in front of him, “And you are not what your past has forced on you.”

  He looked up at her. “You think that about me?”

  “No,” she replied. “That's what I think about myself, because of you.”

  Jay now stood up and listened, giving her his full attention.

  “That's what I thought to myself last night, as I lay in bed.” Leaf said. “I held the portrait you drew of me in my hands, and I thought of how you made me feel yesterday. It was the first time anyone besides my Nanna made me feel that special. I forgot how it felt to know someone saw more than just my exterior. I had forgotten what it felt like to have someone believe in me, believe in my inner beauty.”

  Jay looked up and felt his anxiety begin to fade away. “I meant every word.”

  “Your words have started to change me, to soften me, to strengthen me,” she said.

  Jay smiled.

  “But tell me,” she said, “what's the difference between my past and yours? I've been branded a slut, you've been branded a coward, but what's the difference? We've both been beaten and abused, so what's different? Why do you believe my past shouldn't dictate my future, but you continue to let yours keep you imprisoned?”

  Jay looked away. He didn't have an answer. He hadn't even seen the similarities between them before. He knew, deep in his heart, that she was greater than her past, but what about his own past? Was he also greater than the coward he saw himself as?

  He saw her inner beauty, it was crystal clear, but there was still a part of his own soul that was dark and locked up, where he held his shame, his fear. He couldn't unlock that cell, he couldn't free himself from his fear.

  The thoughts aroused his oldest fears again. They didn't want him to overcome them. No, his fears wanted to remain powerful within him, and they began to stir up his anxiety once again. He felt it choking him once more. He felt the shame of being a coward pulling his stomach apart.

  He stood up and ran to the exit. As he pushed himself through the gap, he said, “I can't—I'm sorry, I can't ask you to the Ball. You'll have to go with someone else.” And with that, he darted off the school property. He needed to get away. To let his fears subside. He was so ashamed he ran away without looking back. His anxiety had consumed his mind to the point that he didn't even notice that he had left his sketch book behind.

  Leaf stood alone. She picked up his sketch book and began to flick through the pages.

  14.

  Day Four. Jay didn't want to get out of bed, but his aunt insisted. It was only his first week at his new school and she wasn't going to let him skip school for no good reason. Since Jay didn't want to tell her his good reason, he conceded to her demand.

  When he walked up the school stairs, Leaf was waiting for him. She had his sketch book in her hand. She held it out for him to take.

  “You haven't just drawn me. You've drawn others, too.”

  “Yeah,” he said. “I don't really do much else in class except draw.”

  “They're beautiful. Every one of them.”

  “Thanks,”

  “Did you also see the inner beauty in these other students, too? Is that why you drew them?”

  Jay nodded his head as he took the sketch book.

  “You should show them. Let them see what you see in them, just like you've shown me. You have a gift. You can see the inner beauty others are blind to.”

  “I just try to see the masterpiece in people.” He smiled at her. “For some reason, it's not as easy when you're trying to see it in yourself.”

  She smiled back as the bell rang for the first class.

  “I've to to go.” She grabbed his hand. It was soft, electric. “Will you draw me again, today?”

  He would. He had to. No matter how afraid he was, he wouldn't let her go. They still needed time together, time to talk, to get to know one another; time to figure out why the first time their eyes locked had meant so much to them.

  He nodded. “Will you share your heart with me?”

  She smiled and nodded back. As she walked to her first class she thought about his request, and wasn't sure if she could truly do that. To open up her heart, after spending her whole life defending it, was the hardest thing she could imagine.

  Jay and Leaf met again at lunchtime. While he sketched her, she listened
to some of his stories. According to their deal she was the one meant to be talking, but she managed to keep flipping the conversation to be about him. He told her about his life in New York, about his old friends and the trouble they got into when they were kids. He talked about the holidays he had been on.

  She listened, and asked questions, and continued to avoid speaking about her own life. She had always guarded herself with such determination that she never talked about her personal life with others. He asked a few questions, but she would only give short, general answers.

  “Why did you start dating Berkley, anyway?”

  “Because he asked me,” she replied.

  “That easy?”

  She tilted her head and grinned. “According to my reputation, yes.”

  “I didn't mean it like that,” Jay said. She knew he didn't mean it that way.

  “Well, let's see. At first I thought he just wanted to get in my pants and then move on, but, unfortunately, the Neanderthal decided to stick around. He was also nice to me, for a little while anyway. It was all an act of course, but at the time I was all right with going along with it. I even tried to believe it for a while. Then I caught him in the ladies toilets with Lucy and everything fell apart.”

  Jay laughed, “With the Terminator?”

  “Yep.”

  “So why is he still chasing after you? Do you think he loves you?”

  Leaf laughed. “Berkley loves Berkley. I'm just a bit of candy he wants another mouthful of. I don't want anything more to do with that little man.”

  Jay stopped drawing for a moment and said, “Yesterday, he picked me clear off the ground and threw me down the hallway. He may be stupid, but I wouldn't call him little.”

  Leaf smiled. She shook her head and grinned at Jay, “You know, Berkley had a big head, and big biceps, and a big ego, but trust me,” she held up her left hand and began to wiggle her pinky, “not everything about him is big.”

  Jay raised his eyebrows and then diverted his eyes. They both burst into laughter again.

  He changed the subject and asked her about her mother, but she just gave a vague answer and then threw the same question back to him. He began to share about his mother, about the hospital she worked in and the different hobbies she had.

  Leaf listened to Jay open up about his personal life. She wanted to share her heart with him, too, but she didn't know how. She didn't know how to let down all her internal defenses and allow herself be vulnerable with someone else.

  Everyone in her life, up till this point, would only use her venerability to their own gain. But she could open up to Jay, she knew it. He had already caused so much change within her. She felt a freedom inside of her she'd never thought was possible. She was even beginning to see her inner smile, through the dark mist that had lingered in her soul for so long. Now, it was lifting, and something beautiful was beginning to shine through.

  She listened to him and wondered why he couldn't see how brave he was. He was looking at what all the bullies from his past had made him feel. But he lived in a way that none of them ever would or ever could. He was honest to his own heart. He lived searching to know himself. He fought to remain unique, to remain in love with all the things that brought his heart to life. He was brave enough to see through all the weaknesses of the people around him; he looked deeper and saw the parts of them they couldn't even see themselves.

  Berkley thought of himself as brave, but he knew nothing of courage. He could only see his strengths, but never looked deeper within himself to understand his weaknesses. He could never look, for to do so would reveal his cruelty and his meanness. If Berkley chose to look, he could change, he could grow, he could become a better man. But she knew he never would. He didn't have the courage. Berkley was the real coward. While Jay fought to know his true self, Berkley lived behind the ignorance of his mask, his tough guy persona, too afraid to even know himself.

  She listened as Jay continued to share his heart. As he sketched, his own face shone. She was beginning to see what was inside him too, and it made her smile.

  Being with him made her past feel a million miles away. Being with him turned her thoughts of the future from black and white into color once more, just like the future she dreamed about when she was just a child at the feet of her Nanna.

  15.

  Day Five. Jay arrived at school to see it already decorated for the evening's festivities. Rick met him in the hallway, looking very excited.

  “Guess who's going to the Ball with,” he cupped his chest with his two hands, “Rack Of The Year—Suzy Summers?”

  “Nice one,” Jay said.

  “And you? Who are you taking?”

  “I'm not taking anyone. I'm not even going to the Ball.”

  Rick looked at him in shock. He shook his head and then spun around and pinned Jay to his locker.

  “Woah, woah, woah! You're not going to the Senior's Mid-Year-Ball? Come on man, you've got to! It's the Ball. The biggest party of the year. It's legendary in our school."

  “Berkley will just humiliate me if I go.”

  “Not if you don't go with Leaf. Just pick another girl, Romeo.”

  Jay turned to his friend. “I don't want just another girl.”

  “Oh, No,” Rick rolled his eyes, “Noooo! Don't tell me you're in love.”

  Jay didn't say a word, but he did smile.

  “Bad, lover boy, bad, bad, bad!”

  Jay laughed. “I don't care, it feels so gooood!”

  They both laughed.

  “You really think she's that special?”

  “She's even better than that. You don't know her, no one here does. If anyone had taken more than five minutes to look past her reputation and all the lies that have been told about her, they would have seen the masterpiece within her.”

  “What about Berkley? He's not going to be so excited to hear of this blossoming love.”

  Jay's heart sank. It was true. Even if he didn't ask Leaf to the Ball, he'd still be hovering over his shoulder, ready to pounce, ready to make him cower endlessly in humiliation.

  “I'll just keep on running.”

  “It's probably the safest thing to do.” Rick said.

  Jay stopped what he was doing and looked right at Rick, quite confused at what he'd just said.

  “Safe? And what do you think is the right thing to do,”

  Rick exhaled a long, loud breath. “I don't have the heart to tell you, and I don't think you have the courage to do it.”

  Jay looked at Rick and shrugged his shoulders. “Come on, what is it? What should I do?”

  Rick leaned in closer to him. “If Leaf means that much to you, you should ask her to the Ball, and to hell with Berkley. You can run from him to save your own ass, but there's no running from him if you want to take hold of the girl you love.” Rick leaned over and whispered. “Come on, Romeo, it's time you stopped running and faced your fears.”

  16.

  Berkley walked into the cafeteria with his usual swagger. He scanned the room and saw Leaf sitting in her usual spot, alone. She wanted him. She wanted him, bad. He was sure of it. The game of hard-to-get had gone far enough, and he decided it was best to end it here and now.

  He walked up to her and waited for her to acknowledge him. Once it became apparent she wasn't going to, he sat down next to her and said, “So, I'll pick you up at 7pm, OK?”

  She didn't look at him, she just raised her left hand and started wiggling her pinky.

  “Get lost, little man.”

  He leaned closer, “Let's stop with the games. Come on, I'm taking you to the Ball tonight—and we can even go back to my room afterwards,” he raised his eyebrows, “like old times.”

  She turned and poked him rapidly on his forehead, “If you had your dick here, at least your brains would then be in the right place.”

  The table next to them began to chuckle under their breath. Berkley shot them a dirty look and they all fell silent. He really couldn't understand why Leaf was still
playing, surely she was dying to get back in the sack with him. That's seriously what he thought.

  “Look,” he said. “I'll be at your place at seven. No more discussion.”

  She shook her head and stood up. At that moment Jay and Rick walked into the cafeteria. When Jay saw her his face lit up with joy, and so did hers.

  Berkley swung his beefy head around to see why Leaf was suddenly so happy.

  “Oh, no you don't—not New Guy again?”

  “Listen to me Pinky,” she said in the loudest tone she could muster without screaming. Everyone else fell silent and turned around to see what was going on. “I am not going with you to the Ball. I already have my heart set on a better man to go with.” She pointed to Jay, “See that man. He's the man I want to go to the Ball with.”

  Berkley shot up in anger. She was trying to make him out to be a fool, and nobody made the Man look like a fool.

  “But you're not going with him, because if he takes you to the Ball, I'm going to remove his head from his body.”

  “He's not scared of you!” she screamed.

  “Oh, really?” Berkley said in amazement. He stared back at Jay, who was now standing frozen in time near the entrance. All eyes were on him as Berkley screamed.

  “Then come on, New Guy, and ask her. You heard me, ask her—and I'll break your face!”

  Jay felt his stomach melting again. All eyes were on him. Berkley was watching. Leaf was waiting.

  Like the monster it was, anxiety gripped him, suffocating him. Fear fell into his stomach like shattered glass. He was frozen, because his heart couldn't understand why Leaf had just done that to him. Of all the people who would humiliate him, he never thought it would be her. She knew he was scared of Berkley. She knew he didn't have the courage to take her to the Ball. He had already told her. She knew exactly how he felt, and now in front of everyone she had exposed his weakness, and everyone would now watch him run again, like the coward that he was. His whole body started to go weak, his eyes unlocked from Leaf's gaze. He turned and ran.