Save Me

by Grady, D. R.

  She lay back on her pillows and missed Mallen. Finally, before the drug took effect, she left her bed and padded across the room to the swinging panel between their rooms. He lay in the shadows, only a part of his face showing, but enough that Julia could tell he rested comfortably. She crawled into the bed and nestled up to him with a happier sigh. His arm wrapped around her, urging her closer, and Julia finally thought everything would be okay.

  With the morning came the realization that she occupied Mallen’s bed without him. Sebastian snoozed on the pillow next to her, but Mallen had definitely left. She couldn’t remember him trying to wake her. Or even a kiss when he left. Tears threatened, but Julia would not allow them to fall. A hollow feeling formed in her stomach.

  Why had he not woken her? Why had he left without telling her?

  Had he bothered to kiss her?

  Julia slid from the bed and returned to her own chamber. She bathed and dressed before leaving, wandering what had happened.

  She encountered Lila and heard the newlyweds left early for their honeymoon, happy and content. Julia was pleased and relieved yesterday’s events hadn’t impacted their happy occasion. While rough justice had been served, she realized both Giselle and Stefen had dealt with so much in the past year and a half that very little could have disrupted their union.

  Lila also mentioned that George used dynamite to extract Malcolm from the cell he shared with two other inmates. The explosion killed his cellmates. Lila assured her though, that the prison structure was sound and the builders were nearly finished reconstructing the wall. No other prisoners managed to escape.

  Julia plodded into the breakfast room with a heavy feeling but upon seeing no one there, she continued to the professional corridor. Mallen’s office door stood slightly ajar and she knocked softly.

  “Come in,” came the curt command.

  Confusion pressed deep as Julia obeyed.

  “Mallen?”

  “Julia.” His response was flat with no smile, no expression on his face.

  She frowned, not certain where her Mallen had gone, but she didn’t know this man. His face was a cold, tight mask of discipline, with lines etched around his eyes and mouth. He looked more like a battle-scarred warrior than a king. And nothing like the Mallen she knew.

  “Should you be out of bed?” Her question was tentative.

  “I’m fine,” he replied tightly. “Just because I was useless to you yesterday doesn’t mean I need to spend the day in bed.”

  “You weren’t useless yesterday.”

  A brief spasm of emotion crossed his face, but it was so fleeting she couldn’t identify it. “George might have killed you and I couldn’t have done a thing.”

  “He didn’t touch me. You and Giselle prepared me for this, remember?”

  He stalked across the room to her. Even though he was upset, his hands were still gentle as he yanked up a sleeve of the sweater she wore. The black stitches stood out in sharp contrast to her winter white skin.

  “This tells me he touched you,” Mallen stated emphatically. He tugged at the hem and pulled the garment until her bruised ribs showed. “As does this.”

  “He did get in a few shots, but they’re minor compared to what happened to him.”

  His eyes rested briefly on his pet as he contemplated that. “Had it not been for Sebastian, there’s no telling what might have happened to you.”

  “You know, I was doing a pretty good job of protecting myself, but in the event I hadn’t there were plenty of people who would have helped. Like your sister, brother-in-law, my parents, mercy help him if my mother had gotten close. George would have lost more than his throat.” She hoped to break some of the tension but the brackets etching either side of Mallen’s mouth didn’t soften.

  “Perhaps you would have been given help,” he offered grudgingly. “But what if George had held the gun instead of Malcolm?”

  “He didn’t and even so, Sebastian still would have gotten him. George obviously hadn’t considered that you have a protective pet.”

  “I did nothing to protect you,” Mallen muttered as he resumed his seat. It sounded like he beat himself up mentally – like he had somehow failed her.

  Julia bristled. Leaning her hands on his desk she bent until her face was level with his. “Did I ask you to protect me?”

  “That was part of the agreement when we removed you from your home and brought you here.” Again that fleeting emotion crossed his face. Obviously he felt he hadn’t kept his part of this so called agreement. It was ridiculous and her ire rose another notch.

  “I don’t remember that part of the deal, but I do know that you and Giselle worked tirelessly to teach me how to defend myself. I did so. I needed to be able to take care of myself and I did. You gave me that ability, Mallen.” She stared into his glacial amber-green eyes. Her heart dropped.

  “I failed you.”

  She let out an exasperated breath. “Part of being in a relationship is allowing for flexibility in decisions and consequences. You can’t be held responsible for the choices I make. For the freak accidents that can happen. I make decisions and perhaps they’re not always right, but they’re mine. I need to take the repercussions of those choices. I don’t want a man who feels he needs to watch every footstep I make in case I stumble. I want a man who’ll stand beside me and experience what I do, but accept that he can’t stop every little mishap.”

  “I didn’t protect you. Therefore, I am not the right man for you.”

  “Because you didn’t kill George personally, you think we can’t be together? Because of a wild bullet and you being in the wrong place at the right time, you’re ending what we have?” Not thinking it was possible, her heart still dropped another devastating notch.

  “Yes. If that’s how you want to say it,” Mallen returned quietly. His eyes remained empty pools of amber-green. No warmth, no emotion now.

  Julia fought the need to scream. “I was only good enough for you when you thought I needed your protection? Or because of my skills in your lab?”

  “I’m no better than George was for you.” The rigid inflection in his voice didn’t change. But remorse flared in his eyes, as though he couldn’t bear himself.

  “Mallen, we can’t predict what will happen in any given situation. All we can do is face the situation together. That’s what a good relationship is all about. Supporting one another, helping one another, and yes, perhaps protection comes in there, too, but we’re human. I don’t expect, nor want perfection,” she exclaimed, her voice near shout level.

  “I cannot accept anything less than keeping you safe. If I can’t do that, then I am not about to enter any type of relationship.”

  “And I don’t want a relationship where the man feels he can’t allow for failure.” Julia suddenly felt tired, defeated, and hopeless. She thought these awful feelings had been overcome yesterday when she confronted George. Now they were back, with reinforcements, stronger than ever before. She had been right – Mallen Saltaire was far more risk to her heart than George had ever been. She loved Mallen, while George had never come close to touching her soul. Mallen was fully embedded there.

  “I’m sorry.” When she looked into his eyes she saw the regret there. It echoed the plea in her heart.

  “Me too,” she returned, not caring if the tears spilled now.

  “Then I suppose we don’t have anything more to say to one another.”

  “No, it doesn’t appear that way.” Her shoulders slumped. When she reached the door, she didn’t turn, but said, “I want someone who’ll walk beside me, not in front of me or behind me trying to make certain I don’t trip or fall. Life happens, and I need someone who’s willing to face those happenings with me.

  “Thank you. For everything,” she whispered inadequately when he didn’t answer, before leaving the oppressive atmosphere that clouded his office. Julia remained unconvinced that Mallen Saltaire had abdicated all rights to be her mate, but she saw the evidence that he had in his o
wn mind.

  At least one question she had worried over was answered. Now that he didn’t need to protect her any longer, he was willing and even eager, to let her go. Her heart shattered.

  Julia trailed to her room, hating the thankless task ahead of her. She opened her suitcases and filled them with the same empty feeling she had experienced this morning when she woke up alone. The tears streaming heedlessly down her cheeks hindered her work, but she kept at the chore.

  After she finished packing, she used the communication device on the bedside table to make arrangements for a plane ticket home, a ride to the airport, and a rental car for when she reached Pennsylvania.

  She hugged Sebastian about five times, her hot tears streaking across his heavy black pelt. “Sebastian, this isn’t because of what you did yesterday, okay?” she kept trying to reassure the big cat. He accepted her affection and words, but stared at her with accusing yellow eyes. Julia sobbed into his fur. “Please don’t make my leaving any harder than it already is, okay?”

  She jotted off a quick, sincere thank you note with much love to the newlyweds. Then signed the bottom with less than her usual flourish before she sealed and stamped the envelope. She would mail it from the airport.

  The note to Mallen was much harder, and when she finished, she propped it against her pillow, not even able to leave the goodbye in his room. Where she would smell his unique scent, and be forcefully reminded of what couldn’t be. See evidence of the man she loved. And probably always would. Swallowing, she decided her heart had taken a far worse beating than her body ever had.

  After locating Lila, Julia bid her goodbye, her heart continuing to break.

  “So my sometimes dolt of a son is letting you go?” Lila’s weary sigh was a mere shadow of the turmoil inside Julia.

  “I suppose,” she murmured. “I need to know that I haven’t come to rely on his and the entire palace’s protection. I need to understand that I can take care of myself.” Even as she spoke, Julia tried desperately to embrace this hastily made up excuse.

  “Are you certain this is the right decision, honey?”

  “I’m not sure of anything right now, Lila. I’m hoping my return home will help.”

  They hugged and then she turned away. Not able to look the older woman in the eyes, knowing the regret she found there would more than match her own.

  Julia found Jenna and they hugged and cried together, too. “I don’t think your leaving is a good idea, Julia.”

  “It’s the only idea I’ve got, Jen.” She hadn’t thought her heart could break any more, but still chunks of it broke off and shattered.

  Jenna stroked some curls from Julia’s face, her eyes worried. “Okay,” she said, but she didn’t sound convinced.

  Julia boarded a plane an hour and a half later, the weight of the world pressing her shoulders, causing them to slump. She didn’t speak to anyone, the knot in her throat too massive to allow any sound to be uttered. Staring out the window, she watched with a heavy heart as Sandovia disappeared from her view. The depressed feeling that had begun last evening continued to grow, until the cold and hollowness inside echoed with the emptiness.

  “Where’s Julia?” Mallen ground out as he sat down at the table.

  “What do you mean, where’s Julia?” Lila asked in puzzlement.

  “Sebastian has been following me around all afternoon, why isn’t he with Julia? And why is she late for this meal? Isn’t she coming?” His tone sounded clipped and terse. Not like her son at all.

  Lila stared at him in astonishment. “You don’t know?”

  “Know what?” Mallen’s voice whiplashed through the room.

  “Mallen, I don’t appreciate your tone,” Lila responded through clenched teeth. Darned if she was going to baby him when he was fool enough to let Julia McNeil leave. Granted, it appeared Mallen had no idea Julia had gone home, but still.

  “Sorry, Mom.” He ran a frustrated hand over his face.

  “Julia isn’t here.”

  The hand stopped and Mallen’s eyes popped open to pin her. “What?”

  “She left for home late this morning.”

  “Sandovia is her home.”

  “Funny, she didn’t seem aware of that this morning when she went in to talk to you and all but got mauled for her efforts.”

  “She turned tail and ran?”

  “No. I think she thought of herself as simply not being wanted any longer. She’s not in danger any longer, and you’ve apparently decided you don’t want her now that she’s no longer in danger, and which she doesn’t want from you anyway. So she left.” Lila left off the part about Julia saying she needed to know whether she had come to rely on Mallen’s protection too much. Lila had taken that statement for what it was. A hastily fabricated excuse.

  “She never said goodbye.”

  “Perhaps she thought the two of you had discussed everything you needed to this morning in your office,” Lila gently pointed out. As only a mother can.

  Mallen erupted from his seat with a comment Lila hadn’t heard him use before and hid her smile. Julia McNeal might have left under her own steam, but Lila hoped the lady would return under her son’s. He wasn’t acting at all like he would if he were indifferent to her. Like he would if he truly had decided he didn’t want her. And Lila desperately hoped he realized he couldn’t protect the universe. He couldn’t even protect one woman because that’s simply the way life worked.

  Her son stalked from the room without touching anything on his plate. Sebastian didn’t immediately follow. Instead, he stared avariciously at Mallen’s untouched meal. With a sigh, Lila set the plate on the floor. Sebastian had more than earned the right to the food and it would be a shame to waste it.

  Mallen bolted to the one source he knew had never let him down. Hugo Saltaire lay on the hospital bed, a parody of what he’d once been.

  While anger, frustration, and the thirst for vengeance vied for place in his heart, he shut them off. At least Hugo had returned. Not at all in the state he left them, but somewhere in the drug-tormented body before him, he knew Hugo Saltaire still lived. He placed a hand on his father’s arm and was surprised when those familiar blue eyes opened and stared at him.

  There was a sadness in them Mallen didn’t understand. And they were lucid today. They took in the bandage on Mallen’s head.

  “Sorry,” Hugo said softly.

  Mallen frowned. “For what?”

  “Not pro...protecting you.... you hurt. Not there...to keep from...happen...” His dad’s voice broke and Mallen stared at him incredulously.

  “Dad, I’m a full grown man. The time has way passed since I need you to protect me. I’m an adult who makes his own...” His voice trailed off as he thought about his conversation with Julia that morning.

  She had said the same thing. “You can’t be held responsible for the choices I make...” No, not for hers. But there was no doubt he failed to protect Celeste. She was dead and he couldn’t bring her back. No matter how hard he tried. He thought Julia was his second chance... to what? Prove he could protect someone?

  Julia stood in his office this morning and told him that she didn’t need his protection. She hadn’t been rejecting him, but his need to protect the universe. He could believe he was all powerful – some kind of superhero – or he could accept he was human. Now Mallen finally understood what she tried to tell him. He was human. Julia wanted to face life together... But one that was balanced, not at all the same thoughts he entertained this morning.

  Of course she left. He’d been so busy berating himself for something out of his control he practically shoved her out the door.

  “Dad, you need to only concentrate on getting well again. I can take care of myself. And if I can’t, all I need from you is your support. Okay?”

  A faint smile curled Hugo Saltaire’s lips as he stared at his son. “Sounds....good.” His voice was still too weak, but Mallen recognized the fiery gleam in his eye. His father was slowly returning to them.
<
br />   “Thanks, Dad.”

  “My....job.”

  “Oh?”

  “When son stupid.....set him back....on course....” Hugo said with a semblance of a remembered grin.

  “Dad, you don’t need to remind me of my stupidity. Mom’s already done an excellent job of settling the matter.”

  Hugo made a sound that could have been a chuckle.

  As soon as the plane set down in America, Julia knew she had made a mistake. She hadn’t come home. This place of her birth seemed foreign, alien to her now. The land couldn’t embrace her in a welcome home hug because she had just left her home. She realized the only place she could call home was where Mallen Saltaire lived.

  Julia stood and removed her bag from the overhead compartment before she deplaned. It didn’t take long for her other bags to churn through and she took them and her weary self to the rental car counter. With little hoopla, she accepted the keys to a car.

  She pointed the car in the direction of her apartment, but at the last minute drove to her old lab instead. It was late and nearly everyone had left for the day, but she needed to finish this part of her life. As she sat down at her desk, visions of her workspace in Sandovia interfered. She sent her resignation, cleared out her desk, then handed in her keys and badge. After seeing her old boss, who was on the verge of leaving, Julia hugged her and left the building for the last time.

  No one was about at her apartment, and she was thankful. She opened her door and dragged her luggage inside. A shower, first, she decided then she would worry about everything else. The apartment was exactly as she left it. There was dust now, but no hearty welcome. This space had been a place to exist until Mallen Saltaire burst into her life. Until he offered her a life with him for those few fleeting weeks. Her heart clenched. Too bad, he was getting her back whether he liked it or not.

  As she stripped, Julia reflected on how just months ago, she barely knew Mallen existed. Now, she couldn’t fathom life without him. What an empty world without that very large man with warm amber-green eyes. She turned on the shower and leaned against the wall, knowing exactly why she lived.