Aftermath (The Deceptions Trilogy Book 2)

by Dana Mansfield

  “Ready for lunch?” he asked and I nodded. My stomach had been growling while Jack took pictures. I pulled the blanket from my backpack and Jack helped me spread it out on the sweet-smelling grass. He packed cold cuts and a loaf of artisan bread. There was a container of cut fruit and Jack placed the big chocolate bar I brought along for his notorious sweet tooth in a bag of ice. I wasn’t surprised he brought the milk chocolate along even though we had turkey and corned beef for our sandwiches. He tended to get lax about keeping kosher outside of the house.

  We chitchatted about the kids and the schedule coming up as we ate. He admitted his nerves were growing touchier about being back in the limelight and Emerson emailed him that morning asking the band to perform at PBS’s A Capitol Fourth.

  “The original band cancelled,” he explained and speared a strawberry on his fork. “It is an honor to be asked but it is the Fourth of July, Penelope. Two years since…” Jack let his voice trail off. He was wearing sunglasses and I knew there was a good chance his eyes had misted up. “Emerson really wants us to accept the gig but I do not know if I can.”

  “It’s only been two years but sometimes it seems like so long ago,” I said, my own voice shaking with emotion. “I just wish we could skip over that day even though it’s our birthday.”

  “Those who are organizing the production want to highlight Danny and me since we are immigrants. They would like us to talk about when we became citizens and our journey here and the whole ball of wax. But I just do not know. Eventually, we will be back out there but I was hoping for taped performances later in the fall. This would be live and more than just a performance.”

  “Would they ask about the accident?” I asked and adjusted my position to help my hip, and now my back, which was throbbing.

  “No, they would just focus on Danny and me and coming to America. Mama and Papa always loved PBS and would watch A Capital Fourth and the Memorial Day concert every year. They would be proud of me and Danny being part of the production,” he explained. “And PBS is the only network that has not tried to get the band to play a comeback show.” Jack reached over and plucked a long piece of grass and began fiddling with it with his long fingers.

  “You’re thinking about doing it, aren’t you?” I knew Jack, after all.

  “Yes, and even bringing the kids. They have never been to Washington, D. C. The band’s schedule is pretty booked but would you be willing to spend a couple days showing them around? Emerson’s sister works at the Department of Education and would be willing to play tour guide.”

  “Sure,” I replied. “I’ve never been there either.” Emerson Cohen was the head of the Ivy Brothers’ record company and a close friend of Jack’s.

  “I am being selfish when I ask you to go,” he admitted and pulled his sunglasses off. “I know it will be a difficult couple of days and want my best friend, and my children, to be with me.”

  “Of course,” I replied and reached over to take his hand. His other hand touched my cheek and he gave me a kiss. When we separated, he sighed.

  “I really am not looking forward to being out there again.”

  I felt for Jack and understood him.

  “But you’re not out there today and I just want you to enjoy these beautiful surroundings and the peace of the lake and cabin.”

  “Thank you, my Pretty Penny.” Again, he kissed me. We sat enjoying the sun and the breeze and I felt at peace but in the pit of my stomach, I felt it. My depression was creeping at the edge of my happiness. My shoulders drooped and I looked down at my hands. “Chto ne tak?”

  “Nichego,” I replied. More time passed without either one of us saying anything. Jack pulled his camera back out and wandered a few feet away. I watched him. His movements were smooth and precise and when he was done, he pulled out the field journal he kept at the cabin to note his hiking experiences. I could see he was almost to the end of it and I made a mental note to get him a new one. This would be his third journal since buying the cabin and property; I had given him the other two. They were made by the same company that made the other journals I gave him twice a year but these looked like they belonged in nature. Jack would draw maps, sketch flora and fauna, and write his observations. He liked to take pictures and would give the film to Tracy, the wife of the band’s bassist, to develop in her basement dark room. Tracy or Carlos would give him the photographs and the next time Jack would come to the cabin, he would bring the best photos he took and add them to the journal.

  When he was done, he stretched out next to me. We were face to face and I touched his cheek. I saw him in different eyes now and it was both scary and exciting. I had slept with my best friend and he made me feel safe. It wasn’t painful or humiliating. It was nice and made me feel. Being with him was something I needed to stave off the terrible feelings I had been left with from my childhood and then my relationship with Shane.

  “We have known each other for a very long time, Penelope,” he said in his gentle voice. It was his turn to touch my cheek. “And I can tell when something is wrong. Is it because of what we did last night?”

  “No, not at all,” I said. “Last night was nice.” I smiled at him. It was a genuine smile but I could feel my depression lurking. We didn’t speak often of my depression because I didn’t like to talk about myself. Plus, I knew the root of my depression lived in my past and that was my secret I worked so hard to keep from Jack. I was also worried about Jack finding out I stopped the medication and going to therapy. He would not be happy; he felt these were my best options but after trying, and sticking with them for a handful of years, I knew they weren’t helping. Jack was stubborn; he wouldn’t understand. I just had no idea how to start out talking about my depression. Jack knew me well, however, just as I knew him.

  “It is your depression, no?” he asked and I nodded. “I did not make it worse…”

  “No,” I quickly said. “My mood’s been bad the last couple of months. It dips sometimes.”

  “Have you told your therapist and the nurse?”

  “No,” I answered. “It’s dipped before and come up.”

  “If it continues, please let them know. Do not wait. Okay?”

  “Okay,” I replied and prayed he wouldn’t have me promise. He didn’t. I suggested we start heading back down to the cabin. The clouds had thickened a bit. I had checked the weather before we left and there wasn’t a chance of rain but I had seen the weather in the Poconos change on a dime before and didn’t want to get caught in the rain.

  It was more difficult for me going down the trail than up it. Each step jarred my back and my hip didn’t like the pressure they caused. Jack kept the pace slow and helped me when I needed it. I was very glad to get back to the cabin just as the first raindrops fell. We were hot and sweaty and I sent Jack up to take a shower first. I took some ibuprofen and cleaned up the containers from lunch. I wanted to keep moving for fear of everything stiffening up if I stopped. Jack came back down in a worn out Princeton t-shirt and shorts but smelling clean.

  “I thought a hot bath might help your hip and back,” he said and took the lasagna pan I was holding away from me. “I ran one for you in the big tub upstairs. Let me warm up dinner. Remember, you were supposed to take it easy this weekend.”

  “I’m…,” I started but Jack pinched my lips shut with his fingers.

  “No arguing,” he said. “I even put some bubbles in the bath although the only bubbles we had were for the kids. I did not think you would mind, though.”

  I was touched by him drawing a bath and adding bubbles for me. I decided a hot bath sounded good and after fetching a clean t-shirt and shorts from my bedroom, I headed upstairs. The garden tub Jack added to the cabin in the master bath was Crystal’s idea but to my knowledge, she had never used it.
Instead, the kids had pretty much conquered it and on more than one occasion I ended up drenched by an overactive bath. I removed my sweaty clothes and slipped into the hot water. It did feel good on my aches and pains and I leaned back to enjoy.

  I must have fallen asleep as a light knocking on the door woke me up with a start.

  “Penelope,” Jack called through the door. “Dinner is ready.”

  “Okay,” I said. “I’ll be down soon.” The water was cold and I shivered. I hopped into the walk-in shower to warm back up and wash my hair. Fifteen minutes later, I joined Jack on the front porch with the table out there set with both candles and fresh wild flowers. I blushed as I realized he did that special for me. Although it was drizzling out, the temperature was comfortable and we enjoyed leftover lasagna, salad, and garlic bread. He found the bottle of red wine I packed and we lazily finished it off. My half of the bottle left me warm, a little buzzed but not drunk. I was comfortable and didn’t argue when Jack sent me to the couch so he could clean up.

  It had been a nice day but I still wanted to know what would happen next. I was pretty certain our friendship survived sex but now there was this added dimension to our friendship. Jack was in the driver’s seat, however. He had a lot more to lose than I did. He joined me on the couch with bowls of ice cream which we ate in silence. When we were done, he pulled me closer to him. It felt nice and Jack kissed me. He was tender, something I never felt from Shane.

  “I have wanted to talk to you since last night,” he said and smoothed my loose hair back. My stomach fluttered in nerves. Not good nerves but bad. Was he going to tell me what was happening next? Was he going to say what happened was a terrible mistake? He said neither thing. “I think I need to apologize to you.”

  “Apologize?” I questioned. I didn’t like the sound of that and I moved a few inches away from him.

  “I did not take into account your past history when I took you upstairs,” he explained and he touched my back. “You had a very bad relationship with Shane and he was not very nice to you. I did not think to ask you if you wanted to sleep with me. If I would have and you would have said no, I would have stopped. I would never force you to do anything against your will. I hope I was not rough with you. You were somewhere else afterwards, begging to not be hit, and I hope I did not cause you to go to that memory.”

  “No, you didn’t,” I said. “Please, don’t think you did anything wrong. You didn’t and I’m honest when I say that, Ivan. You were nothing, nothing, like Shane.”

  “It was happening so quickly and I did not think about you not having time to say no.” Jack’s caring words hit me in the heart and I brought my hand to my chest.

  “Shane never cared about what I wanted or didn’t want,” I admitted. “And I was very afraid to try to stop him if he was hurting me.” It was the first time I had spoken with Jack about my intimate relationship with Shane. Jack and I had made love; he needed to understand. “In fact, I never stopped him. I tried once and he beat me so bad I spent two nights in the hospital. I never told you,” I added without being able to look at him. “You and the guys were in Florida for those spring break gigs.”

  “I am so sorry I was not there for you,” he said and tipped my head up.

  “Even if you were, I would have lied about what happened.” Jack hugged me. I felt so safe. “You’re right about what we did last night happening so quickly but you were still so much more gentle than Shane and I thank you for that. I think it helped at how fast it happened. I didn’t have time to think. It was just you and me and no bad memories until after.”

  “It was nice to be with you, Penelope,” Jack said and touched my cheek. His arm snaked around my shoulders. “We have known each other for a long time and these last two years have tested us but also strengthened us. Like I said, I understand that change that has occurred. Last night felt…,” Jack paused and I saw him searching for just the proper word. “Ispravit’.”

  “Ispravit’,” I repeated. “What does that mean?”

  “It means correct,” he said, “it is the closest word I can think of to explain what it felt like.”

  “Yes, Ivan, ispravit’ works. I agree.” I leaned over and kissed Jack on the lips. It lasted for many quiet moments. When we broke apart, Jack asked me a question.

  “Would you go upstairs with me?”

  “Yes,” I said without hesitation. He smiled and kissed me back. I felt a stirring within me I never felt with Shane. I was a little nervous, though. We were going to Jack’s bed not in the heat of the moment and I worried I would be unable to participate.

  “What is wrong?” Jack asked and I was timid as I explained my worry. I thought it only fair. “If you need to stop, I will stop. Like I said, I would never, ever, force you.” He paused and stroked my hair. “You mean way too much to me.” For several minutes, we sat in the quiet of the cabin. I was the first to make a move. I stood and held my hand out to him. He took it in his and kissed it. Together, we locked up the first floor and went up to his bedroom. I opened the window and a gentle breeze entered. I could smell the rain and even a bit of the wildflowers outside. It was so peaceful.

  Jack stood behind me and wrapped his arms around me. Emotion came over me from such a simple action but it was those small and tender actions I had been waiting for from Shane that never came. It was those actions I needed to touch my soul, to get me to feel again.

  Jack nuzzled my neck and I closed my eyes. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Turning around, I wrapped my arms around his waist and laid my head on his shoulder. I felt so at peace and the depression that had been beating me down for so long seemed like a thousand miles away.

  I kissed his neck and then his cheek and finally his lips. The return kiss was deep and just the slightest bit aggressive to make me want more but not be scared. My hands slipped to the hem of his t-shirt and I pulled it up. He removed it the rest of the way and I lay my hands on his broad chest. I could feel his heart beating beneath my hand and it just made the moment so much more real. His skin was warm and when I ran my fingertips down over his toned abs, he twitched a bit. His own hands found the back of my tee and I let him pull it off of me. I had not put on a bra after my shower – I didn’t have a lot to hold down and just wanted to be comfy – and his hand cupped my right breast. His touch was gentle and he leaned over, kissing my nipple and I felt a small electric charge spark in my pelvis. I moaned lightly and felt my heartbeat increase.

  The perfection of the moment was destroyed by an image, a humiliating memory, which ripped through me. I saw myself being pushed down to my knees by Shane and him barking a degrading order at me. I took a step back from Jack and folded my arms in front of me, tucking my hands up under my chin. It was a position I always took out of fear. I was nine the first time I used the posture as I stood in front of the man who raped me while my own mother sat in the living room.

  “What is wrong?” Jack asked with concern. My voice shook a bit when I made my request.

  “Please never order me to go down on you,” I requested. My request was crude and I expected retaliation. Shutting my eyes, I waited. If I was with Shane, he would hit me at that point but no blow came. I was with Jack, after all. “He would force…”

  “No, you do not have to explain, Penny,” he said and pulled me into his chest. I felt so safe. You’re with Jack I repeated in my mind. I calmed myself and kissed his neck. My hands went up and found his stubbly cheeks and I pulled him down closer to kiss him. Our tongues touched and Jack’s arms tightened around me. He walked backwards, taking me with him. He twirled me around and sat me on the edge of the bed. After slipping his shorts and boxers off, he leaned me back on the bed and returned to my mouth as his hand stroked my breasts, traveled down my stomach, and slipped beneath the waistband of my own shorts. A
gain, I moaned as he touched me down there. My shorts and panties were the last pieces of clothing to hit the floor.

  My own hands explored Jack’s muscular body and I took him in my hand where he mimicked my moan. He was more than ready to go further and I scooted back against the pillows. Jack followed me and knelt between my open legs. Nervous excitement and a terrible wanting filled me but he was slow as he settled over me. I brought him to me and his first thrust was aggressive. I stiffened from past memories and sucked my breath in. Jack immediately pulled out and lifted himself off of me.

  “Did I hurt you?”

  “No,” I replied in a shaky voice. “Just, maybe, be a little gentler?” I requested and again, shut my eyes waiting to feel a slap or a hit or a sharp pain in my pelvis. There were none of those things.

  “Of course, my Pretty Penny,” he whispered and when he entered me again, it was slow and very gentle. “Are you okay?” he asked me, something Shane had never done before.

  “Yes,” I replied and kissed him. “Thank you.”

  Jack settled in a slow and sensual tempo and it felt so good. So ispravit. We kissed and my hands explored his back and downwards and Jack alternated his kisses between my mouth and neck. His hands were everywhere, cupping my breasts or playing a little with my nipples. They ran through my hair and touched my cheek or strayed downward where I vocalized my pleasure.

  Time passed and his tempo increased. I felt the pressure rise within me and my hands stayed on his hips. I found myself trying to pull him a little harder into me. Jack picked up my clue and he increased both his tempo and pressure and we both heard each other’s enjoyment. The pressure within me demanded more but my heart was enjoying the restraint. Last night had been the release of pent-up lust but tonight, in the moment, it was about making love. I wanted to enjoy the moment, enjoy the feeling of Jack’s warm body lying on mine, enjoy the feeling he created in my loins as he moved within me.