Just Breathe Again

by Mia Villano

  “I will. I can’t marry him. Not now. He isn’t… He isn’t Vince.”

  “No, he isn’t Vince. No one will be Vince. He is Kane, and he loves you. Kane doesn’t want to replace Vince. He wants to be your husband, with a new life and new dreams. No one wants to replace Vince, honey. No one can,” said Marsha, trying to reason with her.

  “I love him, Marsha. I don’t know why I did that.”

  “You do know. You have to stop living like this. You have grieved enough and now it’s time to live. Vince and Lydia would be pissed at you. I don’t know how much more I can tell you.”

  They went to the back patio, and Marsha got Jeannie a glass of wine. She calmed down after one glass and after the second glass she had the courage to call Kane.

  “Please sit here with me while I call him,” she said, as she dialed his number on her cell phone.

  The phone rang and his voicemail picked up after the first ring. She started to cry again when she heard his voice.

  “He’s not answering. I blew it this time, Marsha,” she said, drinking her wine in one gulp.

  “Give him time. He might not have his phone with him or he just needs time to sort it all out. Call again later.”

  She did, and she called every day for a week and then a month. He didn’t pick up her calls. After three months of not speaking to him, she called Carmen. She didn’t answer.

  Jeannie made it through, and moved on with her life. She worked, took care of Michael, read, and spent time with Marsha. She didn’t hear from Carmen and knew it was over when Carmen quit calling. It broke her heart to know she ruined something so special. Not only did she have Carmen in her life, she grew to love like a daughter, she had this most incredible man in love with her. She threw his love away because she was scared.

  Finally, after giving up all hope, she heard from Carmen one evening. She said she was coming to talk to her. It didn’t sound good. Jeannie wanted to see her and they agreed to meet at the same place they first met.

  As she pulled up, Carmen was waiting inside. Jeannie felt the tears when she walked up to her and they embraced. This time, no one ate. They ordered coffee and Carmen began talking.

  “You know you broke his heart. I’ve not seen him in such a bad way. He didn’t even act this bad when mom died. I’m telling you, he loved you with his whole heart and soul, Jeannie.”

  “I’m so sorry, Carmen. I wish I could take it back. I miss him so much. I shouldn’t have run.”

  “He took a leave of absence from his job and didn’t leave the house for a month.” She laced her fingers around her coffee cup and looked down.

  “Dear God.” Jeannie started to cry. Carmen sipped her coffee and didn’t say too much. The silence was almost intolerable.

  “Will he ever forgive me and talk to me?” asked Jeannie.

  “I don’t know, I can talk to him. He’s so hurt, Jeannie. I don’t want to see this happen to him again. I can’t let my dad be hurt again.” She gazed into Jeannie’s eyes and didn’t blink making her point.

  “I made a mistake. I love your father. I didn’t mean to hurt him. I was scared and I did something so

  Stupid. I want another chance, Carmen,” she cried. The waitress kept looking over at them.

  “I’ll see what I can do. I miss you too, Jeannie, and I miss Michael. I started to feel comfortable like I had a true family again. I was so excited to know you might be my mom and seeing my dad so happy, made me feel like life would be good again,” she said, as she touched Jeannie’s hand.

  “These past three months I realized how much I miss him. I’m so lost without him and I want him back, Carmen,” Jeannie was crying hard and trying to wipe her eyes with a napkin.

  “He doesn’t know I met you today. I’ll go and see him when we’re done. I can’t promise anything, Jeannie. Once my dad is hurt or someone does something to him, he doesn’t give second chances. He’s determined and stubborn.”

  Jeannie bowed her head, defeated.

  Carmen promised to call her after she talked to her dad either way. They agreed, no matter what happened between Jeannie and her dad, they would stay in touch.

  It was the following week and Carmen called. Jeannie was sure Kane wasn’t going to give her another chance. How could she blame him for what she did? She didn’t deserve another chance.

  “Jeannie?”

  She held her breath waiting to hear. Would he see her or was it over forever?

  Chapter 24

  With her eyes closed, Jeannie waited to hear.

  “He’ll see you. I can’t promise he’ll forgive you. He’s willing to hear you out and that’s a good sign with my dad.”

  He would be home and alone that coming weekend. Jeannie agreed and decided that whatever the outcome she would handle it. She had to tell him she was sorry, if nothing else.

  As the week passed, and the weekend drew closer, Marsha was reluctant to let her go alone.

  “What if he’s so angry he takes you hostage or worse yet, kills you?”

  “Are you insane? You’ve met Kane several times.”

  “You hurt his manhood, Jeannie. Guys don’t take that lightly, especially powerful men like him. These politicians can make things happen and wipe out people with no trace. Don’t you watch television?”

  “You’re watching too much television. Kane’s different, Marsha. If anything he’ll tell me to get lost. He’ll have the last word. Isn’t that what men want? I hurt his manhood, remember. I have to tell him how sorry I am. I have to see him again and let him tell me to my face he wants us to be over for good.”

  “Please call me and let me know what’s going on, or at least text me. I want his address in case I have to come out there. Didn’t you say he had a pond?”

  Jeannie took her time driving to his house. This wasn’t like the last time she drove to Kane’s house. She had no idea what to expect. Her stomach was clenched and hurting. Her body shook as she drove closer. All types of things rushed through her head.

  It was dusk when she arrived. The sky was beautiful with pink and blue hues washed across it. The sun was going down and the moon was in the distance. This was Jeannie’s favorite time of the day. He wasn’t waiting for her on the porch when she pulled up the driveway. There was no running into his arms like she did before and being whisked off into bed. When she drove up the winding driveway, he was nowhere to be found. Jeannie stepped out of the car and walked around the house, hoping he was somewhere nearby. She couldn’t find him. Jeannie looked around and she eventually saw him out by the pond. Her heart sank.

  She walked up to him and he didn’t even turn around to look at her. For a split second she reconsidered. Was this a mistake?

  “Kane,” she said, as she approached him. His hair looked shaggy and in need of a cut. He turned around and his eyes bore into her with frozen stillness. His gaze was fixed on Jeannie’s face and he said nothing. After a few seconds of silence, he spoke.

  “I see Carmen gave you the message.” His face looked tired, drained, and heartbroken. He was unshaven with bags under his beautiful blue eyes. Kane turned his back to her again.

  “Kane, please turn around and talk to me.” A hot flash of fear seethed through her.

  He turned around again and she wanted to run into his arms and hold him.

  “I’m so sorry for what I did to you. I messed up, Kane. I love you and I hurt you and I’m so sorry,” Jeannie said, as she kept herself from running into his arms.

  “I didn’t understand. I wanted to marry you and I thought you wanted to marry me. I came alive and I was happy with you in my life. You didn’t even give me a reason, you just ran. Do you have any idea the fear I faced thinking about asking you? I knew when we first met that you were going to be in my life. The first night we had sex I knew I was going to ask you to marry me.”

  “I can still be in your life. I want you, Kane. I didn’t realize how much I’m in love with you until you weren’t there. I was scared, and you and I felt so right,
I didn’t know what I was doing. I felt so guilty wanting and loving you.”

  “I shut down for a month. Kane, the strong Congressman brought to his knees. I couldn’t eat, sleep, or even go to work. You broke everything inside me you fixed,” he said, without much emotion.

  “Kane, listen to me. Please, listen to me. I wanted to marry you. I still want to marry you. I got scared. I ran like a stupid girl. I ran like I did the night you kissed me. The feelings with you were too intense. I didn’t mean to hurt you like this.

  He stood there looking at her. Without thinking anymore or caring what the outcome would be, she ran into his arms. She wanted him and nothing else mattered. She had to hold him, fix him, and love him.

  His arms stayed to his sides. He didn’t budge. Jeannie pulled him into her body tighter. Nothing.

  “Kane.”

  “I can’t, Jeannie. I just can’t. You need to go home. It’s too soon. I’ve been hurt too bad.”

  Reluctantly and completely heartbroken she let go of him. He had the last word. He wasn’t looking at her. His face was turned away and she noticed he brushed a tear away. She wasn’t going to humiliate herself and beg him. This was all her fault. She had no one to blame but herself. She started to run to her car. Once again she tried to get out of there as quick as she could. Crying and running she couldn’t catch her breath. She just wanted to go home.

  Chapter 25

  Jeannie rushed as fast as she could. It was becoming darker out and the glow of the fireflies danced in the air. She stopped before she opened her car door to catch her breath. Her heart was once again ripped apart. She was defeated and lost. Pain tore through her body. Her face was flushed with humiliation.

  She opened her door and slid into her car. As she was backing up, she looked out to see Kane running toward her. She continued to back out. Maybe he was so mad at her he wanted to yell more. Without slowing down, she continued to back her car into the turn around to head out. She heard him yelling through the closed window.

  “Wait. Jeannie wait.” She didn’t know what to do. Should she stop and let him yell? Without thinking she slammed on the brakes as he approached the car. He grabbed on to the door and pulled it open.

  Jeannie looked at him with fear and torment. Her gaze went to his red rimmed eyes.

  “Don’t go. Please don’t go.”

  “I’m not begging you to love me, Kane. I won’t beg any man to love me. I told you I was sorry. That’s all I have.”

  “I will beg you. I don’t know why I said what I did. I’m not myself.”

  Jeannie put the car in park. Kane reached inside, and pulled her out. His grip tight and demanding. He wasn’t letting her go this time. She held him back, gripping onto the sleeves of his shirt. Her face was smeared with mascara, her cheeks red with embarrassment, she was afraid to look at him.

  “Look at me.”

  Her eyes lifted to meet Kane’s gaze. His face was overcome with emotion.

  “I fell in love with you the moment I saw you. I knew then. You knew too. I love you Jeannie. I need you in my life. You make me whole again and make me get out of bed in the morning. I can’t lose you. I can’t go through the torment of another loss.”

  She looked up into his broken blue eyes. “Take me inside the house. I want to feed you and make you better again. I’m here and I’ll never leave you.” A tear fell down his cheek.

  They walked back to his house, neither of them speaking. Kane started a fire as Jeannie attempted to fix him something to eat. There wasn’t much food in the house. She found cheese, bread, and soup and put something together to feed him. She watched him eat, and she watched the life come back into his face as he stared at her and devoured his food. When he finished eating, she took him upstairs and undressed him. She undressed as he watched her. They didn’t make love. They slept in each other’s arms and basked in the feelings of each other’s love. She sighed with relief as she snuggled into his arms. She was home.

  The next day she woke up early to the sun shimmering in through the windows. The room was cool and she wanted to stay snuggled under the covers with him, but she had things to do. Leaving him in bed, Jeannie went shopping at the store nearby. She bought food and made him breakfast as he slept. She cooked eggs, bacon, fried potatoes, toast, and coffee. He ate in silence as Jeannie sipped coffee and watched him. He ate like he was starved and more and more he came back to life again.

  “I love you,” he said, sipping his coffee not making eye contact with her.

  “I love you too,” Jeannie said back. Blood rushed to her head and her pulse quickened.

  “Thank you,” he said.

  She began crying and unsteadily rose to her feet. She walked to him and kissed him soft and gentle with so much longing in her she couldn’t get enough. Jeannie wanted him and needed to show him how much she loved him with her body and soul. Kane cupped her face with his hands and his eyes fixed on her. She grabbed his hand and led him up to the bedroom.

  Kane lunged at her, ripping her shirt over her head as Jeannie pulled down his boxers. In an instant they both were naked standing in front of each other.

  Kane spoke in a low husky voice. “I died these last three months.”

  Jeannie didn’t answer and before he could say anything else she was on him. They fell backwards onto Kane’s bed, clawing, tasting, and devouring each other. Her hands caressed his cock as if it was the first time. She wanted nothing more than to satisfy him and show him her undying love.

  Kane wanted and needed to taste her. After the first time he couldn’t stop thinking about it. He laid her down on the bed and began his vacation down her body until he came to her warm, wet spot. His tongue licked her and she moaned and squirmed under him. He teased her slowly with his fingers. Every time he would start to put one inside her, he stopped. His fingers teased her lips as he stroked them with feathery touches. She begged for him lifting her hips.

  “Kane, please don’t stop,” she pleaded.

  To Jeannie, she felt like she was dreaming or on another universe. Nothing felt so wonderful. He teased her with his tongue and fingers until she couldn’t stop the wave of pleasure from taking her. Her orgasm came with such a force, and the moans escaped her throat deep and longing.

  “Come for me. I have missed your moans.” Jeannie moaned for him, louder. She fisted the sheets as she arched her back to Kane and climaxed. She held her breath and closed her eyes as she came.

  “Kane, Oh god, Kane,” she said, over and over as he continued to pleasure her. His tongue felt like velvet on her warm aching clit. He continued to suck on her until he felt her ease underneath him. His cock was rock hard and Kane needed to be inside of her. He wanted Jeannie on top so he pushed her up on him as he turned over on his back. With her on top he played with her breasts and grabbed her ass. Over and over the thrust deeper and deeper in her until he exploded with a cry of pure love and pleasure. From the depths of his body, Kane tightened and moaned as he released inside her.

  “I love you so much,” he said, with a gravelly voice.

  “I love you, Kane,” she whispered.

  Jeannie kissed him and nestled her face in his neck. “I didn’t think this was going to happen again. You and I feel so right and perfect. I won’t ever run from you again. I want you in my life forever.”

  “You are who I’ve been waiting for all my life. It’s why we went through what we did to bring us together. We have a love not too many people can find. I thought I would die when you walked out on me. When you left, I figured everything was done, and that it was over between us. I didn’t care about anything,” he said.

  “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m so sorry. You didn’t deserve anymore sadness or pain,” said Jeannie, feeling tears well up in her eyes.

  They held each other wrapped in their love.

  “I guess Lydia was right when she said that everything happened for a reason. You are my reason.”

  Kane reached in his drawer and pulled out the Tiffany’s box.
He didn’t ask her this time, only slipped the ring on her finger. They kissed and held each other. They were complete again.

  “I want to marry you soon, Jeannie, and I don’t want to start our life in a house built by Katherine and me. I want us to start in a new house. I’m going to give this to Carmen because I don’t want to sell her past out from under her. This is the last thing she has to remember her mom by. I want us to decide on a house to build together. I want us to start new and fresh with no past memories to get in the way. I want you to quit working and do whatever makes you happy. I want to make you happy. That’s all I want to do. I’m not saying you and I will ever forget our husband or wife. I’m saying we need to begin new with new surroundings.”

  “I love the idea, honey,” she said, kissing him for about the thousandth time.

  “You have no idea what I become inside when I’m with you.”

  “Yes I do because I feel the same. It’s like I’m awake for the first time in a long time. I miss Vince and Lydia so much it hurts. I also have to live and go on. I’m always going to miss them. It won’t ever stop. As the time goes by, the pain will ease up a bit. Michael needs new memories and new surroundings. I want him to look back on his childhood and remember good, not suffering and death. I also don’t need the traditional wedding. What I would love is to marry you on Marsha’s back porch. That’s the place where my Lydia took her last breath, and it would be perfect to marry you there. And I want Father Dave to marry us. I’m going to need to talk to him soon.”

  That night awakened something back in her and a longing to get back to her faith she abandoned.

  “Sounds perfect to me too” Jeannie relaxed back into his arms again and let go of everything to take in the moment. Some women never have one good man to love them. Jeannie was blessed with having the love of two amazing men in her life.

  They made love again, sealing the bond between them. Jeannie made it a point to take extra special care taking her time to love him. She missed his scent and taste and she wanted him back. They fell asleep once again where they belonged; in each other’s arms. The next morning Jeannie was trying to make coffee when Kane came up behind her with an erect surprise. It didn’t take long before they were on the kitchen floor enjoying each other once again.