Crazy in Paradise

by Brown, Deborah

  Girlfriend? We’re two strangers sitting here having dinner.

  “You should be well groomed and in appropriate attire, too. I like your dress but the color is a bit bold, and you need shoulder straps or a sweater.”

  “A sweater? It’s nine hundred degrees outside!”

  “I did say I liked your dress,” he smiled. “I’d also insist on punctuality. And no vulgar language.”

  “Those are a lot of rules.” Just how well did Connor Manning know my mother, who smoked, drank Jack straight up, was usually late, and freely used the “f” word?

  “Your mother assured me you could be the woman I’m looking for, and that we share the same values.”

  “What happens if the rules are broken?” This had gone far enough. I refused to call it a first date. He totally creeped me out.

  “One or two reminders would be sufficient.” Anger briefly crossed his face. “We wouldn’t want to disappoint one another.”

  Now I was beginning to feel afraid. I would make a point of never being alone with him. It was time for me to make my escape.

  An expression of disapproval crossed Connor’s face. I turned in my chair, and big, gorgeous Zach stood behind me. Wearing navy silk shorts and a tropical shirt, he looked like an advertisement for Tommy Bahama. A short beard made him seem more ferocious than usual. I flushed, remembering our night together. I got aroused just looking at him.

  “Hi,” I gave him a big smile. I wanted to talk to him, ask questions, but not in front of Connor.

  “Madison,” Zach said, leaning to kiss me. He stood next to me, his fingers pulling my hair from the clip, and exchanged hellos with Connor.

  “Are you two friends?” I asked.

  “Not exactly,” Zach said. “I’d join you, but I’m here on business. I’ll call you later.” He walked away.

  I wanted to scream, ‘come back!’.

  “How do you know Zach Lazarro?” Conner asked, his face turning red with anger.

  “He’s a family friend,” I told him.

  “He’s a criminal. You need to end any association with him.”

  “You don’t get to pick my friends.”

  “I’ll speak to your mother. When I explain to her the kind of man Zach is, she’ll encourage you to make the right decision.”

  “No, you will not.” Now was the time to execute my plan for an early exit, go to the bathroom and pretend to get sick. The threat of vomit always makes a man run.

  “I don’t mean to upset you.” He backed down slightly. “I just thought you should be aware of his bad reputation, one you wouldn’t want to be associated with.” Connor’s cell rang. “Excuse me, but I need to take this.” He stepped away from the table and went out to the patio.

  Maybe he’ll come back, and say he’s sick. I couldn’t get that lucky, could I? I realized we hadn’t shared a single joke. Whatever the sound was he had made earlier wasn’t a laugh.

  “Why would you go out with him?” Zach asked, returning to the table, pulling up a chair and sitting down.

  “This is your fault,” I said.

  “Mine?” He was clearly amused.

  “We didn’t get married and have children fast enough for my mother. She sets me up without telling me…to that.”

  Zach threw his head back and laughed. “Ah, Madeline. She’s something, isn’t she?”

  “That’s one way to put it. I don’t mean to be rude, but you need to leave now, before he gets back. I’m planning my exit strategy.”

  “Be careful. I miss you.” He ran his finger across my lips. “Manning has a nasty temper. If you need help, I’m sitting right over by the far window. If he touches you, I’ll break his arm and shove it up his butt.”

  “That’s so sweet,” I laughed. “Go. Don’t worry about me.”

  Zach pushed back his chair and stood up. “We’re here if you need us. Soon,” he whispered in my ear and kissed me.

  We? I glanced around. Axe was sitting at the bar. He waved and smiled back. Why would Zach be in the restaurant, and leave Axe at the bar? What were those two doing?

  Connor returned to the table. “Sorry for the interruption.”

  “Excuse me,” I said. “I’ll be right back.” I walked in the direction of the restrooms, taking a detour through the middle of the bar.

  “Hey, Axe.” I smiled without stopping. “Are you the Calvary?”

  “Yes, Ma’am,” he smiled back.

  On my return, I went back through the bar. “Hey Axe, call me on my cell when I get back to the table.”

  Sure enough, just as I sat down, my phone began ringing. “I’m not sure what you want me to say, but I’ll go along with it,” Axe said.

  “You’re not interrupting. Is there a problem?”

  “What are you doing with an asshole like Manning?” Axe asked.

  “I’m glad you called. Don’t worry. I’ll take care of it. Thanks for calling.” Plan B would be easier than Plan A.

  “Is there a problem?”

  “Something’s come up at a property I own, and I need to take care of it.”

  “I can go with you. You shouldn’t be going out in the evening by yourself.”

  Can you say control freak? “That won’t be necessary. I can take care of this myself.” I stood up from the table. “Thank you for dinner.”

  “I’ll walk you out. I got your phone number from your mother. I’ll be calling you soon,” he informed me. “I look forward to our next date.”

  Except that there would be no more dates. I was leaving here without making a scene, and that made me happy.

  I noticed Axe had followed us to the parking lot. He stood a couple of cars away, watching. As I drove out, I rolled down the passenger’s window and waved.

  Chapter 16

  I looked everywhere as my phone kept ringing. One of those ‘unknown caller’ numbers appeared on the screen. “Hello?”

  “Madison, it’s Joseph. I need a favor right now.” He sounded frantic.

  “What’s the favor?”

  “I was just released from Monroe County jail, and I need a ride home. I’m standing outside at the pay phone. My only option is to walk if you can’t come get me.”

  “I’ll be right there. Where will you be?”

  “Out in front of the jail is a bus stop. I’ll be sitting on the bench.”

  This night would go on record as being one of the weirdest ever.

  Twenty minutes later, I pulled up in front of the jail and there was Joseph, a lone figure sitting at the bus stop. The sign said that the bus had stopped running hours ago. I powered down the window. “Hop in.”

  “Thanks for coming and getting me. It’s a long walk,” he said, opening the door. “I would’ve slept in the bushes and hitched a ride in the morning.”

  Joseph was pale. His ankles were more swollen than I had ever seen them. “How did you end up in jail?”

  “Drunk in public. I was walking home from the Back Room Bar and, less than a block away, the sheriff pulled up.”

  “Why would they do that? Don’t they all know you?”

  “Yeah, but they’re still pissed off about before.”

  “Before?”

  “I got popped for DUI, and not having registration or tags. I claimed bad health and got a shortened sentence. They gave me probation and revoked my license. The cops know if they charged me with drunk in public I’d also get charged with VOP.”

  “Won’t a violation of probation get you sent to jail?”

  “Probably not. My probation officer is a good guy. He’s a vet, too.”

  “I don’t want to lecture but, Joseph, a DUI is not cool.”

  I pulled into the driveway of The Cottages, where several people were milling around, drinking beer. I stopped in front of Joseph’s door. “What’s happened to your car?”

  “The one I got arrested in wasn’t actually mine. It was sort of borrowed. The police towed it to impound. No one will ever make a claim. Too much paperwork and too many questions.”
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br />   I smiled at Joseph, amused by his explanation.

  “Thanks for the ride,” Joseph said, getting out of the car.

  “Stay out of trouble.” I backed out of the space, and the people who had been hanging around had disappeared; vanished like roaches when the lights go on.

  I screamed and turned at a banging sound on the passenger side window, to find Will standing there. “What?” I shouted through the closed window.

  “Why are you here? Is there a problem?” He motioned for me to roll down the window, which I reluctantly did.

  “No problem. I saw Joseph walking and gave him a ride.”

  “Joseph is trouble.”

  “He has a few problems, but who doesn’t? Do I need to remind you he’s lived here a long time; one of my aunt’s first tenants?”

  “He either gets his act together or he can find a new place to live.”

  “I don’t know what problems you’re referring to and I don’t care. You will not evict Joseph.”

  “Do you need to be reminded that I’m in charge? He gets drunk and starts fights. It would be in everyone’s best interest if he moved.”

  “So what? He doesn’t start them here. Leave him alone. It’s none of your business.” I rolled up the window.

  “I can’t believe you said that!” he yelled.

  At the end of the driveway, someone appeared to be lying in the bushes. Who is that? Miss January?

  I parked, got out, walked over to her, and called her name a couple of times. She moaned, drunk. “At least she’s not dead,” I mumbled to myself.

  Up the driveway, Will stood staring at me, hands on his hips. “Now what?” he called.

  He certainly acted as if he had no job security worries. His attitude was hard to take. He didn’t bother to hide his contempt.

  “Miss January has fallen into the bushes.”

  “She’s another big problem, nothing more than a damn drunk.”

  “Will you help me get her on her feet and back to her place?”

  “Are you out of your mind? I’m not touching her drunk ass. Do you think this is the first time she’s spent the night in the bushes?”

  “I can’t leave her here.”

  “That’s up to you. This is another ongoing problem that could be eliminated if she moved out.”

  “Stop with all the threats. Do you plan to evict everyone?”

  “How about I turn the property over to drunks and drug addicts?” he shot back.

  “Need some help, Miss Madison?”

  “Hello, Mr. Spoon.” I smiled. He had appeared out of nowhere, dressed in an expensive black silk suit, with a diamond in his ear lobe bigger than anything I or anyone else I knew owned.

  He took my hands in his, pulled me to him and kissed my cheek. “Just call me, Spoon, remember?”

  “Yes, I need help.”

  “I’m calling the police,” Will interrupted.

  “The police? Why?” What now?

  “Spoon’s a criminal.”

  “You wouldn’t help me, and he offered. Go back to your cottage and mind your own business. The sooner we get Miss January out of the bushes, the sooner we leave.”

  Will stomped off, but stopped a couple of cottages away to spy from the shadows.

  “Can you help me with Miss January? I need to get her back to her cottage. She’s drunk and I don’t want her sleeping on the lawn.”

  “Stand back,” Spoon said. “I’ll pick her up and carry her.” He picked her up effortlessly. “Lead the way.”

  “This way,” I motioned. “She lives in the middle cottage.”

  Thankfully, the door was unlocked, so I didn’t need to ask Will for the key. “Put her on the bed and I’ll take care of the rest.” Her bedroom opened off the small living room.

  I went in after him, took her shoes off, pulled the sheet over her, and turned off the light. “I appreciate your help.” I started to lock the door, and spotted her cat sleeping on the couch. “Hi, Kitty. Let me just check the cat’s food and water.”

  “That cat’s dead,” Spoon said.

  “Dead?” I reached out to pet her. She was hard as a rock. “Ooh,” I jumped.

  He came over and examined her closely. “No, it won’t be needing any food or water. She had the damn thing stuffed. But whoever she went to didn’t do a good job. It’s lumpy.”

  “I was here a week ago, and Miss January had Kitty in her lap, petting and talking to her.”

  “That cat has been toes up for a while,” he chuckled.

  “Let’s get out of here.” The gruesomely stuffed cat was more upsetting than finding Miss January in the bushes.

  Spoon walked me out to my car. “Once again, thank you. I couldn’t have moved her by myself.”

  “I noticed your SUV parked here and stopped. I meant to tell you the other day how sorry I was that Elizabeth died. I liked her.”

  “Thank you.” I turned and noticed Will still lurking and listening from the shadows.

  “I need a favor.”

  “From me?”

  “Your aunt owes me. And since I can’t collect from her, I’m going to collect from you.”

  I laughed at his brass. “What exactly did you do for her?”

  “One of her girl pals from the poker group went through a late life crisis and got herself arrested for shoplifting. Elizabeth asked for my help.”

  “What kind of help?”

  “The kind where the charges get dropped.”

  “How’d you accomplish that?”

  “I introduced myself to the owner of the liquor store, and after a short conversation he couldn’t remember the details of what happened.”

  “You’re telling me one of my aunt’s friends robbed a liquor store?” I laughed. “So you went there, scared the hell out of the guy, and he conveniently had a memory lapse.”

  “Elizabeth’s friend made a bad choice. As for the owner of the store, I didn’t scare the hell out of him, as you put it. We had a conversation about how much better it is to have me as a friend, than an enemy. Win-win,” he smiled.

  The all-dressed-up Spoon was extremely appealing. “So, what’s the favor?”

  “One of my boys is getting released from prison and needs a place to stay for four months. It’s one of the conditions of his parole, plus having a job. I’ll guarantee the rent, and there won’t be any problems. Ask anyone, but that rodent manager of yours, and they’ll tell you I’m a man of my word.”

  ““Why did he go to prison?”

  “He stole a few cars.”

  “A few?”

  “He was good at his craft. Now he’s getting a second chance; already has a job waiting. One where he won’t walk around with one eye over his shoulder and not feel inclined to run when he hears a siren.”

  I liked Jimmy Spoon, and that surprised me. Would I regret this? I sighed. The question had dogged me a lot lately. “He can stay here at The Cottages on two conditions. One, he doesn’t tell anyone he’s on parole. And two, if asked, he’s a friend of the family.”

  “Done. Liz said you would keep her word.”

  Liz again. She’d certainly known some interesting people. I wondered why she kept so many people secret.

  “When we first met, why didn’t you mention that you and my aunt were friends?”

  “Because I had kissing you on my mind. Then you broke my heart, telling me you were in a relationship with Zach.”

  I smiled at him. “I’m sorry.”

  He reached in his coat pocket and pulled out his wallet. “Here’s my card. My cell number is on the back.”

  “One more thing,” I said. “Rodent over there isn’t to know anything about this. I’ll call you in the morning after I get a set of keys.”

  “I like you,” Jimmy Spoon laughed. “Call me anytime, Madison. And keep an eye on that manager of yours. Word on the street is that he has a big deal brewing. I’m sure it won’t turn out well for anyone involved. He’s stupid and arrogant. Not good qualities for a con man.” />
  I drove through the deserted streets of Tarpon Cove, thinking about Spoon’s warning and about my options. Will needed to go, sooner rather than later.

  Chapter 17

  Rain beat hard against the windows. A summer thunderstorm had rolled in, dropping inches of fat raindrops before moving on down the keys, leaving another sizzling day.

  Jazz had his head on the other pillow, asleep and softly snoring. All I wanted to do was stay in bed, listen to the rain, and read. Or go back to sleep.

  Instead my phone rang. “Hey Jazz, who’s calling us this early?” The screen showed Zach’s number.

  “Are you awake?”

  “Barely. We both just woke up.”

  “Both?”

  “Jazz says good morning.”

  “He’s a lucky cat, getting to sleep with you. I wanted to check on you from last night. I thought Axe would follow you home.”

  “As it turned out I didn’t come straight home. I had to run by the county jail.”

  He laughed. “You’re going to make me ask, aren’t you?”

  “One of my tenants needed a ride after being released.”

  “Let me guess, Joseph?”

  “Never mind him. Were Jimmy Spoon and Elizabeth friends?”

  “Spoon? Where did you run into him?”

  “At The Cottages last night.”

  “You had quite a night,” he laughed. “Well, I saw them together several times. I heard he helped her out with a problem she had, but she never gave me the details.”

  “You pretty much confirmed what Spoon told me.”

  “Why was Spoon at The Cottages?”

  “He saw my SUV and stopped. When I was leaving, I found Miss January lying face down in the bushes, drunk. Spoon carried her back to her cottage. I couldn’t do it by myself.”

  “Spoon’s an okay guy. He walks a grey line most of the time.”

  “Most of the people I’ve met here walk that grey line, myself included.”

  “So your mother fixed you up on a date and didn’t tell you,” Zach laughed.

  “Did you just call to amuse yourself? Honestly, it’s not funny yet. My mother and I need to have a chat, because this will never happen again.”