A Thousand Roads Home

by Carmel Harrington

  Tom shook his head in sympathy. This was wrong. ‘How many kids do you have?’

  ‘We’ve two. A boy and a girl. Well, they’re all grown up now. Both are great and I wouldn’t be without them, but they live too far away to be of much help. The burden – and I hate saying that word, but it feels like that – is all mine. I’ve got to find a way to make this disease bearable for him. Our doctor says that it won’t be long until they legalise cannabis oil but I can’t wait that long. Neither of us can,’ Lorraine said.

  Tom recognised desperation when he saw it. He’d seen it before. Hell, he’d felt it before. ‘How did you find this Charlie Sheen?’

  ‘On Facebook,’ Lorraine laughed. ‘Imagine that. On bloody Facebook!’

  Tom shook his head in amazement.

  ‘I’m one hundred per cent serious. There is a private closed group that I asked to join, called Friends of Cannabis. It took me two days to get the nerve up to ask the question, and when I did I expected the hand of the law to come out through the computer screen to arrest me. But someone pointed me in the direction of this fella.’

  ‘Lorraine, if you don’t mind me saying, this is quite a risk you’re taking. You don’t know who or what you’re getting yourself mixed up in. Plus, I’m here most days and nights and I’ve never heard tell of that guy,’ Tom said.

  ‘What do you suggest then? I can’t go home without this sorted,’ she said.

  Tom wanted to help her. But how? Then an idea began to sneak its way around him. He walked to the pay phone and called directory enquiries, hoping his contact was still at the same address and listed. She was. Yes! ‘Don’t move. Give me five minutes, OK?’

  ‘Hello,’ Caroline answered before the third ring, her voice firm, no-nonsense as she had always been.

  ‘Hello, Caroline. It’s Dr Tom O’Grady here.’

  ‘Dr O’Grady. From Spawell Road? I thought you were dead!’

  ‘Alive and kicking.’

  ‘You just upped and left years ago. I assumed you’d corked it.’

  ‘Nope.’

  ‘Well, I’m glad to hear it. You didn’t call to swap pleasantries with me after all this time. What do you want?’ Caroline asked.

  ‘Do you still have that special plant?’

  She took a breath, but answered without hesitation. ‘Yes.’

  ‘I have a woman here with me whose husband has multiple sclerosis. She’s in trouble, Caroline. She needs help. Can you help her?’

  Again, no hesitation. ‘You can vouch for her?’

  ‘Yes I can,’ Tom said with ease. He may have just met this woman, but he trusted her.

  ‘Give her my number and I’ll take care of it.’

  Tom hung up, jubilant. ‘Good news. An ex-patient of mine is going to help you. Her husband had multiple sclerosis too. He died a few years ago, but like you she had to find a way to help him when he was alive. She’s a feisty one, and not many would take her on. But even so, she knew she couldn’t traipse the streets looking for drugs. So she started to grow her own.’

  Tom couldn’t help but feel chuffed with himself when he saw both Lorraine and Ruth’s faces. They were obviously stunned by the direction this day had taken. He realised he liked surprising them. He was still needed. He could make a difference.

  ‘If you can get to Wexford, she’ll look after you,’ Tom told Lorraine.

  Once the words had sunk in, that help was there for them, Lorraine started to laugh out loud. She leaned in and kissed Tom on his head. ‘You may not be Charlie Sheen but you are saving my life! I cannot begin to thank you.’

  When Lorraine had walked out of the park, Ruth turned to Tom and said, ‘Oh, yes, I can see now that you were correct before. You are most definitely not Dr Tom O’Grady any more. Not one little bit.’

  There wasn’t a single thing he could think of to say in rebuttal.

  38

  TOM

  After Ruth had left, Tom couldn’t help but think about the man he used to be when he knew Ruth, and the man who slept on this bench. Who was he now? The street bum who occasionally gave some medical advice to the homeless? Or the same Dr Tom O’Grady from Wexford? The thing was, he knew it wasn’t just the geography that changed when he left home. He felt something give inside his head and heart. The first fracture was after Mikey … but then Cathy finished the job.

  But this past month, with Ruth and DJ, his world had become a little brighter. And he felt himself changing again. He didn’t know if he liked it. For ten years he had not thought beyond each hour he was living. But now … bloody hell, his head was full of tomorrows and what they might bring. Damn it to hell. Damn you to hell, Cathy. Why did you have to go leave me?

  He wouldn’t think about it any more. He’d close his eyes and go home, because there was another word that he used to be called, and that was his favourite one of all …

  Mikey’s first word was ‘Dada’. Tom had never heard a more beautiful sound in his life. Cathy pretended to be happy that the cards had fallen this way. But he could see the disappointment in her eyes.

  ‘Dada … dada … dada …’

  ‘Children say “dada” first to keep us interested because we all know the truth. It’s all about the mama!’ Tom had heard that before, he was sure of it. He couldn’t take his eyes off his son. His beautiful, clever son.

  Cathy shushed him, smiling through tears as she watched Mikey. ‘I’m not upset, I’m happy! Our boy has just spoken his first word and he is not even a year old.’

  They stood side by side and laughed in delight as Mikey continued to show off his new trick.

  ‘When he says “mama”, I’m going to record it and make it my ring tone!’ Cathy said.

  ‘Annemarie has approached me about buying into the business,’ Tom blurted out. ‘She’s been left some money by an aunt who died earlier this year.’

  ‘Wow. I didn’t see that coming,’ Cathy said sarcastically. They had both been expecting as much.

  ‘Well, her aunt instructed her to do something useful with it. She wants her own practice. But she likes working with me.’

  ‘You being a charmer and all that,’ Cathy interjected.

  ‘Exactly!’ Smiling, he pushed a leaflet towards Cathy. ‘Remember that house we loved last year?’

  ‘The one that was out of our price range? The one that we said under no circumstances could we afford?’

  ‘Well, the thing is, if Annemarie buys into the business, we can buy it. She’s also suggested that she rent this place, when we move out. The rent would help pay the mortgage.’

  ‘Does she not want to buy her own place?’ Cathy replied, ignoring the fact that Tom said ‘when’. Clearly he had made his mind up. He always was impulsive. When he made his mind up, it was hard to make him divert from his course of action.

  ‘That’s what I said to her. But she wouldn’t have the money to buy into the practice and buy this place. Apparently Sam and her are not at the proposal stage yet. Whatever that means.’

  ‘It means he’s being a typical bloke with commitment issues. Silly man. If he doesn’t hurry he’ll lose that woman.’

  ‘I’ll tell him when I see him next. But what do you think about the house?’

  ‘You love this flat. Are you sure you are ready to leave it? You’ve lived here a long time, Tom,’ Cathy pointed out.

  ‘We’ve outgrown it. Or are getting close to that. It was perfect for us two. But it’s not ideal for a family. Mikey is already crawling; his first birthday is coming up. Imagine celebrating that in the new house. We can watch him take his first steps in that big living room.’

  Cathy glanced towards the nursery in their two-bedroomed flat, which was little more than a boxroom. With the baby-changing unit in there and the cot, there wasn’t much room for anything else.

  ‘It’s a great location. Just down the road,’ Cathy said. When they said no to it last time, it was their heads talking, not their hearts. Could they afford it now? ‘I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to go back an
d look at the house again.’

  Within eight weeks they moved to their new home.

  For a few months everything was perfect. Should Tom have seen it coming? Could he have stopped the unspeakable horror that was racing towards them? These were questions that still haunted him to this day.

  39

  RUTH

  Despite her best efforts, Ruth could not persuade Aisling to take up running. Instead they began walking in the park each afternoon, once the kids finished their homework after school. Most days Ava joined them, too. DJ and Anna would play on the swings while they did a few laps in the park.

  It was a few days since Ruth had last seen Tom and she scanned the park once again for a sight of him but he was nowhere to be seen. It was as if he’d disappeared off the face of the earth since they’d had lunch last Tuesday. DJ was withdrawn and sullen again. He blamed Ruth for Tom and Bette Davis’s absence, as well as everything else.

  ‘You must have said something to him to make him leave,’ he’d accused. Ruth had gone over every conversation they’d had and fretted that she’d offended him when she gave him new clothes to wear.

  ‘Things any better with DJ?’ Aisling asked as they walked.

  Ruth shook her head.

  ‘It’s a funny age,’ Aisling replied. ‘Neither a kid, nor a teenager. I feel for them. Anna burst into tears the other night. When I asked her what was wrong, she said she didn’t know. She just felt frustrated and fed up.’

  ‘Welcome to the complicated world of womanhood,’ Ava said.

  They all giggled at that.

  Aisling said, ‘Speaking of womanhood, you know our noisy neighbours in number 125? Well, Kian filled me in on all the gossip there. Turns out their kids are staying with their grandparents, who have a huge house out in Dun Laoghaire. Those two chancers are only pretending that they are homeless so that they move up the list quicker.’

  ‘They lied?’ Ruth asked, incredulous.

  ‘Yep. Sure they’re having the time of their lives. Shagging morning, noon and night. It’s like a fecking holiday for them.’ Aisling shrugged.

  ‘That is downright despicable,’ Ava said. ‘If they get a house ahead of me and Brian, I’ll swing for them. And don’t get me started on that Melissa one.’

  ‘What has she done?’ Ruth asked.

  ‘Well, to start with she’s turned down three houses that I know about. For someone who is forever moaning that she had to sleep in a car for weeks, she’s fierce fussy about where she goes next. You’d think that with four children in one room with her she’d be desperate to take any house. Especially with Christmas coming,’ Ava said.

  Hearing the stories of the other social housing residents was a revelation to Ruth. She took people at face value and was shocked to hear about some of the shenanigans going on.

  ‘Speaking of Christmas, we should decorate the Library. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a tree there? It’s not as if we can fit one in our hotel bedrooms,’ Aisling said.

  Ruth replied, ‘I love a well-hung Christmas tree.’

  ‘Don’t we all?’ Aisling joked. ‘I’ll talk to Kian about that later.’

  ‘Ooooh, I bet you will … well hung, is he?’ Ava teased.

  Aisling flushed a brighter shade of red, which did not go unnoticed by her friends.

  ‘You’re going scarlet!’ Ava said.

  ‘I’m just knackered from this walk, that’s all. Slow down, women!’ Aisling said.

  ‘You’re fooling no one,’ Ava said.

  Aisling whispered, ‘If you must know, he asked me on a date!’

  As Ruth watched Ava and Aisling jump up and down with delight, she felt happiness bubble its way up inside her. For the first time in her life she felt like she belonged in a sisterhood. She’d watched other women in groups bounce up and down with delight over some shared good news. And she’d always been on the outside, wondering what it would feel like. Warm and fun, that’s what it felt like.

  ‘Where will you go?’ Ava asked.

  ‘It’s tricky. We are both in the same situation that we don’t have any family who can take our kids. And as we are not allowed to go for a drink in the bar downstairs we can’t leave the kids on their own in their rooms. So it’s gonna have to be a family date.’

  ‘That is unacceptable,’ Ruth said.

  ‘You don’t think I should go on a date with Kian?’ Aisling’s face fell.

  ‘That is acceptable, but bringing your children with you on a first date is not. I will take them to the National Museum of Ireland. Then you can have a drink or dinner, just the two of you,’ Ruth answered.

  ‘I can’t ask you to do that!’

  ‘You did not ask. I offered,’ Ruth said.

  ‘Ah, Ruth. What would I do without you? You’re a pal.’

  A pal. Nobody had ever called her that before. She felt a rush of emotion and could not wait to tell Dr O’Grady later on. He would be so happy for her. If she saw him again.

  Where are you, Dr O’Grady?

  ‘Spending all that time with Kian cleaning the Library, well, it made me realise how great he is. I mean he’s got a mouth on him, but his heart is good,’ Aisling said.

  ‘I shall find more cleaning jobs for you all. Maybe by the time you finish the next, he will propose!’ Ruth joked.

  Aisling and Ava shrieked with laughter at that.

  ‘Speaking of cleaning, what’s Erica been like over cleaning the communal room? Bitch, right?’ Ava asked.

  Ruth shook her head. ‘She gives clear direction. I like that. However, I do not like all her chitchat. She talks a lot.’

  Aisling snorted. ‘My Billy this and my Billy that. Sure we have never seen sight nor sound of him. Maybe he’s worn out with all of her chatter!’

  As her two friends talked on, Ruth began to panic that she would do something wrong that might cause them to leave her.

  Just like her father. Mark. Cathy. Dr O’Grady. And Dean. Always Dean.

  Without realising, Ruth started wringing her hands.

  Pop, pop, pop.

  ‘Ruth?’ Aisling’s voice cut in. ‘You OK? You’re doing that thing with your knuckles again.’ She turned to Ava and said, ‘She does that when she’s upset.’

  ‘What is it, Ruth?’ Ava asked.

  Ruth looked at the two women who stood in front of her. Concern on their faces.

  Find your tribe and hold them close. Do not let go.

  ‘I want to be understood,’ Ruth blurted out.

  ‘About what?’ Aisling asked.

  Ruth struggled to form the words.

  Pop, pop, pop.

  ‘I want you to know who I am,’ Ruth continued.

  ‘Well, tell us then,’ Ava said. ‘We’re listening.’

  ‘I always say the wrong thing. I upset people. I am an Aspie!’ she blurted out.

  ‘Is it like a disease or something?’ Aisling asked.

  Ruth shook her head and wished that it was as simple as that. ‘It is a syndrome. Asperger’s is part of the autistic spectrum. I am not very good with people. I get things wrong a lot. I do not mean to upset anyone, but sometimes the words I say come out wrong. And I do not want that to happen with you both. I like our chats and walks. I do not want to lose you both.’

  Pop, pop, pop …

  ‘Why didn’t I cop that? I should have copped that,’ Ava said. ‘It’s so fucking obvious now that you say it!’

  ‘Is that like yer man, the guy from the movie, what was he called? The rain man guy?’ Aisling asked.

  ‘As in, will I take us all to a casino and win us all a fortune, so we can get out of here?’ Ruth asked.

  ‘Yes!’ they both answered, grinning.

  ‘No,’ Ruth replied. ‘That is just in the movies. And it is not how it is for most people who are autistic.’

  ‘Pity. I could do with a few bob to buy a new dress for my date!’ Aisling said.

  ‘Tell me about it! Are you wicked clever then, Ruth?’ Ava said. ‘Sorry if that’s another generalisatio
n.’

  ‘If you meet one person on the spectrum, then you have met one person on the spectrum,’ Ruth said.

  They let the words sink in, nodding as they got it.

  ‘You are clever, though,’ Aisling said. ‘Anyone can see that.’

  ‘Correct, I am cleverer than most. And I do have a superpower. Or at least, that is what DJ calls it,’ Ruth told them.

  ‘What?’ Aisling squealed. ‘You’re not going to start flying or anything, are you?’

  ‘You’ve been watching too much television, you nut,’ Ava teased. Then she looked at Ruth and said, ‘You’re not, are you?’

  ‘Sometimes I flap a bit when I am really stressed. But no, I have never actually flown. But I can guess the weight of things,’ Ruth said. ‘I realised this when I was a child and correctly guessed how many balloons were squashed into a vintage car at a fair.’

  ‘No way!’ Aisling exclaimed. ‘Show us, show us!’

  Ruth thought for a moment then looked Aisling up and down and said, ‘Based on the assumption that you are five foot two …’

  ‘That’s exactly what I am,’ Aisling said. ‘See, clever.’

  ‘… I normally like to lift things, to confirm the exact weight, but you are too fat for me to do that.’

  ‘Awkward …’ Ava said.

  ‘You weren’t lying when you said you could say anything … jeez …’ Aisling said.

  ‘Should I stop?’ Ruth asked.

  ‘No, go on … just don’t talk about my weight in front of Kian. I prefer to hold onto the thought that he only sees a supermodel when he looks at me.’

  ‘OK. I estimate you are between 244 and 246 pounds,’ Ruth said.

  ‘What’s that in stones?’ Aisling asked.

  ‘It is just over seventeen and a half stone,’ Ruth confirmed.

  She looked at Ruth with eyes wide in awe. ‘I wish you were wrong. But, Lord above, that’s bang on the money.’

  ‘You carry the weight well,’ Ava said, patting Aisling’s arm in sympathy. ‘Bloody hell, Ruth. That’s some superpower to have.’

  ‘If you ever need me to go with you to a village fair to help you guess how much the oversized turnip weighs, just call me …’ Ruth joked.