A Thousand Roads Home

by Carmel Harrington

  Tom smiled at Ben, his old friend, and tried to summon the man he used to be. He felt vulnerable. Unsure.

  ‘Is it you?’ Ben’s voice had gone up an octave on his question.

  Tom had forgotten that Ben had a habit of becoming a soprano at times of supreme excitement.

  ‘The one and same. It’s really good to see you again, Ben.’ Tom realised the truth of this statement and it nagged his conscience.

  Ben found the use of his body and leaned in to clasp Tom’s shoulders, laughing as he did. ‘I’m so sorry I didn’t recognise you straight away. Forgive me, it’s been a long day. I can’t tell you how good it is to see you. Really good to see you,’ he repeated.

  ‘You know this man?’ Janice made no attempt to hide her shock at the new development. She looked between the two men, who were now grinning at each other like long-lost brothers.

  Ben turned to his receptionist and said, ‘Indeed I do know him. This is Dr O’Grady. A dear friend of mine. You can finish up for the day. I’ll lock up when we’re done.’ He shook his head as he muttered, ‘Who would have thought it? You never know what the day will end up with, do you? Come on into my office …’

  ‘What about Bette Davis?’ Tom asked. ‘I won’t leave her outside. She gets nervous without me. If Bette isn’t welcome, I’ll have to leave, too.’

  Ben walked over and looked down at the dog, stroking her velvety ears. ‘Cathy was always singing that song, wasn’t she?’

  ‘You remember,’ Tom said.

  ‘Of course I remember. We are friends,’ Ben said. ‘Come on, Bette Davis. Bring your lord and master with you. We’ve a lot to catch up on.’

  ‘Hollywood royalty or not, if that mutt makes a mess, you’re cleaning it up,’ Janice called after them.

  ‘I bet she keeps you on your toes,’ Tom said.

  ‘I’d be lost without her. I’m sorry if she was rude to you.’

  ‘I liked her. She reminds me of Breda,’ Tom said. He sat down on one of the two leather chairs that were positioned in front of Ben’s large Victorian writing desk. He placed his rucksack at his feet. Bette Davis dropped to the ground and rested her head on Tom’s feet as she always did.

  ‘How long has it been since we’ve spoken? Gosh, it must be …’ Ben’s forehead creased as his mind tried to work out the maths.

  ‘Nearly ten years,’ Tom replied.

  ‘That long? I didn’t recognise you, Tom. The hair, the beard …’

  Tom laughed. ‘I woke up one morning and realised I had started to resemble Santa quite a bit.’

  ‘Without the paunch.’ Ben nodded at Tom’s skinny frame.

  ‘You, on the other hand, haven’t changed at all,’ Tom said.

  ‘Less hair.’ Ben fidgeted with his receding hairline. ‘Want to send some of your long locks my way?’

  Ben’s laugh was a little too loud, heightened by his nerves. He had no idea why Tom was here, and now that he’d got over the surprise he was thrown by his arrival. ‘I never connected the dots when I saw your name in my diary. I’m sorry.’

  ‘Nothing to be sorry about. It must be a shock for you to see someone that’s not been in your sight or mind for years.’

  ‘I wouldn’t say that,’ Ben replied. ‘I’ve thought of you now and then. Especially around the milestone moments of the boys … you know …’

  Birthdays, graduation, first kiss, first pint – oh yes, Tom knew.

  ‘When did you get back to Wexford?’ Ben asked.

  ‘This morning.’

  ‘You should have called to let me know. I would have met you as soon as you got here.’ Reproach made Ben’s voice thin.

  Tom felt a flash of shame. When Cathy died something snapped in his mind and he pushed everything from his past life away. Including his friends. But sitting here in this chair, the same chair he’d sat in many times before a decade ago, made him question everything he thought to be true. He missed his friend.

  ‘Will you come home with me this evening, stay the night?’ Ben asked, trying to block out the worried face of his wife, Orla, whom he knew would be unsure about having this version of his friend stay.

  ‘I appreciate the offer, I really do, but I’m good. I’m going back to Dublin this evening.’

  ‘Are you in trouble, Tom? Is that why you’re here?’ Ben asked, leaning in towards him. He could see the end of a bruise on his face.

  Tom shook his head. ‘I do need your help, though,’ he replied.

  ‘You need money?’ Ben opened a drawer in his desk and pulled out a black leather wallet. ‘How much do you need?’

  ‘No!’ Tom held his hand up in protest. ‘Thank you, but no, I have money. It’s a legal matter that I need your help with.’

  Ben laughed, looking at the sign on his desk, Deering’s – Solicitors, Notaries, Public. ‘Ha! Sometimes the cat really is just sitting on the mat, eh?’

  ‘Or the dog,’ Tom replied, grinning and looking down at Bette.

  ‘How can I help?’

  ‘It’s a long story,’ Tom said.

  ‘Well, I’ve got all the time in the world. You were my last appointment of the week so we won’t be interrupted. I’ve a single malt here that’s pretty decent.’ He stood up and walked to a cabinet that sat to his right. ‘Like the old days. Do you remember?’

  ‘I remember. I’ll join you in a drink,’ Tom said. How many times had they sat in this very room, talking politics, sports, family and life? All with a single malt in hand.

  Ben opened the cabinet up and revealed a row of crystal glasses and several bottles of whiskey. Tom had never been much of a drinker and, despite any preconceived notions of a drunken homeless man, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a drink. He didn’t like the way it dulled his senses.

  ‘I’ve never found anyone else worth ending the week with,’ Ben said softly, his eyes glassy with emotion. Then he looked away embarrassed, rifling through the bottles, deciding on which drink to choose. ‘This single malt has sat in the cabinet for years, untouched.’

  ‘Don’t open it for me!’ Tom protested.

  ‘Sure, who else would I keep it for?’ Ben cracked the top open, lifting the bottle to his nose to sniff. ‘Aah … yes, I think this will do nicely.’ He poured two measures into the cut-crystal glasses.

  ‘Denny Crane!’ Tom said, lifting his glass in the toast they always made in tribute to a much-loved character in Boston Legal, a show Ben always loved.

  ‘Denny Crane,’ Ben replied laughing, lifting his own.

  How many times had Tom and Ben sat side by side, on a Friday evening, once their last client and patient left? This inside joke made them smile every time back then and it still did now, ten years later. Tom once again felt something niggle at his conscience. When he’d walked out of his life, he’d not thought of the impact on his friends. As he looked into the amber liquid, he remembered so many times where Ben had been the best of friends. Listening to his guilt over Mikey’s death. His worry over Cathy’s declining state of mind each time he lost her to the silence of her dreams.

  Tom took a sip of his whiskey to gather his thoughts. ‘You were right, you know. I did lose myself in the shadows, like you predicted.’

  ‘I know, mate.’

  ‘But I’ve found something that’s brought me back.’

  Surprise flickered in Ben’s eyes, followed by delight. ‘Can I ask who she is?’

  ‘It’s not a she, it’s a them,’ Tom answered, finding a grin landing on his face for no reason other than the fact that he was thinking about Ruth and DJ.

  ‘Tell me everything,’ Ben said.

  ‘I’m not sure where to start.’

  ‘At the beginning. That’s as good a place as any.’

  Tom took a deep breath and began to talk.

  58

  RUTH

  The realisation that the chance of a happy-ever-after house before Christmas was off the table for most of the social housing residents of The Silver Sands Lodge gave them all the motivation
they needed to start decorating. They had got side-tracked after Erica collapsed, and had lost the inclination to follow through on their plans, but now, with the holidays looming closer, Operation Christmas Makeover was in full swing in the Library.

  A few lucky ones would spend Christmas Day with their families. Some had unofficially left the hotel already. But for Ruth, DJ, Tom, Aisling, Anna, Kian and Cormac, the hotel would be their home for the holidays.

  They were going to have a big Christmas dinner, Waltons style, in the Library.

  Kian kicked open the door whistling ‘White Christmas’. He was hoisting a large Christmas tree over his shoulder.

  ‘Where did you get that?’ Ruth asked.

  ‘Ask no questions and I’ll tell no lies,’ he responded with a wink. Cormac trailed behind him carrying a box of brightly coloured baubles.

  Aisling and Anna followed moments later. They were rarely apart these days. She turned on Christmas FM on her phone app and put the volume up to its highest. As they tacked tinsel to the ceiling and wrapped more around the tree, they all began to sing along to ‘Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer’.

  Kian’s phone rang and he told them, ‘With a bit of luck this is my mate John. He’s sorting some lights for us. Back in a minute.’

  ‘You look so happy,’ Ruth said to Aisling, who watched him leave with adoring eyes.

  ‘Is it that obvious? I didn’t think I would feel like this again,’ Aisling said. ‘It’s the real deal, Ruth. It really is.’

  ‘He is your soul mate,’ Ruth said solemnly. She looked over to the kids where much merriment was underway. Cormac and DJ were busy wrapping a piece of tinsel around Anna, who was giggling hysterically. Ruth suspected – correctly – that both boys had a crush on her.

  The door burst open again, banging off the wall. ‘It’s a Christmas bleeding miracle,’ Kian shouted. His face was flushed bright red.

  Aisling ran to his side. ‘You got the lights?’

  ‘Guess again. Better than that,’ Kian said, grabbing her by the hands.

  ‘You won the lotto,’ Aisling joked.

  ‘Lower your expectations, love. Not that bleeding good,’ Kian replied. ‘But honest to goodness it’s deadly, it really is. Because never mind your Christmas number one, Ed Sheeran, my number has only gone and made it to the top spot.’

  ‘You’re not making any sense,’ Aisling said.

  ‘He rarely does,’ Ruth replied.

  ‘Ladies, ladies, brace yourselves. The Kiano has only been offered a house. That was the council on the blower. They’ve got a house for me with three bedrooms and a garden!’

  ‘No!’ Aisling screamed, jumping up and down.

  A strangled sob came from the mass of tinsel in the corner where Cormac was now entangled, revenge dished by Anna.

  ‘Cormac lad, get over here. They’ve only offered us that house in Donabate that yer woman Melissa turned down,’ Kian said.

  Cormac looked at his father in disbelief, shards of silver tinsel hanging off his ear. ‘This isn’t a joke, Da? For real, we’ve got a house? A real house?’

  ‘Yes, son. A real house! Out in the bleeding sticks, too. Looks like we’re going to be culchies. Get your wellies, lad, get your wellies!’ Kian pulled his son into his embrace.

  ‘You have taken it?’ Aisling said, tears in her eyes. ‘Course you have taken it. You have to take it. It’s wonderful news.’

  Kian started to laugh. ‘I never thought in a million years this would happen.’

  ‘It’s going to be very quiet around here without you,’ Aisling said, smiling bravely even though she suddenly felt very tearful.

  ‘It’s got three bedrooms. And has a “bijou” garden. Which means in reality the garden is the size of a postage stamp. But sure, what harm?’ Kian grabbed Cormac’s shoulders and said, ‘It’s walking distance to the schools. And they are meant to be the business out there. Gillian was at pains to tell me it has a regular train service into Dublin. We can be city slickers every day, if we want.’

  ‘Sounds perfect,’ Aisling said.

  ‘Not quite,’ Kian replied. He disentangled himself from Cormac and stood face to face with Aisling. ‘But I know how it could be.’

  ‘How?’ Aisling whispered, then crossed her fingers behind her back.

  ‘If you come with me, that’s how. The kids can have a room each. That’s if you don’t mind sharing with me, eh, eh?’ He nudged her.

  ‘Are you serious?’ Aisling asked. He nodded at once. ‘We’d have to talk to the children.’

  ‘Forget about them for a minute, love. This can’t be about the kids. I made that mistake the last time. I thought I could make someone love me for Cormac’s sake. And we all know how that worked out. I love the bones of you, Aisling. I don’t want to go anywhere without you and Anna. But the question is, do you want to come with me?’

  ‘Oh, Kian,’ Aisling whispered, covering her face in her hands. Was this really happening to her? Her!

  ‘I mean it. I love you. And if you let me take care of you and Anna I promise I’ll never let you down. I’ll never walk away and leave you on your own. Together we can move bleeding mountains. What do you say?’ Kian was wiping away tears furiously with his sleeve but they refused to stop coming.

  ‘We’ve only been dating a few months,’ Aisling said, but she inched her way closer to him.

  ‘What’s the point in waiting? I know how I feel. That’s not going to change,’ Kian said.

  ‘Say yes! Say yes!’ both Anna and Cormac shouted, already on board with the idea.

  ‘YES!’ Aisling shrieked, and then suddenly Kian was jumping up and down, spinning her around in a circle, then running over to Ruth to give her a spin, too. ‘That’s two bleeding Christmas miracles! Can you believe it?’

  ‘I have only one thing to say to you, Kian …’ Ruth said. She paused for a moment, then finished, ‘You jammy fecker!’

  Kian bellowed laughter, remembering their earlier conversation when he told her to say that very thing should he ever get a home. ‘That I am. That I am.’

  ‘Is there a party on and no one thought to invite me?’ Erica’s voice cut in. She hobbled in on her crutch, smiling at them all, not in the least bit put out. ‘This place is beginning to look very festive. We have some decorations in the attic. I’ll get my Billy to get them for you later on.’

  ‘Take a weight off,’ Kian said, pulling a chair out for her. ‘Don’t want you keeling over again!’

  ‘What’s all the excitement about?’ Erica asked.

  ‘Well, apart from seeing your lovely face again,’ Kian joked, ‘I got some good news.’ He turned to Aisling and said, ‘You tell her.’

  ‘No, you tell her,’ Aisling replied.

  Ruth tutted and said, ‘For goodness’ sake, I shall tell her! Kian and Cormac got offered a house. And Aisling and Anna are going to move in with them.’

  ‘Oh, my,’ Erica said. ‘Well, isn’t that wonderful? As I said to my Billy last night, love is all around, you just have to open your eyes to see it.’

  ‘That is quite a beautiful sentiment,’ Ruth said.

  ‘I sometimes surprise myself,’ Erica said. ‘And speaking of surprises, there’s one coming for you, too …’

  On cue the door creaked again and Tom walked in, leading Bette Davis beside him.

  Anna, Cormac and DJ fell to their knees to grab some licks and kisses from their pal.

  ‘Kian, can we get a dog like her when we go to Donabate?’ Anna begged.

  ‘Course we can, love,’ Kian said. ‘Look at that, she’s already got me wrapped around her finger, what?’

  Erica said, ‘I wish my Billy were here, but he’s a martyr to his sciatica. He’s out in our mews having a little rest. Are you going to add to the celebrations, Dr O’Grady? Go on, tell them your news.’

  Tom beckoned Ruth and DJ over to him and they sat down, side by side, around the homework table. ‘When I left Wexford ten years ago, I had no plan, just a sense that I had to leave. Over
the years, I moved from county to county based on whims or whispers in my ear. And then one day I ended up here in Fairview. I didn’t understand what this whole journey was about until recently. Then it all became clear. I believe I’ve been moving towards this moment, to you and DJ, all along.’

  ‘Are you getting all mushy on us?’ DJ asked, pretending to shoot himself.

  ‘Brace yourself, kid, because I am. Last week I remembered something Cathy used to say. “You can change the world by helping one person at a time.”’

  DJ moved his chair closer to his mam, who was beginning to pop, pop, pop.

  ‘That’s what you do, Ruth. You help people. It’s extraordinary,’ Tom said.

  Murmurs of agreement echoed through the room, the truth of his words in every change made in this very room they stood in.

  ‘And you helped me most of all. The darkness has gone. The sun is back, shining bright for me. That’s because of each of you,’ Tom said. He gently patted each of their knees.

  DJ started to shuffle awkwardly in his seat. He was mortified by Tom’s words in front of his friends. And he was beginning to feel all emotional. There was no way he was crying with Anna watching him.

  ‘Now it’s my turn to make a difference. Cathy has done her job and guided me here to you both,’ Tom said.

  Erica said, ‘I thank God that he guided Dr O’Grady my way. My Billy said to me last week that he thought he’d lost me. And I won’t lie, I thought I was a gonner, too. I get quite emotional when I think about it all.’

  ‘I’m happy I was close by when you needed me,’ Tom said.

  ‘Well, I don’t mind telling you that it put things into sharp perspective for me. As my Billy said, what are we doing wasting what little time we have here on our own, when we have a daughter and grandchildren over in Maryland, just waiting with open arms and hearts for us? And then just like in a movie – that’s what I said to my Billy, just like in a movie – the phone rang. A solicitor. Asking us if we were willing to sell this place. Imagine that. Well, I don’t mind telling you we both got quite the shock by that call.’

  ‘You are selling The Silver Sands Lodge?’ Kian asked.

  ‘Yes. In fact, the sale is already made,’ Erica replied.