Forget Me Not

by Goodmore, Jade

  Maybe I should try and contact Sebastian first. If I could just understand what his intentions would be were he to learn of Benji’s being, then I could work out the best plan of action. When I told Sebastian about my being pregnant all of them years ago, he made it perfectly clear that he didn’t want to be a father to him, and that may still be the case. I struggle with the emotions that accompany this thought. I want Benji to know his biological father, of course I do, but when he’s been so accepting of Jesse I worry about the damage that it may do to their bond.

  My eyes grow heavier the longer I worry. The longer I worry the more I want to shut myself off from the world, so I close my eyes and do just that.

  Solid arms envelope my weak body and a sense of security banishes my nightmares. I open my eyes to look at the angel that I know is present, and when I find him I relax further into his refuge. He has me cradled in his arms like a baby, using as much effort as if I weighed the same as one, and we’re moving fluently up the stairs, neither one of us saying a word. There are no words to be said. I’m happy he is here and he is happy to be back, and no words can describe that in the same way as our unified warmth.

  After moving back the covers he places me into the bed, all the while his eyes baring a hold over mine. Even in the darkness I can make out the creases between his brow, and when he reaches across to turn on the bedside lamp I see the worry etched across his face in full illuminated glory.

  “What’s the matter?” I whisper, my voice not yet devoid of sleep.

  “You’ve been crying. What’s wrong? Is Benjamin okay?”

  “Everything’s fine. Benji’s great, he’s asleep in his room.”

  “Then why have you been crying?” he pushes, wiping his thumbs gently over my damp cheeks.

  I search the part of my brain that hasn’t succumbed to sleep in the hope of finding a reasonable excuse for my bloodshot eyes. It’s not that I plan on withholding the news of Sebastian’s return from Jesse, but I don’t want to worry him when I haven’t fully absorbed the evening’s events and the possible repercussions they offer.

  “I-I caught the end of a sad film before I fell asleep,” I lie.

  “What film was it?” he asks, not missing a beat.

  “The Notebook.” I reply, mentally congratulating myself for my quick thinking.

  “Are you lying to me?”

  “What?”

  “Are you lying to me, Mickey?” he whispers with increased gravity.

  I sigh in defeat. “Yes.”

  “Why?”

  “Because…I don’t want to talk about it right now.”

  “Is it something that I’ve done?”

  “No.”

  “Is there anything I can do?”

  I shake my head before correcting myself. “Yes. Lay with me. I’ve waited all day for these,” I say, as I run my fingers up and down the length of his arm. He sits before me, gazing down on me as if he is about to tuck me in.

  With a heavy sigh, the magnitude of his torso folds in on itself as he hunches in exasperation. “I don’t want you to suffer in silence, sweets.”

  “I’m not suffering anymore. You’re here.”

  He smiles forcibly. “And I’m not going anywhere. Ever again.”

  Pulling him down on to my chest I can feel his strength. Not just his physical strength, but the inner strength that he gives me. The nearer he is to me the more I feel the subsidence of the worry that coursed through me just hours earlier. He kisses away the concern and brushes the tension from my skin. He blows away the troubled memories of my past and pushes away any remaining trepidation. I am emptied of worry only to be filled with Jesse.

  Chapter 27

  Sunday is shaping up to be a great day; an amazing breakfast cooked by you know who, the sun is out and extra hot, and to top it off, last night’s woes have been forgotten by both my mind and body, as I thankfully woke up without the puffy eyes and blotchy face that normally accompanies such a sob-fest.

  Although I would ordinarily be thankful for such a promising start to the day, today it means so much more. Today is the day that we will be telling my family about our engagement and possible move, and although I have fewer concerns about their reactions than I would have a week ago, I’m pleased that so far the day has given me no other reason to be anxious.

  Jesse has attempted to persuade me to prolong our secrecy due to the absence of a traditional ring, but I will spontaneously combust if we have to keep the news to ourselves any longer. Besides, asking me to keep a secret like this is one thing, but expecting Benjamin to keep tight lipped is another.

  It’s such an odd feeling rolling up to my parents’ house without the anticipation that Jesse’s presence has previously presented. Knowing that my parents have accepted our relationship lifts a weight from my shoulders that I have carried for years. Even when I was suffering from the effects of Jesse’s disappearance, I still couldn’t bear the thought of my parents disliking him. Now that they conceive our relationship as a positive thing we can thicken the line that we drew underneath our past.

  Joanna and I have cleared the air, and a lot of dirt, and I’m hopeful that I can rely on her to treat Jesse the way he deserves to be treated. Her dislike for Jesse has nothing to do with him and everything to do with herself. I think she sees that now and I can only hope that she can continue to be happy for us when she learns of our news. I haven’t spoken to her since our heated discussion and although the argument had closure, I’m still unsure as to whether there will be an underlying awkwardness between us now that I know the truth of her betrayal.

  When we pull up to the front of the house, its beauty enhanced by the artistic halo of the sun, Benjamin runs ahead of me, up the stairs and in through the front door, just as he normally would. This time though, he pulls Jesse along with him. I rejoice at the image of them rushing through the hallway, as if this has been a part of our routine for years. My happiness deepens as I hear the enthusiastic greetings of my parents and their soon to be son-in-law. My, how things have changed in the weeks since their initial reunion. You could have cut the atmosphere with a knife and now the only thing being cut is a cake that has been specifically baked for Jesse.

  “You didn’t have to go through so much trouble, Julia.” Jesse says as he eyes the chocolate sponge cake before him.

  “Nonsense, it’s no trouble compared to the beauty of these flowers. Really Jesse, they’re totally unnecessary. Totally beautiful, but unnecessary,” she replies. I notice her hand wrapped lightly around Jesse’s back as they walk through to the dining room.

  “What flowers?” I interject, and they both turn to look at me, Jesse’s embarrassed but my mom is eager with excitement.

  “Look!” she cries.

  Stepping to the side so that I can see past her, she sweeps her hand across the room, gesturing to three large vases of flowers. One vase is featuring as the tables centre piece and the others are placed on the sideboard and fireplace. All three are magnificent, with an abundance of calla lilies surrounded by lilacs and blues, some of which stem from forget-me-nots.

  “Aren’t they amazing?” she sighs, and brings her hand to her chest, as if appreciating their beauty all over again.

  I look at Jesse for an explanation and he shrugs. “I had them delivered to thank your parents for the gifts at the hospital.” He shrugs.

  “Like I said, no need.” She kisses him on the cheek and then returns to the kitchen to continue cooking. Jesse moves to follow the noise coming from the living room, but I catch his hand and pull him back.

  “That was a really lovely gesture, Jesse,” I whisper as I snake my hands around his waist. He complies with my unspoken request for closeness by gently squeezing me with his strong arms.

  “It was necessary. They were great to me while you were in hospital.”

  “I know. I’m starting to think that my accident was a good thing.” He frowns immediately at my choice of words. “You know what I mean.” I chuckle.

 
; “I know,” he reluctantly admits.

  He slinks my hair behind my ear and places a chaste kiss on my cheek. I bite my lip to suppress a giggle at his well-mannered nature in the presence of my parents, but as I walk away he slaps my ass.

  Dinner is delicious as usual but with the added amity between the most important people in my life, everything tastes better. The conversation flows as easily as the ebbing tide. Jesse seems completely at ease as he converses with a gathering that despised him just weeks earlier. He makes himself well and truly at home as he helps my mom collect and serve dessert.

  I am in awe of him.

  Benjamin has managed to keep quiet after we made it clear in the car journey here that our engagement and the new house was to be kept secret until either Jesse or I said so. He has touched upon the fact that Jesse took him to see a house when I was at work, but Jesse managed to dismiss it as a new business venture.

  When everyone has finished with their desserts and enough wine has been consumed to soften the mood, I hush the table and proceed to declare that Jesse and I have something we would like to share with everyone. Jesse holds my hand under the table and when I look at Benji he is bouncing in his seat.

  “Are you pregnant?” Joanna interrupts as her hands fly to her face.

  “No, Jo, I’m not pregnant.” Relief spreads across her face and down her body. I wish that it would travel across the table to me. All eyes are on us, stealing any confidence that I deluded myself I had. I take a deep breath and with a gentle squeeze on my hand from my strength supplier, Jesse, I manage to find the courage to continue.

  “Jesse has asked me to marry him…and I’ve said yes.”

  As I scan the stunned eyes of my mom, dad and Joanna I feel the need to fill the silence and continue, but as I open my mouth Jesse interrupts me and leans across to my father.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t ask your permission for Michaela’s hand in marriage. It wasn’t planned and if it was then of course I would have asked you first. But, I want to marry your daughter and be a part of hers and Benjamin’s life more than I’ve ever wanting anything before, and since Michaela has already said yes, perhaps you could give us your blessing rather than your permission.” His tone is calm and his sincerity is indisputable.

  My father’s expression is calculating but moments later a warm smile spreads across his face. “You speak as if Michaela would even listen to me if I were to say no.” He chuckles and it comes straight from his belly. “Of course you have my blessing. I can see how happy you’ve made my daughter and my grandson. And, as long as you continue to you will always have my approval.” They stand from the table and shake hands. “This calls for champagne,” he announces and walks to the kitchen in search of even more drink.

  My mom stands from the table and walks towards me. When she is close I can see that tears frame her delicate eyes. She reaches out for my hands and so I stand to speak to her face to face.

  “Mom, I…”

  “Michaela, why you look so nervous I will never know. Jesse and you are just, so intense. You always have been. As soon as I could see he was sticking around I’ve been expecting you to walk through that door with a ring on your finger.” At her remark she looks down at my hand expectantly.

  “We haven’t gotten around to picking a ring yet.” I shrug and pull out Jesse’s makeshift pendant from my blouse. “This is our temporary ring.”

  She smiles knowingly. “Your father got me a hideous ring. I made him take it back and chose a new one for myself.” She smiles warmly before stalking over to Jesse and wrapping her arms around him, initiating a congratulatory conversation.

  I can feel Joanna’s eyes willing me to talk to her but I’m put off by her apparent annoyance. Instead I scoop up Benjamin into my arms.

  “You can talk about it all now, Benji. I’m very proud of you for keeping it a secret.”

  “Thank God!” he bellows, and before I can even give him a kiss he pushes away to run and tell his grandparents all about the night Jesse proposed. I don’t tell them that the proposal Benji is referring to is in fact a second proposal for his benefit only, there’s no need. Jesse’s initial proposal is something that I want to keep to myself. It was perfect, and perfectly ours.

  The next hour is filled discussing the possibility of our new home. Jesse explains his plans for the renovation but makes it clear that nothing is set in stone until the project is given my approval. My parents are a little shocked that it’s so far away, but I think they understand the logic. Jesse lessens the shock by explaining that he wants to build a guest house for them and he will need their input for the interior designer.

  Between the endless conversations Jesse still manages to pull me aside and check how I am. He kisses me in his special way to remind me of how besotted with him I am and that we are doing the right thing. As if I need reminding.

  The house is alive with stories of my parents own wedding and we discuss possible venues and themes. I have to remind them that we aren’t planning on a shotgun wedding so we have plenty of time to sift through ideas. They enlighten us with tales from their first home and how they are thankful that we are able to afford a property that doesn’t leak every time it rains.

  The conversation carries on into the evening, so I leave them to it and start on the washing up. A little bit of booze and everyone forgets there’s a mountain of dishes to clean. Joanna follows me into the kitchen and assists. We talk quietly about the news. She actually seems happy for me, despite how she seemed initially. Perhaps I imagined it after expecting her to be difficult.

  A light cough disrupts us and we turn towards the sound to see Jesse leaning against the door frame, hesitant to enter. “I thought I’d help with the dishes, but I don’t want to interrupt,” he explains.

  Joanna squeezes my shoulders before sauntering over to Jesse and tossing him the cloth. “Well you can’t be any worse than Michaela.” She smiles before placing a polite kiss on his cheek. “Congratulations, Jesse,” she says quietly before leaving us alone.

  Jesse widens his eyes in mock surprise at her words, and I chuckle as he walks over and takes me in his arms.

  “Are you high?” he asks, with a playful smile.

  “No! Why?” I laugh.

  “You look so happy. The kind of happy you get from illegal substances.”

  “Or perhaps from finding the man of your dreams again and your family finally accepting him?”

  “Yeah, could be that, I suppose.” He smiles against my lips as he inundates me with playful pecks.

  “You don’t have to help me, ya’ know. I’ve almost finished.” I lean back, eyeing him curiously. “That was your plan all along, wasn’t it?”

  Smirking deliciously, he shrugs. “Maybe.”

  “Typical guy,” I tut.

  “I could stay and help but Benji and his soccer ball are waiting for me outside.” He cheekily squeezes my backside.

  “You’re lucky I love you.”

  “The luckiest.”

  For the second time since I’ve been in this kitchen we’re interrupted from the doorway. Not by a cough but by a little voice.

  “Mom?” Benji asks. I’m instantly alert to the quietness of his voice and as I scan his face my heart tugs at his worried expression.

  “What is it, sweetheart?” I reply, moving quickly to kneel in front of him, my hands holding his shoulders.

  “There’s a man outside. He says he’s my dad.”

  Chapter 28

  The dying sun burns my eyes as I yank open the front door and I have to squint to see past the porch. There’s a grey estate car parked opposite the Mustang and leaning against it is a man I used to know. He looks different. I guess we all do. He’s lost the shagginess of his blonde hair and lost the ripped jeans, now resembling a respectable man rather than a struggling musician. That’s as far as my analysis gets as I storm down the stairs in a rage. Jesse is behind me, but I don’t hear his footsteps follow me any further than the porch.

  Seb
astian straightens the length of his body as I fly to him. He looks nervous. Damn right he should be nervous!

  “Hey,” he says as he forces a smile.

  “No!” I shout, surprising myself by pushing him viciously in the chest. “No, you need to leave!” I cry, pushing against him again. “What in the hell do you think you’re doing?”

  “I’m sorry, I…”

  “Shit, Seb!” I shout, stamping the floor like a petulant child.

  “Michaela,” Jesse scolds me from behind. I turn to see my entire family watching us from the porch, Benji at the forefront. Jesse bends down and whispers something to Benji, who subsequently walks back through the door, followed by Joanna and my parents. The look on his face, completely confused and shocked by my outburst, leaves my eyes stinging with the threat of tears.

  “I just wanted to see him,” Sebastian continues, his voice quiet but his tone desperate.

  “Seb, you can’t just barge in and introduce yourself like that. Do you have any idea how confusing that is for him?”

  “I’m sorry,” he mumbles, rubbing his hands over his heavy brow. “I’m pretty messed up right now, Mickey. I only found out last night, and then he’s in front of me and…I’m sorry.”

  I take a deep breath and run my fingers through my hair, pulling it away from my hot face. I don’t know what to say or how to act. I had every intention of leaving a boot mark on his ass after kicking him off the premises. However, now that he’s stood only yards from me it’s evident that he’s in a bad place. Dark rings circle eyes that are creased at the corners and without the sparkle I remember. He looks completely lost, seemingly weak and vulnerable and I begin to feel like I’m shouting at Bambi.

  “Can we just…have a talk? That’s all I came for,” he requests, stepping a little closer to me, less cautious now that my anger has apparently subsided.