My throat is tight and my mouth bone dry. “Stand up, Jesse.” He stands quickly and his face creases with calculated concern. He still holds the ring at the apex of my finger. “I don’t want you to be sorry for the rest of your life. I don’t want you to make anything up to me. You’re sorry now and that’s enough. I want no other promise except that you won’t ever leave me again”
“I promise you, there is nothing in this world that could make me leave you again. I love you, sweets.” His blue eyes are dark and penetrating as they fill with sincerity.
The aching tightness in my throat breaks. “Then, yes. Yes,” I manage before my sobs turn to laughter once again. He laughs with me as he glides the ring onto my finger, where it will remain for eternity.
Epilogue
Jesse
My chest is tight and my stomach is heavy as I watch Mickey nurse baby Madeline. She rocks her gently back and forth and sings softly into her tiny ear. I’m completely mesmerized, experiencing something I’ve never felt before. Something I can’t even put a name to. It’s like I miss her, even when she’s sat right there. Or maybe I want to protect her, but from what? No, it’s probably just Mickey. I’m horny, that’s all. I’m always fucking horny.
I hope Mickey doesn’t look up. If she does she’s going to think I’ve gone mad. Madder. But, I can’t look away. Mickey looks amazing. She was obviously born to be a mother. It just…fits. I’ve never seen her look as content as when she sniffs at Madeline’s head.
She looks up, finally witnessing my mindless staring. Shit. I’m about to make a joke about it when she smiles warmly and that indescribable feeling from moments ago swells.
“C’ mere,” she whispers softly for the baby’s benefit.
I oblige, walking over and sitting next to her on the couch, unashamedly grinning at this stunning woman. Adjusting Madeline into the nook of her arm, she leans over and places her in mine. I’m terrified. She’s so small, like, really small. She looks perfect, her features like a doll, dressed head to toe in pink, one of the many outfits that we’ve bought her.
She’s going to be so loved, so spoilt by her family and extended family. But, I guess she can’t appreciate this right now, so she squirms. It has to be me. She senses my fear or I smell funny or something.
“She likes being upright,” Mickey explains, altering my positioning of Madeline until she is cradled against my shoulder. I can smell her. It’s like nothing I’ve ever smelt before.
Mickey leans against my other shoulder, unable to pry herself away from the baby for too long. She’s smitten. Hell, I’m smitten.
Madeline’s breathing catches as she begins to squirm some more, so I rock her gently in my arms, trying to pull off what I saw Mickey doing just a minute ago. It doesn’t work, and before long she’s crying. It’s a piercing sound and I immediately feel panicked.
“I think it’s time for Madeline’s dinner,” Emma calls from behind us before relieving me of Madeline’s hunger cries. She sits with her on an armchair opposite us and discreetly breastfeeds her new baby. Tom hovers over them both, talking quietly. They look so happy.
When Madeline settles for a nap and Benji and Lily disappear to play in the garden, Mickey shows Emma our honeymoon snaps. I insisted on two honeymoons, knowing that we couldn’t leave Benji out when he was such an important part of our coming together. We spent ten days in Florida with him, exhausting ourselves with endless amusement parks and attractions before leaving him with Mickey’s parents to recuperate for a week in Hawaii.
The vacations were just as perfect as the wedding. Mickey insisted on a simple affair, staging our nuptials at Starling’s local church, but I was able to spoil her with the accessories. She walked the aisle in a designer dress and was swamped in jewels of her favorite color, purple. Her hair was perfectly styled and her face expertly made up, and she carried a bouquet of forget-me-nots. Mickey’s always been the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known, but that day, she was something else. Watching her walking down the aisle to become my wife was a holy experience. She is the only faith I need.
After the church service we were blessed on the sand dunes. Just myself, Mickey and Benji in attendance as we all made further promises to each other. Promises that were just as important as our vows, perhaps more so.
It’s been almost a month since that day but we’re still in honeymoon time. I can’t keep my hands off of her and she’s friskier than ever. After these strange feelings today, I can’t wait to get her into the privacy of our home.
As if reading my thoughts she looks up from the photo album. Her warm brown eyes ooze with love and I can’t help but lean down to kiss her on the cheek. She knows I’m trying to be respectful in front of Emma and Tom. I know she knows because she smiles sweetly and squeezes my ass. She’s wicked.
We leave after a long day of welcoming baby Madeline into the world, but even when we return home, she isn’t far from my thoughts. Benji settles himself to sleep so Mickey and I are able to share a bottle of wine. Good wine. Not the cheap crap she used to get.
She’s trying to watch some boring soap on the TV but she’s not really paying attention. We’re lying on opposite ends of the couch with our legs tangled and a sleeping Bruce between us, his soft fur warming our feet and I’m watching her idly finger the rim of her glass.
She catches me staring at her and looks at me accusingly. “Why are you looking at me like that? Do I have something on my face?”
I chuckle but shake my head. “No, I’m just appreciating you.” She hums disbelievingly. “Actually, sweets, I need to talk to you about something.”
“Actually, I do to.”
“Really?”
Adjusting ourselves, we both sit up and put down our wine. Bruce saunters off shooting us an annoyed look. Mickey sits Indian style in front of me. She looks pretty nervous, but she’s still glowing like she has done all day. Glowing.
Glowing…?
“Are you pregnant?” I ask, speaking as I think.
“What? No!”
I sigh, but not with relief. Quite the opposite, actually.
“If I were, would that be a problem?” she asks. The dejected look on her face makes me want to punch myself. She must think…
“No, of course it wouldn’t be a problem. That’s really what I wanted to talk to you about…”
“Because if it’s a problem then we kind of have a problem. I know we should have talked about it before we got married, but I guess I just thought it was implied when I became your wife.” She’s staring down at her fiddling fingers as she rambles on and on without bothering to take a breath. “I want another child. There, I’ve said it. I love Benji and I want to love more. I know you have all these issues, but you’re so great with Benji and I have no doubts in my mind that you would be great with a baby.”
“Sweets…”
“And, I’m not saying that we have to start trying immediately, I know that you’ll need to get used to the idea, but now that I’m comfortable in my career, I feel like I could finally be able to take the time off, and…”
“Baby, stop.”
She doesn’t stop talking, I knew she wouldn’t, making me put my fingers over her hyperactive lips.
“Why are you so nervous, Mickey?”
“I’m not nervous,” she stubbornly denies.
“You’re rambling.”
Screwing up her cute nose, she shrugs. “Okay, I’m nervous. I’m nervous because I am asking you to be a father to my child after, what…? Seven months? I can see that it’s ludicrous from an outside perspective, but I’ve imagined carrying your child since we were at school.” She stops abruptly and then covers her blushing face as if she’s just told me something awful.
“Stop it. Stop being so embarrassed,” I order, removing her hand from her face and bringing it to my lips. I love the feel of her soft skin against my mouth. It’s like my own little stress ball, an instant relief. For her too, I think.
“Mickey, do you think I haven’t
already thought about it? I see you come alive with Benji every day. I’d love to be able to give that to you again.”
“Are you just saying that because you know that it’s what I want to hear? I know what you’re like, Jesse. You’d do or say anything if you thought it would make me happy.”
“I’m not agreeing with you to make you happy, sweets. I love you, and Benji. You’re my little family and I want to expand it. I don’t know, seeing you with Madeline just helped me to see that I can’t wait any longer. I want to do this now.”
There’s so much more I want to say. I want to tell her how the thought of her round with my child would once have filled me with dread, but lately, it’s all I can think about. My desire to try for a baby is only there because of her love for me, and mine for her. I never imagined anyone could love me enough to want to carry my child, and I definitely didn’t think that I could feel detached enough from my upbringing to want it too. It’s with Mickey’s understanding and patience that I’ve been able to explore the events that closed me off for so much of my adult life. And, I’m never going to be able to thank her enough.
I should tell her how much I love Benji and how much he has taught me about being a dad. He’s the reason I’m able to even conceive a future where I could have a child. I’m able to spoil him, educate him, and discipline him, and what’s more, he lets me, and it somehow feels inconceivably natural. I curse myself everyday for not being there from the start, for not being his biological father, but there’s no love lost on technicalities. The way that he’s accepted me into his life, even with the growing bond he’s establishing with his real dad, is remarkable. That child has bags of love to give.
I’d like to explain that with the help of her family and the extent of their forgiveness and support I can finally feel like I belong somewhere. I hid away for so long, turning myself into someone I’m not because I didn’t have anyone to ground me. Now, I do. And while I still enjoy my work and I’m proud of everything I’ve accomplished, I’m happy to take a step back and enjoy the basic aspects of life that I’ve never before been able to. I’ve been welcomed into Julia and Graham’s home as if I’d never left. Even Joanna and I have wiped the slate. With people like this to teach me how to lead a family, I can’t go wrong. I hope.
I want to tell her all of this, right now, this second, but I don’t get chance. She lunges for me, pressing her full lips against mine and wrapping her hands tight around my neck. I have to be quick to catch her, but I do. She’s fucking ravenous. She opens her eyes, focusing her heavy browns on me, and I know exactly what she wants. Me.
Unable to deny her, I wrap her in my arms, her legs instinctively curling around my waist and bringing her tight against my dick. As if it needs any encouragement. I’ve been hard all night. Shit, I’m hard all the time. It’s like being a goddamn teenager again.
She weighs nothing as I lift us both from the couch, making it easy to carry her up the long twisting stairs to our newly refurbished bedroom in our newly restored house. The journey is almost painful as she continues to tease me and I fight to hold off my release. She’s relentless, tightening her hold around my waist so that she rubs temptingly against me. It’ll be her fault if the shows over too soon.
Her lips linger at my neck as her fingers dig into my back. She’s so fucking up for this. I know exactly how she wants this, exactly how she needs it, which is why I’m working my damn hardest not to have her quickly against the wall. She’s lucky that I’ve learnt to exercise some self control in the several months that I’ve lived with her and Benji. It’s the hardest part of being responsible, but I’m learning to appreciate delayed gratification. That’s what I’m telling myself at least.
Somehow I manage to make it to our bedroom. When I open the door she immediately tries to get down, but I hold her firm, enveloping her lips with mine. I carry her to the bed and lower her as gently as my urgency will let me. She’s so small that I can easily manipulate her body and it leaves me feeling both powerful and also constantly on edge. I’m so afraid of hurting her.
Mickey is swamped in a bluish light from the window. It’s the moon through our open curtains, making her beauty somehow ethereal. She quickly removes her shirt and rushes to undo her jeans, but I reach for her hands, slowing her down so I can appreciate the show. I bend down, lingering at the button of her jeans, kissing her smooth stomach and nibbling teasingly. She squirms impatiently and I can’t help but smile as I eventually tug off her jeans.
Lying there on the bed, cast in the sweet light, I can fully appreciate her flawlessness. Even the things that Mickey conceives as imperfect, her rounded hips and heavy breasts are beyond any beauty I’ve ever seen. And those barely there stretch marks that I know upset her. Like I haven’t seen stretch marks before. The only place I haven’t seen stretch marks are in the media. I wish she’d realize how insignificant they are. I mentally make a promise to both of us that I will worship her body daily, hourly, until she finally accepts her magnificence. I think I’ll start now.
Hovering over her, I unclasp the front fastening of her bra, nuzzling between her breasts as she finishes the job of removing it. I trail my lips down her stomach until I get to her panties. At the faint smell of her wetness I almost come undone right there. I quickly sit up, not wanting to end the party so soon. She raises her hips as I remove them and when I finally manage to tear myself away from admiring her moist lips I’m met with her big doe eyes. They’re calling to me, pleading with me to hurry up. I won’t.
I pull away from her magnetism, needing to undress too. She watches me greedily as I lift my shirt over my head, allowing her eyes to appreciate my hard-earned abs. I almost want to give her a full-on striptease, but I don’t think either of us have the patience. So, I remove my pants and drop my boxers to the floor. Her eyes unashamedly linger at my length as it springs free. She’s practically salivating. She’s hungry? No, I haven’t got the endurance for that.
Watching her growing more and more turned on gives me so much satisfaction. She gets so excited by me and the feeling is more than mutual. Knowing that I’m married to this amazing woman overwhelms me with gratitude.
I can’t play this hands-off game anymore so I fall to her side, exploring the shadows that have been cast over her skin. Her already generous breasts have swollen with need and I can’t help but feel them. They’re perfect, so fucking full and her nipples are so deliciously tempting. I take them in my mouth, one at a time, milking her for every moan until she’s pulling painfully at my hair and trying to position her under me.
Looking up into blazing eyes I find her biting her lip. Fuck. She’s so hot. I want to take her now and hard, really hard, but the significance of this session is not forgotten. I kiss her breasts one last time before bringing myself to rest on top of her. Face to face.
“We’re not going to waste any time? This is it?” I ask, my words raspy with built up tension.
“This is it. I love you,” she declares through thick pants. She doesn’t know how much it means to me to hear her say that. My chest tightens and my dick twitches simultaneously.
“I love you.”
I kiss her swollen mouth before rolling over her, past her, stopping at her side of the bed. I blindly rummage through her bedside drawer until I find what I’m looking for; her birth control. I raise an eyebrow questioningly at her and she giggles before nodding her head. I toss the pills over my shoulder before diving back onto her.
She’s still laughing when I find her mouth, but when my tongue pushes through her lips everything is suddenly very serious. She’s already grinding against me, feeding my need for her, and I can barely see straight let alone fucking think. My hand snakes over her breast, kneading them until she arches her back. Continuing over her tight stomach, she smiles against my mouth as I tickle her skin.
By the time I make it down to her lips she is already soaking wet. She’s more than ready but I want her screaming for me to take her. I want to torture her pleasure until she�
�s throwing a fit against my hand.
I continue to work my tongue against her hungry mouth as my fingers run the length of her sex. Back and forth, back and forth as her hips sway up and down, up and down. She moans when I thrust a finger into her and when it circles her entrance she obliterates in my arms. I try to control her but she’s bucking wildly and calling my name like it’s a fucking prayer. I lay back and watch her come undone while my fingers feel it.
When she stills I make a move to float above her. She opens her eyes and pulls me to her, into her. She takes all of me slowly so that I can appreciate every single inch. She’s so tight, fitting me like we were made for each other. I begin to work her as gradually as I can stand, needing it slow but fighting the pull to hammer away. She moans against my ear, and I groan back. Her breath against my skin is torturous. It’s heavenly. I can’t come yet though, not yet.
I concentrate on her lips as we glide together, meeting each other thrust for thrust. A perfect match as the momentum grows. Quicker and harder. I feel at one with Mickey. As if we were only ever meant to be together.
Her fingers are clawing at my back, her nails digging in, ripping my skin. This is how I know she’s close. I lean back, taking her with me until I’m sat on the bed and she’s rocking against me. Her full breasts rub against my chest, begging me to pay them attention. Each in turn gets played with, each nipple pulled and twisted until I can feel her writhing helplessly, bordering on the edge of her orgasm. I let myself free the control I’m clinging onto. Knowing that with her release comes mine.
Looking deep into her hooded eyes, I whisper, “Let it go, baby, please.”
With a high moan that vibrates from underneath her breasts she clenches around me, pulling me to the brink and beyond. Her body convulses as I pour into her. My mind goes blank, focusing on nothing but the peace that welcomes me as I empty into her, unprotected. The bonus of our lovemaking, the purpose, comes to me with my post-coital clarity. We may have just taken our relationship to the next step, changing us forever. When Mickey’s eyes glisten with tears it’s clear see she’s thinking the same too.
Forget Me Not Page 34
