The Earl's Inconvenient Wife

by Ruth Ann Nordin

“No, it’s not that. It’s about Lord Clement. He was very nice, and I believe he’d make a good husband.”

  “But you’re married to Lord Roderick.”

  Exasperated, she rolled her eyes. “Because I fell and he was helping me up. You and Father came out and told everyone the worst was happening. I had no intention of marrying him.” Just how many times did she have to keep saying that?

  “Regardless of the circumstances, you are married to him and marriage is permanent. Oh! Unless you plan to be discreet in your affair with Lord Clement once you give Lord Roderick an heir? You can trust me. I won’t tell anyone if that’s your plan, and it’s not a bad one either. Considering Lord Clement’s handicap is hereditary, you’re smart to avoid passing it on to a child. I just hope you remember to cover his…whatever you call it…with a sheath when you enjoy intimacies.”

  Claire groaned. “No, I’m not going to take any lovers. I don’t want that kind of life.” Shooting her sister a critical glance, she asked, “And what is a sheath?”

  “It’s something a gentleman uses to catch his seed so it doesn’t go into a lady’s body. That way she doesn’t have a child.”

  Claire gasped, and checked out the window to make sure the carriage was still moving. Turning back to Lilly, she hissed, “How do you know all of this?”

  Lilly giggled. “The housekeeper and cook were talking. They didn’t know I was listening, but oh my goodness! The things I learned!”

  “You’re horrible!”

  Her eyes grew wide. “Me? Horrible? I wasn’t the one talking. I was only listening.” She gave a slight shrug. “I was curious. Mother makes it sound like it’s nothing more than a wifely duty, so when I heard them talking about how much they enjoyed it immensely, I saw no reason to deny the opportunity to learn why they didn’t agree with Mother. Besides, I’d like to know what to expect when my time comes. And now that I know, I won’t be so nervous.”

  “So you already know everything?”

  “Well, I can’t say they went into a lot of detail, but I put the pieces together.”

  “Then why did you even ask me about it?”

  “To see if your experience was like Mother’s or theirs, to find out if it’s something you want to do because it’s your duty or because you really enjoyed it. You’re my sister, and I figure however it was for you will be similar for me. It’s a shame you don’t remember it. Judging by the housekeeper and cook, it sounds like it’s something a lady would want to remember.”

  “Does it?” Claire asked, not entirely sure that was true but hoping so.

  “Yes. They look forward to doing it any chance they got.”

  “They didn’t come out and say that.”

  “They did.”

  The carriage came to a stop and Claire sat up straight, adjusted her gloves and took a deep breath. She didn’t think the footman would be able to tell that she and her sister were having an inappropriate conversation. At least, she hoped he wouldn’t. As long as she gave a polite smile, he would assume they’d been engaging in boring ladies’ talk. Oh, how she hoped that would be his assumption!

  He opened the carriage door and Claire hesitated but followed her sister out of the carriage. She passed him and swore she saw him snicker at her. But when she studied his expression, his face remained impassive so maybe she imagined it.

  She cleared her throat and told him, “After this, I’ll be returning home.”

  “As you wish, my lady,” he replied.

  It seemed to her that the corner of his mouth curled up into a smile. Her heart stopped. He knew. He just had to know! The shame. He’d tell her husband, and her husband would lose even more respect for her, if such a thing was possible.

  “Come on,” Lilly said. “I’ll faint if I don’t eat.”

  Reluctant, Claire turned from the footman and went over to her sister. With a final glance back at him as he gathered Lilly’s packages to bring into the townhouse, she let out a long sigh and headed for the steps. She could only pray that this day wouldn’t get worse. But it probably would once her husband found out how much she spent today. Careless spending…the unladylike talk… Too bad she couldn’t crawl into a hole and hide there until the next century.

  “Claire,” her sister whispered.

  Turning her attention back to her sister, she joined her and went into the house.

  Chapter Seven

  “Checkmate,” Perry said with a shake of his head as he secured Nate’s king. “It’s no fun winning when the opponent makes it too easy.”

  Nate glanced away from the table where Lord Edon was playing cards with some gentlemen. If he didn’t know better, he’d swear Lord Edon was trying to lose everything but his shirt. The gentleman had a habit of making outrageous bets.

  “Nate.”

  Nate turned back to Perry and straightened in his chair. “What?”

  Perry sat back in his chair and sighed. “Never mind.”

  Nate motioned to Lord Edon. “Does he make any sense to you?”

  “Since when have you tried to figure out Lord Edon?” Perry asked as he set the pieces on the chess board in their proper location.

  With a shrug, he watched as Lord Edon made a crude joke that had the gentlemen at his table howling with laughter. He shook his head. How could Lord Edon not care that he could lose so much money?

  “You don’t usually take an interest in Lord Edon,” Perry observed.

  Leaning forward so he could lower his voice, he said, “No, I don’t, but I’ve never watched him gamble almost everything away either.”

  “He likes to live dangerously.”

  “Carelessly, you mean.”

  “It’s his choice on what he wants to do with his money. Besides, wouldn’t you rather talk about Napoleon’s move into Germany with a bunch of incompetent recruits?”

  Nate shrugged. Talk of the wars didn’t interest him at the moment. Today he had other things in mind, more notably the one involving his wife and her comment about being scared to consummate their marriage. Exactly what could possibly scare a lady about something people had been doing since the beginning of time? There was only one person he could think of who’d volunteer the information, and that person was Lord Edon who was, at the moment, referring to the Prince Regent as his hero. Nate resisted the urge to roll his eyes. As if Lord Edon’s moral depravity wasn’t bad enough.

  Perry sighed and grabbed his cane. “I know when I’m not wanted.”

  Turning back to his friend, he said, “Forgive me, Perry. It’s been a long week.”

  As Perry stood, he gave him a pointed look. “I hope you’ve been good to your wife.”

  “You have no need to worry. I wasn’t harsh with her.”

  “Good. I suppose next time I see you, it’ll be at Weston.”

  “Or Blackburn. I don’t mind taking the trip to visit you.”

  “No, Nate. You need to spend time with your wife. Make her happy. Show her that underneath that hard exterior is the gentleman I know who has a heart.”

  Nate rolled his eyes, purposely facing his friend so he’d see his thoughts on the matter.

  “I really should send Lady Roderick a gift to express my condolences.”

  From Lord Edon’s table, the group roared into laughter, and Lord Edon gave a bow as he collected his winnings.

  “He’s either very lucky or very unlucky,” Perry commented. “If you’re right and he’s trying to lose, he’s doing a lousy job of it. However, if he’s trying to acquire more, his ability to do so from a gambling table is admirable.”

  As Lord Edon got up from the table, Nate rose to his feet and pushed his chair in. “Maybe I’ll ask him why he’s so extravagant with his bets.”

  “All right.”

  It occurred to him by the tone in Perry’s voice that he didn’t believe him, but there was no way he’d even tell Perry that he worried about Claire’s fear of the bedroom. Sure, they were friends since childhood, but some things were too personal.

  After Per
ry left the room, Nate made his way over to Lord Edon who drank a shot of whiskey before he turned to leave. “Lord Edon,” he called out.

  Lord Edon stopped and turned in his direction. “Lord Roderick? To what do I owe this pleasure?”

  Glancing around for a private spot, he motioned to a couple of empty chairs by the window. “Do you mind?”

  “Of course not.”

  He followed Lord Edon to the chairs and sat next to him.

  Lord Edon picked up the paper sitting on the table between them. “Should I be skimming through the news to have this discussion?”

  “No. Why would you think that?”

  “Because the wars are all you talk about.”

  “That’s not true.”

  “It is whenever I hear you speak.” With a glimmer in his eye, he chuckled and threw the paper back on the table. “I’m teasing you, Lord Roderick. We both know I don’t care about the wars, and you’d have better sense than to ask me about them. So, what desperate thing has brought you to the point where you need to seek me out?”

  “I’m not desperate.”

  His eyebrow rose, and with a disbelieving look, he asked, “No?”

  “You’re a gentleman of your word when it comes to confidentiality. At least that’s what the rumor is.”

  “It’s my only redeeming quality. I’ve heard enough stories that would make the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end.”

  “No doubt.” Knowing Lord Edon, that had to be true. Making sure no one overheard them, he continued, “What I wish to discuss with you is something you have plenty of experience with.”

  Lord Edon laughed. “Two compliments in one day. I fear the praise will make me think more of myself than I ought.”

  “Not praise. Just an observation.”

  “Now I’m intrigued.” Lord Edon leaned forward and looked Nate in the eyes. “You have my word. I’ll take what we discuss to my grave. What is it?”

  “Well, I…” Despite the heat rising up in Nate’s cheeks, he forced out in a whisper, “Is it common for the fairer sex to be frightened their first time…you know?”

  Amused, he grinned. “Lord Roderick, you were caught out in the open rolling around on the grass with your wife. Surely, she wasn’t afraid of going further.”

  “I wasn’t rolling around on the grass with her. It was a misunderstanding. Do you honestly believe I’d have her right there when I could have taken her to the gardens?”

  He shrugged. “I assumed you liked the possibility of being caught.”

  “Well, I don’t. I don’t like any kind of scandal.”

  “That’s a shame. I was beginning to respect you. Too bad you’re as dull as your reputation indicates.”

  Nate groaned.

  “I’m sorry. We’re here to discuss your wife’s fear of the bedchamber, correct?”

  He nodded.

  “Didn’t you marry her yesterday?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then that fear should be history. That is, of course, unless you were awful in bed. Is she afraid she’ll never climax?”

  “No!” A couple of gentlemen looked their way, so Nate lowered his voice and added, “It’s nothing like that. I didn’t consummate my marriage last night because my wife is afraid to go through with it.”

  “Really?”

  “Haven’t you ever had a timid virgin before?”

  Lord Edon hesitated for a moment and chuckled. “Sure. I’ve had all kinds of ladies, whether they were proper or otherwise. It’s what I do best, besides gambling and drinking.”

  “So what do you do to ease a virgin into things?”

  “Every lady’s different. The best thing you can do is ask her what you can do to make her comfortable.”

  “Her answer was to get drunk.”

  His eyes grew wide and he threw his head back and laughed, bringing more unwanted attention their way.

  Nate hushed him, and when he finally calmed down, the gentlemen stopped watching them. “I don’t want her to be that nervous about it. There’s nothing about it that hurts them, is there?”

  “I’m amazed. You’re an earl, and you have no idea about ladies…at all?”

  “I’ve spent a couple years in political affairs. I’d still be doing that if it weren’t for my brother dying without an heir and leaving me with the task.”

  “Trading boring discussions about laws and wars for a lady’s bed? I can see how distressing that is.”

  He sighed at the sarcasm in Lord Edon’s voice. Coming to this rake just might have been a big waste of his time. “I’m not asking for your opinion about my pursuits. I’m asking for your advice on how to make a lady more comfortable in bed. Surely, you know all about that.”

  “Yes, of course I do. However, you might be better off reading a book on the matter.”

  “There are books on this subject?”

  With an incredulous expression, Lord Edon shook his head. “You poor, poor man. How little you know of the world. There are books on almost every subject imaginable. I have a few such books and more that would make the Archbishop blush. I’ll send you one that a mistress wrote. She stated specifically what made her lovers good or bad. You can’t get advice better than what you’ll get from her, especially with her brutal honesty. I’ll send you the book in a package so no one knows what a rake you’re becoming in your old age.”

  He hid his exasperation. Leave it to Lord Edon to enjoy teasing him on such a personal and sensitive matter.

  As Lord Edon stood, he added, “I’ll be sure to address it from here so no one knows it’s from me.”

  Surprised he chose to be discreet for once, Nate glanced at him as he rose to his feet. “Thank you, Lord Edon.”

  “I can be a gentleman when the situation calls for it, but let’s keep that our little secret. No sense in raising anyone’s opinion of me.”

  Nate wondered what he meant by that but decided it wasn’t his business. After thanking him again, he left White’s to go to an appointment.

  ***

  When Claire arrived home, she gave a tentative peek out the window as the carriage came to a stop. She couldn’t say the day had been a horrible one. She did, after all, get to see her sister and spent as much time as she dared at her parents’ townhouse before she felt she’d made the poor footman wait for her too long. Not that he complained. He was very kind during the day, but she still worried he grew weary of her. And now as he opened the carriage door, the looming sense of dread intensified.

  “Are you ready, my lady?” the footman asked.

  No, she wasn’t, but whether she liked it or not, she was home and had to face whatever consequences the day brought with it. When she invited her sister over, she envisioned taking a walk in Hyde Park or seeing a museum. It was supposed to be a relaxing day, one to enjoy before she was whisked out of London and away from her family.

  “My lady?” the footman asked.

  She broke out of her thoughts and offered an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry.” She collected her new bonnet and stepped out of the carriage, glad for his assistance.

  “Is there anything else I can do for you?”

  “No. I’m fine.”

  He nodded and closed the door.

  She took a deep breath and faced the front door of the townhouse. She could do this. If her husband raised a fuss, she’d tell him her sister was dying and she couldn’t deny Lilly her last wish, could she? She grimaced. No. He’d see right through that one. Her sister, after all, was very healthy, and he’d seen her yesterday at the wedding. No. She’d just have to go in there and confront him head on. Squaring her shoulders back, she raised her chin and proceeded up the stairs.

  The footman opened the door, and the butler came to welcome her home. As she stepped over the threshold, she asked the butler, “Is Lord Roderick home?”

  “No, my lady.”

  She didn’t know whether she was relieved or not. On the one hand, this afforded her a much needed reprieve from the hectic day. A day
with her sister, while fun, could also be exhausting, given her sister’s fast pace. But on the other hand, this meant it would take that much longer until she and Roderick could have the argument so it’d be done and over with. Considering her options at this point, she decided to retire to her bedchamber and wait for dinner.

  She spent an hour at her writing desk, taking comfort in journaling her thoughts. At one point, she glanced around the large room before looking out the window by her desk. Yes, she had everything a lady could want in terms of material possessions.

  The townhouse was one of the better ones she’d seen, and she had no doubt Roderick’s estate would be even more impressive. The servants were attentive and kind. Marion was a pillar of strength. She could go out and spend the day doing whatever she wanted. For once, she didn’t have to discuss her plans with her father and mother. Being married afforded her a new sense of independence she hadn’t known before. She’d achieved the aspirations that the other young ladies had hoped for as they entered the Season and married well. So why wasn’t she happy?

  She stared at the city, noting the hustle and bustle of it all as people went about their business. Not too long ago, she and her sister had been among them. She wondered if anyone else out there was pretending to be happy when they weren’t. She’d been pretending. She’d put on a smile and acted as if everything was wonderful, as if being married was the best thing that ever happened to her. But it was expected. Who wanted to pass someone on the street and greet them only to be rewarded with a miserable sigh?

  With a shrug, she closed her journal and laid down on her daybed. She pulled the light blanket over her and closed her eyes. The next thing she knew, someone was standing over her, gently calling her name.

  She opened her eyes and lifted her head. “Marion?”

  Marion smiled. “If you sleep too long, you won’t be tired tonight.”

  “What time is it?”

  “Almost four.”

  She sat up in the daybed and yawned. “Is Lord Roderick home?”

  “Not yet.”

  “Not yet?”

  He’d been gone when she woke up and was still not home? Was this how their marriage was going to be? He’d spend all day out, doing who knew what, and then come home for dinner? Then what? He’d stay long enough to perform his duty in getting an heir and then head off again? She frowned. Would he go out again? So the only time she’d see him was at dinnertime and in bed? She just might be sick. Did he dread her that much? And all because he assumed she’d tricked him into marriage?