by Susan Stoker
An hour later, Conor walked next to Erin as they left the restaurant. He waited patiently as each of the women gave her a big hug and as the men gave her their customary chin lifts. Beth and Cade had left not long after the food had arrived, promising to catch up with Erin later.
When they were alone in Conor’s truck, he turned to her. “Are you sure you’re okay with everything? I didn’t want to tell you what I was doing in case it didn’t pan out. It seemed like the lesser of the evils to keep quiet about Dax and Cruz making inquiries. If they found your dad, they would’ve contacted him themselves to see what happened all those years ago and if he wanted to see you. If he was a dick, you never would’ve known I’d found him because there’s no way I’d let you go through that kind of rejection a second time. But we all kinda had a feeling the outcome would be something like it was.”
“I’m okay with it, Conor. I’m grateful. I never wanted to try to find him myself, one, because I didn’t know where to start, but also two, for the reason you just said. If he said he didn’t want to talk to me, it would hurt just as badly the second time. So let it go. Okay?”
“Okay, if you’re sure.”
“I’m sure. Now…how did you know what to order for me?”
“Part of it was research. I looked up the best foods for you and what a gastric bypass patient should be eating. But another part is the simple power of observation. We haven’t had a lot of meals together, but I’ve seen you eat, Erin. On the canoe trip, at the bar, I even scoped out your fridge and cabinets at your house when you weren’t looking.”
“The grilled chicken was amazing. And the side of plain, no-butter-or-salt-added broccoli was cooked to perfection. And the portion was exactly right.”
Conor smiled over at her. “I know you said your stomach has stretched, but I didn’t think you’d be in the mood to fill yourself until you were full, so I simply asked the chef to keep the meat to around five ounces and only a couple florets of broccoli. It was enough?”
“Yeah, it was actually more than enough.”
“Which is why I kept stealing bites of your chicken.”
“I noticed.”
Conor got serious. “I don’t ever want you to be afraid of telling me to butt out. Or to fuck off if it comes to that. You’re not a child and you’ve spent more time than most people learning what your body needs and what it can and can’t do. So if I start to push too hard, tell me to back off. Yeah?”
“I will,” Erin told him immediately. “And I’ll say it now…I don’t mind you eating off my plate, but keep away from my cookies. Your mom gave them to me. If she wanted you to have some, she would’ve made them for you.” She smiled, letting him know she was teasing.
Conor grinned. Then he leaned forward and whispered, “I saw her last week and she gave me my own plate.”
“And you’ve eaten them all, haven’t you?” Erin asked with a smirk.
“I’m pleading the fifth on that one,” Conor said.
“Thank you,” Erin said seriously.
“For what?”
“For everything. I feel as if I hit the lottery with you.”
“I’m going to remind you that you said that when you’re bitching because of my work schedule and how you never see me,” Conor said. “Now…are you ready for your present?”
“Yes! Although I feel bad I don’t have anything for you.”
He reached out a hand and ran the backs of his fingers down her cheek. “You have something for me, bright eyes. The best present a man could ever be given.” He loved the blush that bloomed over her cheeks. He dropped his hand and reached for the ignition. “We have to drive somewhere before I can give it to you.”
“Well…get on with it,” Erin told him, crossing her arms. “The buildup to this present has been so huge, I’m almost afraid it’s not going to live up to my expectations.”
Conor laughed. “It’s not a ring,” he warned her. “I mean, I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you, but that’s a bit fast, even for me.”
She laughed, as he hoped she would. “I wasn’t thinking anything like that.”
“Whew.” Conor pantomimed wiping his brow. “Off the hook.”
Erin smacked his arm. “Drive.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he told her and started the truck. He hoped she would like the gift. It wasn’t conventional, but he had a feeling it was just what they needed to really move forward with their relationship.
13
Erin knew they were driving out of San Antonio, but she wasn’t worried about it. Her mind reeled with everything she’d learned at lunch. Her dad hadn’t split, he’d been murdered, and Conor had made sure she had what she felt comfortable eating for lunch.
She looked over at him. He drove with an ease that didn’t surprise her. One hand on the steering wheel, the other clasping one of hers and resting on her thigh. As if he could feel her eyes on him, he turned to her. “What are you thinking?”
“That if I had to go through everything I’ve been through in my life all over again to end up at this point right here…sitting next to you in this truck, you holding my hand, saying you love me…I’d do it. Right down to my dad leaving and everything I went through with my weight.”
“Erin—” he began, but she interrupted him.
“I know that’s dramatic, but I’m feeling pretty good right now. Don’t ruin it,” she warned.
Conor smiled. “Okay, bright eyes, I won’t. But for the record, I’m pretty fucking happy myself.”
“Good.”
“Good,” he echoed.
They rode in silence for the rest of the trip. They’d gone northwest of San Antonio to Bandera. Then south on State Road 1077 until they passed a sign that said Hill Country State Natural Area. Erin glanced at him, but he refused to meet her eyes. She grinned and kept silent.
Conor waved at the ranger manning the entrance booth and they entered the natural area. Instead of following the road to the campground section, Conor turned left on a dirt road. He kept going a couple of miles down the twisting and turning road and only stopped when they couldn’t go any farther.
Without a word, Conor climbed out of the truck and walked around to her side. He opened her door and held out a hand. Erin grabbed it and he helped her jump out. Then, keeping hold of her hand, he walked them to a slight trail that Erin knew she probably would’ve missed if she was by herself. They walked in silence for what she thought was about half a mile.
Just as she was going to ask where in the world they were going, Conor stopped and pulled her close to his side. He put an arm around her as she gaped at the view in front of her. They were on some sort of rise overlooking what had to be most of the natural area.
Conor finally broke his silence.
“This is one of my favorite places in Texas. It encompasses most of what I love about the land. There are hills, like the one we’re on, desert areas,” he pointed to some light tan areas off to the left, “and thick trees that house a slew of different kinds of animals. There are walking trails for everyone. Some easy, and others that are tough because of elevation drops and gains and the steepness of the trails in some areas. But more than that, this area has some of the best camping I’ve ever encountered. There are no full-access hookups, which means no big RVs. There are walk-in sites, equestrian camping sites along with fifty miles of horse trails, and even wilderness-area camping sites for backpackers.”
“It’s beautiful,” Erin told him honestly.
Conor turned her in his arms. “It’s probably not very original, but for your Christmas present, I thought we could spend some time out here together. Camping. You used to love it with your dad, and I’d love to share the love of the land that I have with you.”
Erin was speechless.
Conor obviously took her lack of saying anything as a bad sign, because he hurried to try to convince her. “It’ll be fun. It’ll be like the canoe trip, but without the canoe or river and no audience.” He smiled. “I was th
inking around spring break. That way you wouldn’t have to worry about grading papers or anything while you were gone. We don’t have to stay the whole week. We can camp for as long or as short as you want. I figure by March, we’ll have gotten to know each other better so it wouldn’t be weird being stuck in a tent together. And the weather then is usually pretty mild. I know it’s a crapshoot, but last year it was in the seventies during the day, which is perfect hiking weather. You know? And if you think it’s a horrible idea, we can always—”
Erin reached up and put her hand over Conor’s mouth to shut him up. “You sound like Mackenzie,” she teased, smiling when he flinched. “I’d love to go camping with you.”
Conor breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank God.”
“This place looks amazing,” Erin said, turning back to look out over the land.
“The park has over five thousand acres and about forty miles of trails. Every time I’ve been out here hiking, I’ve seen less than five people. To me, it’s an undiscovered gem of Texas, and that’s how I’d love to keep it.”
“When were you here last?” Erin asked.
“Last fall. A little boy got lost. He wandered away from his campsite.”
“Isn’t this outside the area that you work?” Erin asked, looking over her shoulder at him.
“Yeah. But when something like that happens, the game wardens usually try to help when they can. Sometimes we’re more capable when it comes to tromping around in the wilderness than regular beat cops.”
“That makes sense,” Erin mumbled, turning back to the beautiful view in front of her as he continued.
“The kid was five, so we had hopes he’d be able to look after himself, at least for a while. If he was any younger, it would’ve been a different situation. Alamo Area Search and Rescue was called out and we tagged along. AASAR is an all-volunteer search and rescue team based out of San Antonio. They brought their air-scent canines to help look for the little boy as well.”
“Did you find him?”
“Yeah, bright eyes. He was on his own in the wilderness for about fourteen hours, including overnight. He’d found a bush and crawled under it. He heard everyone shouting for him but he told his parents he was afraid he was in trouble for getting lost. If it hadn’t been for the search dogs, we wouldn’t have found him. At least not as quickly as we did.”
“But he was okay?”
“Dehydrated, scared, and covered in your favorite, ant bites, but generally okay,” Conor told her.
“It doesn’t really look like it’d be that hard to get lost out there,” Erin noted.
“The land is really deceiving. From up here, it looks like it’s all scrub bushes and thin cover, but when you’re down there hiking it, there are places where it’s really thick. It’s easy to get turned around. Also, northwest of the park is all completely undeveloped. There are some steep drop-offs and a few streams. Of course, the water is pretty low right now, only a couple of feet deep because we haven’t gotten a lot of rain recently, but it could still be dangerous if you got lost and started wandering around aimlessly.”
Erin shuddered and turned to face Conor. “I like the outdoors, but honestly, I prefer to stay near a tent and other people. I don’t do well by myself.”
“You’d be fine, bright eyes,” he told her. “I have no doubt you’d make meals out of berries and sticks and fix up hurt animals while you were at it.”
“Where’s the wood to knock on when you need it?” Erin mumbled even as she was rolling her eyes.
Conor laughed, then sobered. “I’m so glad I said yes to that canoe trip.”
“Me too.”
“I want you to know, I’m gonna work on putting less priority on my job and more on you.”
Erin put her hand on Conor’s arm. “You don’t need to. I know you love what you do.”
“I do. But I love you more.”
Erin’s breath caught in her throat as he continued.
“I haven’t had a reason to not work fifteen hour days before now. There was no reason to pull out of a stakeout and go home, because there wasn’t anything for me there. My mom and sisters have complained to me a lot over the years, telling me I’d never find a wife if I didn’t stop working so much and get out there and look for her, but I always blew them off. But I’m making you a promise right here and now, in front of God and the land that I love. I’m gonna make that effort. I won’t always succeed, and I hope you’ll let me know when I don’t pay you the attention you deserve. I want you to know down to your toes that you are more important to me than my job.”
“Conor,” Erin protested softly.
“There are times of the year where I’ll have to work longer hours than others, especially deer season, but I’ll make up for it at other times…like spring break…when we can have the entire week to ourselves out here under the stars and sky. I’m not perfect, Erin. Not even close. But what I feel for you makes me want to be…for you.”
“I’m not looking for a perfect man,” she reassured him. “I’m so far from that it’s not even funny. I’ll never be able to eat like a normal person, and I’ve got more than my fair share of insecurities. But I want to be with you, Conor. I want to see where this relationship can go. I want to share my hopes, dreams, and eventually, my body with you.”
“And I’ll cherish those hopes and dreams and protect your beautiful body with everything I have.”
They smiled at each other, and Erin finally broke the comfortable silence. “Is it wrong that I want to rip your clothes off and make love to you right here?”
Conor choked as he inhaled and Erin laughed. “Okay, not really. I can’t imagine how it would feel to have fire ant bites on my ass. And then you’d have to rush me to the hospital, which would suck. But you should know, the more time I spend with you, the more comfortable I am with you seeing me without my clothes on…and the more I want to see all of you.”
“Another reason to make sure I don’t work too much,” Conor said with a wicked smile. “How about making out? You up for that?”
“Absolutely!” Erin said enthusiastically.
As his head dropped toward her, Erin realized that she really had changed over the last month or so that she’d been seeing Conor. She used to worry, when she did finally get to kiss a man, about what she should do with her hands, and what her tongue should do, and whether her boobs would touch his chest and if her stomach would get too close to his. But in reality, the only thing she could think about when Conor kissed her was how good she felt.
She wasn’t an idiot, she knew there would be some awkward times in the future and that she’d have to work really hard not to flinch away from him when he touched her bare skin, but for the first time in her life, she wanted to be with another person. With Conor.
The day had been weird. Heartbreaking and a relief at the same time when she’d found out about her father. And touching when she realized what it was Conor had “gotten” her for Christmas. She couldn’t wait to spend more time with him…in general and when they were camping.
She hadn’t lied when she’d told Conor earlier that she’d go through everything she had in her life all over again if it meant she still ended up with him. She might be a virgin, but she wasn’t naive. She knew their relationship might not work out in the end, but he’d given her more gifts than he even knew. Mainly, her self-esteem. With him, she felt pretty. Maybe not beautiful, but at least not like the Eat-more Erin she’d been back in the day.
Lord knew she wasn’t perfect, but hopefully with his help, she’d get to start experiencing life rather than having it pass her by.
She smiled as she continued to kiss Conor, happy with her life and happy with the man in her arms.
14
The rest of January went by in a flash. The new semester started and Erin was almost as busy as Conor. She’d thought long and hard about what Conor had said about cutting back on his work hours so he could spend more time with her, and she’d made the decision to do the same
. She was only working two nights a week at The Sloppy Cow now, so she could spend as many evenings as possible with Conor.
Deer and duck season was over at the end of January, and they were concentrating on quail hunters now…along with all the other investigations that were never-ending. He’d had a few calls about alligators, which surprisingly were becoming more and more prevalent in their area. The investigation into the marijuana grow was still ongoing, as well as illegal sales of pythons, undercover stings related to the sale of illegal reptiles on Craigslist, and a dozen other things related to the land and wildlife that Erin had no idea were even issues.
Conor had kept his word, telling his boss and fellow wardens that he wanted to cut back on overtime because he had a girlfriend.
Except for the nights Erin worked at the bar, they’d spent every evening together. They would eat together—he usually ate a high-carbohydrate meal with lots of meat, and she ate salads with grilled chicken on top. Then she’d do schoolwork at his kitchen table while he either lifted weights in his guest room turned workout room, or he’d do work on his computer next to her. She’d leave around ten and then they’d meet up again most mornings for their daily five-mile run.
One night, after they’d gotten their work done, Conor grabbed her hand and towed her to his couch. He sat, pulling her down onto his lap.
“Stay the night,” he blurted before they were even settled.
“What?”
“Stay the night,” he repeated. “You’re over here almost every evening as it is, then we meet up in the mornings. It would be easier if you just stayed here. With me.”
“You want me to sleep here?”
“Yeah, bright eyes. I want you to sleep here. In my bed.”
Erin bit her lip and looked down at her lap.
“Hey, look at me,” Conor ordered, for once not using his finger to lift her chin.
She looked into his eyes.
“I dread this time of night because I know you’ll be leaving. I love having you here. Even when we’re both doing our own thing, there’s something so soothing knowing all I have to do is look up and you’re there. I love the sounds you make in your throat when you’re grading papers and one of your students is an idiot. I love walking by on my way into the kitchen for a water refill and being able to kiss the top of your head as I pass. Having you in my space, laughing with you, watching TV with you…it makes me want more. Stay. Please.”
