Needing Her

by Allie Everhart

  Adam? Is she serious? I’ve made it very clear I want nothing to do with him and yet she keeps pushing me to date him.

  “Mom, I just told you I have a boyfriend.”

  “Honey, you only like that young man because he’s different than what you’re used to. And different is exciting and new, but once that wears off, you’ll find you have nothing in common. It won’t last. Someone like Adam is a better fit for you. You two have a lot in common.”

  “The only thing we have in common is that we grew up in the same town and went to the same school. That’s it.”

  “You went to the same church. Had some of the same friends.”

  “That doesn’t mean I should date him!” I’m trying to stay calm but it’s nearly impossible. She’s pushing all my buttons. Making me feel like a child. Acting like she knows what’s best for me. Like I’m not smart enough to make my own decisions. It makes me want to scream, but I can’t. I don’t like yelling at my mom.

  “Rachel, just calm down.”

  Now I really want to scream. I hate being told to calm down.

  I take a breath. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell. I just need you to understand that I have no interest in Adam. I’m dating Pearce and I really like him. I know you don’t think so, but Pearce and I do have a lot in common.” I want to say we both have controlling parents but I don’t.

  “I’m only asking that you talk to Adam on the phone. He’s changed, Rachel. He’s more mature. More responsible. He has a good job. He’s looking at buying a house.”

  “How do you know so much about him?”

  “Your father and I had him over for dinner last night.”

  Dammit. I can’t believe she did that. She’s leading him on. Now he probably thinks I’m interested in him. But why is he interested in me? Did he change his mind about having kids?

  “Mom, you shouldn’t have done that. I don’t want Adam thinking I want to date him again.”

  “If you’d talk to him, you might change your mind. You have a history with him, Rachel. You shouldn’t be so quick to dismiss him.”

  She just refuses to listen. She doesn’t even care about what I want.

  “The next time Adam is in town, I need you to tell him I’m not interested. I’m not kidding. I don’t want to talk to him.”

  “Honey, I can’t tell him that. You need to tell him yourself.”

  I feel my blood pressure rising, my head pounding. I’m so angry right now.

  “Why can’t you just do this for me?” I ask.

  “I already told Adam you’d call him and I don’t want to go back on my word. It’ll make things awkward when I see him.”

  “You never see him. He lives in Indianapolis.”

  “He lives here now. He just moved back. So now I’ll see him at the store and at church.”

  So that’s why she wants me to be with him. Because if I married him, I’d live back in my hometown. She’d get what she wants and I’d be miserable.

  “Fine. I’ll call him. But only to tell him I’m not interested. And I’m not calling him today. I’ll call him later this week. But if you see him, don’t talk about me. I don’t want him getting the wrong idea.” I check the clock on the wall. “Mom, I really need to get going.”

  “Okay, honey. Be careful tonight. I don’t want you getting hurt. I love you.”

  “I love you too.”

  I hang up, relieved I was able to make it through the call without screaming at her. I wish she could just be happy for me and not be so negative and controlling. She thinks she’s helping, but she’s not. She needs to let me be an adult and make my own decisions. I need to take risks and make mistakes. Maybe Pearce and I won’t work out. Maybe he’ll end up breaking my heart. But that could happen with any guy. And I’m willing to take that risk with Pearce more than anyone else. I may not know everything about him, but I feel like we have something special between us. I can’t describe what that is exactly, but that’s what makes me think our relationship might go somewhere. I’ve never had these feelings for anyone else and that has to mean something.

  I go in my bedroom and quickly change into a light pink sweater and some different jeans. I grab my overnight bag and head out the door. I need to stop and get groceries on my way to Pearce’s loft. I’m going to make him homemade pizza tonight. I bet he hasn’t had many pizzas. Maybe he’s never even tried one.

  “Hey, Rachel.” Shelby stops me as I’m going down the stairs.

  “Shelby, I haven’t seen you for days.”

  “Me? It’s more like the other way around. I haven’t seen you for days. Where have you been?”

  “With Pearce.” I smile.

  Her face drops. “You’re still dating him?”

  “Yes. Why?”

  “I just…” She seems flustered. “I thought you said he used you. After he dropped you off last Sunday, you said—”

  “That was just a misunderstanding. He wasn’t breaking up with me. His mind was just focused on work. That’s why he was acting that way. But he came over later and we talked, and now everything’s back to normal.” I’m still smiling, but she’s not smiling back. Actually, she looks kind of angry. “Shelby, what’s wrong?”

  “It’s just…I just didn’t think he’d date you for this long.”

  I laugh, even though I’m offended. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re not really his type. I mean, you don’t exactly wear designer gowns and hang out at the country club.”

  “Shelby, where is this coming from? When I first met him, you were the one who kept pushing me to go out with him. You told me girls like us should be able to date guys like Pearce.”

  “Yeah, but I just meant you should go out with him. Like once or twice.”

  “So I can’t be his girlfriend unless I’m rich?”

  “He’s calling you his girlfriend now?”

  Now I’m really offended. “Yes. What’s wrong with that?”

  “I’m not trying to be mean. I just find it unusual. Rich people date other rich people. That’s how it’s always been and always will be.”

  “That’s not true.”

  “Name one billionaire who married a regular person.”

  I roll my eyes. “I don’t know any billionaires besides Pearce so I can’t answer that question.”

  “You’ve met his rich friends. I bet his rich guy friends are all paired with rich girls.”

  I glance away.

  “Rachel. You HAVE met his friends, right?”

  I look back at her. “No.”

  She sighs. “This is what I’m trying to tell you. He’s using you. You’re not his girlfriend. You can’t be, because you don’t fit in his world.”

  I don’t know why she’s being so mean, but it’s making me angry. “He’s not using me. And I don’t like you saying that about him. You don’t know him like I do.”

  “You’ve known him for what? A few weeks? If that? You don’t know him, Rachel. You don’t know anything about him. He won’t even introduce you to his friends. He’s using you, and if you don’t end this now, you’re going to get hurt really bad.”

  Now she sounds like my mom. Why is everyone trying to ruin this for me? I was in such a great mood, excited to see Pearce later, but my mom and Shelby are determined to bring me down.

  “Shelby, I’m not talking to you about this. I like Pearce and I’m going to keep dating him. And I’d appreciate it if you’d stop giving me advice about him. In fact, don’t even talk about him at all. I’ll see you later.”

  I hurry down the stairs.

  “Rachel, wait!” I hear her behind me. “I’m sorry.”

  I keep going, out the door and to my car, fighting back tears. Why can’t Shelby and my mom just let me be happy? Why do they have to bring up all these doubts and act like I’m stupid to think I could ever be with someone like Pearce? Is money really that important? I don’t care about his money. It doesn’t matter to me. And he do
esn’t act like it’s a problem that I don’t have money. It’s not like he’s ashamed of me. It’s true he’s never introduced me to his friends or his family, but he just hasn’t had time to do it yet. And I’m in no hurry to meet them. Right now I just want to spend time alone with Pearce so we can keep getting to know each other.

  I drive to the store and get to his apartment at 6:30. He said he’d try to get home by 7:30 so I start the pizza. But before I do, I turn on some music. He has a stereo system with speakers built into the ceiling. I find a radio station that plays popular music and turn it up and get to work. The music and the cooking put me in a good mood again and it gets even better when Pearce gets home.

  He arrives with a bouquet of orange tulips, already in a vase. He has a black suit on with a dark gray tie. My heart skips a beat just seeing him walk toward me.

  “You look beautiful, as always.” He hands me the flowers.

  “Thank you.” I set the flowers on the kitchen table and when I turn around he’s right there.

  His big arms wrap around me and he leans down and kisses me, causing those sparks to ignite again. I need to speed up this get-to-know-him stage because I really want to be with him again. Maybe I should just do it. No, I can’t. I don’t want a relationship based on sex. It has to be more than that.

  We kiss until the oven timer goes off. But he doesn’t let me go.

  “Pearce. I have to check the oven.”

  “How long will that take?”

  I laugh. “A minute. Max.” I walk over to the oven.

  “Come back here when you’re done.”

  But I don’t have to because he meets me in the kitchen. “Would you like some wine?”

  “I’d love some.”

  He pushes a panel on the wall and a door opens to a wine cabinet.

  “I didn’t even know that was there.”

  He points to the bottles. “What kind would you like?”

  “You pick. I don’t know much about wine.”

  He takes a bottle of red from the rack. “I never drink these. A bottle of wine should be shared and I never have anyone to share it with.”

  Is he kidding? He’s a super hot billionaire. How could he not have anyone to share his wine with? I’m sure he’s never had a problem getting women.

  I take the wine glasses from the cabinet, then lean against the counter, watching him open the bottle. “Are you saying you don’t date much?”

  “I don’t have time to date.” He pours the wine in the glasses.

  “But you’re dating me.”

  “Yes. Because I like you. Very much. So much so that I never seem to have enough time with you.”

  His silvery blue eyes dance over my face. I love how he looks at me. It’s so intense. His face doesn’t show much emotion but his eyes do. And right now, they’re honest, sincere. That wasn’t just a line he was giving me. He meant what he said.

  “I know what you mean,” I tell him. “Whenever we hang out, the time goes so quickly.”

  “Which is why we’re going to spend more time together.” His arms go around me and he draws me closer.

  I smile at him. “And how am I going to fit into your work schedule? You work like a hundred hours a week.”

  “I’m cutting back on my hours.” He slips my hair behind my ear, leaving his hand there.

  “Just for me?”

  “Yes. Do you have any objections to that?”

  I smile at his question, because he said it with such formality. He usually loosens up when he’s around me, but sometimes he’ll switch back and be very formal, probably because he’s used to being that way with everyone else.

  “Rachel?” He has a concerned look on his face and I realize I didn’t answer his question.

  I kiss him. “I have no objections to you cutting back on your hours. I think it’s a good idea. You work way too much. And I would love to spend more time with you.”

  “Good.” He steps back as the oven timer goes off again. “It sounds like dinner’s almost done. I need to change clothes.”

  “Go ahead. I’ll get everything set up.”

  When he comes back out of the bedroom, he’s wearing jeans and a button-up shirt.

  I smile at him. “You’re liking those jeans, aren’t you?”

  “You seem to like them so I’m wearing them for you. But yes, I’m getting used to them.” He glances over at the table where I have dinner set up. “The pizza smells delicious.”

  “I’m guessing you don’t eat pizza very often.”

  “No, never.”

  “So it’s another new thing for you to try. I made the crust from scratch. I hope you like it.”

  “Thank you for making dinner.” He hugs me, which takes me by surprise. He’s not really the hugging type. I’m usually the one initiating the hug. When he lets me go, he looks at me and says, “I like having you here. And not because you make me dinner.”

  I watch the expression in his eyes. They showed so much sadness when we first met, but now I see glimmers of happiness. I hope part of that is because of me, but if not, it doesn’t matter. What’s important is that some of that sadness is gone. I want him to tell me the cause of his sadness, but he’s not ready to yet. If I had to guess, I’d say it’s because he doesn’t seem to have much in his life. He has work and more money than anyone I know, but he doesn’t seem to have many people in his life. At least not people who care about him.

  “Pearce, I appreciate you letting me stay here and I love spending time with you, but after tonight I need to go back and stay at my own place.”

  “You don’t have to. You could live here.”

  He says it with a straight face, but I laugh, assuming he’s kidding. “I can’t do that. I’m not moving in with you. It’s too soon.”

  “It’s not moving in together. It’s just two people living together. We’ll be roommates.”

  I smile, still assuming he’s kidding. “I can’t afford rent at a place like this.”

  “Rachel, I’m serious. I don’t like where you’re living. It’s not a good neighborhood. I worry about you.”

  “Now you sound like my mom. You don’t have to worry about me. I’m fine.” I lead him to the table. “Let’s eat.”

  He pulls out my chair for me. “Would you at least consider moving to a safer area?”

  “I don’t need to,” I say as I sit down. “I’ve never had a problem living there. And it’s a good location. It’s close to school and my job.”

  He takes the seat across from me. “When is your lease up?”

  I serve him some pizza. “End of December.”

  “And then what are your plans?”

  I feel his eyes on me as I take a slice of pizza for myself. “I don’t know yet. It depends on where I get a job.”

  He nods, then directs his attention to his plate. He looks disappointed, like he expected me to say I was staying. But he knows I can’t. I have to go to wherever I can find a job.

  So what am I doing? Why am I getting involved with him knowing I’m leaving in a few months? When I met Pearce I thought we’d just go out a few times and that would be it. I never thought it would become anything more than that. But now it has. Now I have feelings for him and I don’t like the thought of leaving him.

  “Shall we toast?”

  I look up and see Pearce holding up his wine glass. He’s smiling, but now his eyes look sad. That glimmer of happiness is gone and I feel a pain in my chest. I think we both just realized that this relationship is only temporary. But neither one of us wants to address that. Not yet.

  I pick up my glass. “What are we toasting to?”

  “To the fact that I’m home from work at a decent hour, eating a home-cooked meal with the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on.”

  I smile as we clink our glasses.

  We sip our wine, and then we eat, and go back to pretending this relationship isn’t headed for any kind of end. I think I’ll just stay in that mindset for as long as possible.
It may be a lie, but I like it much better than the truth.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  20

  PEARCE

  Rachel made me dinner again tonight and I felt like I was living someone else’s life. Someone who has a normal life with a woman he actually cares about and wants to be with. Someone who isn’t consumed with work, but has a life outside of it. A real life.

  God, I want that so bad. I never thought I did, but then I met Rachel, and ever since then I’ve discovered that it’s exactly what I want. It’s what I need.

  For as long as I can remember, my life has belonged to someone else. My parents. The organization. My fake wife. I’ve never been able to make my own choices, and when I’ve tried, I’ve been punished for doing so. But now, I’m making the choice to be with Rachel and nothing has felt more right in all my life. Everything about her feels right. I feel like a different person when I’m with her. Like I’m finally being true to myself. Letting myself be the person I am, instead of the person I’m expected to be.

  But she’s leaving. Rachel is leaving after she graduates in December. Our relationship will end and my life will go back to being my career and nothing else. Knowing that, I should break up with her. I’m risking everything by dating her, and if it’s going to end, I might as well do it now. I just can’t make myself say those words. Instead of telling her to leave, I keep telling her to stay. Instead of accepting the fact that she’ll be moving away, I hold out hope that maybe she’ll stay. I would do anything to get her to stay, but at the same time, I can’t hold her back from her dreams. I want her to be happy, and if that means leaving here to pursue those dreams, I won’t try to stop her.

  “How was dinner?” she asks.

  “Very good. Thank you.” I set my napkin on the table. She reaches for my plate but I pick it up, along with hers. “Let me clean up.”

  The phone rings as I’m taking the plates to the sink.

  “Go ahead and get it,” Rachel says. “There’s not much to clean. I can do it.”

  I set the plates down and go into the bedroom. I don’t know who’s calling but I need privacy in case it’s Jack or one of the other members. I pick up the phone on the nightstand. “Hello?”