Needing Her

by Allie Everhart

  “Why are you doing this?” He walks over to me. “Why can’t you just volunteer somewhere else?”

  “Why are you acting this way? You know I love working there, so why would you try to take it away from me?”

  His body is even more tense than before, like he’s trying hard to hold in his anger. “That shelter is in a bad part of town. Drug dealers wander the streets and there are murders there all the time. You are NOT going there.”

  That’s it. I can’t handle him telling me what to do. I go to the closet and get my coat.

  “What are you doing?” Pearce asks.

  “Leaving. I can’t be around you when you’re like this.” I quickly put on my coat and grab my purse. “I’ll see you later.”

  “Rachel, wait!” He stops me at the elevator. “I’m trying to help you. I don’t want you getting hurt.”

  “I know you don’t. But I don’t need you to protect me.” The elevator opens and I get on.

  “Are you coming back here tomorrow?”

  I pause. “I think I’ll just stay at my place. I have a lot to get done at home.”

  “Rachel, don’t be angry. Just stay here and we’ll talk about this.”

  “I can’t. I need to go.”

  As the elevator door closes I see the sadness in his eyes. I don’t like being the cause of that sadness but he can’t try to control me like that. I like working at the shelter and he can’t take that away from me just because he doesn’t like it. Our relationship won’t work if he’s going to be that way.

  The next morning I go to the shelter. I have a new student to teach as well as my regulars. But given how tired I am, I’m not sure how good a job I’m doing. I can’t seem to stay focused.

  I didn’t sleep much last night. I was up thinking about Pearce. And missing him. I’m used to having him next to me, so now when he’s not, I toss and turn, looking for him.

  I don’t like fighting with him and I hated leaving him like that. But I felt like I didn’t have a choice. I’m not giving in to his demands and I didn’t want him spending the rest of the night trying to convince me to change my mind, which is why I didn’t answer when he called me last night and this morning.

  When I’m done at the shelter I go back to my apartment building and find Pearce waiting there. He’s standing next to his car, wearing a suit and a black overcoat.

  I go up to him. “Hi.”

  “Hello, Rachel.” His formal tone is back. I haven’t heard him talk that way for a while. “I wasn’t able to reach you by phone. I wanted to let you know that I have to go into the office today. If you need to reach me, just call my office number.”

  I nod. “Okay.”

  He leans down and hugs me. “I love you.”

  Both the hug and his words warm my heart and dissolve any remnants of anger I felt toward him. Even though we’re sort of fighting, he still drove all the way over here, completely out of his way, to talk to me. And to tell me he loves me and give me a hug, two things I know he’s still not comfortable doing. And yet he still did them.

  He lets me go and gets back in his car.

  “Pearce, wait,” I say before he closes his door.

  “Yes, Rachel?”

  “I love you too.” I pause. “Can we talk about this?”

  “There’s no need to. We’ll always disagree on this issue so there’s no use discussing it.” He hesitates, then gets out of the car again. He takes my hand. “I know I could’ve reacted better last night, and I apologize for raising my voice. But my feelings remain the same. I love you, Rachel, and because of that, I will always be concerned about your safety.” He looks at the area around us. “I don’t like you living in this neighborhood and I don’t like you going to that shelter. And although you disagree with me, I am not going to hide my opinions on these matters. I want you to know how I feel, even if it does nothing to change your mind.”

  “Pearce, I understand where you’re coming from, but I’m not going to stop going to the shelter.”

  “Yes. I know.” He lets go of my hand. “I need to get to the office.”

  As he’s getting in the car, I ask, “Do you want to have dinner tonight?”

  He smiles, which he hasn’t done the entire time he’s been here. “Yes. I would like that very much.”

  I smile back. “What time will you be home?”

  “Probably around five.”

  “I feel like cooking something. I’ll stop at the store on my way over there.” I lean in the car and kiss him. “See you later.”

  “Yes. I’ll see you tonight.” His face brightens, the sadness in his eyes now gone.

  As he drives away, I feel relieved that we ended this fight before it got out of hand. Adam and I used to fight all the time, over the littlest things, and it drove me crazy. I felt like we were still in high school.

  I’m not going to do that with Pearce. I want this relationship to work, and in order to do that, we need to fight like adults and talk things out and be okay with the fact that we won’t always agree.

  I’m actually glad Pearce didn’t give in just now. I liked that he was honest in telling me his feelings, but that he still respected mine. And I liked that we were able to settle this in a calm, mature way.

  Our fights may not always end this way, but the fact that this one did is a good sign. It makes me feel better about our relationship and makes me think that maybe we could have a future together.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  24

  PEARCE

  It’s the middle of October, which means my father will be home from his trip soon. I’m dreading his return. I feel like I’ve been on vacation these past few weeks and now it’s about to come to an end. I’ll have to go back to working all hours of the day and night, as well as weekends, which means I’ll have less time with Rachel. That makes me dread my father’s return even more. I’m used to seeing Rachel every day, and I want that to continue. I need it to. I can’t go a day without seeing her. I love her more each time we’re together. I love everything about her. And when she’s not around, I feel this sense of loss, like something’s missing.

  Last weekend, we had a fight. That would normally cause me to break up with a woman, but I had no desire to do so with Rachel. The thought didn’t even cross my mind. We worked through our disagreement and came out stronger because of it.

  Our fight was about her work at the shelter, and although I hate that she works there, I realized that I can’t force her to quit. If I do, she won’t want to be with me. She’s independent and strong-willed and I like that about her. But I still worry about her safety. The shelter is located right next to the alley where my father shot that homeless man when I was 16. I’ve heard rumors that some of our freelancers train there, shooting homeless people so that they’re better prepared to successfully shoot the intended targets of their assignments.

  If that rumor is true, I don’t want Rachel anywhere near that place. I don’t want her near our freelancers and I definitely don’t want her near that alley. I also don’t want her around the drug deals, thefts, and stabbings that I know occur in that neighborhood.

  But Rachel refuses to listen to my concerns, so I sent one of my security men to keep an eye on her while she was there. And I’m going to keep sending him there every time she volunteers. I’m not going to tell her this because she’d get angry. Besides, she doesn’t need to know. This way, we both get what we want. She continues to volunteer there and I feel good knowing she’s safe.

  As the week goes by, I prepare for my father’s return by catching up on the work I didn’t get done. I don’t see Rachel until much later in the evening, but it’s better than not seeing her at all.

  It’s now Thursday night and I have to go to that dinner party with my mother. I pick her up promptly at six and we drive to the Seymour mansion. I hope Katherine won’t be there. This dinner will be bad enough. I don’t need it getting even worse by having some love-struck teenager following me around all night.


  When we arrive at the mansion, the cocktail hour has already begun and my mother takes off to go talk to her friends. I get myself a bourbon, and as I’m leaving the bar, I spot William Sinclair, Royce’s brother. He must’ve drove down here for the party. He’s currently living in Boston, attending Harvard Business School.

  I’ve always liked William. He’s quiet, studious, intellectual. Royce is the complete opposite. He cheated his way through college and spent all his time drinking and partying.

  I make my way over to William and ask him how school is going. He tells me about his classes and we compare notes about some of the professors.

  “It looks like you have an admirer.” William nods toward the side of the room. Katherine is standing there, staring at me. She’s 15, but she looks more like 12. She’s very thin with no curves and a flat chest. She’s wearing a simple black dress, her long, straight-blond hair framing her childlike face which she’s covered in makeup in an attempt to look older.

  “I think it’s past her bedtime,” I say, turning back to William.

  He chuckles. “She’s had a crush on you for years. Maybe she’ll get over it when they move.”

  “I didn’t know they were moving.”

  “They’re moving to New York. Westchester County. But I think the move isn’t for a few more months.” He drinks his scotch. “So aside from your teenage admirer, do you have a woman in your life?”

  As much as I want to tell everyone about Rachel and how great she is and how much I love her, I can’t. She has to remain a secret, at least for now.

  “No,” I say. “They’re waiting until more time has passed from the divorce.”

  “I wasn’t referring to your future wife. I was asking if you were dating someone.”

  “There’s nobody around here I’d want to date.” I glance around the room at the women my age. They’re all daughters of members, so are on the approved dating list, but I don’t find any of them attractive. I’ve gone out with some of them and slept with some of them, so it’s not like I didn’t give them a chance. I played by the rules. Dated the right girls. And all it did was make me realize I don’t want them. I’m tired of these rich, spoiled girls who spend all their time shopping and gossiping about each other. I want Rachel, and now that I have her, she makes all other women unattractive to the point I don’t even notice them.

  “Royce’s wife has been picked,” William says. “We’ll be voting on it at the next meeting, but I’m sure she’ll be approved.”

  “Who is it?”

  “Victoria Lissfeld.”

  Victoria is a tall, thin, dark-haired woman who has made a career out of spending her father’s money. She graduated from college but has never had a job and never will. Instead, she spends all her time shopping. Buying herself diamonds and designer clothes that she hopes will impress her friends, thus expediting her rise to the top of the social ladder. She’s shallow, spoiled, and self-absorbed. A complete nightmare. When we were younger, people used to call her Victoria Witchfeld.

  I can’t help but laugh. “How unfortunate for Royce.”

  “Yes, I know. I don’t like her either, but if you think about it, the two of them are perfect for each other. She’s just as obsessed with her image as Royce is. The problem is she’s not good for him. Royce could stand to have his ego brought down a few notches and Victoria’s not the one to do it. She’s already building him up. Trying to make him a star. She’s hoping his political career will turn into more than just a Senate position.”

  “Does she really think they’ll pick Royce for president?”

  “It’s already being discussed. And Royce would do anything to make it happen. He’d much rather be president than a senator.”

  “I can’t imagine Royce being married.”

  “He doesn’t have a choice now. His wife has been picked.”

  Bells start chiming throughout the room, indicating it’s time for dinner. William and I make our way to the dining room. The servers start showing us to our seats. I’m brought to a chair near the end of the long table, expecting my mother to be seated next to me. But instead, I see her a few seats down. There must be a mix-up. If I’m taking my father’s place, I’m to be seated by my mother. It’s protocol.

  “Hello, Pearce.” I look over and see a tall brunette around my age standing next to me.

  “Hello.” I shake her hand.

  “I’m Sydney St. James. It’s nice to meet you.”

  I glance down the table and see my mother smiling at me. This was a set-up. I’m not taking my father’s place. I’m here as Sydney’s date. I should’ve known my mother was up to something. I never attend these events with her. If my father doesn’t go, she doesn’t go.

  “Shall we sit down?” Sydney waits for me to pull out her chair. I do, and then seat myself.

  “I’m surprised we’ve never met before,” she says, turning toward me. She’s wearing a tight black dress that’s cut low enough to show off her breasts without being considered improper for a dinner party.

  “It’s not that surprising. You live on the West Coast. I don’t get out there much.”

  “So you know who I am.”

  “I know your father. Owner of SJS Shipping. One of the largest shipping companies in the world.”

  “That’s correct. And you’re the future CEO of Kensington Chemical, soon to be one of the largest chemical companies in the world.”

  “I doubt that. We’ve just recently started exploring our overseas options.”

  The servers appear again, bringing in the first course. There will be at least four courses, maybe five. This is going to be a very long evening.

  The hours pass by and my mind is on Rachel the entire time. I’m not even listening to what’s-her-name. Sydney? Yes, that’s it. She’s talked this whole time, mostly about her studies abroad. There’s nothing wrong with her. She’s beautiful and seems to be well educated. She’s just not for me. I have absolutely no interest in her.

  During the final course, I feel her hand rubbing my thigh. She lowers her voice and says, “When this is over, let’s go back to your place.”

  I remove her hand from my leg. “I need to take my mother home, then go into the office.”

  “You’re working this late at night?”

  “I’ve had to take over my father’s responsibilities while he’s away, so I’ve been working nonstop.” It’s a lie. I’m not going to the office, but I needed an excuse so she wouldn’t show up at my loft later.

  “It won’t take long.” Her hand returns to my thigh, moving up to my crotch.

  “Stop.” I say it under my breath as I take her hand and hold it under the table so she doesn’t put it back on my leg.

  The man next to her asks her something and she turns toward him to answer. I release her hand and she finally keeps it to herself. Luckily, the man keeps her engaged in conversation until we’re excused from dinner.

  I meet my mother at the front door, not saying anything as we wait for our coats to be brought to us. When we’re in the car and have been driving a few minutes, she finally speaks.

  “So I noticed you were talking to Sydney St. James.”

  “You don’t have to pretend, Mother. I know you were setting me up.”

  “Enough time has passed since your divorce. Your father is already talking with the other members about who you should marry. I’m simply intervening before they make their choice. You don’t want your father picking someone. If you find someone before he does, you’ll at least have some say in who you’ll be spending your life with. Sydney is a beautiful woman. And very intelligent. I think you two would be perfect together.”

  “I don’t need you or Father finding me a wife. I don’t even want to get married again.”

  “Of course you’re getting married. That isn’t a choice. Appearance is everything, and when you take over the company you need to appear to be a mature, responsible family man with the proper wife and at least one child, hopefully more.”

&n
bsp; I’m quite aware of the plan for my future and yet my parents continue to remind me of it every chance they get, probably because they know it infuriates me. They get some kind of sick pleasure out of torturing me, especially my father. I think my mother actually thinks she’s being nice by finding me someone like Sydney. She knows my father will pick someone I hate just to spite me.

  “I’m not interested in Sydney,” I say, as we sit at the stoplight.

  “You didn’t spend enough time with her. You should’ve taken her back to your loft.”

  I look at my mother, shocked that she would even suggest such a thing. She notices me watching her, but keeps her eyes on the front of the car.

  “I’m not naive, Pearce. I know how people your age act. You skip the dating and move straight to the sex.” She smooths her skirt, then adjusts her gloves. “So what was stopping you? You didn’t find her attractive?”

  I’m still staring at my mother, not believing we’re actually having this conversation. I’ve never even heard her use the word ‘sex’ before tonight.

  “The light is green,” she says pointing to it. “Hurry up.”

  I face forward again and proceed down the road.

  “You didn’t answer my question,” she says. “Do you find Sydney attractive?”

  “Yes. But I just met her. I wasn’t going to take her back to my loft.”

  “You’re running out of time, Pearce. If you don’t find someone soon, your father and the other members will. They plan to have someone picked before the end of the year.”

  My pulse spikes. “What? Why didn’t he tell me?”

  “Because he doesn’t want you choosing someone before he does.”

  “But the members always choose. They wouldn’t let me choose Sydney even if I was dating her.”

  “That’s not true. The members are more lenient than you think. If you found a compatible mate who was a good fit with our family, both on a personal level and a business level, they would allow the marriage. And Sydney comes from a family that fits well with the Kensingtons on both accounts.”

  “But Father made it sound like I had no choice.”