Needing Her

by Allie Everhart

“I know,” he says with a heavy sigh, almost like he’s questioning our future together. Is it because of me? Does he think I won’t want to be with him because of his parents? If so, that’s not true at all.

  I move closer to him. “Pearce, what happened tonight doesn’t change anything. I love you and I want to be with you. I don’t care what your parents, or anyone else, thinks.”

  “Rachel.” He pauses, like he’s not sure he wants to say whatever he’s about to say.

  Wait. Is he the one who’s changing his mind about us? Is he going to break up with me? Is that why he was so quiet while we waited for the cab? And why he barely said two words on the ride here? Was his parents’ reaction to me enough to convince him to end our relationship?

  I wasn’t prepared for this. I wasn’t even thinking about it. I thought he’d fight for us, not just do what his parents told him to do. But now, I think he’s about to end this.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

  28

  RACHEL

  “What is it, Pearce?”

  He holds my hands. “I’ve been thinking about you, and us, and where I see this relationship going.”

  He pauses again and it’s making me nervous.

  “And?” I say, my heart beating fast.

  “I need to know if we’re on the same page.”

  “Okay. So what are you thinking?”

  “I want a future with you.” He looks directly at me as he says it. “And I need to know if you feel the same way.”

  So he’s not breaking up with me. He’s doing the opposite. Telling me he wants a future with me. Future, as in marriage?

  “Wait, you’re not—”

  “No.” I must look anxious because he smiles and says, “I don’t have a ring in my pocket. But yes, when I said future, I meant marriage. What are your thoughts about that?”

  I don’t answer right away. Because what are my thoughts about that? I love him and I want to be with him, but I’m not ready to commit to marrying him. At least not yet.

  “Rachel?” He squeezes my hand, a concerned look on his face. “What do you think?”

  I need to answer him. It’s not a hard question. He’s not asking me to marry him tomorrow. Just sometime in the future.

  “I feel the same way,” I say, still shocked we’re even having this conversation. Where did this come from? Why is he bringing this up now? Tonight?

  “I was hoping you’d say that.” He hugs me to his chest. I feel his body relax and wonder if it’s because he’s away from his father or because he’s relieved at my answer about our future. This is the first time we’ve talked about it and I think he was worried I’d tell him I didn’t feel the same way. That I wasn’t sure I wanted a future with him, especially after meeting his parents.

  “But it’s kind of crazy, isn’t it?”

  He pulls back and looks at me. “Why would it be crazy?”

  “Because we haven’t dated that long.”

  “I love you, Rachel. And you love me. So what does it matter how long we’ve known each other?”

  “I guess it doesn’t.”

  “When I know I want something, I don’t wait for it. I go after it and get it. And I think I’ve made it very clear that I want you in my life.”

  His words have my mind racing to figure out what this means. Is Pearce planning to propose to me? Soon? Am I ready for that? It’s not that I haven’t thought about it or don’t want it. I’m just not sure that I’m ready. This isn’t what I planned. I was supposed to graduate and move to New York, not get married and stay in Connecticut. What would I do for a job? I’d be married to a billionaire, so I wouldn’t need a job but I’d still want one. I wouldn’t want to sit around doing nothing all day.

  “Rachel.” Pearce is now sitting back, watching me. “Why are you so quiet?”

  “Sorry. I didn’t mean to be.” I get up from the couch. “I think I’m going to head home.”

  As much as I’d love to spend the night with him, I need to go back to my apartment and think about this. I didn’t know we’d be talking about marriage tonight and I’m suddenly feeling very anxious. I’m also a little excited. And a little happy. But also scared. My emotions are all over the place.

  He stands up. “Is something wrong? Are you still upset because of my parents?”

  “No. I just need to go back to my apartment and get some things done before class tomorrow.” I turn away but he catches my wrist.

  “Are you sure there’s nothing wrong?”

  “Nothing’s wrong.” I kiss him. “I just need to go home.” I walk back to the bedroom and get my overnight bag and meet him at the elevator. He has a worried expression on his face, so I set my bag down and hug him. “I love you.” I give him a kiss. “Before I go, I need to say something, and I need you to listen very carefully.”

  He nods. “Go ahead.”

  I set my eyes on his. “Don’t you ever listen to your father. You are the smartest, hardest working person I know. You’re also kind and generous and thoughtful and so many other great things. And if your father can’t see that, then he’s completely blind. He should be beaming with pride having a son like you.”

  Pearce is quiet. I can’t tell what he’s thinking. I know he isn’t comfortable talking about his father, but I had to say something. I don’t want Pearce ever believing his father’s hateful words.

  His hands reach up and hold my face. He leans in and presses his lips to my forehead. “I love you,” he breathes out. “So much.” We stand there a moment, then he lowers his lips to mine and kisses me. “Call me when you get home so I know you’re safe.”

  “I will.” I hug him one last time, then go down to my car. As I’m driving back, I think about that dinner and how Holton treated Pearce and the awful things he said to him. My parents have never said such hateful things to me. They wouldn’t talk that way to their worst enemy.

  When I get home, I call Pearce to let him know I made it. Then I tell him again how much I love him. I don’t think it’s possible for him to hear it too many times. After growing up with parents like Holton and Eleanor, Pearce needs to know what it’s like to be loved and I’m going to be the one to show him.

  After witnessing that scene at the restaurant, I feel like I understand Pearce better. I now know why Pearce has so much sadness in his eyes. Why he always seems so tense and stressed. And why he looked so surprised when I first told him I love him. Even now, he looks surprised when I tell him I love him, like he can’t imagine why anyone would. It breaks my heart.

  For the rest of the night, I think about Pearce and what it would be like to have a future with him. And the truth is, I don’t know what it would be like. I know nothing about his world and how it works. But I’m not sure that matters. What matters is that I love him. And that he loves me. He treats me better than I’ve ever been treated. He’s gentle and caring and affectionate and considerate and protective and loving. When I close my eyes and think of him, I can see us together years from now. I can see us married and living in a house and maybe having a child. Despite what my doctor said, I still hold out hope that maybe he was wrong and that I actually could have a child someday. And I would love to have that child with Pearce.

  The more I think about a future with Pearce, the more I want it. And maybe that future will start sooner rather than later. Like Pearce said, if we love each other, why wait?

  Before I go to sleep, I call Pearce one more time to say goodnight. It’s midnight, but I know he’s still up. He only sleeps a few hours a night unless I’m there with him. Maybe I should’ve stayed with him tonight. He needs to sleep. He’s been so tired ever since his father got back to town and made him go back to working sixteen hour days.

  Pearce’s phone rings and rings but he doesn’t answer. I can’t imagine he’d be asleep and not hear the phone. I hope he’s not at the office. I call there just to check.

  “This is Pearce,” he says when he answers.

  “Pearce, it’s Rachel. What are you doing at t
he office? It’s after midnight.”

  “I have to get these reports done for my father.”

  “The reports can wait. You need to sleep.”

  “It won’t take me long to finish these. A couple hours, if that.”

  “A couple hours? Pearce, by the time you get home, you’ll only get a few hours sleep before you have to get up for work.”

  “It’s fine. I’m used to it.” I hear some papers shuffling. “Is something wrong? Why are you calling so late?”

  “Nothing’s wrong. I just wanted to say goodnight. And that I love you.”

  “I love you too.” I’m silent and he laughs a little. “Was there anything else? Not that I’m not happy you called. It’s just that it’s late and you should probably get to sleep.”

  “Yes, I, um, had something else to say.”

  “Go ahead.”

  “I felt bad about racing out of your place like that. You probably thought it meant something and I don’t want you getting the wrong idea. I just needed some time to think.”

  “Rachel, it’s fine. I understand. I brought that up out of the blue and I know you weren’t expecting it. But it’s how I feel and I wanted you to know. I hope you didn’t feel like I was pressuring you in any way.”

  “No. Not at all. I’m glad you brought it up.” I pause. “I thought about what you said tonight and…” I’m not sure how to say this so I turn it back on him. “Pearce, do you ever picture us in the future? I mean, do you ever see images of us in your head, together, years from now?”

  “I do. All the time.”

  I smile. “I do too. I mean, I did tonight. I pictured that. Us. Together.”

  The phone is quiet, but then I hear him again. “What are you saying, Rachel?”

  “I’m saying that I want this to continue. I want a life with you, Pearce. I know I need to figure some things out, like what I’m going to do after I graduate and where I’m going to work. But right now, I’m not worried about any of that. We’ll figure it out later. Right now, I just need you to know that I don’t want this to end. I love you, and I don’t want to be with anyone else. Ever.”

  There’s silence on his end of the phone and I start to worry that I said too much. I wasn’t saying he had to propose to me anytime soon. I just wanted to let him know I want to be with him. I didn’t want him to doubt it, which I thought he might after I ran out on him like that.

  He finally speaks. “Would you mind if I came over?”

  “Right now?”

  “I know it’s late, but I have to see you.”

  “But what about work?”

  “I’ll come back here in a couple hours. I’ll still have time to get the reports done before my father gets here.”

  “I could just meet you at your loft.”

  “I don’t want you out driving this late. It’s not safe.”

  I smile. I’m starting to like how he worries about me. It just shows how much he loves me. “Come on over. I’ll wait up.”

  In record time he’s at my door, a huge smile on his face. He comes inside and wraps his arms around me, tightly, but not too tight, exactly how I taught him.

  I hug him back, my head resting on his chest, hearing his strong, fast heartbeat.

  “God, I love you,” he says, not letting me go. “I love you so much it scares me.”

  I lift my head up to look at him. “Why does it scare you?”

  “Because I don’t want to lose you.” His voice is quiet, his hand gently pressing my head back to his chest. “I’m afraid of losing you,” he says in almost a whisper.

  “You won’t lose me, Pearce. I just told you I want to be with you.”

  “I know. I just—” He stops.

  “You just what?”

  “Nothing,” he says, his voice trailing off.

  We make our way to the bedroom and just lie there, quietly, on the bed. Pearce is holding me in his arms, which he always does, but it feels different this time. It feels more protective, like he won’t let any harm come to me. I don’t know why, but he always acts like he’s worried something bad might happen to me. Maybe it’s just because he’s rich, and money tends to attract bad people. Maybe he’s had trouble in the past. It’s another part of his world I haven’t yet been exposed to. And although I realize there might be risks that come from being with someone with his kind of wealth, I don’t worry because I know he’ll keep me safe. He’d do anything for me. I know he would. And I would do anything for him.

  I feel his hand move down my arm. I look up and he kisses me. Soft, sweet kisses. I can feel his love in each and every one. When I first met him, our attraction to each other was so intense, I worried our relationship would be nothing more than sex. We still have that intense attraction, but our relationship is so much more than physical. I think it always has been. There was something between us that first time we met. A connection I couldn’t really explain. And I loved the way he looked at me and listened to me, giving me his full attention, like I was important, even though he’d just met me. Unlike his parents, Pearce has never judged me for not having money and that says a lot about him as a person.

  I never believed in love at first sight, but now I do. I think part of me fell in love with Pearce on that first day we met. I just wasn’t aware of it at the time.

  His kisses and caresses eventually lead to sex and then we fall asleep. Pearce set the alarm to go off at 3 a.m. so he can get back to work. I wish he didn’t have to go. He’s so tired. He needs to rest. But he doesn’t want to deal with his father throwing a fit if the work’s not done.

  In the morning, I wake up and he’s gone. I didn’t even hear him leave. I turn to check the time and see a note sitting on my nightstand. It’s from Pearce and reads, Have a wonderful day. I’ll come by your place after work. I’ll bring dinner. See you soon. I love you.—Pearce.

  I read it again, smiling as I do. And the smile remains as I shower and dress and do my hair.

  As I’m eating breakfast, I check my answering machine and notice a message from my mom.

  I call her back. “Hey, Mom, it’s me.”

  “Hi, honey. I couldn’t reach you last night and then I remembered you said you were with Pearce.”

  “Yeah, I got back late. I didn’t want to call and wake you up.”

  “Did you have a nice evening?”

  “I finally met Pearce’s parents. They stopped over last night and we all went out for dinner.”

  “How did it go?”

  “Not well. They don’t approve of me.”

  “That’s not surprising.”

  “Mom! What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Honey, I’m not referring to you, personally. I just meant that we aren’t wealthy. I’m sure his family expects him to be with someone within his social class.”

  “Well, they need to get over it because Pearce and I are very happy and we have no plans to break up.” I pause. “In fact, we’ve been talking about the future.”

  “Rachel, what are you saying? Are you engaged?”

  “No.” I smile. “But I might be soon.”

  “How soon?”

  “I’m not sure. I just know Pearce is thinking about it.”

  “Honey, you’re not ready for that. You’ve only dated him a few months.”

  “You dated Dad for twelve days.”

  “Which wasn’t long enough. We should’ve waited longer before getting married.”

  “Why? What difference would that have made? You’ve been happily married for thirty years.”

  “Yes, but your father and I got married in a different era. These days people date for a year or two, then spend a year engaged. It gives them time to get to know each other.”

  “I don’t need all that time. I already know Pearce.”

  “I doubt you know everything about him.”

  “Maybe not, but I know I love him and that’s what counts.”

  “You said you loved Adam and look how that ended.”

  “I wasn�
�t in love with him. I just thought I was. I didn’t know what love was back then, but now I do. Mom, I really do love Pearce and I don’t want to wait to have a future with him.”

  “You need to slow this down and give yourself time to think. I don’t want you rushing into something.”

  “Let’s not talk about this. We obviously disagree and I don’t want to fight.”

  “Honey, I didn’t mean to—”

  “Please. Just talk about something else.”

  She sighs. “I wanted to ask you when you’ll be arriving for Thanksgiving.”

  “I’m not sure yet.”

  “Rachel, it’s next week. You need to get a plane ticket.”

  “I know. But I need to talk to Pearce first.”

  “Why would you need to talk to Pearce?”

  “Because I…” I don’t even want to say this. I know she’ll be upset, but she needs to understand that I can’t always have every holiday with her. “Mom, I was thinking I’d just stay here.”

  “Oh.” She sounds sad. “So you’re not coming home?”

  “It’s not that I don’t want to. It’s just that I’ll be home again at Christmas and it’s expensive to fly home for just a few days.”

  “Rachel, you know your father and I will pay for it. I’ll get the ticket for you. Just tell me when you want to leave.”

  I need to fess up and tell her the real reason I want to stay.

  “Mom, I know you want me home but…I want to spend Thanksgiving here. With Pearce. I don’t want to leave him all alone with his parents. They’re horrible people. They’re verbally abusive and I don’t want his holiday ruined by them.”

  “I didn’t know things were so bad for him. I’m sorry to hear that.”

  “I didn’t know how bad it was until I met his parents. You wouldn’t believe how they talk to him. They didn’t say one nice thing to him the entire evening. And his father…all he did was criticize Pearce. He shouldn’t have to put up with that at Thanksgiving.”

  “Have you talked to him about this? About his plans for Thanksgiving?”

  “No. I assume he’s planning to be with his family, so I guess I need to talk to him before I decide anything.”