Paper or Plastic

by Vivi Barnes

  Grandma became the topic of many arguments with my dad, too. I knew my anger toward him was a result of her not responding to me, and I knew he couldn’t deal with it. Even though it was obvious that he was hurt, I’d still yell at him that he wasn’t spending as much time with her as he used to. I even overheard my mother tell him one evening, “Jackson, she’s right. You need to visit with your mother now more than ever. You’ll regret it if you don’t.”

  I finally told Noah about my grandma, and he was everything he should be—caring, warm, understanding. He was perfect about everything—or at least until Bryce decided to show up at SmartMart.

  With just a half hour left in my shift one afternoon, I was organizing produce—and why the hell was that guy holding up a banana to his pants—when I heard Bryce’s familiar loud voice asking Ruthie where I was. I dropped the grapes back in their bin and ran to the front. Court was next to him, her arm tucked loosely through his. Ruthie went off to greet another customer as I glanced around to make sure Noah wasn’t nearby.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked, giving them each a quick hug.

  “Court needed some girl thing so we thought we’d come pick you up.” He kissed Court as she pulled away from him.

  “‘Girl thing’ means tampons,” she said to me, winking.

  Bryce put his hands over his ears. “I did not need to hear that, Court!” he yelled as she walked away, giggling wickedly. “Seriously, sometimes I wonder how I put up with her.”

  I smacked his arm as Ruthie walked back over.

  “Oh, Ruthie, this is my friend Bryce.”

  Bryce smiled and said hello as Ruthie looked from him to me, her face confused.

  “Lexus, you’re dating Noah and this boy?”

  My heart dropped into my shoes.

  “Noah?” Bryce asked, frowning at me.

  “No,” I said quickly. “Ruthie doesn’t know what she’s talking about.” Damn it, Ruthie. “So it looks like it’s going to rain,” I said, nodding at the slight darkening outside.

  Bryce kept his eyes on me, his expression still.

  “Is it going to storm?” I asked again, knowing how lame I sounded. When did I ever care about the weather?

  “There’s some tornado watch or something,” Bryce said, still frowning. “So Noah—”

  “Tornado?” Ruthie asked, her face going pale. She breathed heavily as she backed away. “Tornado! No!” She started to scream and pivot around in circles, grasping her head and yelling, “Tornado!” at the top of her lungs.

  I tried calming her down, talking softly, telling her there was no tornado, that it wasn’t even raining, but she was too panicked to hear me. Thankfully, there weren’t many customers at the front right now.

  “What’s with her?” Bryce asked. At least he was distracted now.

  “I don’t know. I guess she’s just freaked by tornadoes.” I cursed at myself as Ruthie started up with her wailing again. “Just go outside,” I told Bryce, grabbing his arm to push him toward the door. “I’ll clock out and meet you at your car.”

  “Okay, fine, I’ll text Court and…” He hesitated as he noticed the people running our way—Mr. Hanson and, oh crap, Noah. I felt his arm muscles shift as his fists clenched. Noah also stopped as he saw Bryce staring at him. I dropped my hands quickly.

  “What’s going on?” Mr. Hanson asked as he reached us.

  “Someone mentioned something about a tornado, and Ruthie got upset. Of course, there is no tornado,” I added as Ruthie clutched her head again. “It’s a beautiful day. Look—you can see the sun, Ruthie.”

  “That’s right, it’s a beautiful, calm day,” Mr. Hanson said soothingly to Ruthie as he ushered her away toward the employee area.

  Noah’s eyes were narrowed as he faced off with Bryce. The air was so sharp with tension between the two, I could almost see the sparks flickering. All they needed were hands on holsters and we’d have a Wild West showdown. “Calm down,” I told Bryce quietly. I could see Carolyn looking at us from a few aisles over. “Don’t start anything.”

  “Ruthie doesn’t know what she’s talking about, huh?” Bryce repeated in a sarcastic tone, turning his accusing gaze to me. “When I asked, you told me you just worked together and you weren’t even friends. Is she right? Are you going out with him?”

  I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. The look in Bryce’s eyes was a mix of shock, anger, and hurt. Dating his enemy behind his back was the worst thing I could’ve done to him.

  A real friend would’ve told him a long time ago.

  My silence was enough confirmation for Bryce. He shook his head. “I can’t believe it.”

  “I’m sorry,” I said softly, keeping my eyes on him mostly so I wouldn’t have to see the hurt that I knew was also on Noah’s face.

  “So you couldn’t even tell me to my face?” Bryce turned his glare on Noah. “This whole time you’ve been screwing this asshole and you didn’t have the decency to tell me.”

  Noah stepped forward then, scowling and clenching his fists, but I got between them. “He’s not an asshole, and—”

  Whatever else I was going to say was lost as Carolyn appeared. “What’s going on?” she rasped in her smoky voice.

  “Nothing,” I said quickly, trying to keep my expression calm, like we were just having a pleasant conversation.

  She looked between the two boys and then at me. “Back to work,” she told me before moving away.

  “Go before you get me in trouble,” I whispered to Bryce. “I’ll meet you outside.”

  “Don’t bother,” he said. “I’m sure you can find another way home.” His nose flared as he glared at Noah, then he left.

  I turned around. “Noah—”

  But Noah pivoted on his heel and walked away, leaving me alone.

  “Hey girl,” Court said softly as she came up to me, a plastic bag threaded through her arm. “I saw what happened. You okay?”

  I nodded, biting back the tears. She reached out to pull me into a hug. “I told you it was gonna blow up in your face,” she said, which I guess was her way of comforting me.

  “I know,” I said, my voice muffled in her shoulder. I pulled away and rubbed the heel of my hand at my wet cheek. “This sucks.”

  “Yeah, I know. He’ll get over it, eventually.” I knew she was talking about Bryce, but it was Noah I was worried about now. Would he?

  “I have to go,” Court said, glancing at the doors. “Now I’ve got to pretend I didn’t know anything about it. I can’t stand lying to him.” She sighed, then smiled at me. “Don’t worry, it’ll be okay.”

  She promised to call me later and left. Ruthie came back to the front a few minutes later, looking completely composed like nothing had happened. The clock over the door said I had twelve minutes left, but I told Ruthie I was leaving early. She smiled and said good night, happily oblivious to the scene that just happened. I wished I could be as oblivious. Instead, I felt sick to my stomach.

  Noah was at the time clock when I got there, his arms crossed.

  “Hey,” I said quietly. “I’m really sorry about that.”

  “About what?” he asked, the scowl creasing his face in a way I hadn’t seen before. Noah’s anger actually aimed at me hurt like nothing I’d ever felt, but I deserved it. “About the fact that your jerk of a friend tried to scare Ruthie?”

  “He didn’t do that on purpose,” I cut in. “He didn’t know—”

  “Or about the fact that you said we just worked together. Or that you were so embarrassed of me that you couldn’t bring yourself to tell him we’re together?”

  “I’m not embarrassed of you. I’ve been afraid to tell him because I knew he’d react like that.” I waved a hand toward the store entrance. “And I knew he’d make it worse for you.”

  “Yeah. For me. That’s why.” He shook his head as I reached for him. “I have to get back to work. You know, to my job where I’m your manager and apparently nothing else.”

  He turned around a
nd walked away.

  I should’ve called out to him to apologize again, but the words stuck in my throat. I sucked as a friend on both sides. This whole time I’d thought to be friends with Bryce meant I had to despise the guy he hated. To be with Noah meant I had to turn my back on my best friend.

  And now I had neither.

  26

  I texted both Bryce and Noah over the next few days, but neither one responded. And the days Noah was at work, he said very little to me. He was polite, because I didn’t think Noah knew how to not be polite, but so cold that he made Roxanne look like the cuddly Charmin bear in comparison. Syd told me to stop trying so hard.

  “He’ll come around when he’s ready,” she said as we practiced at the batting cages.

  I smacked the bat against the softball as hard as I could, the resounding whack not as satisfying as I’d hoped. “I don’t know. He’s really mad, and I can’t blame him.”

  “Yeah, well…”

  And she left it at that. She, like Court, had warned me, but I appreciated her not rubbing it in my face.

  “What about Bryce?” she asked. “How are you going to fix things with him?”

  I smacked the next ball. “I don’t know. I should’ve been honest with him, but he wouldn’t have understood if I’d told him earlier, either.”

  “Yeah, I think you’re right. I know you should’ve told him, but enough’s enough. He’s got to get over hating Noah one of these days.”

  “I know.” At least I had Syd. And Court, too. I wanted to trust that my friendship with Bryce was as important to him as it was to me, but at this point, considering he thought I was a traitor, I didn’t have much hope.

  My days quickly went from being awesome and in love to sucking big time. Then came the strangest day—the day Noah’s friend Miller showed up to check me out, which was the only reason I could think of for that visit. He found me in the toy aisle, sorting out the chaos of puzzles, games, and Legos that never seemed to stay organized. A scrawny guy with glasses walked down the aisle, his eyes landing on my nametag. “You’re Lex, right?” he asked lightly.

  I nodded. “Aren’t you…?”

  “Miller.” His smile dropped. “I’m a friend of Noah’s.”

  “Oh. Yeah, I remember you from school.”

  He snorted. “Right. I’m sure you would.”

  I’d read the word “nonplussed” in books before, but this was the first time I’d actually experienced it. This guy had it in for me. I wondered if Noah told him what happened and now he was here to have his back. “Did I do something to—”

  “Yeah, you and your friend Bryce,” he cut in. “I know what you’re doing, and you can just stop right now.”

  “What I’m—”

  “What happened was two years ago. When are you assholes going to stop punishing him?”

  I crossed my arms and frowned. “Stop calling me an asshole, okay, and explain yourself. I’m not punishing him.”

  He snorted. “Oh, yeah. So you think I’m supposed to believe you really like Noah after what he supposedly did to Bryce? Well, let me tell you something. You don’t know shit about him. Noah’s the best person I know. The best. You walk around with your friends acting like you’re so cool at school, when you are nothing but fake. That’s fine, but I’m not going to let him think he’s in love with someone who’s out to get him. Especially not when he’s done so much for me. Got it?”

  What the… “Whoa, Miller, stop. First of all, you come here accusing me of using Noah, which is crap. I’m not using him. I actually like the guy, and whether you believe me or not is up to you. I don’t really give a shit.” Although I had to admit, the fact that he apparently didn’t know what happened the other day was a relief. Noah wasn’t a talker.

  “I don’t believe you.”

  “Like I said, I don’t care.” Normally, I’d appreciate the whole “best friend” confrontation—I know I’d appreciate Syd doing this for me. But I lost respect for someone who called me an asshole. Screw that. “I get that you’re his friend and that you care about him, but—”

  “Friend?” His voice reached squeaky registers as he took off his glasses and stared at me, like that was going to intimidate me. “You don’t get anything. Noah is like a brother to me. Bryce already did damage to him for something he didn’t do. And if you hurt him, too, you’ll regret it. I won’t let him go through hell again.”

  My stomach dropped. “Wait a second. What do you mean, something he didn’t do? What are you talking about?”

  He studied me for a moment, his chin jutted out like he was in deep thought. “Miller, what didn’t he do?”

  “You really don’t know?” he asked, raising his eyebrow like he didn’t believe me.

  “Know what?”

  “He didn’t say anything to you?”

  “Miller, I’m going to ram this light saber down your throat if you don’t tell me.”

  He stared at the floor, losing his menacing posture. Now he just looked like a nervous kid. “Noah didn’t rat on Bryce, did he?” I asked.

  Miller’s eyes stayed on the ground, but he shook his head.

  “It was you?”

  “Yeah.” His voice was raspy and quiet. His gaze finally raised to meet mine, his eyes tortured. Clearly the truth had been plaguing this guy for two years.

  “But why? Why did Noah say it was him?”

  “Bryce didn’t see me in the shadows. But I saw him spray paint all over the other school’s sign, and it made me mad. Bryce always thought he had the right to do whatever he wanted. He was a jerk in middle school, and I knew things hadn’t changed when he got to high school. I wanted to out him for the slimeball that he was, but it backfired.” He winced at the last words slightly as he placed the glasses back on his face.

  “And you let Noah take the blame.” I swallowed over the lump in my throat.

  “I didn’t want him to,” he said quickly. “I was going to tell everyone it was me, but Noah wouldn’t let me because they already thought it was him. He said Bryce and his friends would be harder on me because I’m so…well, I’m much smaller than him.”

  “So instead of telling Bryce like a real friend would, you let Noah be tortured for two years. Two years!” I swallowed over the lump that had formed in my throat. This was definitely not the time for tears, though it hurt like hell to think back on what Noah went through for his friend. “You watched while they called him names and hated him, all because you were afraid. And you tell me we’re fake? You’re the fakest of them all.”

  “I know,” he said miserably. “I hate myself for letting that happen to him. I…I want to make it right, no matter what he says. But I don’t want him to get hurt.” His expression became pained. “Please promise me you won’t hurt him.”

  I stood tall and glared at him. “I don’t need to promise you anything. I don’t owe you, but you owe Noah, and a whole lot more than just coming in here and making threats to me because you feel guilty. You need to tell everyone the truth.”

  “I know,” he said again. “I will.”

  “You can leave now,” I said, pointing over his shoulder and watching him walk back the way he came.

  I set the light saber down and leaned against the shelves. All this time I believed, like everyone else, that Noah ratted on Bryce, when all he did was cover for his friend. Knowing Noah like I did now, that didn’t surprise me at all. But to be completely ostracized from the school because of something he didn’t even do—I couldn’t imagine anyone doing that for me.

  Then I remembered that Noah did exactly that for me, when he told Mr. Hanson he was responsible for that Coupon Queen’s complaint after I’d annoyed her. Guilt flooded over me. I hadn’t said anything that day, either. I could’ve told Mr. Hanson the truth like Miller could’ve told Bryce. Noah deserved better friends than us.

  And he also deserved better than a girl who was too afraid to tell her best friend that she was in love with his enemy. An enemy that wasn’t even real.
<
br />   I sought out the floor manager and got relieved for break. My first stop was at my locker. Noah’s shift today didn’t start until three, close to when I’d be leaving, and he was working too late for me to talk to him. I pulled out my cell and texted him as I sat in the break room.

  I know you’re mad at me. I know you hate me because I didn’t have the guts to tell Bryce about us. U R right, and I don’t deserve you. But I still

  My thumb accidentally hit the send button before I could complete that sentence. Then again, what was I going to say? I still love you? I never said it to him before. I should have. I’d loved him for the longest time now. What Miller said didn’t change that at all, but would Noah believe me?

  The world: 1, Lex: 0

  My thumb hovered over the heart emoticon that I’d never used because I thought it’d be too sappy. I remembered the set look on Noah’s face when he came out of that meeting with Mr. Hanson, the man whose opinion of him mattered more than his own father’s. And I thought of the look on Miller’s face—that tortured look that spoke volumes about what he watched Noah put up with the past two years.

  I touched the heart emoticon, sending that instead of the words.

  “I love you,” I whispered aloud.

  27

  Noah didn’t respond to my text, but I didn’t expect him to. I’d gotten used to radio silence by now. The day after, I went in to SmartMart for my afternoon shift in a torrential downpour. Grandma had perked up that morning, again telling us that it was going to be a bad storm season. I didn’t mind the rain. The pretty days were the hardest to work, since it sucked being stuck inside chilly SmartMart when my friends were hanging out at the beach. Not that I really hung out with them lately. Syd was on vacation with her family, and since Court was with Bryce most of the time and he wanted nothing to do with me, I didn’t get to see her much, either.