Gynomorphs

by Jean Marie Stine

  The sale lasted several days. The prices secured were high. In some instances the shares sold for well over the value Powers had set. The auction was conducted in a quiet, dignified manner, but when it was over, Miss Patricia Powers was the owner of over three billion dollars worth of certified checks, good for gold when presented to the proper banks.

  There was one interesting feature about this sale, but no one commented on it, even if he did happen to notice it. The auctioneer, the clerks, the bookkeepers who conducted this sale were all women. After it was all over, Miss Powers went into conference with her women and closed the door behind her.

  Chapter II: Taine Gets a Commission

  Taine, of the Secret Service, was spending a few days at home. He had just returned to San Francisco from a rather trying trip to New York, where he had rendered great service to that city. Always shy, he had refused to set any specific value on this service, but the check given him was enough to keep him comfortable for the rest of his life. As soon as he could do so, he had given ten percent to his wife, who was in the habit of giving this extra cash to the Woman’s Missionary Society of her church. However, the ten percent in this instance was so large that she held back a part of it to buy a year’s supply of clothes for herself and her two daughters. She also bought a scarf pin for tier husband. She was rather proud of his appearance, and his refusal to buy himself an appropriate scarf pin was a source of much sorrow to her. The one that she selected, a large question mark of platinum, with an equally large diamond at the bottom, seemed singularly appropriate, as she remarked to the pastor’s wife, who had accompanied her on this special shopping trip.

  “My husband makes a very fine living, solving unusual questions for other people who are too stupid to solve those questions for themselves. So, this question mark will not only represent his profession, but will also serve as an advertisement. You know, Dearie, that he draws a regular salary from the government, but this is so small that we should really suffer were it not for his extras. So I think that I could not do better than to buy this special pin for him.”

  “But do you think he will wear it? Has he ties that will go with it?”

  “Certainly he will wear it. That reminds me—I must buy some new ties for him. He thinks my selections in such things remarkable. Don’t you think red ties with a black polka-dot would go well with this pin?”

  So that evening Mrs. Taine presented the pin and the six new ties, and her husband kissed her and thanked her and put every one of the new ties in a special drawer and the pin with the rest of his jewelry. He was really a very remarkable man.

  The next morning his daughters observed that he wore the black bow tic as usual, and commented on it, but he simply said that he was going down to the city headquarters and he did not want the Chief to think that he had grafted too much in New York. His wife was busy cooking waffles on the new electric waffle iron that had a red signal to tell when to put the batter in and blue signal to indicate when the waffle was done, so she did not notice what kind of tie he had on. So, blithely calling his little black puppy to follow him, Taine walked slowly down to Headquarters.

  The day before, the Chief had told him to take a week’s vacation. Taine had replied that he would do this with pleasure, as the Arbor Vitae hedge around his house needed trimming badly. Yet the Chief had sent for him today by special messenger, and Taine knew by past experience what that meant. Reaching the building that housed the Secret Service of the Queen City of the West, Taine put the puppy to sleep in one of his overcoat pockets and walked in to see what all the trouble was.

  The Chief welcomed him, at the same time apologizing for breaking into his vacation. “Sorry, Taine, but the Government wants to send a man to China, and I made up my mind that you were the one to go.”

  “China!” The little man was almost indignant as he said it. “The very idea of me going to China, when you said I could go off duty for a week—the very idea!—and my wife just giving me a fine scarf pin with a diamond in it and six new red neckties with large black polka dots in them—the very idea! You know as well as I do that a real detective could not wear such ties in China. She will feel disappointed if I do not wear them. China? Why, naturally, you had to send for me to go. I am about the only man on the force that can go to the Orient as a Chinaman and get back alive. When is the next boat?”

  “I thought you refused to go.”

  “I ought to. But, if it is something special, I guess I had better leave my vacation go for a while. I suppose there will be a special bonus of some kind that will make my wife more kindly towards the idea of my leaving right away. You see, she gets ten percent and that goes to the Missionary Society. So give me the details, and I will go home and pack up.”

  “That’s the way to talk. I knew you would go. I really do not know what the work is. All I can tell you is that I received a wireless from the Department in Washington, asking me to have my best operator report at once to Washington Headquarters for instructions. The wireless specified a man who was well acquainted with China. Of course, I thought of you at once, although I thought you would have an objection to going. That New York trip gave you some publicity among our profession and I am sure that you wilt get a promotion if you keep on.”

  Taine stood up and stuck his hand in his overcoat pocket. “I can tell you what I will get if I have another trip like that New York one. I’ll get killed. That is what I’ll get. This here little dog I have sleeping in my pocket, he and I almost got killed in New York. I hate to go to China, Chief. You remember that last time I was there I made Ming Fu awfully mad at me. Still, my wife won’t like it if I continue to ignore her presents, and did you ever see a red tie with big, black polka-dots over it? Honest, Chief, I would rather drink tea with Ming Fu than wear that kind of a tie downtown. Might look all right when I was just out clipping the hedge, in the back yard, though. Guess I had better go to China. Send a good man up to clean the yard and cut the hedge for me, will you? Do I get transportation to Washington from you? Suppose I have the wife send you a few of those ties? Well, the little dog is restless, so, off we go. If anything happens, see that the Mrs. and the girls get the pension and anything else that is due them.” And with that, he put the little black dog on the floor, and both the man and the dog trotted off.

  * * * *

  As soon as possible Taine reported to the Chief of the Secret Service in Washington. That official greeted the San Francisco man as a long-lost friend. He remembered only too well that danger that had threatened New York and the part that Taine had played practically single-handedly in destroying that danger. In fact, he had urged Taine to sever his connection to the Secret Service of the western city and come to Washington. Taine had refused to do this, pleading a long residence in the city of the Golden Gate and the fact that his wife enjoyed her position as President of the Missionary Society. Come right in,” he said to Taine. “Shut the door and we will get right to business. Have a seegar?”

  “No, thank you. I used to smoke, but I found that the tobacco was bad for the delicate enamel of my teeth, and once that is destroyed, it is never replaced.”

  The Washington Chief laughed. “I remember hearing about that delicate enamel when you were in New York. You had a narrow escape there, Taine, but that is nothing new for you. I understand you had a good deal of service in China. You ought to go into private work. If I only had the nerve, we would go into business together, but, after a man becomes accustomed to office work, it is hard to go on the road again. Do you want to go out to China for me?”

  “Not very much. There is a man over there, Ming Fu, who is not very friendly to me.”

  “Never heard of him. But you will go?”

  “Guess I shall have to. You see, my wife gave me some neckties—”

  “Let’s talk about the ties later on. There is a peculiar situation over there. About two years ago some doctors went over there and started a charity hospital. For a while, there was nothing very extraordinary about it. Then t
hings began to break loose, and at the present time, affairs are all at sixes and sevens in that part of China, and no one seems to be able to tell what the trouble really is. All the doctors in this hospital are women, and the State Department, not wanting them killed, asked them to come down to the coast and bring their hospital with them, and these young fools at once refused. It is a singular fact that the Chinese Government in power in that part of China wants the hospital to stay there, and we cannot understand why. To complicate matters, a revolutionary party is trying to capture the city and swears that it will control the hospital. Everybody seems to want the hospital to stay there, yet, they all are fighting among themselves over it. Meantime, the young fools are operating day and night and seem to have all the work to do that they can handle.”

  Taine looked annoyed.

  “I can see it all now,” he sighed. “You want me to dress up like a Chink and go over there and be operated on so you can find what those girls are really up to.”

  “That is it exactly.”

  “And if I take my black dog over with me, I get operated on and he gets into the stew. You better send a real Chink over, Chief. I can give you the names of a few good ones out home. They would not mind being operated on by a white girl. Personally, I object. I have too great an imagination.”

  “But they would not operate on your imagination.”

  “I know, but I just don’t want to go. Every time I mix up with women I get into trouble.”

  The Chief paid no attention to him.

  “You can get your letters of credit and other credentials fixed up today. You have unlimited funds at your control. The only thing you are not strong in is our support. Of course, we will help you all we can—up to a certain point—but that is a wild country, lots of bandits. If anything goes wrong, we will take care of your family. I have a lot of recommendations in this envelope. This evening we will put you on board the Mayflower and transfer you later on to one of our cruisers that we are sending to China for just one purpose—and that is to carry you. Only a few know who you are, and just two of us know why you are going on that cruiser. The Captain will see that you are royally entertained. Can you arrange to leave tonight?”

  Taine thought of those six red neckties with the black polka dots; he thought of Ming Fu, waiting to kill him in a very honorable way; he remembered that he always became seasick, never really liked the ocean, and, after thinking of all these things, he sighed as he replied.

  “Guess I might as well go. Send a Chink from the department over with me so I can practice talking the language on the voyage. I used to do rather well at it, but since my teeth went bad, I may have trouble. You look after my family, Chief, if I don’t come back, tell my wife that my last request was to have those neckties distributed among my friends—and you can have the diamond scarf pin. You would like it, Chief.”

  Under the friendly nonsense and banter was a strange air of constraint, for both men realized that there was danger and perhaps death on the other side of the world for the little operator from San Francisco.

  Chapter III: Taine Returns With A Tale

  Exactly six months and three days later Taine silently re-entered the private office of the Chief of Government Secret Service. He looked about as healthy as when he left, though perhaps a bit underweight. During those six months and three days he had not sent a single word of a report. He had simply gone to China, disappeared, and reappeared in Washington in due course of time. The Chief was delighted to see him, for more reasons than one. He was also almost bursting with curiosity as to what had actually happened. Enthusiastically greeting Taine, he demanded an immediate report.

  Before answering, Taine took a little black dog out of his pocket and put him down on the floor. The Washington man looked at the dog in astonishment.

  “You don’t mean to tell me that you still have that dog?”

  Taine shook his head in a peculiar gesture of sorrow and amusement.

  “No. This is the same breed of dog, only this is a she-dog. That little dog I took to China looked just like this dog, but that dog was a he-dog. I got into a place where the men were not very popular, so I had to change dogs.”

  “If you were anyone else, I would say you had gone insane!”

  “I know, but facts are facts. Part of the trip was dull and then parts were lively. All my life women have kept me busy and they did not miss it this time. However, I settled things with Ming Fu. He will not bother me anymore. That was one of the satisfactory parts of the trip. In fact, I helped operate on him.”

  The Washington Chief forced Taine down into an easy chair. He pulled an automatic out of a drawer and pointed it at Taine.

  “You tell me what happened, and if you leave out anything of interest, I am going to shoot you.”

  “Don’t shoot, Chief. You might hurt the delicate enamel of my teeth. Well, I arrived in Shanghai, and wandered around the country and finally came to the city where these girls were operating. I was disguised as a Priest for a while, and then later on I dressed up as a flower girl—I suppose you know what they are in China. Well, when I came near the hospital, I put a lot of my cash into real jewelry and hired a lot of Chinks to chase me into the compound of the hospital. It looked just like a scene from the movies. There was the poor girl running as fast as she could from the Chinamen who wanted to capture her and ruin her life in an opium den, and just in time the Marines dashed out through the opening gate and the girl just managed to get inside in time. They led me to the Captain of the Marines, and I told him my story, how I was really a rich man’s daughter but ran away from home because my father wanted me to marry an old man that had three wives already. Then this Marine, filled with pity, took me in to see the Chief Surgeon, and I told her the same story, only I proved it to her by showing her my jewels, and I told her that I learned to speak English in London, have had ideas of becoming a doctor, but my father brought me home before I could complete my education. Naturally, she and the other lady doctors were very sympathetic and they promised to keep me, and perhaps after a while I could work in the operating room as an orderly. That looked like a hard life, because it meant shaving three times a day, but the only way I saw to get in there and find out what was going on was to go in as a woman. They were all females except for the Marines.

  “It was a peculiar situation. The Marines were guarding the hospital and the Government was guarding the hospital, and outside the city the bandits were guarding the hospital, and everybody was trying to capture the hospital so he could run it better and protect it more efficiently. It looked like a peculiar state of affairs, and I was there over a month before I could make anything out of it.

  “We were just as busy as could be. They had five doctors there, and they just kept a regular line of patients going into that operating room. I never saw a lot of Chinamen that were so anxious to be operated on. Finally, I tumbled to it. Those girls were paying the Chinks for the operations. Every Chinaman got a hundred dollars in gold when he left the hospital, and all his hospital expenses thrown in. But just as soon as he left the hospital, the High Mogul of the city picked fifty dollars of that gold and the Little Mogul took another twenty-five, so, all the poor devil who was operated on got out of it was a little twenty-five. But that was a fortune to most of them, and there was always a long line waiting for a chance to get in. As far as the Government was concerned and also the lesser officials, it was a sweet piece of graft, and there is no telling how many of them divided that gold. That was the reason why they wanted the hospital to stay there, and that was the reason the bandits wanted to capture the city. There was just a steady stream of gold going out of that operating room, and whoever held the city could grab a big piece of it. The Marines were there to see that nothing stopped those girls from operating, so they did not care who was in power, so long as the supply of Chinamen held out.

  “Of course, I am acquainted with women, being a married man with two daughters, to say nothing of the third one who is married and wh
ose clothes are bought by another man, so you might say I know a little about females. But I never in all my life saw women like these doctors. They just did two things besides eating and sleeping. They operated on those Chinamen and talked about equal rights for women. To listen to them talk, you would think that man was just a worm and that their chief delight was to step on him. They even seemed to take a great pleasure in their operating—brag about it—the different doctors would boast as to the number of Chinks they had operated on.

  “I became a great favorite with them. In fact, some of those lady doctors became quite fond of me. Of course, you must not let on to my wife about that—she would not understand—but those women doctors sure did like me, and thinking all the time I was a little Chinese girl, they thought I was cute. I let them think so, and I studied hard and, by and by, they let me sort of help with the operations.

  “There was one of those girls, she was a chemist of some kind. I suppose she might be called a biological chemist. Anyway, she did not have anything to do with the operating, but she would take the glands into her laboratory and work with them. I used to go in and see her work—she liked me, I taught her to say some words in Chinese—and when she finished with her work, she would take little clear ampules and put them into glass tubes. It must have been delicate work, because there were whole parts of it that she said could not be trusted to anyone else. Every week or so a special agent of the Express Company came out from Shanghai with an army of Chinese soldiers to guard him, and he would take a box of these little ampules for shipment to some place in Paris. Of course, all this cost a lot of money, but those girls seemed to have enough and to spare. Someone is putting up a world of gold on this proposition.