Glass Ceilings

by A. m Madden

  “I’d love that, and so would he. I remember you telling me in Chicago that you hated the snow and cold.”

  “The best part of that winter was a certain tryst in a hot tub.” Lifting our entwined hands, I planted a kiss on hers. “I can’t get the image of you in that hot black bikini out of my head.” I glanced her way sporting a salacious grin.

  “I didn’t wear a bikini that night,” she said, obviously confused by my comment.

  “I’m talking about the picture of you at your friend’s pool when you were pregnant with Nicholas.”

  “Ugh, Nick, I looked like a cow in that picture.”

  “You looked gorgeous in that picture. Pregnancy suited you.”

  “You’re delusional. I wasn’t pleasant while pregnant. Toward the end, cranky became my nickname. It was so hot that summer, stifling in Ohio. I was huge and miserable. I couldn’t move, and all I did my last few weeks was sit in that pool. Dawn would deliver my lunch as I floated in the pool like a beached whale.” She laughed at the memory, causing me to smile. “I used to…” She stopped abruptly, turning her head toward her window.

  “What?”

  “I used to imagine you rubbing my shoulders while I sat on the steps of her pool.” She turned toward me, and I could feel her eyes watching me. At my silence she squeezed my hand between both of hers and whispered, “I’m sorry.”

  “I know you are.”

  Just thinking of her swollen with my child and imagining the feel of her skin beneath my touch as I held her belly made me yearn for it to happen. Those thoughts caused the tiny seed of resentment that I carried to predictably prickle inside my chest.

  Even though the resentment I felt lessened with each passing day, I couldn’t stop it when it tried to surface. The pattern where she’d feel guilty and I’d feel resentment would continue to cause tension between us. Together we ached for different reasons. That had to be expected, and we needed to learn how to work through it. I needed to work through it and come to terms with it, because I knew without a doubt my resentment toward her didn’t compare in intensity to my love for her.

  The silence continued until she said, “I love you. I look forward to making wonderful memories with you.”

  “I know, me too.” I kissed her hand again, hoping to lessen the guilt she felt.

  We pulled up to Ben’s house, finding him on the pebble stone driveway getting out of his car.

  “Hey, perfect timing,” he said, coming over to open Angela’s door for her.

  “I love this.” She leaned up and kissed him on the cheek. “Thanks for having us out.”

  “It’s our pleasure. Hey, man,” he said to me when I stepped around the car to exchange a handshake. “Ella is just putting Virginia down.” He peered into the backseat to see Nicholas passed out cold. “Looks like she’ll have a napping buddy today.”

  “He’ll be good for a while, he only fell asleep like ten minutes ago. Kept jabbering the whole way.”

  We emptied the car of one diaper bag, a backpack full of toys, a bottle of wine, a bakery dessert, and one sleeping child.

  Ben laughed at our haul. “I’d ask you if you were moving in, but after having Ginnie, I completely get it.”

  Ben looked so relaxed, so happy. He’d changed from the uptight cop I’d met when I first came to New York. We didn’t always get along, especially when I was handling his wife’s case. I carry some guilt over that, and how it ended. I felt I screwed up, and hadn’t quite understood the magnitude of what every detail meant to Ben at the time. I couldn’t understand how he felt as the boyfriend, and often lost my patience when he wasn’t thinking as a cop. I got it now…I completely got it.

  Nicholas squeezed my neck as we walked into the house, sending that jolt of emotion through me. What I held in my arms was what mattered. Having Angela beside me, loving me completely as she did, was also what mattered. Nothing else mattered but where we were at that moment, together and in love. I needed to stop the past from stealing my present.

  Ben helped Angela carry the bags into the house. He pointed to the top half of the house, which was under construction. “Excuse the mess. The guys are off today, so we won’t be subjected to the noise. It’d probably be easier if we just moved, but we love it here too much. We also realized it’s too small once Virginia arrived. It’s funny how one little baby can take over an entire house.”

  I knew exactly what he meant.

  “It’s going to be amazing,” Angela said as we walked into their seaside cottage.

  “Eventually, the first floor will only be a living room, kitchen, and den. We’re moving the three bedrooms upstairs, and adding another. Once they start construction downstairs, we’ll have to move for a few months. I’m seriously not looking forward to that.” Ben dropped our stuff and stood proudly in the small kitchen. I knew he loved it there mainly because Ella did.

  Angela stood openmouthed, taking in the Stones’ beautiful home. The entire back of the house was glass windows that faced the beach. I remembered the first time I saw this place, I’d instantly yearned for an escape of my own. Sadly, Stacie was with me that day, yet I never pictured her in my daydream. Standing there now beside Angela, the visual that popped into my head was an entirely different one and it showcased the three of us.

  “This is amazing, Ben. I wouldn’t want to ever leave,” Angela said, slowly walking toward the glass doors leading to the deck.

  “We take it for granted a bit now, but when we got here it was overwhelmingly beautiful. Ella would sit and stare at the ocean for hours.” Ben looked my way and pointed to the hallway. “You want to put him in our room? We can put down a chaise cushion on the floor for him.”

  “He’ll probably do better in his stroller,” Angela said. “I’ll go grab it from the car.”

  Once Angela had shut the front door behind her, Ben pulled a slim flash drive from his back pocket and handed it to me. “Here’s everything I could find. There’s an APB out on him.”

  “Fuck.”

  He nodded just as Ella came into the room. “Hey, Nick.” When she saw Nicholas slumped over my shoulder sleeping she lowered her voice. “Will he wake up if you put him down?”

  “He shouldn’t. Ang went to get his stroller.”

  A few minutes later, the babies were napping in separate rooms and the four of us were settled on the couch. The ladies were having wine, Ben and I, beer.

  Angela was flipping through a photo album of Virginia’s birth. “I love her name,” she said as Ella sat beside her.

  “It’s Virginia Carol, after our moms.” Ella glanced at Ben with a smile. “We call her Ginnie. Does Nicholas have a middle name?”

  “David, after my brother.”

  Sadness passed over Angela’s features causing Ella to change the subject. She began filling in Angela on how she and Ben met, and how her best friend was a huge factor in their finally getting together. Conversation between them flowed easily. Angela was right in that she and Ella had a lot in common. If they’d lived closer, I didn’t doubt they’d hang out often.

  It would be great for Angela to have someone other than Eve, not that I didn’t appreciate Eve. I just felt Angela needed someone in her life that understood what she was going through. Angela’s and Ella’s stories may have been different, but the end results were similar. They both had to fight for what they loved, where Eve’s happiness came very easily, just as everything in her life had.

  Ben made small talk for my benefit. Based on the look on his face, he knew exactly what I was thinking. My mind was reeling with the very strong possibility that my brother-in-law was guilty of killing Ronnie. If true, that would absolutely devastate her. This was fucking bad.

  A soft cry from the bedrooms had the girls investigating, leaving us alone in the living room discussing the Yankees.

  “I’m going to have to tell her,” I said, lowering my voice while staring at the beer label I picked at distractedly.

  “Read through the files on the flash I gave yo
u. Maybe something will jump out. You’re a lot closer to this case than I am.”

  “Nothing is jumping out, that’s the problem,” I huffed in frustration. “What if I miss something? This is my life, not some random low-life scum that I’m used to investigating. The prick mentality and FBI logic that I always depended on is failing me, and that’s scaring the shit out of me.”

  “I know exactly what you’re going through. Did you forget what I went through with her?” he said, pointing toward the hall. “I sat in that room when you exposed her real identity feeling like someone was taking my insides and running them through a paper shredder. Your priority is Angela and the baby. You can’t control what David did or how it affects his life. Those are choices he made, not her.”

  “It’s not just that my brother-in-law is a suspect in the murder of a mobster. I still don’t know if Ronnie’s obsession with Angela put her on the Delarro radar. What if the rest of the Delarros know about my wife, my son?”

  “Nick, if they knew about Angela, they’d have gotten to her by now.”

  A violent chill ran through my body at the thought.

  Ben waited a pause before saying, “As your friend, I’m reminding you to calm down and do what you’re a master at. Remember your tactics, and apply them now. Logic and clearly running through all the facts was what made you the best in the field. Thinking like them, knowing what their next move would be before they made it.”

  “You’re right,” I agreed, although I wasn’t feeling as optimistic I hoped I sounded.

  —

  Once the kids woke, we took them for a walk on the beach. My son took one look at the ocean and chanted, “Whim…whim.”

  “No swim today, little man. It’s too cold. Want to play ball?”

  “Ball!” He ran toward Angela as she held out a tiny football. He was still unsteady on his feet, and I couldn’t help but laugh at the way he looked drunk while running across the sand. He fell more than he stepped, no doubt due to the pound of sand that probably pooled in his tiny Nike sneakers. One thing I could count on was my son distracting my thoughts just by being adorable. He swayed his way back to us with a huge smile on his face.

  Ben and I took turns tossing it to him while the girls watched from the deck. Angela held five-month-old Virginia on her lap, laughing at something Ella had said.

  My cell buzzed in my pocket, and I removed it to see a number I didn’t recognize. “Ben, I should take this,” I said before answering the call.

  He nodded and lifted Nicholas. “Let’s go see Ginnie, little man,” he said, carrying my son back to the house.

  “Hello.”

  “Nick Farley?”

  “Yes.”

  “It’s Luca Cavello.”

  “I didn’t recognize the number.”

  “I’m not on my cell.” I remained silent on my end, immediately feeling unease over him calling me. Quickly glancing toward the house, I could see Angela’s concern as she stood watching me from the deck. The call crackled, making me think we got disconnected. Only when I heard him clear his throat did I realize he was still on the other end. “Listen, this is a burner line that David and I set up. He just texted me today.”

  “What did he say?”

  “ ‘Find Gortez,’ and he sent a picture of a dude I assume is Gortez getting into a black car.”

  “That’s it?”

  “That’s it.”

  The name sounded familiar. It came up in the paperwork I had on the Pucci clan. If I remembered correctly, Gortez ran the illegal gun ring out of Georgia and the Feds had been watching him for months.

  If David knew Gortez killed Ronnie that could account for the reason he was hiding. But why not just go to the Feds with this info?

  “Send it to me, and let me know if he sends anything else.”

  “Absolutely.”

  When Luca disconnected, I quickly dialed George’s number. He answered hesitantly.

  “I know there’s an APB out on my brother-in-law. Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “Nick, I’ve had my hands tied in this fucking case.”

  “Who was on the tapes coming out of Ronnie’s building? Was it David Cavello?”

  “Yes. Rupert finally found someone to positively ID him both coming and going.”

  “Just a heads-up, that’s all I asked for.”

  “And I said I’d try. Nick, Rupert is making my life a fucking hell. I’m on probation.”

  “What?” I asked incredulously.

  “Yeah. He found out I gave you Angela’s interrogation. How, I have no idea. I meant it when I said I’d always have your back, and I still do. Take my advice, and let us handle this.”

  “I can’t. You knew that, this shouldn’t surprise you.”

  “It doesn’t. It scares me. I’m gonna be honest, things don’t look good for your brother-in-law. Let us handle it.” He hung up, leaving me feeling sick to my stomach.

  Chapter 36

  Nick

  Although the day had been nothing but pleasant from start to finish, all I felt on our ride home was unease filling me from head to toe. My brain hurt from working overtime with all the scenarios I concocted in regards to Ronnie’s murder. The facts I was sure of made no sense to the end result. The speculations made even less sense. Nothing made sense except the woman beside me, and the sleeping boy behind me.

  I’d always approached my job in a very clinical manner. I was finding it impossible to channel the professionalism I needed when normally working a case. My heart raced at the thought of all I suddenly had to lose. I reached for her hand, grabbing it a bit more forcefully than I had intended.

  “What’s wrong?” she asked with the dashboard lights illuminating half her face. “Are you okay?”

  “I am right now.”

  Turning my attention back to the dark roads I navigated, I lifted our hands and kissed the back of hers. Angela didn’t push, sensing my thoughts were elsewhere and letting me have the time to think.

  When I glanced her way the soft glow of her Kindle clearly showed the thoughtful expression on her face. When she felt my eyes on her, she looked my way with a smile that caused my heart to ache for her. She didn’t deserve all the worrying she endured just because that motherfucker Delarro wanted her.

  Shortly after the wedding, she’d surprisingly opened up out of the blue and told me different ways Ronnie would mentally torment her. Instilling fear was his tactic to control her. Forceful grips on her face or holding her against the wall by her throat, as he’d calmly tell her how much he loved her, were just a few examples of his sick mind games. So many times she’d startle at seeing him quietly leaning in the doorway watching her with an evil leer on his face. Toward the end, he’d disappear for days, never explaining where he’d been, always keeping her guessing as to when he’d show up.

  One night after we made love, she thanked me for being everything he wasn’t. Rage coursed through my veins when she explained that sex had become a battle of wills between them. He’d quickly lose his patience with her and end up forcibly taking what he wanted. Suspecting that he was cheating on her, she’d torn apart their apartment looking for any evidence of infidelity that she could find…anything to hold over his head.

  While searching, she’d found several handguns that she’d never known he owned. He was no longer the man she fell in love with, and she’d made the decision to leave him. When she told him that she was going, he’d thrown her against the wall and squeezed her throat until she gasped for breath. The moment he left for his annual trip to Italy over the holidays, she’d packed her things and moved in with Eve. It was a few days later when she’d met me.

  She’d known that leaving as she did would bring plenty of trouble her way once he got back to Chicago. She’d also known it was time for her to start fresh and move back East to find the person she’d lost while in the relationship with Ronnie.

  When Luca had discovered Ronnie’s real name and what his family ties were, his threats had become all t
he more real to her. And when she found out she was pregnant, she’d known that hiding from him would be the only chance she had to survive him.

  The reality that he could have found her and my son haunted me. By some miracle, whatever had been happening in Ronnie’s life at the time he was murdered could have saved my family’s lives in the interim. I may never know, but I’d never forget that the threats had been real. From the grave he’d continued to torment her, and now me.

  He’d gotten exactly what he fucking deserved.

  A single bullet to the head, no struggle, no forced entry—it almost seemed too humane for that pig. Whoever had killed Ronnie had to have known him on some personal level. For someone to walk in and shoot him at close range without a fight meant Ronnie never saw it coming.

  The Feds felt David killed him.

  David told Luca it was Gortez.

  Something wasn’t adding up.

  Once we got to our place, I anxiously needed to comb through every piece of Ronnie’s case file for the thousandth time. The flash drive buried in my pocket felt like a brick of lead reminding me it was there.

  While Angela removed Nicholas from his stroller, I frantically dug through the thick file I stole from headquarters searching for the pages that mentioned Gortez.

  Angela came closer to where I started up my laptop, holding a very tired Nicholas. “Say good night to Daddy.”

  “Good night, my son. I love you.” He looked up as I peppered kisses on his soft messy hair. Baby shampoo overwhelmed my senses, calming me instantly. The smell was now one of my absolute favorite things, up there with his mother’s vanilla scent.

  “Do you want help?” I asked Angela, as she carried him toward his room.

  “No, I’m just going to change his diaper and put him down. That’s why I bathed him at Ella and Ben’s. Besides the sand being everywhere, I knew he’d be exhausted later.”

  “Okay.” Uncharacteristically, I didn’t argue as I logged into the FBI database.

  Debating whether to open the flash Ben gave me, I decided to wait until later, especially not knowing what I’d find on David. One by one I opened files on my hard drive, skimming them quickly before moving to the next. Six documents in, there it was. As I remembered, Raul Gortez was suspected of gunrunning a team of nine up the I-95 corridor from Georgia to New York under the Pucci family control. NYPD were close to a bust, but that was weeks ago…and that could only mean that something absolutely halted the case.