Oblivion

by Karolyn Cairns

  ~ ~ ~

  Lindsay was sitting in numb silence during the service in Foster’s funeral home. She wore a borrowed black dress and her mother’s pearls. It was standing room only. Every soul in Little Bend turned out for Jace’s funeral. They were holding a candlelight vigil that evening in his memory. She looked at the huge, blown- up senior picture of Jace on an easel next to his coffin and a fresh wave of crippling pain.

  Mostly she felt guilt, thinking of how they fought the night before he died. She refused to kiss him good night. Tears made her eyes burn to think of how much she would give to have those precious moments back. It was too late.

  As the preacher spoke, she glanced sidelong at Sara and Dougie. Sara wore a pained, hollow expression throughout. Dougie still looked disbelieving his older brother was gone. Both kids had to deal with the reality that was fast approaching.

  A state worker arrived at her apartment to interview her and her mother. The Alton’s expressed their wish to keep Sara but not Dougie. Considering his recent and past brushes with the law; he was labeled troubled. The kids wouldn’t be kept together. Dougie would be placed in a boy’s home in Helena if nobody took him in.

  Lindsay knew Jace would roll over in his coffin right now to know what he tried to avoid came to pass. It was all so unfair. She tried to blot out the image of his suffering during the heinous murder. The nightmare she hoped to wake up from seemed never ending.

  Jace was stabbed over sixty times before he died. The murder was an extreme act of rage; the police said in the newspaper. They still investigated Cameron as a suspect too.

  Everyone commiserated with Cameron now, knowing the police were just doing their jobs. Not one soul in Little Bend thought he murdered Jace. It was just a formality and they seemed content with what little Cam could tell them. Dan Dooley was heading up the investigation, claiming the drifter theory was more than likely.

  Deep down, Lindsay knew Jace wouldn’t pick up some hitchhiker. He was wary of strangers. Still, those last hours were a mystery. She looked back at the stage in Foster’s where countless people now passed to view the body.

  She remained seated with the Turner kids. None of them wanted to see what a great job old man Foster did on Jace. Her mom sat with Mr. Merriman and she was relieved for once that her mother was here with her.

  Deborah was unfailingly supportive and helpful with Sara and Dougie. She wouldn’t keep Dougie though. Lindsay understood her mother’s feelings. It was a lot to take on and she didn’t know how she was going to get by after the divorce was final. The little boy was a handful and likely to be more so now that his older brother wasn’t there to keep him in line.

  Lindsay’s eyes flared with disgust to see Marnie Slade walk by to pay her respects. The black miniskirt she wore displayed legs that went on forever. It almost showed her backside as she bent to kiss Jace’s forehead in his casket. Undeniably, she was pretty with her wide-set hazel eyes and full lips.

  The dark-haired girl was nearly as pale as a corpse with her use of cosmetics. She had black, curly hair she wore in outlandish styles. Today she was more reserved and wore her long hair in a bun. Lindsay could see Marnie grieved for Jace. The two had been friends since they could walk. Everett and Marnie’s dad went way back and the pair grew up together.

  Marnie took her place in the pew reserved for his closest friends. She didn’t spare Lindsay even a glance as she sat next to Cameron and his football teammates. Coach Dawes openly wept, the older man devastated to lose his star quarterback and a boy he looked upon like a son.

  Lindsay endured the funeral and was relieved once it was over. Reddy’s diner had a potluck offered after the funeral. They were taking donations for the children now. The Alton’s were under a lot of pressure by the state to take both kids. They were firm. Lindsay thought they saw a way to have a free live-in babysitter and felt spiteful for such thoughts as she drove Sara and Dougie to Reddy’s after they filed out of the funeral home.

  The town donated what they could as they passed through the diner and grabbed a plate of the food the town’s ladies provided. By the end of the day, the Turner children had eight hundred dollars in their box on the counter.

  Sara and Dougie both wanted to use it for a headstone for their brother, despite their need for other things. Lindsay knew they were exhausted when Sam Reddy finally locked the door and the cleanup followed.

  “Sweetie, why don’t you take them back to the apartment? I’ll help clean up,” her mother offered as Mr. Merriman left and she slid in a booth across from her daughter.

  Lindsay nodded, looking at Dougie and Sara with a sad expression as they sat at the counter sipping shakes Mr. Reddy made them. “The Alton’s signed the papers today. They take Sara tomorrow. If nobody takes Dougie by Friday; he goes to the boy’s home.”

  “Somebody will come forward, honey.”

  “What if they don’t, Mom? Jace was giving up his whole future to keep them together. This is just wrong!”

  Deborah sighed and looked away from the little boy, feeling miserable about his circumstances.

  “You leave in a few months, Lindsay. I’m too old to take on a little one or I’d do it. The income alone from the state is enough incentive.”

  Lindsay knew the kids were suffering and dropped the subject as they came back to the table.

  “You guys ready to get out of here?” Lindsay asked and both nodded.

  “Hon, I’ll go and box up some food for you to take home with you,” Deborah offered quickly and left the table.

  Lindsay knew it was guilt that chased her mother into Reddy’s kitchen to pack a to-go box. She eyed Dougie with a sad smile. He tried so hard to be brave now. She saw the way his eyes continued to tear up. The little boy was close to his breaking point. That was when Jack Miller arrived at the diner. Mr. Reddy let him in and he approached with a smile.

  “Hi guys, how’s everything going today?” he asked in concern, his eyes on Dougie. “Why don’t we take a walk, pal? I want to talk to you for a minute.”

  Dougie got up and stepped out with Mr. Miller. Lindsay could see how much he dreaded it, as though Miller arrived with more bad news.

  “He wants to take Dougie.”

  Lindsay looked up at Sara in surprise. “Can he do that?”

  “The lady from the state said it was ok,” Sara said in relief and looked at Lindsay with a tearful expression. “I thought I’d never see him again.”

  Lindsay was thinking of what a relief it was the children would remain in the same town and school. They would at least see each other now.

  “How does Dougie feel about it?”

  Sara rolled her eyes. “You know Dougie? He still thinks Mr. Miller is a jerk.”

  “Your brother needs to count his lucky stars the jerk is willing to take him in.”

  “I know, I told him that this morning when they came to see us.”

  Lindsay waited for Dougie and frowned when she saw Marnie and Cam arguing across the street outside his car. She could see Marnie was crying. Cam looked disgusted as he jumped in his dad’s car and left her standing there on the walkway. Something in the stark, terrified expression the girl had on her face tugged at Lindsay.

  She tore her gaze away as Mr. Miller returned with Dougie. She could see the little boy looked a bit relieved, if not happy. Jack grinned as the kids went to put their dollars in the jukebox, leaving Lindsay alone with him.

  “I think it’s great what you’re doing for Dougie, Mr. Miller. Jace would have been pleased.”

  “The kid’s a hard nut to crack, but he’s been through a lot. I got the room at my place. I offered to take Sara too, but because I’m a single guy, they said no.”

  “You would think they would try harder to keep them together.”

  “Lindsay, they’re lucky anyone takes them. Everett Turner will sober up and go looking for his kids. I don’t think he realizes his rights are terminated by the state.”

  “What happens now?” she asked as she wat
ched the kids pick out music.

  “Temporary custody is awarded. If nothing changes; it becomes a permanent foster home after ninety days. I see the Alton’s putting Sara out when Everett shows up on their doorstep. You know he will.”

  “What then?”

  “I’ll offer to take her in again. The chance is slim,” Jack said sadly. “You would think me being a juvenile probation officer reduces my risk to them. It doesn’t. They won’t place a female minor with a single man.”

  “I tried to talk my mom into it,” Lindsay said. “I’m leaving for Georgia in a couple months and thought she might want the company. She said no.”

  “Lindsay, they’re in good hands. I plan on following Sara if that happens for Dougie’s sake. He needs his sister. If I have to drive to Helena every day for them to see each other, I don’t mind.”

  “Dougie is lucky to have you, Jack,” Lindsay said with tears in her gaze.

  “He doesn’t see it that way yet.”

  Lindsay looked at Dougie and a lump formed in her throat at how much he looked like Jace. She felt lost without him. He wasn’t coming to pick her up for school in the morning. He wouldn’t walk her to class or sit with her at lunch. Jace was gone. Try as she might; it was hard to think about the time they spent together without breaking down and falling apart.

  And the outrage grew; the anger that someone dared to take him from her. She choked on her bitterness to think whoever killed Jace was walking around free after destroying what he worked for with one selfish act.

  “Jack, he needs you now more than ever. Don’t give up on him. Jace never did.”

  Jack chuckled and nodded. “I know. The first time I met Jace; I couldn’t help but notice that he acted more like a father than a brother. I have some big shoes to fill. Dougie worshiped him, Lindsay. I don’t think his brother could do any wrong in his eyes.”

  “Jace was one of a kind, Jack. Both the kids are going to be alright. I really believe that.”

  “What about you, Lindsay?” Jack asked quietly, his kindly face concerned. “How are you holding up?”

  “About as good as anybody who just lost the love of their life,” she whispered with a sad smile. Tears brightened her gaze and her lips trembled. “Some days I don’t get out of bed, others I keep thinking this isn’t happening. I don’t know what I’m going to do without him.”

  Jack looked at her with understanding in his gaze. “I could say what everybody else does when you lose someone. The truth is you always miss them. When you get as old as me you might even still get misty-eyed. This hurt is the worst it will ever get right now. It gets better in time. I know I sound like everybody else.”

  “No, that’s the first time anybody said that. I feel an ache right now. It feels like my heart’s breaking more every day, Jack. I can’t breathe sometimes. I feel like I lost something so rare and good; I’ll never have it again.”

  Jack nodded in understanding. “I lost my wife Linda to cancer ten years ago. We never had kids. We wanted to wait until we could afford it. Then she got sick. I held her until she died and a part of me went with her. After that, I couldn’t even stand to think about all the good times. I started to wish I hadn’t loved her so much because of how bad it hurt to lose her.”

  Understanding gleamed in Lindsay’s eyes. “I took all his pictures down in my room. I couldn’t stand to look at them anymore.”

  Jack nodded. “I did that too. It was probably five years before I went through our old photo albums. Losing someone you love is the hardest when you love them the best.”

  “Do you date?”

  Jack rolled his eyes. “Here and there, but nothing serious. I had a few relationships. I’d like to say women like my Linda are on every street corner. They’re not.”

  “If you never feel that way again; can you live without it?” Lindsay asked softly, eyes wide. “I think that’s what I want to know.”

  Jack looked away and didn’t answer right away. “That’s when you put their pictures back up on the walls.”

  Lindsay thought about what he said. Before she could answer, Sara and Dougie came back to the table. The jukebox played quietly in the background. They both looked exhausted. This was their last night together. Tomorrow Sara would go to live with the Alton’s and Jack would take Dougie.

  Her mom came back with a ridiculous amount of food. The introductions between her mother and Jack were priceless. Their mutual interest was obvious. She took the boxes and watched as Deborah Morgan sat down, a light in her eyes Lindsay never saw before.

  Lindsay hid a smile as she ushered the kids out of Reddy’s. It was obvious her mom and Jack hit it off instantly. Always a good sign when her divorce was final soon. She felt a measure of relief to know her mom would bounce back. Knowing Deborah had a few male admirers was a comfort.