Rough Rider

by Harley Fox

  In front of the couch is a TV, with a dark-brown coffee table between the two. Against the wall, next to the TV and underneath the window, sits a small bookshelf with some books and magazines. And there’s a table too, where a telephone sits.

  Like I said: quaint.

  I turn around and examine the hallway. Emily already pointed out these doors to me. Past the kitchen is the bathroom, on the opposite wall is the linen closet, and beside that is Jake’s bedroom. The door to that is closed.

  My heart leaps in my chest as I look at it. I feel a sudden urge to go open the door, to walk into Jake’s room and see what’s in there. I want to see his personal life; I want to see the bed where he sleeps, and fucks, and jerks off.

  And I want him to come in after me and catch me snooping. He would have to teach me a lesson. He would grab me by the arms and throw me onto the bed, start ripping my clothes off, and—

  I shake my head again to clear it. What is wrong with me??

  I take a breath to steady myself and look past Jake’s door to the one at the end of the hall: Emily’s room.

  I think back to what Jake told me about how Emily’s limbs became the way they are now. My stomach clenches with sympathy. It was a powerful, incredibly sad thing to hear. But what really makes it hard is hearing that it was the company I work for that did it.

  I mean, surely some of that story was made up. They wouldn’t actually do that … would they? And Craig’s dad Will wouldn’t let that happen … would he?

  But now that I think about it, I’m pretty sure he would.

  Even when I started working at PharmaChem, I could tell Will wasn’t the kindest of people. I’ve seen him chew out employees for making simple mistakes, and I’ve heard rumors about money being shuffled around to avoid paying certain taxes.

  Not to mention all those forged documents. Those I’ve seen with my own eyes.

  Just thinking about Will and Craig is starting to make my stomach turn, so I focus back on Emily’s room. Her door is open about halfway, so I walk up to it and peer in before knocking softly. Emily, sitting at her computer, turns around and smiles when she sees me.

  “Hi, Merryn,” she says.

  “Hey,” I reply, still standing outside. “What’re you up to?”

  “Oh,” she says, glancing at the computer screen. “Just touching up a picture. Wanna come in?”

  I push the door open and walk into her room. It actually kind of reminds me of how my room looked when I was her age: messy, with books and clothes and little things scattered around. There are some posters of bands tacked onto the walls, although none, I notice, put up too high. Amid the posters are two pictures on the wall: one is the view outside of her window, and the other is of Jake sitting in the living room watching TV.

  “Those are from when I just got my camera,” Emily tells me as I step up to the pictures. “When I was just trying it out.”

  “They’re good,” I tell her, looking at the one of Jake in particular. It’s strange to see this mysterious man in my life in such a normal circumstance. He looks so … different.

  “They’re okay,” Emily says with a shrug. “I got a copy of Photoshop last week and I’m trying to make them better. Here, see?”

  I pull myself away and look at Emily’s computer screen. On it is a picture of the view down the hallway. Emily fiddles with the mouse and I watch the color on it change.

  “That’s a good shot,” I say. I look around and spot the corner of her bed behind me. “Mind if I sit down?”

  “Go for it,” she says, and I perch myself there, my legs thanking me for the rest. This morning’s been tiring so far. “I got my camera from Jake as a graduation present,” she tells me. “I think he just got it spur of the moment, but I really like it.”

  “You have an eye for what’s good,” I tell her. “I remember reading once that photographers can capture the beauty that’s in this world, and it looks like that’s what you’re doing.”

  Emily smiles and drops her gaze, a light blush coloring her cheeks.

  “Thanks,” she says. “So what do you do?” she asks, looking back up at me. “Do you work for the government or something?”

  My heart does a leap in my chest. I can’t tell her who I work for, I think. I shake my head.

  “No, just a boring office job,” I say, skirting around the truth.

  “Why were you talking to Jake?” she asks. Emily’s eyes are sharp as she looks at me. I feel like I’m being interrogated under that gaze, and I can tell she know that is up. She’s smart; that much is sure.

  “My company wants to buy the building that Jake’s shop is in,” I tell her, holding her eyes with mine. “We want to buy out the rest of his lease.”

  Emily furrows her brow.

  “But then where’s Jake gonna work?” she asks. “What else is he gonna do?”

  My chest tightens and I see now that this signing over of the lease would affect more than just him.

  “I don’t know,” I tell her. “But Jake hasn’t signed the papers, so it might not end up happening.”

  “I hope it doesn’t,” she says to me, and I nod.

  I take a deep breath in and nod to the camera. “So what other sorts of pictures have you taken?” I ask, desperate to change the subject.

  Emily glances at the camera on her desk before turning back to me. She shrugs.

  “Nothing special,” she says. “My room, out the window. I’ve been taking some pretty good shots of Jake when he’s been working.”

  “Oh yeah?”

  “Yeah. Wanna see?”

  And without waiting for an answer Emily turns back to the computer and switches programs. She scrolls through a folder with hundreds of pictures — it reminds me of the files on my computer at work — and then double-clicks on one. A shot comes on the screen of Jake working on a bike, taken from Emily’s bedroom window.

  “Wow, that’s really good,” I tell her honestly, inching closer to the computer.

  “Thanks,” she says. She scrolls through some of them, showing Jake performing various tasks. “I’ve been testing out motion detection stuff too. There are these raccoons that eat our garbage at night and I want to catch them in the act.”

  “Is it easy to take a selfie with a camera that big?” I ask her, glancing around her room. “You don’t have any mirrors up …”

  But when I look back at Emily she’s dropped her gaze.

  “Um, no,” she says, her cheeks coloring again. “I haven’t.”

  “Oh. Why not?” I ask.

  “Um, well, you know …” Emily says, looking uncomfortable. “The people who take those things are always so full of themselves. And I … think I want to do more, like, landscapes and stuff, or candid shots. You know, stuff like that.”

  “But I don’t mean to show anybody,” I tell her. “I just mean to have a little fun. Or if you want I can take a picture of you—”

  “No!” she says, cutting me off. I start and stare at her. A silence falls over us. “I’m sorry,” Emily says. “I just don’t … I don’t want anyone to take a picture of me.”

  She looks up, looking anywhere but in my eyes, and I can see the self-consciousness in her. It reminds me of myself. I lean forward, dropping my voice even though we’re alone.

  “Emily, you know, it’s common to feel like you’re different from everyone else, and that maybe you just want to be the same.”

  “But I am different,” she says, and when she finally does look at me her eyes glimmer with tears. “I mean, look at me. I’m a freak.”

  My heart tightens and I think, Damn you, Will. You did this to her.

  “Emily, listen to me,” I say. “When I was your age I had similar thoughts. Okay? Hell, I even have those thoughts now that I’m older.”

  But Emily shakes her head, dropping her eyes from mine again.

  “It’s not the same,” she says. “Your body looks normal. People look at you and think you’re pretty.”

  “That’s sweet of you
to say, but there are days — a lot of days — where I don’t feel pretty. Where I feel fat or ugly. But you know what? A part of me knows that it’s in my head. All of it. And you know what? I don’t think you look like a freak. I think you look beautiful.”

  Emily looks up at me again.

  “You are,” I go on. “And if you ever meet someone who tells you otherwise, then just ignore them. Walk away. Because you wouldn’t want those people in your life anyway.”

  A smile touches Emily’s lips and I broaden mine in return. Just then a knock comes at the door and we both turn to see Jake standing there, looking at us.

  “Hey,” he says, looking kind of uncomfortable. How long was he standing there? I think, but he doesn’t bring our conversation up. Instead he says, “We need to get some groceries if we’re going to have another mouth to feed. Merryn, do you want to join me?”

  “Um, sure,” I say, and I turn back to Emily. “Thanks for showing me your pictures.”

  Emily smiles and I get up off the bed, leaving her room to join Jake.

  We walk down the hallway and I grab my purse before we leave the apartment together. Jake is quiet, and I half-expect him to bring up my conversation with Emily, but he doesn’t. Once outside he locks the door behind us and we head toward the street.

  “Johnny said the car’ll be ready in two days,” Jake says, looking ahead as he walks. He has big strides and I have to hurry to keep up with him. “Early morning, so you can leave and get to work on time.”

  “Oh wow, tell him I say thanks,” I tell him. Jake nods.

  “I also called Sal, told him what happened. Just in case we need protection.”

  “Um, who’s Sal?”

  “Chains leader.”

  “Oh,” I say. He’s silent for a moment.

  “You were talking with Emily,” he says. It’s not a question.

  “Um, yeah,” I say. “I was.” We reach the end of the alley and take a right onto the street. The sound of traffic and other pedestrians comes alive as Jake nods again.

  “She was showing you her pictures?” he asks, and I have to strain my ears to hear him over the noise.

  “Yeah,” I say again. I really have to walk quickly just to stay by Jake’s side. He doesn’t slow down for me at all. “She’s really good.”

  “She is,” he says. “What else did you two talk about?”

  I narrow my eyes at him.

  “Nothing. Just girl stuff,” I say.

  Jake’s silent for a moment, and then he says, “That’s good.”

  Up ahead is a plaza, and we turn into the parking lot.

  “It’s good?” I repeat. Jake nods again.

  “Emily doesn’t have a lot of people in her life. She doesn’t leave the apartment that much either. The only person she has right now is me.”

  “Oh,” I say. I hadn’t considered that.

  “I’ve been thinking lately that she’s been getting the wrong idea about how best to live her life,” he tells me. “So talking with someone else … it’s good.”

  “What’s the wrong idea she’s been getting?” I ask.

  Jake’s silent again, and for a moment I wonder if he didn’t hear me, but then he says, “She’s starting to think that what I do is okay.”

  I blink.

  “What you do?” I repeat. “You mean fixing up bikes?”

  “No,” he says.

  I consider for a moment. “Do you mean what happened with those bikers today?”

  Jake takes a deep breath and lets out a sigh.

  “Exactly. That’s the kind of shit I don’t need her seeing. But I didn’t expect that guy to come back with his whole gang.”

  We walk through the doors of the plaza and the noise outside cuts off. Inside it’s grungy and greasy, and it feels like it was decorated in the 1970s and then entirely forgotten. There aren’t many people, but the ones who are here stare at us as we pass by.

  “What are you talking about?” I ask him, my voice sounding too loud now and I drop it down. “Who were those people to you?”

  Jake’s silent for another moment.

  “I’m part of a gang,” he finally says, glancing sideways at me. “A motorcycle gang. We’re called the Chains.”

  I furrow my brow at him.

  “A motorcycle gang?” I say back. “Is that what you just said?”

  “Yes.”

  Images of TV news reports flash through my head. Horror stories about liquor stores being robbed, innocent bystanders shot in gang war crossfire, entire cocaine or meth or whatever labs being shut down all around town.

  I stare at Jake as he walks, at this man who took me last night in a way no one else had before, and this man who I helped beat up a rival gang member and steal his shotgun. This man I’m going to be staying with for the next two nights. I can’t believe it. I can’t believe this is happening.

  “Jake, that’s so … dumb!” I say, the words leaving my mouth before I can stop them. He slows down as he finally turns to give me a look. “What are you thinking, being in a gang, huh? What about your safety? What about the safety of your sister?”

  “Merryn, you have no idea—” he begins, but I cut him off.

  “You’re a crook!” I say. This is just too shocking for me to fully comprehend. All I can think of is Jake riding on a motorcycle with a shotgun and blasting somebody in the stomach with it. “You’re a thug, or a villain! You’re the bad guy, Jake! You and your whole gang, you’re the reason this city is so dangerous!”

  “Merryn …” The warning is clear in his voice but I can’t stop.

  “I honestly can’t believe this,” I go on. “I thought you were good. I thought you were kind, or nice, or at least had a single ounce of decency in you. But now … you’re a killer, Jake! You’re nothing but a cold-hearted kill—”

  Jake suddenly stops and wheels on me, grabbing both of my arms and staring me in the face.

  “Shut up!” he yells, his eyes full of burning anger. “Just shut up, okay? You have no idea what you’re talking about, so shut up!”

  I stare at him, shocked. Behind him people hurry up to pass us by, none of them coming over to help. He’s staring pure hatred at me and I feel trapped, his hands holding almost painfully onto my arms. Almost. But his grip doesn’t hurt me as he breathes deeply. Then his eyes glance behind me.

  “Come here,” he says and, keeping a hold on one of my arms, drags me through a door marked Employees Only. We step into an empty concrete hallway and Jake wheels on me again, pushing me up against the wall this time.

  “Now you just shut the fuck up about things you don’t understand, you hear me?” he seethes. His face is so close to mine, and as scared as I feel right now, part of me is starting to get turned on. I swallow.

  “I’m right though,” I say to him in a low voice. “You’re in danger. Dangerous things happen to gangs. People get killed.”

  “You think I don’t know that?” he asks me, his eyes burning in his head. “You think I’m stupid or something?”

  “If you were smart you would leave your gang,” I tell him. “You would think about Emily and leave.”

  He leans in closer to me and says, “Don’t think I haven’t already considered that. Don’t think I haven’t wished every day that she and I could leave this part of town, find somewhere that’s safe, find somewhere where I won’t fear for our lives all the fucking time.”

  I look up at him. I don’t know what to say. And to my surprise, he grins down at me.

  “Life is different here,” he says. He comes even closer and I feel my heartbeat pick up. “You take the opportunities that come your way.”

  His lips descend onto mine and I feel Jake kiss me. Breath comes in quickly through my nose as his tongue pushes past my lips and into mine. My body reaches up to be with him and he lets go of my arm, sliding his hand around my back instead, pulling me close.

  I feel my body press up hard against his and I’m surprised to feel his cock already pushing into me. Jake’s
hands run up and down my body, and I feel myself getting wet for him. I know this shouldn’t happen but I can’t help myself. I reach down and grab onto him through his jeans and he growls, the sound sending shivers down my spine.

  My other hand reaches down and I fumble with the front of his jeans. He grabs onto my ass and pulls my skirt up, bunching it around my waist. I get his zipper undone and reach into his boxers, my fingers finding the throbbing thing and pulling it out. Jake pulls away from the kiss and I open my eyes, then immediately look down to see what I’ve got in my hands.

  My breath catches in my throat.

  In the alley last night I could tell he had to be big, but I never got a good look at it. Even now it’s almost incomprehensible. I try, but I can’t get my fingers all the way around it.

  This guy is big. He’s big and he’s hard and his cock is throbbing just for me. As I stare at this monstrous thing all I can think of is how to feel it inside my body in any way possible.

  And Jake seems to feel the same way.

  He grabs onto my shoulders and spins me around, then thrusts me up against the wall. I let go of him as both of my hands flatten against the wall beside my head. I feel him grab my panties and yank them down, exposing my bare ass and pussy to him. At any moment someone could walk through that door and catch us, but I don’t care. All that matters is Jake fucking me, right here and right now.

  His hands grab onto my ass cheeks and spread them apart. A dirty, slutty shiver moves through me and I feel myself getting wetter. His feet shuffle on the concrete ground and then he’s against me, his cock pushing right up into my pussy. I gasp and a small whimper escapes my mouth. Jake’s hand snakes around and covers my mouth. A moment of excruciating nothingness, and then he enters me.

  Were it not for his hand I’d surely moan so loud it would have been heard out in the plaza. But the sound that comes out is muffled as my pussy widens to take him in. Jake pushes himself up deep and inside of me. He holds my body still as he begins pumping his hard cock into me.