Wanted_Big Bad Brother

by Natalie Knight

  It’s a media circus for sure now that Hard Pressed has become enmeshed in the scandal. I have to keep all things moving and rise above the crisis, and that is no easy task.

  Most of all, Allie’s been on my mind nonstop. Her beautiful face and body are all I dream of. There will never be another like her, of that I’m sure. I’d do absolutely anything to right this wrong but what I’m finding is that the path to freedom is not so straight. There’s a million issues I have to deal with, but she’s on my mind all the while.

  I've been texting and calling her like crazy, all to no avail. She obviously doesn't want to see or hear from me. I don't blame her but I'm not prepared to lose her yet.

  As the owner of this company, I'm trying to take full responsibility for the video nightmare. I released another statement apologizing to Allie and to the public for the video, and I'm hoping that by taking personal liability in the matter some of this nightmare will fade.

  My PR team has been working around the clock and so have I. I will not rest until Allie's name is cleared.

  We've had all manner of scrutiny within the media and especially on social media. People want to blame Hard Pressed for releasing a video that could've helped desensitize the stigma of STDs. And now that we've taken back our stance on it, they think we're taking back the good work the public health video can do.

  That's not the case at all. If anything, I feel more of an obligation to inform people about the stigma of sexually carried diseases. Seeing how Allie was harassed because of something that, if it were true, was probably out of her hands, and well, it makes me want to help.

  I've tried to turn this whole thing into a learning experience, and it's changing me from the inside out.

  Within the company, I try to make it clear that we stand behind reducing the stigma of STDs, but that I'm simply wanting to clear the model's name. In the end, I've decided to donate over a million dollars to STD research companies in order to prove my merit.

  I don't know if Allie understands any of this or if she even cares. I wouldn't blame her for hating me for the rest of our lives. But now that I realize I love her, I have to find a way to be with her.

  My luxurious surroundings no longer excite me like they used to. I used to get off on the fact that I have money. But without Allie, none of it means anything. I've built an empire and I have no one to share with.

  She's the most gorgeous, brilliant, and sweet girl in the world, and I let her slip right through my fingers. No, that’s not even accurate. I practically forced her away. What an asshole I am.

  I pace around my office trying to come up with more solutions to help the situation. How can I spin this video crisis in a way that will reflect well on Allie?

  I decide to get Diana, my PR person, on the phone.

  "Diana, it's me. I want you to go ahead and push more funding for STD-related research. And I'd like you to release another statement in which I myself take further responsibility for the incident.

  “We need to make a new STD video that makes it clear we do not stigmatize based on that. And it needs to have an educational slant."

  "Okay, Xavier. Those are all good moves. I think especially creating a new video, maybe with some famous faces behind it, is a great move. I'll start putting that together right now. And I'll send over the paperwork about the new video to your office," she says.

  "Perfect. I think this can really save us, and that model, Allie."

  Nobody knows that Allie and I are connected yet. I fully intend to make her mine and for it to be public knowledge, I just haven't figured out how.

  Hopefully, this new video will go viral also. Maybe I can use it to show how easily things can be manipulated in the public eye. Maybe this could be a lesson for all of us to be careful about what we see and say on the Internet.

  That's all I can do for now. I've apologized, I've donated money to the cause, and now I'm putting more money into the creation of a new video campaign.

  For now, things are gonna be at a standstill. I don't know what else to do. I tried to contact Allie but she obviously doesn't want to see me, so I'm gonna respect those boundaries...for now.

  I pour some scotch, flick the fire on, and sit in front of it trying to think of an ingenious way to further clear Allie's name.

  This girl is everything to me. And the more I acknowledge those feelings the deeper they appear to be.

  What I keep thinking about is how Allie really believed in me even when I was a geek in high school. She saw past all appearances and she really understood my soul.

  I was always a genius, always a computer nerd, and always intent on making something of my life. She saw that, the good in me when I had few, if any, friends.

  What she didn't anticipate is that I would grow up to be 6'5 of pure, raw muscle. It's no wonder she didn't recognize me. No one could've anticipated my late growth spurt.

  But the thing is, she liked me even when I was nothing. And that really shows her integrity. There's not a lot of women like that.

  Hell, there's not a lot of people like that. For someone to stand by you when you're at the bottom, well, that says everything.

  There's no way I'm gonna lose a girl like that. She's got more character and honesty then I can even fathom. She believed in me when no one else did, and how did I repay her? I tried to take her down and to destroy her career.

  The problem is neither of us could've known how Becky was trying to hurt the other one. What a conniving bitch. There was no way to see the manipulation, and both Allie and I fell for it.

  I can't even believe this girl was operating out of pure jealousy. She wanted to torment and punish Allie with a sad life, and I guess she won at that.

  A part of me now wants to take revenge on Becky, but the other part has realized something valuable.

  I've learned a lesson here about revenge: it's never worth it.

  People will have their own karma come back to them. I can't be involved.

  I'm never going to wreck someone the way I did Allie. I've had enough of bitterness and I guess I've realized that the best way forward is to forgive.

  I forgive Becky and I'm letting that go. The best way forward is for me to create a happy life with Allie. That will be my best revenge.

  I see now the futility of sinking to someone's lower level. Becky was jealous, and she was doing the best she could with what she had. I won't give another second of my life wishing retribution on someone else. I forgive her, that's it.

  Now I have to set about getting Allie to forgive me. That's my only mission anymore. If she can get past this, then we can rebuild, and nothing will be able to come between us then.

  At the same time, her happiness is my goal now. And if she's happier without me, then who am I to say I belong in her life? I deserve what I get, even if it's her permanent distaste for me.

  I'll fight like hell to win her back, but in the back of my head, I'm trying to prepare for a life without her so the blow of losing her will not be unexpected.

  I stare angrily into the fire and berate myself for not understanding the situation sooner. In all of this, I'm going to have to learn to forgive myself as well.

  And if I lose Allie, that will be a bitter pill to swallow indeed.

  Allie

  After Lindsay left, I spent most of the night next to the window thinking about how much I'll miss New York, and how much I'll miss Xavier.

  I keep kicking myself for not seeing Becky's deception. What kind of evil witch would take a person's happiness in exchange for…what? Was her ill-will towards me satisfied in knowing I would suffer for so many years?

  I had confided in Becky about my love for Stanley. I knew he was the one even back then. And now that he and I were reunited for a split second in time, it's all been ruined.

  She likely has seen the video and is proud of herself for ushering about this shit storm. In essence, it's her fault. But I blame him too. He should've been a better man and been able to stand up to whatever resentment he
felt inside.

  I prefer to think of Xavier as always in control of himself, his emotions, and me. Now with this latest violation, I see that he was operating out of fear and not out of love for me.

  I can't stop ruminating about him, though. Now it's morning and I spent most of the night awake trying to think of a way in which I won't have to leave the city...and him.

  I'm afraid that I’ll always be in love with Xavier, even though everything within me is trying to deny it. I fell for him long ago and those feelings haven't changed. Even when I didn't know his identity, I did know that I loved him, that person who was a stranger to me in so many ways.

  Lindsay mentioned forgiving him, and while I don't think I can do that, I also don't feel like I have closure either. I think it might be time to confront him more fully about what he did and to tell him that I'm leaving.

  It's the least I can do considering how he's been frantically calling and texting. If I just disappeared without an explanation, he'd be crushed. He'd deserve it, but he'd be crushed. I, unlike him, am a compassionate person and I know he at least deserves a goodbye.

  Also, I want to know the ins and outs of his betrayal. I'd like to hear more accurately all the steps he took to destroy me. It might hurt to know the details, but only then may I start about restoring my name.

  I want to tell him goodbye and let him know that because of him I have to leave the city forever. The look on his face as I say this goodbye will tell me everything I need to know. I'll see whether he still loves me or not and exactly how remorseful he is.

  I tear through the boxes in my apartment so that I can pick out a stunning outfit that will surely turn him on. Even though I'm mad as hell at him, the idea of seeing him never fails to elicit those nervous butterflies in my stomach. I want to look my best. I want him to know just how much he’s lost.

  I guess I still feel something for him, but I will never admit that. I can barely admit it to myself, much less to him.

  I look and I look for a certain item, and at last, I find it. I pull out a black lace dress that looks fresh off the fall runway, even though it's three years old. I put on my lucky black heels and make sure to apply my makeup perfectly. I want to look like a million bucks when he sees me.

  My long blonde hair falls over my shoulders, and the look is accented by two, oversized hoop earrings that I bought on sale.

  I look the part of a strong, confident woman now and I just have to act the part. I want Xavier to know what he's really missing. I want him to feel broken at the sight of me.

  I take a cab to the studio, ready to confront him. Once again, I'm led directly to his office. But as the elevator doors open to the penthouse, there's no one there. God, does anyone around here ever work?

  There are papers everywhere and his place looks as disorganized as mine. I wonder if he's been spending late nights here trying to fix my career? It's a thought I'd like not to think because it gives me hope, and hope at this point is dangerous ground.

  After all, he could be trying to save himself as Hard Pressed is now under fire—as they should be.

  I look around at all the paperwork and I see a company memo from Xavier about a new video shoot that's under production. It says it will announce changes to the company.

  It discusses how the viral video went wrong, and how he intends to fix it. From what I can see, it's a well laid out plan to fix my life and his.

  I think of him and how he said he loves me. I wonder if that's still true? When things got tough, I walked out on him, but what the fuck else did he expect me to do?

  Being in his office makes me feel closer to him. Suddenly I'm overwhelmed by a huge feeling of emptiness at not being in his life anymore.

  I miss his smell, I miss his commanding authority, and I miss the way he makes me laugh.

  The thought of all the drama in my life seems less important than the thought of losing him. I'm starting to wonder if maybe I made a mistake walking out on him so quickly.

  After all, he did apologize and he seemed full of remorse. Plus, he was just as confused as I was about the past.

  Becky did everything to wrong us and her plans worked. I can't picture being that vile to another human being. The thought of what she did to us makes me sick to my stomach.

  So why am I still blaming Xavier? He shouldn't have had it out for me, and he shouldn't have done the video, but he was operating under false pretenses. He thought I had hurt him. I guess that makes his betrayal a little bit more understandable...but just a little.

  So, he's arranging a brand-new video to clear my name? That sounds really promising. I find myself hoping that he has been spending late nights up here thinking about how to fix everything. It's his fault that I'm in the position I'm in.

  Remorse or not, I came to say goodbye and that's still what I need to do.

  I figure he must be down in the studio working on the new shoot. So I think I'll meet them there.

  Different emotions are swirling in my body and I don't know what's going on. I came here ready to say goodbye to Xavier forever. But seeing the memo in his office about his intentions for a new shoot and a new intention behind the company, well, that's made me second guess myself.

  The elevator goes down and I try to prepare myself to see him this one last time. Why did I even come? Anxious nerves take over my body, as being around him always ignites an electrifying sense of desire that I can't stifle.

  I feel myself getting closer to where he is in the building. My connection to him is like a sixth sense, something neither one of us can deny. But I still have to be strong and to sever this thing before it gets any deeper.

  He's an asshole, a womanizer, a tyrant who's ruined my life. Remember that, Allie. Get through this.

  My pep talk helps. I don't want to be with someone who isn't kind. I'm over the whole bad boy thing. Been there, done that. I'm looking for something new now, a real connection.

  And even though Xavier's killed any chance of that happening between us, I still can't help but feel what I feel. He was the one, I think, and that thought scares me to death.

  This is gonna be the hardest goodbye I've ever said.

  Xavier

  I’ve spent the night going over the final details for the video shoot tomorrow. If Allie’s edited film went viral, well this thing is going to break the Internet.

  I have the power to make it known that she was simply a pawn in my game and nothing else. By the end of what I’ve created, she and every other victim of false reporting will be in the clear.

  I intend to steer my company in a new direction, in the direction of truth and honor. There are no other principles to stand by and I guess I learned that the hard way, but learn it I did. I still have a chance to help Allie, and I’ll take it with full force.

  I’m early to the set, making sure everything is perfect and there is nothing missing. Today will be an epic day for Hard Pressed as we’re starting the conversation on the right and wrongs of Internet exposure and online bullying. It’s quite a statement to make in a market that’s festering with untruth, and so-called fake news.

  I'm in the largest studio that Hard Pressed has to offer. I want to be here personally to oversee everything. I need to make sure all goes smoothly this time. We're going to make this video and it's gonna make everything all right for Allie. It has to.

  To a novice not of the industry, this place would look daunting. It has 100-foot tall ceilings, garages to allow new sets in and out, an array of expensive camera equipment and editing rooms. This is where we do our biggest projects and I figured it was only right to do it here for Allie.

  I'm afraid of having jeopardized Allie's career, and more than that, I'm afraid of losing her.

  The thought of her being gone from my life is ever-present and it adds a heightened sense of fear and foreboding to everything I do.

  But I need to fix her career before the damage gets out of hand, so I choose to focus on that right now.

  I know she was strugglin
g before and she must be having an even harder time now. This will repair her image. Of that I'm confident.

  The purpose of this new video shoot is to set things right. It will show the full, unedited video of Allie that went viral. People will see how her words were twisted.

  The purpose of this video is twofold. First, I'm doing it to save Allie's career. Secondly, I have a newfound respect for how things can get out of hand on the Internet.

  I want this to caution the public about how easy it is for things to be manipulated and misconstrued online. I want people to realize they can't always believe everything they see on the Internet. This is a perfect example.

  It seems revolutionary that Hard Pressed should be at the forefront of this kind of dialogue. But it's needed in the industry. Anybody can be edited to say anything.

  And I, as the owner of this company, can no longer be responsible for that kind of thing happening. We need truth and transparency in all areas.

  I tarnished Allie's image, but she’s among thousands of other victims who have been tormented by online bullying. Other lives have been broken down because of edited footage and I want to help stop that from happening.

  Our new official stance will be that Hard Pressed is a firm that represents integrity. We're not gonna do underhanded things and we’re only going to cover the truth.

  I hope that one day Allie will see this video and understand how sorry I am. I never should've hurt her like that. I've done everything I can do up to this point to fix it.

  If the video doesn't help her life, then I don't know what will. I've resigned myself to the fact that she probably wants no part of me. And that's a loss I have to bear alone.

  I'm prepping the models and the actors about what's going to happen. I want to be in control of every part of the shoot. Just as I'm giving them a pep talk about what's gonna go down, I see the most unexpected person in the world walk in.