Whiskey Undone (Whiskey and Lies Book 3)

by Carrie Ann Ryan

  “You’re mixing up DC and Marvel, Ainsley.”

  She closed her eyes, counted to five. “Not the point. What I’m saying is, no matter the cape or the mask you think you wear or used to wear, you aren’t that person. Are you telling me that you’re acting the way you are because of your old job? Because of your mysterious past that might make you all dark and sexy to others but always worried me because you never talk about it?”

  She hadn’t meant to mention that last part but, hell, she was opening herself, baring her soul in more ways than one. She’d already bared everything else on his couch, why not this?

  He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Ainsley.”

  Whenever he said her name like that, it was because she was getting on his nerves—something she’d apparently been doing more than usual lately. Well, tough cookies, because he was pissing her off.

  “Don’t Ainsley me.” She deliberately mocked the tone of his voice, and he raised a brow. How he could raise one brow independently of the other always fascinated her. But that was off-topic. Again. “Why are you pushing me away, Loch?” She swallowed hard, ignoring the pain that statement brought. “Things were working out.”

  “We fucked, and we fucked up.”

  She narrowed her eyes at the lack of emotion in his voice. “Don’t. Don’t try to call what we did just fucking. Yes, we got angry with each other, and something happened. But it wasn’t just fucking. If it had been, then we’d be able to talk about it like adults rather than hiding from each other. Something we never do. You’re my best friend, Loch. I don’t get why you’re acting this way.”

  She met his gaze, forcing herself to continue before he could get a word in and break her heart irrevocably.

  “Why are you pushing me away?” she asked again. “Why are you hurting that little girl?” At the flare in his eyes, Ainsley continued. “Because you are, and you know it. She called me Mom in passing and not even directly, and we both know it probably happened before, and we just didn’t notice. We knew it could happen. Hell, she could call Kenzie or Melody ‘Mom’ by accident. She’s four. She sees other children with women in their lives and sometimes the word sticks. I know I’m not Misty’s mom.” Once again, she ignored the pain in her chest at that thought. She wasn’t Misty’s mom, but she was damn close—even if Loch never wanted her to be. “I love that little girl with everything I have. I held her when she was so tiny we both thought we’d break her. I was there for her first steps when she went straight to you because she loves your smile.” A smile Ainsley hadn’t seen enough of these days. “I was there when she went to her first day of preschool. I was there when we tried to bake cookies for the first time and almost burned down your kitchen.” She let out a breath. “I was there.”

  “And that confused her…”

  “Shut up.” Ainsley held up her hand again. “No, just shut up. It might have been a little confusing, but not once did you treat me like I was your wife, your girlfriend, or anything other than your friend. I have been a constant in Misty’s life and, hell, a constant in yours, too. If sleeping with me changed all of that, then we need to talk about it.”

  “It was a mistake, Ainsley.” Loch whispered the words, but he may as well have shouted them.

  She raised her chin, telling herself if she cried right then she’d hate herself forever. “That we slept together? Fine. But don’t take it out on Misty. Don’t take her away from me.” She paused. “Don’t take yourself away from me either.”

  She whispered the last part, and he took a step toward her. For some reason, she didn’t back away like she should have.

  When he cupped her face, she didn’t close her eyes, didn’t lean into his touch. He was so warm, so big, and yet…and yet there was something inside each of them that wasn’t warm, something that could break them both. And because of that, she was so scared she could hardly catch her breath.

  “I’m not taking anything out on Misty. I’m thinking of her. She’s the first person I think of. The only person I need to be thinking of.”

  That shouldn’t hurt because, damn it, Loch was an amazing father and always put Misty first, but the fact that he’d said the word only hurt more than it should.

  “She should always come first. But why can’t I be on that list?” Damn it. She was begging. She heard herself and didn’t like the words coming out of her mouth. Didn’t like how she sounded. But she couldn’t stop digging and trying to understand what was going on with him.

  He was hiding something. Ainsley knew enough about him to see that he was keeping something buried. Loch was pushing her away, keeping Misty away from him, as well…but Ainsley couldn’t figure out why.

  He’d mentioned his past, his old job, and the secrets he needed to keep. How was it all connected? Ainsley hated being out of the loop, hated mysteries, but she needed to know why he was pushing her away.

  “We shouldn’t have slept together. It was a momentary lapse in judgment. It shifted something with us, changed everything. And I can’t let that happen. Don’t you see that, Ainsley? I can’t let a mistake I made hurt my daughter.” He paused. “I can’t let a mistake hurt you.”

  She narrowed her eyes, hearing the lies. “Don’t call it a mistake. Because, fuck you, Loch Collins. You were the one stripping me. You were the one sinking that dick of yours into me over and over again. Yeah, I’m using the dirty words, so you can get that self-righteous look right off your face. I don’t understand you right now. You’re going in circles even more than I am.”

  She blew out a breath, annoyed as hell that he wasn’t making any sense and it was making her sound like she was crazy.

  “You want it straight? I told you before, we need to give each other space.”

  “And I’m telling you that you’re lying to me. You’re many things, Loch, but you aren’t a liar. You were the one who kissed me, remember? You were the one who said you saw me. That you couldn’t stop seeing me. So, what’s going on with you? You’re the one who kissed me first, the one who wanted to kiss me. So why are you now changing your mind?”

  A sudden, terrible thought slid through her, and she hoped to hell she was wrong. Because if she weren’t, she might be sick.

  “Was I…was it not what you wanted? Is that why you’re pushing me away? Why you’re lying about everything? Because I can tell when you lie to me, Loch. And you’re definitely not telling me the whole truth about everything we’ve discussed today.”

  Loch cursed under his breath then brought her in for a tight hug, one that made her want to cry in his arms. She hated that feeling because she hated crying. She’d had enough to cry about when she was a kid, and she had thought she’d grown out of it.

  Apparently, when it came to Loch, she hadn’t.

  “Jesus Christ, Ainsley.” He pulled back, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I’m trying to protect you, and then you go and say shit like that.”

  “Protect me? From what, Loch. You’re spouting crap that makes no sense. And, well…I’m not the greatest at knowing feelings and things when it comes to the opposite sex after…well…sex. I need plain words. I’m not good at subtly, which you well know.”

  “What happened between us? Best fucking sex of my life. Is that what you want to hear? Do you want to hear about the fact that I can’t get the thought of you, the damn taste of you, out of my mind? It’s all I can do to not think of you so I can focus on my damn job and my kid. There’s nothing wrong with you, Ainsley. But the two of us have done our best to keep what we have just as friends for a reason. That reason being Misty. And, probably the fact we don’t want to fuck it up.”

  Ainsley blew out a breath. “I know that. I’ve been—” She cut herself off, not about to tell Loch that she’d been dreaming about him, wanting him for more years than she cared to admit. That she’d been falling for him and not acting on it for years was her problem, not his. But since they had each acted on what they were feeling—though exactly what he was feeling was still murky—she wasn’t about to
let go anytime soon. He’d called her stubborn before, but he hadn’t truly seen stubborn yet. He would now.

  “You’ve been what?”

  “It doesn’t matter.” Not right then, anyway. “You don’t want to fuck up what we have,” she said, repeating his words. “Fine. But we slept together on the couch that’s in this room, and we’re both pointedly not looking at it. We need to talk about what’s next, and you saying you want me out of your life completely isn’t the answer. I’m not accepting that. If you want to go back to being best friends, and not talk about what we did together after tonight…fine.” Not fine, but she’d deal. She had before. “But don’t use Misty as an excuse. Okay? You’re better than that.”

  He growled low, then turned away from her, his hands fisted at his sides. “There are things you don’t know.”

  “Then tell me, damn it. Tell me if you’re going to use it against me. I deserve that much.”

  He still didn’t turn around.

  “You deserve more than me, Ainsley. You always did.”

  For some reason, his words didn’t affect her, didn’t make her feel cherished or cared for. Instead, they just pissed her off even more.

  “Seriously? That’s the line you’re going to use. I know you, Loch. I also know who I am and what I do or do not deserve. Once again, you don’t get to take that away from me. You don’t get to make my choices for me.”

  “And you get to make mine?” he asked, turning to look at her.

  She tried not to look into his eyes because, if she did, she knew she’d break. She didn’t have time for that. “That’s not what I’m saying. I’m not making your choices. I never have, and you know damn well I wouldn’t be able to. But I don’t understand what’s going on. Why isn’t Misty here? Why are you pushing me away? What’s going on with you? Why are you so quiet about Dennis? About…everything? And why don’t you want to talk about what happened between us?”

  Loch was saved from having to answer any of her questions by a knock at the door. Ainsley had never been so angry or relieved to hear it.

  Because if Loch were to tell her to leave again, she would. She couldn’t be a woman who begged. Not anymore, or more than she already had. But she couldn’t let their friendship die. She needed to fight for it. Only she wasn’t sure how. Not anymore.

  Not when she was breaking inside.

  Chapter 8

  Loch’s skin itched, and it was all he could do to keep from pulling Ainsley into his arms. He wanted to hold her, be with her, have her as his. He wanted to take her and Misty away from all of this crap. He’d done his best to never think about Ainsley in any way but as his friend, but now he couldn’t help but think of every glance and touch they’d ever shared.

  But he couldn’t do anything about it.

  Not with Riker in the wind, a murderer in Whiskey, and a possible connection between the two that could have disastrous consequences for everyone near him.

  Loch passed Ainsley so he could get to the front door, his jaw clenching when he saw both of his brothers through the peephole.

  “What do they want?” he mumbled.

  “Who?” Ainsley asked from behind him. “And why are you armed?”

  Shit. Loch had forgotten he had his gun on him. He had a concealed carry permit, and since Misty wasn’t in the house, he was wearing the gun. But, still, Ainsley didn’t need to see that shit.

  “I need to put it in the safe. Just got back from the gun range.” A lie, but he didn’t look at her to see if she believed him. Instead, he opened the door, growling as Dare and Fox pushed past him, intense looks on their faces.

  Apparently, today was the day to confront Loch. Too bad no one had told him about it.

  “Loch,” Fox said with a raised brow as he slid past. “Ainsley.”

  “Fox. Dare.”

  “Ainsley.”

  Loch closed the door behind them, locking it and throwing the deadbolt. He quickly put in his security code before the alarm went off and turned to glare at the people in his house. Those who needed to be far away from him while he figured all of this shit out. Loch’s hands still threatened to shake from his conversation with Ainsley. He’d known she would be at his doorstep soon, he just hadn’t planned on having her there tonight. He’d needed more time to figure out what to say to her, what he could say to her. And because he hadn’t been ready when she showed up—something very unlike him—he’d gone in circles just like she’d said. He’d lied, he’d said the wrong things more than once, and they still hadn’t gotten anywhere with what they needed to discuss.

  And now he knew that he and Ainsley would end their night on the side of a virtual jagged cliff, their conversation left undone, their relationship still in tatters. The tatters he’d been the one to create.

  All because his brothers were here.

  Staring.

  “You guys here for a reason?” Loch’s voice was a rough growl, and he didn’t really care. Whatever was making him edgy felt as if it were getting closer and, frankly, he needed to talk to Ainsley, not to the two other men in the room.

  “You’re always so welcoming,” Dare drawled, glancing between him and Ainsley. “We interrupting something?”

  “No,” Loch and Ainsley said at the same time, the tone biting.

  Dare’s brows shot up, and Fox winced. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

  “Say what you want to say since you didn’t show up with a six-pack. Meaning, you’re not here to relax. And I’m pretty sure you said you were working the bar tonight, Dare, so that means someone is watching it for you. And since Fox is here, too, I’m blanking on who it is.”

  “Dad has the bar for a bit. I was just going to work an hour tonight anyway. Dad wanted to get some hours in so he doesn’t lose his touch.” Dare rolled his eyes. “You know him.”

  Loch did, and he would bet anything that their parents were in on this, whatever this was. And if Dare and Fox failed in whatever they were about to do, then either Loch’s parents or the guys’ women would be in his face soon. He wasn’t really an asshole, far from it, even though his actions lately had proven the opposite and had made him question that. But right then, he wanted to be the asshole, kick everyone out, and be done with it.

  It wasn’t going to be that easy, though. It never was.

  “Okay, that explains the bar. Now, why are you here?”

  “We want to know what the hell you’re hiding,” Dare answered. “You’ve always hidden things from us over the years. Your job. Marnie. All of it. I get it, I do. But something is different now, and I’m worried.”

  “I’d like to know, as well,” Ainsley put in, and he turned to her. “What? I was asking you the same thing before, and you didn’t answer. Maybe you’ll tell them if you won’t tell me. But we’re worried about you.” She looked over at his brothers and shrugged. “I’m adding myself to this since I’m here. Sorry.”

  Fox held up his hands. “If anyone’s going to get him to talk, it’s you.”

  “Not so sure about that,” Ainsley muttered.

  Before Loch could say anything about that, his doorbell rang, and his body tensed. “Now what?” he growled.

  Dare frowned. “It’s not one of us, the family. We all decided it should be me and Fox first.”

  Just like Loch had thought.

  “Let me see who it is,” Loch said on a sigh then turned on his heel to look out the peephole. When he caught sight of Detective Renkle and Detective Shannon on the other side of the door, his whole body tensed. Shit, nothing good could come of this, not when he had a feeling he knew why they were there.

  “Hold onto your butts,” he whispered the old line from Jurassic Park and one he knew his brothers and Ainsley would know, causing them to tighten ranks. Loch opened the door, rolling his shoulders back but not rising to his full height. He didn’t want to look the big man, even in his own home when it came to the authorities who seemed too interested in him on this case.

  “Loch? Mind if we come in?” Detective Sha
nnon asked, his voice calm. Renkle just glared.

  “What is this about?” Loch wouldn’t resist, but he didn’t want anyone in his home unless he knew why they were there. Because as soon as he let them into his house, who knew what might happen. He was fully aware that Riker was probably out there, most likely watching—or at least somewhere close if the letter were anything to go by. The other man had to be if he’d gone underground like Loch thought. Because even if Riker had nothing to do with the ongoing investigation with Dennis, he would want what Loch now owned. That was one thing Loch could truly be sure of.

  “We can take this down to the station,” Renkle added.

  Since his brothers were watching and Ainsley was far too close, Loch said, “Fine with me.”

  Shannon shook his head. “We just have a few questions. No need to go down to the station. It is cold out here, though, so if we could at least come in, that would be helpful. We don’t have a warrant if that’s what you’re worried about. This isn’t that kind of visit.”

  Loch knew enough about procedure to let them into the house then. If things got worse, he’d have Fox call the family lawyer again, just to be careful. Loch took a step back and let them in, then met Fox’s gaze. “Can you take Ainsley home?”

  Fox raised a brow, but Ainsley spoke first. “I’m not going anywhere. What’s going on, Loch?”

  “We need to talk to Loch,” Shannon said calmly. Loch figured the two detectives had talked about how to handle the situation beforehand since Renkle wasn’t as loud as usual. Either that or Shannon had talked to the other man, making sure he didn’t get into Loch’s face too early like he had a habit of doing.

  “About?” Dare asked.

  Shannon sighed and looked at Loch. “We need to know where you were on the night Dennis died.” The detective rattled off the exact date and timeframe, and Loch froze.

  Ainsley didn’t freeze, however. She moved to his side, sliding her hand into his as his brothers came in to flank him. He shouldn’t have been surprised that just the feel of Ainsley next to him calmed him, or the idea that his brothers stood by his side to help. But he was shocked, just a little.