Sin's Flower

by Carlene Love Flores

  When he reached for the remote and clicked on his sound system, dirty deep notes oozed from the ceiling-mounted speakers.

  Shit, he must finally be growing up. The song didn’t turn him on like it had in his twenties and thirties. A worse thought sank his mood. What if he didn’t want women anymore? Vangie had been the last bitch on heels to get him hard. Then that shit that had gone down with Trissy had really fucked with his head which was why his reaction to the backside of that blonde today at the studio had been such a shock. He stroked his chest casually, not particularly caring whether he got off again or not. It was the sensation of his skin being touched that kept his hand slowly rubbing and warming with its circles. He could talk that “no women” crap all he wanted but the truth was he loved sex. Loved a woman’s body. Her curves, her hips, her lips, her hands. Loved tucking her into him, if she’d let him. Vangie hadn’t cared for that so he’d stopped bothering to try.

  He could pick a thorn out of a bushel of roses every time.

  Hell, that was probably no angel who’d happened into the studio today. Not with his luck. The outline of Vangie’s sharp red lips cursed his brain while a completely foreign afterthought slammed him from beyond. His mother. He’d loved her dearly and still mourned her which made understanding how she’d lied to him his whole life inconceivable.

  Frustrated with his mind, Jaxon stopped torturing his body and sat up. “This is my fucking house,” he muttered and then stood up to go downstairs, leaving his clothes in a heap on the floor. Benny’s friend was about to get an eyeful and Jaxon didn’t care. Thirty laps around his pool should be a good start at getting the blood pumping back up to his brain and thinking about the important stuff. His daughter, his life, what was left of it. What kind of substance-free mind trip he’d have to take to make the trip out to Trissy’s. Being a better person, a better dad. And if those laps in the heated pool were too kind to him, there was always the freezing cold ocean not too far from the house.

  After considering for only a moment the familiar tone to the female’s voice, he ignored her chattering coming from his kitchen, not bothering to look in that direction. As he made his way toward the back patio door, he knew Benny’s guest might be getting a pretty good view of his ass.

  Good for her. Souvenir.

  He flung the back door open and let it slam shut. He was done with people for the night. Benny knew better than to let anyone through that back door. Jaxon jumped into his saltwater pool, thankful the door hadn’t opened up behind him. Good on you, Benny. Thank God for his friend who put up with all his bull. Let me not piss that away too. He dove under the water, holding his breath all the way to the other end.

  * * * *

  “Lily, don’t go out there. Please.”

  She’d cared about Benny the moment she’d met him, so she stayed put on her stool at the kitchen’s center island.

  “Will he be back?”

  “Eventually.”

  Chapter Six

  She hadn’t been properly introduced yet, but already, she was heartbroken for that man who had just made his way so carelessly out the back door.

  Lily got up from her stool, Benny’s watchful, uneasy eye on her the whole time. Holding up her hand and settling her new buddy back onto his stool, she waved for him to calm down. Walking up the stairs, she saw the only other opened doorway besides her own and assumed it must be Jaxon James’. There was a pile of black clothes on the floor so she picked it up and quickly bundled it in her arms and made her way back down to the first floor.

  Benny had one of those perplexed thinker looks plastered to his face so she helped him out. “He’s going to be cold when he comes back in.” She handed Benny the pile of clothes. “Please put these where he’ll find them. I’ll go upstairs.” Not that she wasn’t curious about the front view since the back view had been surprisingly nice. And yes, she realized she was giving up a prime chance to have him cornered. But just then, it hit her how much that man had going on and no way did he need her or anyone else ogling his man parts. “Let me know when it’s safe to come out,” she yawned around her words, leaving Benny’s jaw hanging low.

  Benny stuttered at first, as if in total disbelief she wasn’t camping out for the return show. “I will. Thanks, Lily. You’re all right.”

  “That’s what they say, anyway.” She winked and crawled her lazy, tired bones up the stairs to her comfort-food-colored guest room. Which she felt lost in, again, the moment she stepped inside.

  The truth? Dipping her toes into that fantasy pool she’d glimpsed out back had her seriously considering stumbling back down. It was like everything cool about the beach had been scooped up and transplanted to this back yard. Things only accomplished with loads of money too. A sculpted stone wall that dipped in a few places to show the actual ocean in the distance provided the privacy she guessed was necessary for a man so comfortable with his naked body.

  Her stomach tightened at the thought before the rest of her body tensed as well.

  She’d probably throw up before skinny dipping unless the pool was indoors, with no windows. And no lights. And no one else around. The waterfall in the corner was man made but could have rivaled Mother Nature’s handy work. Actual mist crept up from the pool water and out onto her favorite part—the small slide made to look like a glittering lavender seashell and the initial M carved in deep jewel green. Lily could live a thousand fantasies on that deck alone.

  She’d never be surrounded by such luxury again. The impossible scene in her head seemed harmless enough as she brought a pillow from the bed to the floor and lay out on her belly, stretching. With her face buried in a mix of her crossed forearms and the pillow, Lily pictured the silky black hair and intense golden brown eyes of the man she’d drifted off to many a nights during her harsh marriage.

  She loved the way his tan skin took on the softness of velvet in her dreams but kept its edge with scattered tattoos. This version stepped out of the pool water, drenched and combing his hands through that touchable hair and met her at the edge with a present. It was his gentle hand cupped at her cheek. This was where he always leaned into her ear and whispered “It will be okay. Don’t cry,” while stroking his fingers through her dry hair. It had been blown crazy from her running so feverishly down her street to get to this safe spot with him.

  His voice, dripping sweet with deep, raspy honey, touched a different part of her just now. Her fantasy self, usually the confident junior college graduate she’d been before marrying, and especially tonight with a pool and possible bathing suit involved, released her grip on the loose hand of his she’d been holding. She took a step back, her clothes from the front wet from touching against his solid, sleek chest. This wasn’t her Stefan Calderon. This man’s dark blond hair had looked darker when he emerged from the pool because it was saturated with water, fooling her at first, and this chest was dusted with short hairs. She should have known when the voice had sounded wrong, rougher but with holes in it where it should have been Stefan’s steady baritone.

  She made a few odd movements with her shoulders, trying to inch back but he wouldn’t let her hand go, now just as slick as his from the water. At first she kept trying but after a glance at his face, was drawn to his beaten down eyes, rimmed with deep shadows. He stared at her, letting her see the pain that had caused those bruises and was trying to drown out his nearly teal-colored eyes. But for one small glimmer of light that somehow shone through and let her know he was hurting, but he would be okay. As long as she stayed there with him. She hadn’t been asked a question, but Lily nodded at Jaxon, feeling him pull her less padded, twenty-year-old’s hips until they met his muscled upper thighs.

  His swim trunks had either magically disappeared from when she’d thought he was Stefan or he was as bare as when he’d first climbed out of the pool. And she just hadn’t noticed. She was noticing now. And about to break out into fantasy hives. That never happened before in her dreamy escapes. A few deep breaths later and she gave the real Lily’
s nerves the boot, recalling her younger, pre-Tom self. That felt better. Everywhere. Truly, it felt like Jaxon was everywhere on her skin. Not because he was kissing her or running his hands over her superb, body, but because he had just laid her down on an extra-large towel and had draped himself over her. She chanced a peak down to admire the teeny bikini she imagined herself wearing to find it missing. Prepared to freak out, she waited. But she had a tight hold on this fantasy and was handling her nakedness like a swimsuit model.

  And admiring Jaxon’s. The warmth she’d felt all over everywhere turned to a tingling sensation. That combined with the dead cocktail mix of teal and purple in his eyes killed her ability to think of anyone else.

  “Stay with me, Lily.”

  “For how long? You won’t even say hello to me.”

  “Shh. I’m here now.”

  She supposed fantasy Jaxon was right and she wasn’t used to talking back whenever Stefan had whispered she was safe with him. It made her wonder.

  “Am I safe with you, Jaxon?”

  His battered eyes closed and then reopened. “Stay.”

  So she wasn’t getting the pretend answer she wanted, even though this was her imagination running loose. But she couldn’t leave. And when he slid his hands beneath her bum and cuddled her to his chest, she didn’t want to. In a swift move only an experienced, sensual man could pull off, he made his way up onto his knees and then to standing and walked her down the pools steps into the water.

  The most amazing part of this fantasy happened next. She felt his body react to hers. The muscles of his chest and shoulders and thighs that she’d been able to press into earlier had now hardened under her hold on him. Even in the water as they were now immersed to the shoulders, she could feel his new, stimulated flesh. Holy cow, she’d done that to him.

  Curious, she wiggled her hips, looking for his while they floated together near one of the waterfalls, mostly hidden under the night time sky. He seemed to notice her not so clever move and took each of her legs in his well-sized hands and wrapped them around his waist, hugging her against him. His hard body said he wanted to make love to her. This was a brand new sensation, a brand new fantasy and she nearly died at how far she knew she’d go with him. Except for when he brought his face back from her hair and stared at her again, she saw that a tear had fallen down his cheek.

  “Stay, Lily.” His voice had those same holes. He was afraid of something. She knew it.

  “Shh, it’s okay. I’ve got you, Jaxon.”

  He gently hiked her up his body and laid his cheek between her breasts while she made sure to cradle his head with care.

  Lily shook herself back to reality, giving up on the moment that had been touching in a whole different way than what she’d planned.

  But who in the world lived like this? A princess, a queen? Hokie Okie Lily Elstone? Surely not. Then she remembered that Tris had, for a very long time. So why had her sister left it all behind? Lily put that thought together with the one of the broken man who had drifted outside, naked for the world to see but just as closed off and then nicked her Stefan fantasy.

  Maybe Benny was right. Jaxon might have a very good reason for keeping his distance. While she had no intentions of prying, she would be lying if she said she didn’t feel the immediate need to help the guy out. But, it was late. She was tired. So she rolled over on the room’s furry rug and scratched softly at her scalp to ease her nerves. Bundling her knees to her chest in an effort to feel snug, she imagined holding that distant, naked man tightly in her arms.

  Then the door opened and Benny stepped in.

  “Hey, you’re still up,” he said and then stooped down to pick up her Stefan throw pillow and walked it over to her spot. “This must belong to you.”

  “Don’t laugh,” she said taking it and tucking it under her knees, face down.

  “So you like Stefan, eh?”

  Shyness flipped on her quiet, retreat-inside-herself switch. “Yep, you caught me.”

  “That actually makes me feel a lot better. Strangely. So you seem pretty tired.”

  She was sure he meant instead of Jaxon.

  “Yeah, it usually takes me at least a few minutes to fall asleep. And that’s when I’m somewhere familiar.” And not dreaming of swimming naked with your roommate.

  “Man, and we’ve been doing our best to make you feel at home, haven’t we?”

  She snickered at his joke. “Yeah, you guys really know how to make a girl feel welcome,” she teased back. “So, what’s up Benny?” she asked, wondering why he’d come to see her when she’d just barely left him.

  “Well, I had an idea that might up your chances of meeting with Jaxon and have it sting him a little less.”

  She didn’t need a mirror to know her face was all scrunched up. Plus Benny was basically pulling the same faces she felt herself making. Mostly confused and frowny ones.

  “What idea is that?”

  “Well, he’s got this hang up about certain hair colors and yours is one of them.”

  Not in my fantasy he doesn’t. Seriously, she had to stop adlibbing to every comment made. The truth was the conversation she was having right now. Jaxon wasn’t asking her to stay in real life. He wasn’t even saying hello.

  “You’re telling me Jaxon won’t see me because I’m blonde? Benny, that’s really weird.”

  His long spindly fingers splayed wide in the space between them. “It was just an idea and if you’re not up for it then I totally understand. Totally.”

  “Okay valley boy, what’s your big idea? I mean, if it’ll get me some face time with Mr. James, I suppose I should hear you out.”

  “Coolio. Follow me blondie no more.”

  She only understood half the things he said and had no idea what was up but at this point, Benny had tugged her by the wrist and she’d better start taking some pretty big steps to keep up. They skipped down the hall to his room and landed in his private bathroom.

  “You color your hair, Benny? So that’s the secret to your auburn tones. Pretty.”

  “This one’s for me,” he said showing her a russet color, and then reached down and brought up another box. “And this one’s for you. Before you freak, it’s only a temporary dye. Washes out in six shampoos. But it’ll do the trick for while you’re here.”

  Something had flipped to bring him over to her side. He seemed to want this now just as badly as she did.

  “Okee dokee.” Lily picked up her box and read the color that looked beautiful on the model. “Dead Set Red Head.” Wow, this was for real, even if it wasn’t permanent. She looked over to Benny who had already donned his colorist gloves and was mixing his concoction and flashed him a big smile. “So you really think this will help?”

  He paused while pulling his long bangs back from his forehead. “It gives my hair deep red tones. On yours, it should come out nice and vibrant. And to answer your real question, the boss never said anything about red heads being forbidden.” That was as hopeful a look as she’d ever seen. Benny snickered. “And, it’s Stefan’s favorite shade.”

  Secretly, she didn’t care so much about what Stefan was into right now. Which sucked because she knew what that meant. Something inside her had shifted. And as much as she needed this, she was in no way ready for it in the real world. Fantasy Lily could hold Fantasy Jaxon to her bare chest. The real Lily needed lots more air than she was currently getting and a cauldron of magic potion that both shrank her curves and boosted her confidence.

  God I hope this turns out. Taking Benny’s lead, she stared into the mirror and parted her very light blonde hair into sections. This was one gigantic way of trusting in someone else. She prayed her new buddy’s great idea paid off.

  * * * *

  Jaxon walked inside the main house, his muscles spent from the exhaustive swim. Oddly, he found his clothes folded neatly and sitting on a chair. He had wrapped his towel around his waist but with the living room being empty and the house quiet, assumed Benny’s friend had left. Good
for her. He gave the towel a tug and enjoyed the feeling of free flowing air on his skin. The list of benefits of being alone wasn’t a long one, but walking around butt naked topped it. He didn’t count Benny, who he knew didn’t care. He’d seen it all and was over it.

  Too bad his brain was still cycling through the problem he’d failed to solve or he’d have enjoyed his nakedness more. It was really tearing him up—whether to have Trissy put Maryellie back on a plane home or suck it up and get himself out there to Tennessee to see the family. His muscles flinched while the two-year-old scar bisecting his eyebrow heated with a fresh sting. It was where he’d been beaten with a metal pole and made it impossible to forget that night he and Trissy had been attacked while hanging out in Stefan’s borrowed car. He owed Lucky and Stefan his soul for showing up just in time and finding them.

  Shit, was he finally up for a real face to face meeting with Trissy?

  How could they be in the same room and not talk about it? But how the fuck did he bring it up two years after the fact? At Christmas no less?

  He cursed the sadistic pricks who’d attacked them with a long, painful life followed by a death that matched.

  Jaxon also knew he couldn’t keep avoiding his family. Not now that Trissy, his adopted little sister for all intents and purposes, had gone and married his cousin. And Maryellie, devoid of her mum’s love, deserved more than he could give alone. The family he’d kept separate had grown together without asking him if he was ready and now he knew he had to decide if he could handle the closeness.