The Felix Chronicles: Tides of Winter

by R. T. Lowe

“Your drug dealer?” Lucas squinted to make out the small letters on the labels.

  “Ambien and Adderall,” Harper admitted with a deep sigh, letting her hands fall loosely to her sides. “This is so embarrassing, Lucas. After that thing at the quarry, I just can’t keep my shit together. I can’t sleep. Nightmares are just wrecking me. When I’m awake, I feel like a fricken’ zombie. I feel like everything’s reversed. Wide awake at night, sleep walking during the day.”

  Lucas nodded sympathetically. “I hear you. I know, it’s been hard on everyone. Caitlin’s up and down, I guess, and we talk about it sometimes. But why didn’t you, um, just see a doctor.”

  “I did. She wouldn’t prescribe anything. Gave me a referral to see a psychologist. That’s not what I needed. I mean, what would I tell a psychologist?”

  “So that guy…?”

  “A girl in class told me about him. Apparently he’s got quite a few clients on campus.”

  Lucas frowned. “Yeah, I think half the kids in Downey are doing Adderall—at least they were during finals anyway. I guess it’s not a big deal or anything.”

  “But don’t tell anyone,” Harper said quickly. “I’m not hooked on this shit or anything. Until my brain doesn’t feel so scrambled, I’m just going to, you know, take them once in a while.”

  “Okay,” Lucas said.

  “Promise?”

  “Promise.”

  “Cool,” Harper said and smiled. “Who are you playing?”

  “Satler,” Lucas answered.

  “Mind if I watch?”

  “Seriously?” Lucas looked at her like she was crazy. “What’s up with you? Nothin’ better to do?”

  “Besides scoring drugs?”

  “Drugs?” Lucas said, appearing confused. “What are you talking about?”

  “Exactly.” Harper flashed her perfect smile. “I knew I could count on you.”

  Chapter 33

  CEMETERY CONFESSIONALS

  Felix’s Wrangler rolled to a stop. He climbed out and let his eyes wander over the tombstones stretching into the distance, wondering which one was his mother’s.

  “Let us out!” Lucas shouted impatiently from inside the car, slapping his hand against the window. “You ever gonna fix this thing?”

  “Hold on.” He hadn’t found the time to replace the handle on the passenger side so he had to go around and open the door for Lucas and Kayla.

  “Thanks,” Kayla said as she jumped out, stepping aside to give Lucas room to close the door.

  “Place is beautiful,” Lucas said, his voice weighted heavily with sarcasm, then resumed his conversation with Kayla. “That’s the whole point of a reunion show. The whole cast just sits there on stage and yells at each other and then they show clips from the season, whatever it was that caused everyone to act like idiots in the first place.”

  “That’s what I don’t understand.” Kayla frowned. “If you’re watching a reunion show then you must’ve already seen the episodes, so why would you want to watch the cast watching the episodes. It’s mind-bendingly asinine.”

  “Even Little C understands the beauty of a reunion show. It’s not the cast just watching the episodes, it’s the cast reacting to what happened.” Lucas smiled. “By reaction, I mean fighting and yelling at each other and shit like that.”

  “Stupid,” Kayla insisted. “Epically stupid. The fall of western civilization stupid.”

  Lucas and Kayla had been argue-bantering since they crossed into Washington about an hour ago. Their latest ‘conversation’ centered on Lucas’s invitation to participate in a Summer Slumming reunion show sometime in April.

  “A little harsh but I agree with you,” Lucas said. “It is stupid, but it’s not pointless. TV can be entertaining and stupid at the same time, you know. That’s the beauty of it. It’s not like I’m trying to defend the quality of it or anything. I know it’s awful—but it’s supposed to be awful.”

  Kayla seemed to consider Lucas’s point then gave her head a vigorous shake. “What are we doing?” She turned to Felix. “Sorry, we’re here to find your mother, of course, not debate the entertainment value of reality TV.”

  Felix smiled at her. “It’s okay. I room with him, remember?” He was glad Kayla and Lucas were with him. Allison had suggested that Kayla should come along for the trip and Lucas was looking for any excuse to skip class. Felix suspected Allison may have been thinking that the more time he spent with Kayla the more he would realize Kane and Lilly were anomalies. The Order consisted of people like Professor Malone and Kayla—not paranoid psychopaths like Kane and Lilly.

  “Well I appreciate the invitation,” Kayla said. “Too bad Allison couldn’t make it.”

  “Well, you know,” Lucas said in his gravest voice, “she does have two tests today. The world’s coming to an end, but when it does, Allison will go out with a perfect GPA.”

  “That’s commendable.” Kayla gave Lucas a reproving look. “Not everyone can get by on lack of talent and unwarranted self-confidence.”

  “Ouch!” Lucas yelped and held a hand to his wounded heart. “She’s questioning my acting ability! Felix, can you believe this shit?”

  “She’s already got you figured out,” Felix deadpanned and set off into the cemetery, checking the names as he walked. “Can you guys each take a row? If we split up, it shouldn’t take long.”

  “Lisa Stiner, right?” Lucas asked, taking the section to Felix’s left.

  “Yeah.” Weeds had snaked their way up the faces of most of the headstones and Felix had to brush them aside to read the inscriptions. When he reached the last grave in his row, he walked to the next and turned back the way he had come. Lucas and Kayla did the same.

  “See anything recent?” Kayla shouted. There was no reason to be quiet. A few cars were parked near the entrance but that was a half mile back and their occupants were paying respects in other parts of the cemetery—nicer parts.

  “No,” Felix called back. “Not in the last ten years or so.”

  “What does that mean?” Lucas muttered, crouching down to read a name through the tangled vegetation.

  “Probably not burying anyone here anymore,” Kayla guessed. “Might explain why it’s so rundown. None of these big ones”—she pointed at a columned tomb with a cathedral style roof—“are from this century. I’d guess your—” She stopped abruptly and squatted. “Found it! I found it!”

  “Really?” Felix said doubtfully.

  “Yep.” Kayla stepped back from the gravestone and pointed. “Lisa Stiner.”

  A cold wind whispered across Felix’s face as he made his way through the frost stunted grass, feeling suddenly anxious. Lucas had already reached Kayla and they were staring solemnly at the simple slab of gray granite.

  “Unto her was born hope,” Lucas said, reading the epitaph. “Guess that means you.” He smiled at Felix, seeing the tension on his face.

  Felix read his mom’s name and the words chiseled into the stone. “Now what?”

  “You should say something,” Kayla suggested.

  Lucas nodded in agreement and he and Kayla began to move back.

  “Wait!” Felix said to them. “Stay. Please.” When they were again standing by his side, he asked, “What should I say? I… I…” He felt his eyes growing warm, though he couldn’t say if it was out of sadness, fear or regret, or some other indefinable emotion.

  “Mind if I start?” Lucas said to him.

  “Really?” Felix’s breath felt tight in his chest. “Thanks.”

  “Hi Felix’s mom,” Lucas began cheerfully. “This is Felix”—he held out a hand in introduction—“your son. I guess he’s probably a lot bigger than when you last saw him. I’m Lucas. His roommate. Felix is in college now. I’m sure you’d like to know what he’s like, so if you don’t mind, I’ll do the honors. Felix lives with a lot of ghosts. You. His other mom and his dad. His past and some hard things he’s had to do to survive. And now Bill—the guy who told him about you. Being Felix is tough, but he does
his best, and I can honestly say Felix’s best is pretty unbelievable. And I’m not just talking about that supernatural Source stuff.” He leaned toward the headstone and whispered as if he was sharing a secret. “Which, by the way, is pretty cool. Felix, well, when he can just be himself once in a while—when he’s not feeling the pressure from all his ghosts, well, that Felix is a straight up awesome dude. He’s fun, he’s cool. He’s everything you’d want in a friend—or a son. So how would I sum him up?” Lucas paused, chewing his lip in thought. “Felix would step in front of a train to save a stranger, but that isn’t what makes Felix who he is. He’d save the stranger, but he wouldn’t pat himself on the back, he’d worry about the person he couldn’t save. He always thinks he can do more. That’s Felix. But like I said, he’s living with a lot of ghosts. You’d be proud of him. You really would.” He turned to Felix and nodded at his mom’s headstone. “Your turn.”

  Felix let out a long breath and stared across the cemetery at the trees shivering in the wind, feeling sad, but not alone. When he thought his voice wouldn’t betray his emotions, he said, “Thanks.”

  “No problem, dude.”

  Felix’s eyes roamed over the stone slab, absorbing each word, each letter. “I… I don’t remember you,” he said guiltily, the words catching in his suddenly dry throat. “I wish I could, but… sorry. Bill told me some things and I’m… I’m sorry about, I guess, how things happened for you.” He read the epitaph aloud. “Unto her was born hope.” He sighed. “Hope. I know what you wanted for me, but it’s not… not so simple. Nothing’s black and white. I can’t just put on a cape and be a hero. You see… the good people aren’t always so good, and the bad people aren’t always so bad, and sometimes I’m not even sure who’s good and who’s bad or what’s right or wrong and I’m pretty sure whatever I decide to do I’ll end up hurting some good people and helping some bad people. That’s why I want to avoid all this and just go somewhere and stay out of it and let the world figure things out without me.” He stared down at the grass at his feet, thinking about his mom, wondering if she was somehow listening to him. “Hope?” He set his jaw, shaking his head. “I’m not hope. I’m… I’m—you know what I’m afraid of? What if I’m just driftwood? You throw it out in the ocean and watch it out there in the waves, and just when you think it’s going to reach the beach, the tide pulls it back out. Does it want to be on land or out there in the water? Doesn’t matter what it wants—it’s got no control. It goes wherever the waves, the currents, and the tide take it.” He glanced up at the gray winter sky, the clouds trailing off to the east, allowing a few slanting rays of sunlight to reach out like fingers probing in the gloom. “Tides of winter,” he muttered to himself. “The driftwood doesn’t know the tide’s controlling it. Am I any different? Will I really know why I made my decision? I don’t—”

  An explosion of light flashed around him and he felt himself take flight, clipping a gravestone with his legs and cartwheeling through the air. His head struck something hard. The world went dark. His eyes, reacting to screams of terror, struggled open. Horned demons, their skin as red as blood, bounded around him, lashing barbed whips that sparked and hissed, streaking the air in flames. His right eye clouded, burning, and he raised a hand to clear it… and nothing happened. His hand wouldn’t move. The demons howled and danced, leaping over him, their smoldering whips snapping like gunshots. Then monsters appeared before him, everywhere, painted in violently vivid colors, giants that blocked out the light, shooting bolts of lightning from their fingertips that carved purple gashes across the sky. A huge beast with the face of a falcon opened up its belly and skeletons spilled on to the ground, rising to their feet and swinging flaming swords, their hilts human skulls. Felix lay there on his back and watched the world going mad. Hand, he thought. Nothing. It wasn’t responding. He understood it wasn’t responding. But that was the extent of his cognitive abilities.

  Winged creatures with the heads of jackals swooped overhead, and on their backs rode men without faces, their bows made of tusks, firing arrows that changed into snakes that slithered away as they struck the ground. For a moment, Felix saw nothing but darkness, and when his eyes opened, the late morning sky filled his vision. The giants, the beasts, and the demons were gone. Pain flared in his head and he made a move to feel for it but his fingers only twitched in response. The world turned misty, then dark, and then once more it was bathed in gray light. Movement ahead—someone dashing between a pair of obelisks then stopping suddenly and reversing course as if they were attached to a string. Another form appeared, approaching the first, and in its hand was a dark cloud spitting out sparks and flame. A scream reached Felix’s ears. The fiery orb lifted from the hand and moved through the air as if by magic, touching the chest of the person who had first appeared. There was a burst of sparkling flame and the figure went still, blackening, then it crumbled and fell, cinders and smoking ash, collapsing to the ground.

  Felix felt pressure under his arms and stared down numbly at hands curled around his chest like hooks. He heard a grunt and then he was being pulled across the threadbare lawn. A voice said something to him, but it didn’t make sense. The ground fell out from under him and he felt himself falling and twisting, rolling down into an abyss, then hands gripped his wrist and dragged him down further into the void, deeper and deeper as he watched his wooden feet leaving thin trails in the dirt, bouncing over rocks and dark soil. The ground leveled off and he stared straight up at the sky and a cliff towering over him, water streaking its face like falling tears. A hand passed over his eyes and hovered there. His head jerked up then moved in sync with the motion of the hand, jostled from side to side. He heard a voice. The hand pressed down on his forehead. He felt an incredible weight, a sudden pressure inside his skull, movement, and then a tremendous release. Blood fountained and he felt a flowing warmth on his face and neck, filling his eyes, blinding him. He heard the voice again and a wedge shaped piece of stone was tossed at his feet, slathered in blood.

  Hands coiled around his wrist and he felt himself being dragged over uneven ground, his head howling with pain. He stopped and the hands dug into his ribs, then his shoulder, and a moment later, his legs, pushing him forcefully, squeezing him into a tight space. The voice spoke and the words were just beyond his range of comprehension, as if he had fallen asleep with the TV on and the sound was reaching his half-awake ears.

  The ground beneath him trembled, there was sound all around, and he was conscious of someone lying next to him. My hand, he thought again. He tried to raise it—this time it bumped against something hard and rough, stopping just inches above his body. The voice spoke again and he thought he understood the word “quiet.” Felix raised his other hand and it met the same immovable barrier. He opened his eyes, blinking back the searing pain. The world was shrouded in total darkness. He tried to sit up and his head banged against something as hard as stone, the pain roaring through his skull making him grunt.

  “Quiet!” the voice next to him whispered urgently.

  Felix knew the voice. Lucas. He tried to say his name, but his lips couldn’t form the word. He twisted his head in Lucas’s direction but the darkness was impenetrable. Where are we?

  Lucas was saying something, speaking softly, and Felix listened, trying to understand, picking up the words “hurt” and “heal” and “quiet.” My head, Felix realized. I hurt my head. I need to heal. Closing his eyes, Felix quieted his mind, laying still, waiting for his strength to return—waiting to heal. The earth rocked and sprinkles of dirt dusted his face. Images flashed in his mind—the stone angels adorning the gates of Our Lady of Peace Cemetery; Lucas arguing with Kayla about the purpose of reunion shows; leaving the school in his Jeep—then those images rearranged themselves in the sequence in which they’d occurred and he was carried back to his last memories. He’d stood at his mother’s graveside, revealing his fears to the woman who bore him, but not opening his heart. He’d held back. Hope? His mother had died believing he was humanity
’s hope for the future. Was she wrong? Had she confused him for the Chosen One? Was his destiny something else entirely?

  Felix’s eyes snapped open. He was still swimming in darkness, but that darkness no longer clouded his mind. “Lucas,” he said, his voice sounding raw to his ears. “What happened? Where are we?”

  “Dude?” Lucas said anxiously. “You okay?”

  “Think so.”

  “Thank God,” Lucas breathed. “Just be quiet, okay?” Felix felt Lucas squirming beside him. “Hold on a sec.” A pause, Lucas grunting. “Got it.” A small click then there was light.

  They gasped in unison.

  Above them was a ceiling of packed earth, right over their faces. Lucas, Felix could see, was wedged against his right side. He twisted his head to the left and a wall of earth scraped his nose.

  “It’s caved in on my side. I don’t know how much air we have. You gotta get us out of here.”

  Felix bridged his neck to look behind him—earth—then tried to raise his head to see what was beyond his feet and his forehead thumped against the smothering ceiling. Twisting his head, he pressed his cheek flat against the ground and saw his sneakers silhouetted against a backdrop of soil. They were boxed in from all sides.

  “Can you get us out?” Lucas was breathing fast.

  “Let me think.” Felix spat out grains of dirt that stuck to his tongue. “How far down are we? What happened?”

  “We’re running out of air.” Lucas sounded scared. “Just get us out of here!”

  “I can’t till I know where we are. What happened?”

  Lucas took a deep breath. “We were just up there talking to your mom and there was this guy. He pointed at you. Kayla knocked you out of the way and there was an explosion. The ground. Rocks. It was like everything just went upside down. Crazy. You were on the ground. Your head was… bad. Real bad. He went after you. Kayla tried to stop him. Then all this crazy shit started happening. Monsters and, I don’t know, maybe aliens and the weirdest shit I’ve ever seen. Then that guy—Kayla called him Lynch—pointed at her and everything was gone. I guess they must’ve been illusions. She ran from him. He caught her.” He paused, taking another breath. “He hit her with a… something… some kind of black fire, and she… she just melted. I crawled to you. You were out of it. Your head was so… messed up. You couldn’t walk. I dragged you into a pit and there was this trench thing at the bottom, like a little overhang, and I stuffed you into it.”