White is for Virgins
Page 22
“No, I do. I shouldn’t have been a bitch at lunch. I could’ve just asked you about all of this in private.”
“I should’ve been upfront with you from the beginning,” she said remorsefully.
“You should’ve,” I said before I could stop myself.
She winced, “I wanted to Emery, I really did. But I was so ashamed. I didn’t want you to judge me for my past and my mistakes. That’s what everyone else did; they dropped me. I was so sick of them talking about me; I began to get sick of myself. You didn’t see me as the drunk, heart-breaking bitch. You were the only one that didn’t know my past, and I took advantage of that.”
She started crying, and my eyes watered. And that’s when I took two steps forward and hugged her tight. She hugged back, and I felt warmth. Right then – I was grateful that Fox had driven me here. I hadn’t tried to understand Lily, and that wasn’t fair.
“Lily, it’s ok,” I whispered as we pulled apart.
“It’s not ok,” she shook her head; “It hurt so much… seeing him with you. I started to hate you Emery, and I didn’t want to. I set myself up for that, though. Fox was trying to make Nick jealous, and I was stupid enough to go along with it. But Nick wasn’t the only person I hoped it would affect.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, trying to evaluate that last sentence.
Lily bit her lip, deciding if she wanted to make her next confession.
“Lily, no more holding back,” I said sternly, “If we’re going to be friends, we need to be honest and straight up with each other.”
She nodded vigorously. “Don’t hate me,” she began.
“Oh my God…” I said worriedly, “What is it?”
“I went out with Fox to see…” she said cautiously, “How you’d take it.”
I glared at her, and she smiled sheepishly. “You what?” I questioned, hearing her words but failing to believe them.
“I wanted you to admit you were jealous,” she reiterated, letting it all out, “because I know for a fact that you have feelings for him. And you are too damn stubborn to admit it.”
“I didn’t – I don’t – You aren’t –” I sighed, pausing to collect my statement of denial.
“Exactly,” she smiled, “Blah. I know.”
“Hey, I haven’t admitted anything,” I shrugged teasingly, “So stop smiling.”
Her grin only grew. “You don’t need to admit to anything, it’s clearly written on your face,” she chuckled.
“Lily,” I said impatiently, “I am not interested in Fox.”
“You don’t see the way you look at him,” she said.
I paused, running a hand through my hair. This wasn’t supposed to be about my nonexistent feelings towards Fox.
“Lily,” I paused, “Have you talked to Nick about any of this?”
Her smile faded instantly, and she blinked; caught off guard. A simple, quiet “no” escaped her lips.
“Why not?” I asked, even though I knew it was hard for her. She needed to face this; she needed someone to talk to.
“It’s… I can’t Emery,” she whispered, close to tears again, “He hates me. I hurt him so much, and we both gave up a long time ago.”
“If you guys gave up, then why’d you agree to go out with Fox?” I challenged.
She glared at me, heated because she couldn’t come up with an excuse.
“You know he came here? Looking for you?” I told her. She looked up, and I held her attention. “Yeah, the night you left with Fox, he came here. I told him he was too late, and now that I think back… he was crushed.”
She opened her mouth to speak, but she closed it once a tear slid down her cheek.
“I regret this whole thing with Fox,” she admitted softly, nibbling on her lip.
“I regret getting involved too,” I said, hugging her again.
“This is so messed up,” she laughed nervously.
“Life’s messed up,” I shrugged as we stepped back.
“That was deep Em,” she smirked, shoving me.
“I know.”
“I missed you.”
“I missed you too,” I said solemnly.
And with that, we hugged goodbye and I walked down the drive.
I considered walking to get Fox. It was cold, but then again… I’d most likely have to see Nick. And unless I absolutely had to come in contact with him, I considered myself weak and preferred to avoid him.
I turned in a different direction; maybe I’d make the bus.
My hands formed fists and burrowed into my sleeves as I crossed my arms. Cursing myself for forgetting my iPod, I searched for other forms of entertainment. It was so cold and dark that I could see my own breath.
This was a bad idea.
A car pulled up, and I bit my lip and winced with guilt. Fox had found me.
He honked, and I jumped up and got into the passenger seat. He didn’t move the car an inch.
“Are you trying to freeze purposely? Or are you just that stupid?” he asked heatedly, staring at me.
I thought it best to keep my mouth shut, even though I hated letting people insult me.
“I waited for you to come, but then I figured you didn’t want to go to Nick’s house. So I went to Lily’s to pick you up, only she said you’d left an hour ago,” he explained. I gulped, my skin itched all over as Fox put the heat on max and the hot air defrosted me.
“You gonna say anything?” he asked finally. Sorry, Dad, I thought immediately.
“I’m sorry,” I said, my voice cracking, “That was stupid. But I didn’t want to bother you.”
“If I offered you a ride, it obviously didn’t bother me at all Em,” he sighed, running a hand through his hair.
My teeth chattered as I tried to heat up, but I instantly stiffened as Fox’s large, warm hands grabbed mine. He rubbed my hands between his, and the heat surged throughout my entire body.
He shook his head, looking at me again. “I’m sorry for overreacting,” he said finally. “I’m just still in the process of calming down.”
“From what?” I asked curiously.
“Nick and I had our own issues to settle,” he shrugged. I figured it was best to leave it at that, and simply nodded.
“But yeah, I take it you and Lily are all good?” he asked, looking up at me from beneath his lashes as he continued to rub my hands.
“Yeah, we’re all good…” I said awkwardly. I looked at him expectantly.
“What?” he asked.
“I’m waiting for you to say ‘I told you so’.”
“Nah, I’ll cut you some slack. This one time,” he smirked.
“I feel so special right now,” I muttered sarcastically.
“Don’t get used to it, kid,” he warned me. I smiled and looked over in the backseat. Holly was in her car seat, passed out.
Fox took this is a sign to let go of my hands, which were now on fire and resting in his. He started driving me home, and my hands turned numb all over again.
“Goodnight,” I said shyly, “And… thank you for sticking your ass in my business.”
“Anytime,” he winked. “Goodnight Emery.”
My heart pounded a little faster than normal as I walked up to my lonely little house. I sighed, and a huge puff of white air escaped my mouth.
Even though my house was dark, and silent; even when Fox’s car disappeared down the end of the street, I couldn’t help but notice…
I didn’t feel quite so alone anymore.
***
The second Friday of December came quickly, and I felt just like Cinderella. Minus the haggish family members and dust covered rags, that is.
Tonight was the Winter Ball. The last dance of my high school career…
And I wasn’t going.
I didn’t even want to go.
Night started settling in as Fox mopped the floors and I wiped the windows. A 3oh!3 remix was playing in the background, and we whistled along and bobbed our heads as we mindlessly cleaned.
Fox started mopping near the windows, and the little stepladder wobbled beneath me.
“Excuse you,” I said, trying to give him a stern look.
He just smiled, sliding the mop along and hitting my stepladder forcefully.
“Don’t test me,” I warned, turning back to the window.
“But it’s so much fun, though,” he whined, sliding his mop under the ladder so it teetered.
I turned and aimed my Windex spray bottle directly at his head.
He dropped the mop and held his hands up, putting on his best innocent-looking face. God… I hope my drool isn’t visible.
“You never listen, do you?” I asked, cocking my head. I realized just how good I was at hiding how much he affected me.
I studied him for a bit, and watched as the corners of his lips turned upward ever so slowly, forming a wicked smile.
“No, ma’am,” he replied, kicking the ladder with is foot.
I groaned, ready to hop off and chase him around the lobby. But we both heard someone clear their throat disapprovingly. Nina stood propped against the door frame of her office, arms crossed over her baby bump.
We silently, and with secret smiles, resumed our work. I shook my head as I felt a slight tremor from the ladder, and Fox smirked before moving on. I watched him as he slipped over some spilled water and cursed. The cuffs of his pants were soaked, and he shook the hair from his eyes as he started mopping again. I laughed, rubbing karma in his face.
I gasped in surprised when I turned back to the window. Big, brown, tired eyes stared into mine from outside.
Nick.
I understood what he wanted, and started descending the ladder.
Passing Fox on my way to the door, I myself slipped on the wet tile. His strong hand gripped my arm and steadied me. My arm was literally blazing.
“What are you doing?” Fox asked harshly. His dark green eyes searched mine, confused.
“Going to talk to Nick,” I replied matter-of-factly.
“Why?”
“Because he looks like he just got kicked in the gut.”
“Aren’t you mad at him?”
“Kind of, but I’m still going to talk to him.”
“I think I’ll just go talk to him,” he suggested, releasing his hold on my arm. I felt naked without it, like when you remove a watch or a ring after wearing it for weeks. Something was just off.
I just walked around him and out the door, not really prepared for what awaited outside.
He looked like he was about to cry – completely heartbroken.
“What do you want?” I asked, my voice cracking instead of sounding as cold as I’d intended.
“I’m sorry Em,” he said quietly.
“Why are you here?” I reiterated.
“I don’t really know,” he admitted, running his hand through his hair, “I just... needed to talk to someone.”
“About?” I pressed.
“Lily,” he said hesitantly.
I nodded, biting my lip and narrowing my eyes.
“I miss her so much, Em,” he started, “I need her, I want her, I want things back to the way they were… But she won’t even look at me. I thought I was doing fine, but now it’s just like the day she broke up with me.”
“Do you love her?” I asked, trying to figure out what had possessed me to even come out and show him mercy.
“So much,” he whispered.
He seemed to feel like shit, and he looked like shit, which led me to believe… he meant every word.
“If you love her, why’d you screw with both of us?” I asked.
He looked down as his feet for a moment before returning my gaze. “I just… I needed to see if she felt the same. And having Fox that close to her… I needed to pay him back.”
“And you thought you’d be able to get him back with me?” I asked, arching my eyebrows.
“Yeah,” he said matter-of-factly.
“Why does everyone assume we have something going on?” I asked, trying to sound annoyed in an attempt to smother any signs of hope in my voice.
“Maybe because you do?” he offered.
I glared at him.
He smiled, “God, Em. You didn’t see, did you?”
“See what?”
“The looks he kept giving me, every time I flirted with you, or touched you, or even just looked at you. He was ready to rearrange my face.”
“That’s bull.” It had to be. Fox, being jealous of Nick? Over me? Pshh.
“Stop denying you don’t like him, either,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest.
“How did this get about my nonexistent relationship with Fox?” I asked.
He shrugged, returning to his gloomy state.
“If you really want to talk to Lily, you have to make her,” I told him, “Don’t overdo it with flowers and chocolate and other tangible things. She is stubborn, and you can’t buy her with cliché gifts.”
He nodded, biting the inside of his cheek. This was adorable, watching him all torn up over a girl. If only I had that effect on guys…
“You have to show up at her house, and ring the doorbell, and stand there until she decides to talk to you,” I continued.
“What if she won’t talk to me? It’s December, Em, I’ll freeze.”
“If you love her, she’ll be worth the frostbite,” I stated, secretly hoping it wouldn’t come to that point., “And if you bother her enough, she’ll crack. I doubt she wants to leave this situation the way it is, either.”
He nodded.
“Emery?”
“Yeah?” I asked, brushing my hair behind my ear. I started to shiver, remembering just now that I’d forgotten my coat.
“Thank you, so much. And I’m sorry if you felt like I used you.”
I smiled lightly, “It’s ok, I kind of understand why you did it.”
“You’re great; Fox needs to hurry up before someone else realizes it,” he said solemnly, putting his hand on my shoulder.
I blushed, but tried my best to ignore his statement.
“Good luck Nick, I hope things work out for the best.” And with that, I pulled him into a hug and he thanked me once more before we went our separate ways.