White is for Virgins

by Necks, S. Eva

  Silver snowflakes fell from the dark sky in slow motion, offering me sympathy.

  They couldn’t stop the tears, though.

  Chapter 23

  I’m over it. It’s done.

  Cartel was playing on the speakers as I curled my hair. If there was anything I’d learned today thus far, it’s that beauty works at a slow pace. Beauty is only pain when it’s rushed. My fingers had learned that the hard way from the unforgiving curler.

  I set the iron down, knowing my loose curls were the best I was going to get. I put on some cherry chapstick, rubbing it in so that my lips were a shade of pale pink.

  A faint car horn sounded, and I sighed with dispassion as I shut off the radio and checked myself in the mirror one last time. In a red, and rather tight, turtle-neck sweater and a white skirt, I felt like an elf. My red leggings and white fur covered boots gave me a sense of normalcy. I felt comfortable, and only semi-elfish.

  Another horn sounded, and I cursed under my breath as I shut off the lights and scrambled down the stairs.

  I shouldn’t have cared about how I looked. It was only Nina and Fox.

  I’m over it. It’s done.

  I slid into the warmth of the van behind Nina, and we drove off.

  “You look hot, Emery,” Nina commented. I could hear her smiling, but I only muttered ‘thanks’ without bothering to make eye contact.

  I noticed Fox’s silhouette in the passenger seat. Even after a week, the awkwardness remained. We didn’t talk much, unless we absolutely had to.

  My lips tingled just thinking about that day.

  “Are you guys excited?” Nina asked, trying to lighten the mood. The air remained silent.

  The hospital was about ten minutes away, I calculated. Only ten more minutes of painful small talk…

  “Emery,” Nina sighed, “Is this about last week?”

  I didn’t respond. Didn’t move.

  “Because if it is,” Nina started, “I’d just like to say that I had noth–”

  “Nina, could I turn on the radio, or something?” Fox asked randomly, reaching for the dial.

  “It’s not nice to interrupt someone when they’re talking,” I said coldly, crossing my legs at the knee.

  “Sorry,” Fox murmured, turning the radio up.

  I was somewhat grateful that there was music to fill the void. Shoving what Nina had tried to explain aside, I continued to stare aimlessly out the window. From the peripheral, I could see that Fox was doing the same.

  ***

  Meeting the children was both heart-warming, and heart-wrenching. Knowing that this would be their last Christmas for some of them, I was determined to shove my own stupid problems aside and make this the best Christmas ever.

  Surprisingly, there were tons of volunteers this year. We were each given a Santa hat upon entering the hospital.

  Jenna, a middle-aged nurse, introduced Fox and me to a large group of children.

  “Children, this is Fox,” she said warmly, “and this is Emery. They’re here to spend their Christmas with you. Please, introduce yourselves. Don’t be shy now.”

  I jumped right in, shaking everyone’s hand and giving them a candy-cane.

  I noticed a little girl in the corner of the room, crying. But before I could stand up and go to her, Fox was half way there. I watched as he sat down next to her, resting against the wall. He said something, and she shook her head. It was cute how he wiped a tear from her cheek, and spoke some more. I couldn’t tell what he said, but her smile was unmistakable.

  He took her hand and brought her back to our group.

  “Is he your husband?” a little boy named Nathan asked.

  I giggled and shook my head. “No, he’s definitely not.”

  “Why not?” Chelsea asked, tilting her head to the side. “You would make pretty babies.”

  “You don’t marry people just to make pretty babies,” I smiled, signing her lime green cast with a red marker. I made sure to add a candy cane and some snowflakes.

  “My mommy says you marry someone because they make you happy,” a girl named Clara said. Her big brown eyes smiled at mine from beneath her hat. She had leukemia.

  “Your mommy’s right,” I nodded, signing her coloring book. I felt like a celebrity.

  “My dad says he married my mom because she’s hot,” Zachary said.

  The girls gasped in disapproval. Fox laughed, “Your dad is a smart man, kid.”

  They all turned to glare at Fox. I smirked, watching him take in all their angry and confused expressions.

  “When a boy marries a girl, he thinks she’s the most beautiful thing in the world,” he said, looking right up at me as he finished.

  “Well, you’re beautiful. And you’re beautiful. Your babies would be beautiful,” Clara said to Fox and me. “You guys should get married.”

  “My mommy says I need to finish school and go to college first,” I offered as an excuse, adopting their language.

  “Runaway together!” Desiree suggested, followed by a chorus of ‘yeah’s in the group.

  “Then you can make pretty babies and be happy,” Clara nodded eagerly.

  “Their babies would be elves,” Nathan concluded.

  I gave him a quizzical look.

  “Nuh-uhh,” Chelsea argued.

  “Yeah, they would,” he said, pointing to my shirt and then Fox’s.

  I smirked. I was in red, and Fox was in green. Where do they get this stuff?

  “It’s time for dinner! Please bring your groups to the food court!” a nurse called.

  Fox and I rounded up the kids and escorted them to the cafeteria. Once everyone had their plates of food, and a sugar cookie, we all took a seat and said grace.

  I almost cried, watching them all smile and dig in. They deserved all the health in the world. I prayed especially hard before acknowledging my food.

  “You okay?” Fox asked from across the table. I snapped out of my daze and nodded slightly.

  Dinner ended, and we all passed out presents. All the organizations had raised enough money to get the kids Nintendo DSs and a game. We also gave them teddy bears. The looks on their faces would make those still British guards in furry hats smile, I swear.

  They attacked us with hugs, and Fox and I fell to the floor laughing.

  “Happy Holidays, guys,” I laughed under their weight.

  “I told you she was Santa’s elf!” Nathan gasped, examining his new game system.

  They all went off in their own groups to open their games and begin playing.

  “Emery, can I talk –” Fox began, placing a hand on my shoulder.

  “Um, I have to go to the bathroom,” I breathed, turning to the restroom.

  It didn’t take long for Nina to join me. Her smile vanished as she saw me sitting on the counter, swinging my legs in an effort not to cry. I was so frustrated! And annoyed. And angry. And… tempted to just shove all that aside and pounce on him…

  “Emery, look at me,” Nina said calmly. I did.

  “What are you doing?” she asked.

  “I’m sitting on the counter,” I shrugged lamely.

  “No, what are you doing?” she reiterated – as if that made things so much more clear. “That boy just tried to talk to you, and you shot him down cold.”

  “Nina, I can’t believe you expect me to just let Friday go,” I said shocked.

  “You’re angry for all the wrong reasons,” she smiled, joining me on the counter with a bit of a struggle. “Yes, I’ll admit I meddled a bit into your business because of my pre-maternal nature. I asked Fox if he knew anyone who might take you to the dance. But I didn’t force him into anything, Emery.”

  My gaze snapped up at her so fast I think I got whiplash. You mean he…

  “He skipped the dance to be with you,” she murmured, confirming both my worst fears, and my wildest dreams. Of course, I wasted no time in denying it.

  “No he didn’t,” I said blankly.

  “Oh, but he did.”


  “No, he didn’t.”

  “He most certainly did,” she nodded.

  I shook my head, “No.”

  “Goddamn it, Emery!” Nina laughed, annoyed. “Fox blew the dance to spend time with you! He likes you, girl! And you know damn well you like him, too!”

  She triumphantly crossed her arms.

  “Why?” I whispered, confused as hell. Thinking about it was one thing, but having it said out loud… having it yelled at you… that was just too surreal.

  “Why?” Nina asked. “Why not, Emery? Honey, look at you. You’re gorgeous, cute, funny, smart, kind. You are a bit too independent for your own good, which makes me think you’re terrified of all of these feelings, but sweetie… you can’t let it pass you by.” She hugged me tight before stepping back.

  Nina suddenly looked very sad. I watched as she rubbed her stomach, deep in thought.

  “Nina,” I said in a shaky voice.

  “Hmm?”

  “I’m so scared,” I whispered, clenching the sleeves of my sweater.

  “Aww, honey,” she smiled sadly, hugging me again. “Everyone’s scared.”

  “I’m not like all those other girls. No boobs, no butt, no money. Why the hell would he be interested in me?”

  “That’s just is, Emery. You’re different. It isn’t about the boobs, which you do have, or your butt, which is the most adorable thing ever,” she laughed. “It’s because you’re just what he’s been looking for, and he didn’t even know it. He’s just as scared as you are, darling, I promise you.”

  We pulled away and I smiled at her. “So... you really think my butt’s adorable?” I joked, checking myself out in the mirror.

  She shoved me playfully.

  “C’mon Santa’s little helper, there’s a hunk of a present with your name written all over it,” she smirked, pulling me out of the restroom.

  I joined the crowd of singing children that had circled Fox and his guitar. They were currently singing ‘Last Christmas’ and I joined in, sitting down and folding my legs in a pretzel. Clara somehow found her way into my lap, and we clapped along and sang in horrible tune. Not once did we drop our smiles.

  “This year, to save me from tears,” Fox sang in that velvety voice, “I’ll give it to someone special.” His eyes were locked on my mine throughout that whole verse, and I held my breath.

  I felt like a second grader with a crush all over again.

  After a few more songs, we put the children to bed. They were allowed a few more minutes of playing with their toys before lights out.

  “Emmy?” Clara asked as her delicate fingers traced the eyes of her bear.

  “Clara?”

  “Are you going to come back and visit?” she asked, looking up at me with bug eyes.

  “Of course I am,” I said automatically. It was true; I planned on visiting as frequently as possible.

  “Okay,” she yawned. “You’re a nice elf.”

  I laughed and tucked her in, wishing her sweet dreams.

  Closing the door behind me, I crossed my arms and went back to the cafeteria where a few others were cleaning up.

  I picked up a few boxes and started filled them with discarded bits of wrapping paper. Two hands began to help me; ones that were strong and tan, and had long, lean fingers. Fox’s hands.

  I thought of the time when we’d held hands in his car. They were callused, yet soft and warm. The perfect contradiction.

  He was perfect, I concluded. …In his own man-whorish way.

  We cleaned, in silence. I was so sick of not talking, but didn’t know what to say. I was beyond chicken to bring up Friday. Even though I had some serious apologizing to do…I was still considering whether or not he really even ‘liked’ me.

  We finished tidying up within a few minutes. Fox ended up on the floor, leaning against the soft oak of the front desk.

  I worked up the courage to slide in next to him, keeping a safe distance. I wasn’t that brave, yet.

  He looked at me oddly.

  “Hey,” I managed, with a sheepish smile. Oh, God… I’ve got it bad.

  This really got him staring at me.

  “What?” I asked. Do I have something on my face? I put my hands on my cheeks, feeling nothing but their heat.

  He chuckled and shook his head. I didn’t fail to notice how his white blond hair shook as he did. He was so unbelievably sexy…

  I was ready to just get up and walk home. Pshhh. Hell will freeze over before Fox Evans gets a crush on me.

  Just as I was about to get up, I saw a flash of green above me. Both Fox and I look up, and found Clara and Nathan giggling as they swung a mistletoe over the edge of the desk.

  “You guys should be in bed,” I said softly, blushing as I looked at Fox. He was laughing as he got up and chased them back to their rooms.

  He returned momentarily, resuming his spot beside me on the floor. Only this time, he scooted closer.

  “Kids do that darnest things,” I muttered, fingering the hem of my skirt.

  “And say the darnest things,” he smirked, “But hey – we definitely would have pretty babies.”

  Thinking of Fox and babies made me shiver. I bit my lip. No, he definitely doesn’t like me… I’m about as innocent as a ten-year-old. He needs someone with more experience.

  “You bite your lip a lot,” he pointed out. “You know that?”

  “Why are you looking at my lips?” I asked haughtily, not thinking before speaking. Crap.

  He smiled slyly and ran a hand through his hair. “You know what we have to do now, right?”

  I gulped. “I know that you know that we don’t have to do anything.”

  He pouted. “Aww, c’mon! It’s tradition, Emery.” The way he said my name made him all the more tempting.

  “Plus,” he added, placing one amazing hand on my cheek, “it gives me an excuse to finish what we started.”

  “We?” I asked weakly.

  He smirked and licked his lips. “We,” he confirmed, lowering his gaze to my lips.

  And before I even had time to think, his silken lips grazed my top lip ever so lightly, lingering there before capturing my bottom lip. I sighed. There was no spark or zing! of electricity or fireworks like I had read about in books. But there was definitely something there. In that moment there was utter bliss. I wanted to slip my fingers through his hair and hold him close. And I wanted him to hold me close. I was content, right then and there. Oxygen, and food, and sleep, and school, and the rest of the population didn’t matter.

  He began to pull away as we heard a chorus of ‘aww’s from all around us. My cheeks grew warm instantly, and I bit my lip as I opened my eyes slowly to take in the crowd. Somehow I managed to sustain the feeling in my legs, as well as a decent amount of composure. Getting up and brushing off the bottom of my skirt, I escorted the kids back to their rooms.