White is for Virgins

by Necks, S. Eva

  “Um, what happened yesterday anyway?” I dared to ask.

  “You don’t remember?” he asked with an incredulous grin.

  “Nah it’s all coming back to me, but I’m hoping it’s not as bad as I think it is…”

  “Remember the party? And the dancing? And the countdown?” he started.

  “Yeah.”

  “Um, do you remember being wasted?” he asked.

  “Definitely,” I nodded, feeling my head throb.

  “Okay, do you remember the car ride back home?” he asked curiously.

  “Bits and pieces…” I said with a blush. I remember it rather clearly actually.

  “You talked about your new bra and wanted to show me it,” he stated, “Talked about all your firsts – was I really your first kiss, Em?”

  I blushed crimson. “What else did I say?” I asked, obviously not remembering the conversation as well as I thought.

  “I’ll take that as a yes, ‘cause you kept repeating it. Uhh you mentioned wanting to have sex and sneaking into a movie – somehow those two things are parallel on your scale of epic accomplishments… You kept asking me to sing you to sleep, and you kept saying how attractive I am and how you wanted me to kiss you again.”

  The truth comes out when you’re drunk. At least I didn’t admit to liking him. A lot.

  I remember him actually singing to me… but the kiss never happened.

  “What time is it?” I asked suddenly, looking at my plate and covering my red face with my hair.

  “Emery, don’t change the subject,” he laughed. “You wanted to know.”

  “No, seriously, Fox. What time is it?”

  Fox pulled out his phone. “Eleven forty-two.”

  My jaw must’ve dropped, because Fox looked worried. “What is it?” he asked.

  I swore under my breath. Sasha’s head popped around the corner disapprovingly.

  “Can you take me home?”

  ***

  The drive home was quiet with lots of things unsaid. I didn’t want to go home. I didn’t want the day to end.

  I stared nervously at the house. We’d been sitting outside of it for the past nine minutes as I tried to get up the courage to walk through the door and accept the consequences.

  “Everything’s gonna be fine, Emery,” he whispered thoughtfully.

  “You believe that?” I huffed. He peered up at me through the wisps of hair in his face. My stomach dropped.

  He inched closer to me, and I held my breath.

  “Only if you do,” he murmured, reaching over and opening my door for me.

  “Thanks,” I smiled weakly, “For everything.”

  With my heart still recovering from its somersaults, I went home. And oh, how wonderful that turned out.

  As soon as I step foot in that house, my mom pounced.

  “Where have you been?” she demanded.

  “Out,” I stated obviously.

  “Out where?” she inhaled deeply.

  “With a friend,” I shrugged, “You know, since it was New Year’s Eve and I didn’t feel like spending it at home while my mom partied and my Dad watched TV on high volume.”

  She was ready to smack me, I knew it. But she wouldn’t. Part of me felt bad for making her feel guilty, because she deserved a break. But a whole other part of me hated the fact that she didn’t think twice about me last night.

  “It would’ve been nice for you to have given me a heads up before you left the house in the middle of the night,” she growled.

  “Like you would’ve picked up your cell phone,” I muttered, “You would’ve thought it was Dad! And eight o’clock is hardly the middle of the night.”

  “You could’ve left a message. A note. Anything!” she yelled as I walked up the stairs.

  “Well excuse me for wanting to get out of this horrible house just as much as you did!” I barked, picking out a few clothes from my room. I walked across the hall to the bathroom and slammed the door. I opened it again seconds later. “And I wrote a note and stuck it on the fridge! So you have no right to be pissed! If anything, I do!”

  My mom had nothing else to say. She knew she had no right to take her anger out on me.

  I took a long hot shower and hopped into bed, blasting my trusty iPod.

  It was only when I looked up at the ceiling that I realized there was a piece of paper taped to the wall.

  I stood up on my bed and read the words slowly, anger bubbling within me.

  You are grounded.

  I smirked and ripped the paper off the wall, crushing it into a ball. I threw the stupid ball at the trash bin in the corner of my room.

  Unfortunately, I missed.

  Everything is gonna be fine, my ass.

  Chapter 26

  I was grateful for school. Not only did I have an excuse to get out of that stuffy house, but I also got a chance to see Fox.

  Pathetic, I know.

  My mom and I weren’t speaking, not that I saw her much. Dad wasn’t saying much either. I suspected he heard us screaming at each other the other day.

  School however… was a disappointment to say the least.

  Fox and I didn’t make eye contact. At all. Nor did we sit together at lunch. I didn’t really expect him to, though. When Nick and Lily agreed to stay apart, that obviously made no room for the exception of friendship.

  “Dude, what’s his deal?” Lily asked, glaring in Fox’s direction.

  Since health class was a real bore today, I took the liberty of filling her in on my vacation. She didn’t take it well.

  I shrugged in response. “I don’t expect him to be all over me, Lil.”

  “Yeah, well I do,” she said, stabbing at her chicken nuggets. “The way you described your winter break, he’s just about ready to take the next step in whatever it is that you two are.”

  I angled my jaw, processing her words.

  “So unless you lied – and that kinda detailed-lying takes skill – he’s hiding from you,” she said quietly but insistently.

  I wanted to tell her she was wrong. But how could I do that when I was so lost in all of this? Maybe she was right.

  But I hoped she wasn’t.

  Lily smiled weakly.

  “I don’t know anymore,” I sighed, shoving my plate aside. “If he’s hiding, he can’t do it for long ‘cause we’ve got Red Cross today.”

  “Nail the bastard,” Lily laughed.

  The bell rang. Lunch was over.

  ***

  Annoyed would suffice for an adjective when talking about my mood at the center; he still was ignoring me.

  Desperate times called for desperate, intriguing measures.

  I sat there on the counter, yes, on the counter, swinging my legs back and forth. Fox was mopping. Very discreetly, I unbuttoned the three buttons on my polo, exposing what skin I could. It wasn’t overly revealing, but I figured he’d notice.

  But he didn’t say a word. He didn’t smirk. Didn’t acknowledge me at all.

  “Emery!” Nina scolded. “Off the counter, please.”

  I jumped off, trying to smother the growl in my throat. Fox was living in his own freakin’ world.

  “Fox, Emery,” Nina said, “Storage. The new equipment just came in.”

  Okay, I thought nervously. I anxiously stepped into that little room.

  He got right to work, like the good little boy he usually wasn’t.

  I started lifting a few boxes of my own, deciding to put them on the highest shelves. Ultimately, I ended up on my toes. The heavy box was bending back the tips of my fingers.

  “Hey Fox,” I said softly.

  He was right next to me. Turning his head slowly, his eyes met mine for the first time all day. Ahh, the satisfaction. Now if I could just get him to relieve the pressure on my fingers…

  “A little help?” I squeaked helplessly.

  He remained where he was. That sly smile playing on his lips, and he crossed his arms.

  I gaped at him. He couldn’t be se
rious.

  “Dude, seriously,” I warned, “I’m about to drop it.”

  “Go ahead,” he smirked, leaning against the shelf.

  Testing his confidence, I was mere milliseconds from dropping my hands and ducking. But Fox came to the rescue, right behind me. He easily pushed the box to the safety of the shelf. I sighed in relief.

  When I heard him laughing, I turned around and smacked his arm.

  He stopped laughing instantly, and grabbed my arms. My breath hitched as he looked me up and down.

  “You,” he breathed, “are such a tease.”

  “Am not,” I responded both quickly and defiantly.

  He smiled. “I beg to differ.”

  “Keep begging,” I muttered. He moved closer.

  Is it a bad thing that I’m starting to enjoy our little games?

  “I’d button up,” he smirked, “Wouldn’t want you getting sick.”

  I ignored his suggestion, and let a question slip.

  “Why’ve you been ignoring me?” I asked, staring into his eyes. I was searching for an answer. And although I didn’t find it, I enjoyed watching those gold flecks glimmer in a sea of deep green.

  “That is a great question.”

  “I know. Where’s your great answer?”

  “Wait,” he said, trying not to smile, “That really got to you, didn’t it?”

  “You would turn this around,” I huffed, rolling my eyes but blushing nevertheless.

  “It killed you not getting attention from me,” he concluded.

  “Conceitedness is something you have a little too much of, my friend.”

  He paused for a second, mulling over my words. “I like to think of it as one of my better qualities,” he shrugged.

  “And is pretending people don’t exist a talent?” I teased, successfully sounding casual.

  He continued lifting boxes while I checked off supplies on the sheet attached to a cold metal clipboard.

  “I wasn’t pretending you don’t exist, Emery.”

  “Could’ve fooled me, buddy.”

  “I thought you’d want your space.”

  “Why would you think that? After I asked you to hangout recently.”

  He clenched his jaw and didn’t speak.

  “You like space, Emery,” he finally said.

  “Quite the contrary, I love being around people,” I said, scribbling a few more notes on the sheet. I neglected to see him stand and move closer to me.

  “Oh?” he questioned, closing in on me. “Then why do you freak out when I’m around you?”

  Because you’re beyond sexy and I want you to like me as much as I like you… which you obviously never will.

  “See,” he continued, “when you were drunk you had no problem coming at me like this, asking me to kiss you and giggling and tugging me into the be–”

  “That’s ‘cause I was intoxica–” I tried to interject.

  “Most people would agree that the truth comes out when you’re drunk, though,” he said, a hint of something unreadable in his eyes. My first thought was that it was a smirk, but at second glance it was more serious than his usual expression.

  I bit my lip, completely at a loss for words. His gaze flickered to my lips as I did so, and then came back up to meet my gaze.

  “Is it true, Em? Do you want to kiss me?” he asked softly, with intrigue. “Are you interested in that sort of conduct?”

  Yes, sir. But I’ll never have the balls to say so.

  “Am I interrupting anything?” Nina asked, smiling devilishly.

  “Not at all,” I said, moving around Fox to lift the last box and place it on the top shelf. Fox moved to help me, but I forced the box up and over before he got the chance.

  “I think I got it,” I said meekly, before heading for the door.

  “I’ll leave it up to you, my friend,” he called as I left the room and returned to the desk. I was sort of shaking as I collected my things.

  “Nina, I’ve got something to take care of,” I told her on my way out. She nodded and said it wasn’t a problem.

  I set out for Lily’s house on that frosty January afternoon.

  ***

  “Dude! You came here of all places, when you could’ve been making out with Fox in the storage closet?” Lily asked incredulously. “Are you effing kidding me?”

  “Lily!” I laughed, “C’mon. You’re supposed to help me.”

  “I am helping you, get your ass back there and grab him by his hair and say, ‘Fox, baby, angel face, I want you to–’”

  “Lily!”

  “Sorry,” she giggled, “You know I’m just playing. Sort of. The thing with Fox, Emery, is he doesn’t really date. You know that. He tried it out early on and I guess it didn’t work for him. It’s not really like he got hurt by one particular girl and vowed to never commit again or anything, it’s just… I don’t know, I guess he never found anyone that he wanted to stick with. So don’t take offense if he doesn’t outright tell you he digs you, ‘cause we all know he does. Just get to know him some more… I can tell you’re not ready to make any confessions any more than he is.”

  “I get the whole never finding anyone to stick with,” I nod, kind of breathing a sigh of relief at her comments. “But with him, it’s completely different. And I hate liking him so much Lily, I really do. I feel like an idiot ‘cause I get so excited when he’s around and I love talking to him and when he smiles… Jesus Christ. If I was a dog, my tail would be wagging nonstop around him.” I blushed at my own stupid, mushy self.

  Lily shoved me and laughed lightly. There was a distinct hint of sadness in that chuckle. “Oh God, don’t I know that feeling.”

  “It’s a wonderful feeling, Lil,” I said quietly, “I can only imagine how wonderful when it’s returned.”

  She stared off at the hardwood floor with her knees pulled up to her chin. I think she knew what I was getting at.

  “If you still love him… why do you keep pushing him away?” I tested as gently as humanly possible. I didn’t want to pry, but I figured she’d been holding this back and had no one to talk to about it.

  “Do you know you’re my only friend in this town, Em?” she asked quietly. I noticed her eyes were red-rimmed. “It’s because when I broke up with Nick, everyone turned against me. That’s what sucks about high school relationships, everyone knows everything and they judge the shit out of you for it. So if you’re gonna risk it – be prepared, okay? This guy better be worth it.”