by Claire Raye
I shift on my stool, looking behind me as Caleb walks around the bar, talking to people and asking them if things are going well. He’s a natural in this environment and it feels good to see him settling in. He exudes confidence now and I can’t help but wonder if maybe I have something to do with that.
“He’s different, right?” Adams says, interrupting my thoughts.
“Yeah, he is, isn’t he?” I reply, my words a little softer as I take Caleb in, walking now to a high top table that has two girls sitting at it. There’s a guy leaning casually against the table, his body language clearly showing he’s hitting on one of the girls.
“Watch this,” Adam directs, tipping his head in the direction of where Caleb is now standing. “This is the reason I’ll continue to work for this guy because at the end of the day he may be strict as hell, but he’s not going to let shit like this happen.”
“Let what happen?” I ask, curious as if I’ve missed something.
“This wanker has been hitting on girls all night. He’s drunk now and about to get kicked out.”
Seems things are about to get interesting, so I turn my attention back to where Caleb is standing, listening to what he has to say.
“I’m pretty sure she’s told you no at least four times,” I hear Caleb say, his words firm now. “I think it’s about time for you to move on. Maybe even find someplace else to get your drinks tonight.”
“You cutting me off?” the guy now slurs incredulously, puffing out his chest and standing a bit taller, but it’s no match for Caleb’s height.
“Yeah, I am, but I think that’s for the best. What do you think, ladies?” While the girls sitting at the table don’t verbally respond, the one who was having her personal space violated visibly nods her head.
The conversation continues a little longer with the drunk guy arguing with Caleb, making a bit of a scene and Adam steps out from behind the bar now, too. He doesn’t approach them but rather makes his presence known. Standing with his hands on his hips, his eyes focused in the direction of where Caleb is trying to convince this guy to take a hike, Adam just waits.
Eventually it falls in Caleb’s favor and the drunken moron up and leaves in a huff making the girls laugh. They show their gratitude to Caleb before he comes over and has a seat next to me at the bar.
“You’re my hero,” I croon, batting my eyelashes at him as I throw my arms around his neck.
“He’s everyone’s hero,” Adam adds, letting out a small laugh. “He does shit like that on a regular basis. Makes it easier for me to pick up someone to take home when he clears out all the assholes.”
“They know you’re an asshole too, but at least you’re sober,” Caleb quips, shaking his head at Adam.
They’re fun and have this witty banter thing going on that Caleb needs. It’s good for him to find friends here and not just always be stuck hanging out with me or Sienna and Reid. I feel like this is also something that is helping in his recovery. Getting out there and getting a job, making friends, starting a new relationship; it’s all coming together.
“When do you get off?” I ask. “I think we need a calendar at the house so I know what your schedule is.”
“Trying to keep me on a short leash already there, Ruby?” Caleb jokes, turning my stool so he can lean between my legs. His hands grip my hips, pulling until I’m on the edge of the seat, and he leans in and kisses me. “If you want a calendar, I’ll get you one. I want to know where you are, too.”
“Thank you, but you never answered my original question. What time do you get off?” I lean in a little closer, my lips next to his ear, my hand resting on the side of his neck and I can feel his pulse ramp up little, beating hard against my fingers. “Sie and Reid aren’t home. We have the house to ourselves right now.”
“I’m off now then. Eat your damn tacos and let’s go.” He squeezes my thigh hard, and I let my teeth drag along his neck as I pull back.
“How about I take my damn tacos to go and we just bail now?”
“Perfect.”
We’re heading out, tacos in hand and a smile on both our faces. It’s hilarious that we’re racing home to an empty house like a couple of horny teenagers.
“Where are Reid and Sie?” Caleb asks, slinging an arm around my shoulders, but before I can answer, someone calls out, “Hey, you motherfucker!”
Caleb and I both turn around and come face to face with the drunk guy Caleb kicked out of the bar just a little while earlier. It was like he was waiting outside for Caleb, ready to pay him back for what happened.
“Is there a problem?” Caleb asks and the guy storms up to us, stomping his feet, his arms swinging in anger as he smacks the to-go container out of Caleb’s hand.
“Yeah there’s a fucking problem. It’s you and your over-inflated ego. You think you can just kick someone out of a bar? Don’t you fucking know the customer is always right?”
“Do you know it’s the responsibility of the bar to not over serve its customers?” Caleb retorts back, but his words are controlled, almost eerily calm.
The guy lunges at him and I gasp out loud, my voice calling out Caleb’s name in a loud blast. But it does nothing to stop what unfolds in front of me. I don’t want to step in. I don’t want Caleb to think I’m judging his ability to regulate himself and the situation. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared of the unpredictability of this drunken guy.
Caleb quickly dodges the guy’s punch, grabbing his hand and then sweeping his legs out from underneath him. The drunken guy falls to the ground and Caleb looms over him, pinning him in place, his hand twisted behind his back and Caleb’s other arm against the guy’s throat.
“You’re drunk and I will kill you if this goes any further. I suggest you get up and go home to sober up before you embarrass yourself even more.”
Shoving away from him, the guy remains on the ground almost too scared to move it seems. But Caleb is completely unaffected, turning his back, grabbing my hand as he tugs me in the direction of our house.
“Are you okay?” I ask, my voice shaky, my hand now in his, tightening my grip. I would’ve thought something like this would’ve had a bigger impact on him given his past, but he remains unfazed.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Why?” he responds without missing a beat.
Using what I’ve learned in class, it’s better not to stop whatever you’re doing to have a conversation like this. People don’t like to make eye contact when discussing something that may make them uncomfortable, so I keep walking, but I don’t drop the conversation.
“I would’ve thought something like that would’ve triggered you,” I say, testing the words, speaking them in a quieter tone even though I know I can’t take them back.
Caleb doesn’t respond, the measurement of several breaths floating between us before he acknowledges what I’ve said.
“Yeah, I guess you’re right. That guy sort of accosted us, but I knew who he was and I had just kicked him out of the bar. It’s something I’m used to doing. Something that felt like second nature.” He shrugs his shoulders and it makes me realize he’s able to function well when it’s something he’s used to, almost like it’s become a rote skill. “Did it scare you?”
Now it’s Caleb who stops, taking my face in his hands, he kisses my forehead. His calm demeanor has changed and his brow is now furrowed as he scans my face. Worry is blanketing the air between us.
“I don’t want you to think…” Caleb starts, but I quickly shake my head.
“No, it didn’t scare me. You didn’t scare me. I was just worried about you and how you were doing.”
“I’m okay, Ruby. Thank you,” he now says, kissing me softly on the forehead again, letting his lips linger against my skin. I can feel the warmth of his mouth calming both of us. “Thank you for trusting me to…” Again he doesn’t finish his thought, but I can almost hear his words in my head.
Thank you for trusting me to be able to control myself.
Chapter Twenty-Four<
br />
Caleb
We walk in silence the rest of the way home, only stopping to grab something for dinner after that asshole knocked Ruby’s tacos out of my hand. Even though things feel okay between us and I managed to handle the situation without totally losing my shit, I still feel like crap.
I didn’t want to react the way I did, pining that guy to the ground and threatening him like that. And more than anything, I didn’t want Ruby to see that side of me, the angry, unpredictable side that I knew was lurking somewhere inside me.
It’s not like I’d ever do anything to hurt her, not a fucking chance, but there is a part of me that’s worried that maybe deep down, what happened in Providence changed me. Changed me in a way I can never come back from. That maybe buried somewhere inside me is a monster just waiting to come out.
“You okay?” Ruby asks, squeezing my hand as we walk inside.
I turn to her and smile. “I’m okay, really. I’m just sorry I ruined your dinner plans.”
Ruby smiles, pressing up to kiss me. “I’m having dinner with you. My plans aren’t ruined at all.”
Inside the house is quiet, Reid and Sienna still out. I move into the kitchen to grab us some plates and utensils, but Ruby stops me, putting the food on the kitchen counter.
“Dinner can wait for a bit,” she says, with a smile, before taking my hand and pulling me toward her bedroom.
Inside, she closes the door before pulling me closer, wrapping her arms around my waist as she looks up at me. I tuck some loose strands of hair behind her ear, searching for the right words to say to her. Words that tell her I’m sorry for what she saw tonight, that she has no reason to fear me or worry that I’m going to do something.
But the words don’t come and instead, I lean down and press my mouth to hers, kissing her in a way that I hope says everything I’m unable to.
Afterward, we take a shower and grab our dinner, eating it on the couch in front of the TV. We are still there when Reid and Sie come home.
“We’re back! Make sure you’re decent!” Reid calls out from the mudroom.
I chuckle as Sienna walks into the living room, stopping with her hands on her hips as she gives us both a once over.
We’re on the couch, me with my legs on the coffee table, Ruby sitting beside me. My arm is wrapped around her shoulders as she leans her head against mine, but this is nothing new to all the other nights we’ve watched TV together and they’ve seen us sitting like this before.
“Hey, Sie,” I say, giving her a smile.
“Hello,” she replies, brows narrowed as her gaze flicks from me to Ruby and back to me again.
“What’s going on?” I ask, my tone casual. Reid is standing in the doorway, casually leaning against the frame with a grin on his face.
“What’s going on here?” Sie asks, pointing at us.
Ruby shrugs. “Watching a movie,” she says. “Wanna join us?”
Sienna exhales, almost in annoyance, throwing her arms up in the air as she looks at Reid. “Ugh, these two are so annoying,” she says, stomping over to him. I watch as he laughs, pulling her close and kissing the top of her head.
It’s fucking funny messing with them and even though I’m sure they must know something’s going on between us, they’ve yet to say it outright. Almost as though they’re looking for a way to bust us instead.
It drives Sienna the craziest too, probably because out of her brother and her best friend, she’d expect at least one of us to say something to her.
“What’s wrong, Sie?” I can’t resist teasing.
She rolls her eyes at me, scoffing and pulling Reid with her as she walks out of the room.
“I think we’re making her mad,” Ruby mock-whispers as she looks up at me.
“I know, right? It’s great,” I say laughing.
“Do you think we should just tell them?”
“Hell no,” I say, kissing the top of her head. “Let them sweat a bit longer. They’re gonna give us so much shit. It’s good to let them suffer, too.”
Ruby laughs, shaking her head as she snuggles closer and we finish watching the movie together.
“Motherfucker!”
I shake my head, trying to figure out where the sound is coming from.
“Motherfucker!”
I look around, but it’s dark and my eyes don’t seem to want to focus.
“Motherfucker!”
Panic starts to rise inside me, my heart pounding in my chest as I turn, my eyes scanning the darkness, searching for the owner of the voice. It sounds strangely familiar, as though I’ve heard it before, but is now muffled or muted somehow.
“Motherfucker!”
I suck in a lungful of air, my heart smashing against my ribs as—
“Caleb?”
I hear the sound of my name, the concern in the voice of the person saying it.
“Caleb.”
This voice is different, softer, kinder, so familiar.
“Caleb, wake up, you’re—”
My eyes fly open and I see Ruby hovering over me, a look of concern on her face as she places a hand against my cheek.
“Shit,” I breathe out, my heart still pounding inside my chest. It was a nightmare, a fucking nightmare.
“Are you okay?” she whispers, and I can hear the worry in her voice now.
I take a deep breath in, trying to get my heart to slow down. I scrub both hands down my face, letting out the breath on a long, slow exhale. “I’m sorry.”
Ruby gently pulls my hands away from my face. “You don’t have to apologize,” she says, her thumb stroking my cheekbone. “Are you okay though?”
I nod, closing my eyes as I focus on the soft touch of her thumb against my skin. “Yeah,” I breathe out. “It’s just been a while, that’s all.”
I actually hoped they were over, that somehow, I’d managed to fix that part of my life. Obviously, I was wrong.
“Do you think it had something to do with what happened tonight?” she asks, her thumb still brushing against me. “With that guy at the bar?”
I shrug, wishing it didn’t, but deep down knowing it probably did. As routine as that kind of shit was for me, having kicked countless drunken assholes out of our bar back in Providence and even a couple here in Hawthorn, I’d never had it happen in front of someone. And I’d never had the asshole find me afterward and try to start trouble again.
All of which had happened tonight.
And in front of Ruby.
I let out another breath, rolling over as I pull Ruby into my arms. “I don’t know,” I murmur, burying my face against her neck. “Probably.”
She wraps her arms around me, her fingers smoothing over my back. “Do you want to talk about it?”
I shake my head. “No, I don’t even really remember it,” I lie, knowing the nightmares are always crystal fucking clear, etched in my brain in a permanent reminder. Like a silent movie on a never-ending loop that seems to play just so it can fuck with me.
“Okay,” she whispers, her fingers still moving over my skin, her mouth on my cheek, pressing kisses as though to comfort and reassure me. And it’s in this moment that I know what it is that I want. What I need.
Her.
Always her.
I roll us over, so she’s lying beneath me, my mouth finding hers in the darkness of her room.
“Caleb,” she whispers into my mouth as I kiss her, my tongue tracing her bottom lip as I cover her body with mine. Ruby’s arms wrap around me, pulling me closer as she kisses me back, her hips pushing up into mine as though she can sense what I want, what I need in this moment.
“Ruby,” I whisper, sliding inside her, my eyes closing as I surrender myself to her warmth and lose myself in the comfort and safety she offers.
When I wake up, the sun is streaming in through a crack in the blinds, the house quiet and the bed beside me, empty.
Rolling over, I slide my hand to where Ruby would normally be sleeping, the sheets now cool, no trace of her warmth
lingering. I know she had an early class this morning, so I don’t expect her to be here, but it doesn’t stop me from missing her either.
I close my eyes again, my mind going back to last night and the recurrence of nightmares I had hoped were over. It had felt shitty to wake Ruby up like that, to maybe scare her with whatever was going on with me as my mind played tricks on me while I slept.
But at the same time, it had felt so good to have her here, to know she was able to draw me out of the darkness and provide the comfort that I desperately needed.
But just as soon as I think that, I also remember what came after.
What we did.
What I did.
“Shit,” I groan, rolling out of bed.
I grab some sweats and pull them on, before heading out to the kitchen. But as soon as I walk out there, I see Ruby, sitting at the kitchen table, textbooks strewn around her and her laptop open.
“Hey, what are you doing here?” I ask, surprised.
She looks up, immediately pushing her chair out and standing as she comes over and wraps her arms around me and pulls me close.
“How are you feeling?” she asks, her face turned into my neck.
“I’m okay,” I tell her, wrapping my arms around her waist. “But what are you doing here? I thought you had class?”
She pulls back a little as she looks up at me. “I didn’t want to leave you,” she admits.
“Ruby,” I say, leaning down to press a kiss to her lips. “You didn’t need to do that. I’m okay, really.”
She offers me a smile, her hand cupping my cheek. “I know, but I wanted to,” she says, kissing me again. “Are you okay?”
I take a deep breath, before letting it out in a long slow exhale. “I’m okay, yeah. I’m sorry about last night.”
Ruby shakes her head, concern written all over her face. “You don’t need to apologize, Caleb, seriously. It’s not your fault you have nightmares.”
