A Different Shade of Violet?

by K E Osborn

  His hand shoots out and touches my face while he falls back to the bed. “You’re here?” he asks and I nod still holding his head in my hands.

  “I’m always here for you, Hudson,” I reply and he closes his eyes and relaxes just as the nurse comes in.

  “Hudson?” I ask and he take a deep breath and I feel his body relax. I think he’s fallen asleep again.

  “What happened?” the nurse asks.

  “He woke up and was frantic. It’s like he wasn’t even really there, like he was daydreaming or something. Then he looked at me and saw I was really here and then I think he fell asleep,” I reply wiping the tears from my cheeks.

  The nurse nods and does some quick checks and places the oxygen tube back into his nose. I look down and notice one of his bandages is slowly covering with blood.

  “Is that normal?” I ask pointing it out to the nurse.

  She shakes her head and exhales. “Silly boy! Might have reopened the wound with all that struggling about. I’ll have to check it out,” she says and walks over. “Sorry hun, but I’ll have to move you out of the way for a brief moment.”

  I nod, reluctantly letting his hand go. She wheels me out of the way and inspects his wound.

  “Is it okay?” I ask and she nods.

  “Yes, he’s fine. Just opened the wound a little, but it’s nothing to worry about. The stitches are still intact so it will just have to heal again. He wakes up like this all the time, searching for you. If he does it again, try to keep him down on the bed and call me as soon as he wakes up, okay?”

  “Is it my fault he’s reacting like that? Is me being here bad for him?” I ask and she smiles.

  “No honey, not at all. He’s just having bad dreams and waking from them, and with the sedation and painkillers when he wakes he’s not sure what’s real and what’s a dream,” she says and I nod.

  “Okay, as long as I’m not hindering his recovery in any way. I just want him to get better,” I say while she wheels me back next to his bed. I pick up his hand and caress it in both of mine.

  “He’ll get better, don’t worry. He’s already making remarkable improvements, he’s as strong as an ox and he’ll be back with you in no time,” she tells me and I smile as she walks out the door clicking it shut behind her.

  I just hope she’s right and he does want me back once he wakes up fully. I hope like hell he doesn’t blame me for being shot. I already blame myself and it’d kill me if he was so desperately angry at me that he never wanted to see me again. I don’t think I could handle losing him after I thought I actually had lost him.

  I sit there gently caressing his cheek and holding his hand. I miss kissing him, but because I’m in a wheelchair, I can’t move over close enough to kiss his lips. So I pick up his hand and kiss it gently. I sit like this repeatedly kissing his hand and stroking his skin. Nurses come in and check periodically and I try my best to let them do their work. But I just want to be near him. I’ve spent the most part of the last two weeks away from him and I really want to climb up onto his bed and cuddle into him, but I know that isn’t possible, so I just keep touching him in any way I can.

  He moans slightly gaining my attention. I look at his eyes, they’re fluttering again and it looks like he’s going to wake up.

  “I’m right here with you,” I say and caress his cheek. His eyes shoot open and his hand rushes up to grab mine on his face.

  “Fuck, Vee?” he asks looking right at me, all the life and sparkle I can see are clearly visible in his eyes.

  “I’m right here—”

  “You’re alive?” he asks looking at me and reaching out to touch my cheek as a tear falls from my eye.

  I nod and smile as I suppress a happy sob. “I’m fine, I’m right here with you,” I say and he relaxes like he’s relieved.

  “When I saw the Dogs at the cabin. Fuck! That was the worst moment of my life. Are you okay? Did they hurt you?” he asks as his eyes run over me and then he notices my bruised collarbone and cut forehead. “Shit, they did hurt you didn’t they?” he asks caressing my cheek.

  “Not as bad as they hurt you,” I say resting my hand on his chest.

  He looks down and exhales. “They shot me?” he asks and I nod.

  “Three times. You were such a hero,” I reply and he shakes his head and I see his eyes well up.

  “I was so scared when I saw the Dogs. I knew I couldn’t stop them from getting to you. Jesus Vee, I thought as soon as I saw them that they were going to get to you and that I’d failed in protecting you again. I thought you’d be dead for sure. That moment of realisation hit me so hard, Vee.”

  “Shh, it’s okay. I’m okay.” I can see he’s starting to get worked up about it.

  “No, listen baby, I thought I was going to lose you forever. I thought they were going to kill you or worse torture you and God knows what else. I honestly thought I’d lost you and now here you are, like some fucking Angel and I know, I just know it now,” he says as a tear runs down his face.

  “Hey, it’s okay really, I’m fine,” I reiterate caressing his cheek. He shakes his head like I’m not listening to him.

  “No, you’re not hearing me, Vee. I love you. I fucking love you so much and the thought of being without you killed me. I can’t do it, I can’t do this,” he says and my heart constricts on itself and implodes.

  He can’t be with me, is that what he’s saying?

  Fresh tears prick my eyes as I see Hudson’s panic in front of me. He doesn’t want me here, he can’t handle being around me. So I take my hand from his face and try to stop myself from crying in front of him. He doesn’t want me and I completely understand why.

  “I’m sorry, I’ll leave,” I whisper and he furrows his brows and goes to sit up, wincing in pain and flopping back down to the bed. He grabs my hand and shakes his head.

  “No Vee, stop.”

  I turn back to look at him as my heart is splintering into a million tiny shards. The worst outcome is happening right in front of me. We survived this, but he still doesn’t want me.

  “I’m sorry you got shot because of me, but I’ll leave you alone if that’s what you want,” I whisper and look down at my lap.

  “What?” he asks and I look up at him and he looks distraught.

  “I’ll leave,” I say and he shakes his head pulling my hand to his chest over his heart.

  “Don’t you ever leave, Vee. That’s what I’m trying to say, if you’ll stop and listen,” he says and then winces. He’s breathing too fast. I look at him and notice we’re both crying. “I love you. I love you so fucking much, Vee. I can’t do it. I can’t keep pretending like we aren’t meant to be together because, after everything we’ve been through, after both of us surviving a Mad Dog attack, we’re still here and in love.”

  I start to really cry as I realise he isn’t saying he can’t be with me, he’s saying that he can’t not be with me.

  “I love you, I have always and will always love you, Hudson,” I say and lean up even though the pain is killing me and I kiss his lips softly.

  He relaxes and his lips mould against mine. And I feel like I’m home.

  He breaks the kiss and caresses my cheek. “I don’t care about your job and I don’t care about Cupiditas. Fuck what people think! I’ll leave the force, I don’t care. I won’t be apart from you anymore, Vee. Be with me?” he asks and I nod my head and cry a fresh river of tears.

  “Of course, I’ll be with you. I never really stopped, but don’t make any decisions now, we can talk about it later when you’re fully recovered,” I say and he smiles and pulls me down for another kiss. His lips caress mine tenderly and then he slowly pulls away.

  “Vee, what happened with Mad Dog?” he asks suddenly looking terrified. I notice his heart rate going up on the monitor, so I decide to avoid the question. He’s only just woken up fully, he doesn’t need to know the extent of the damage Mad Dog inflicted on me.

  “Shh babe, you just rest. We don’t need to talk about t
hat now. Let’s wait till you’re functioning a little better, okay? Just rest, please? I don’t want you exerting yourself.”

  He swallows hard and nods. “I’m so glad you’re alive.”

  I run my fingers through his hair. “And I’m so glad you’re alive and awake. I missed you,” I say.

  “How long have I been in here for?”

  “Two weeks and you’ve had surgery, but I’ll let the doctors explain all of that. I don’t really understand it all.”

  We both stare at each other when there’s a knock on the door. We both look up toward the door to see Denzel and Macca standing there. I look back at Hudson and he smiles waving them in. Denzel smiles at me while Macca frowns and shakes his head.

  “Fuck dude,” Macca says as Denzel pulls out a chair for them both. “The guard told us you were awake, so we thought we’d come in to see how you’re doing. You look like shit and Vee… you’re in a fucking wheelchair?” Macca says somberly.

  “What?” Hudson says looking at me and trying to sit up again. “Fuck,” he says and I push him back down to the bed. “Vee, you’re in a fucking wheelchair? What did they do to you?”

  “It’s just a small leg injury, I’m going to be fine,” I say glaring at Macca.

  Denzel slaps Macca on the back of the head as Hudson runs his hands over his face.

  “I should’ve tried harder. I should’ve shot all the fucking bastards—”

  “Stop Hudson! I’m okay, I promise,” I say and he takes my hand in his as I can see his eyes welling.

  “Sorry man, I thought you knew,” Macca says and Hudson puffs his cheeks out in frustration.

  “It’s good to see you fully awake, Stone. We’ve all been pulling for you,” Denzel says. “Just so you know, the entire MC is in custody. For some reason, Mad Dog has decided to rat and he’s told us everything. So him and his cronies will be going away for a long, long time. We got them Stone, we finally got them! One of them… Chops I think his name was, was incriminated by Mad Dog as being the murderer of Adam and Doug. We got the bastard Stone, we got him,” Denzel gushes and my breath catches at the look in Hudson’s eyes. He looks relieved and like he’s in pain all at the same time. I squeeze his hand and he looks at me shaking his head.

  “I hope they all fucking rot in jail. Adam and Doug didn’t deserve what they got, and neither did Vee or anyone who came into contact with those evil fuckers. I’m so happy right now. I just hope I am out in time to see their trials,” he says and I caress his hand knowing that he probably won’t be.

  “I hear they’re discharging you today, Violet?” Denzel asks and I nod watching Hudson.

  “Wait you’ve been in here for two weeks as a patient too?” Hudson asks and I nod. He exhales and shakes his head.

  “You don’t have to tell me now, but I do want to know what they did to you,” he says and I nod.

  “The only problem is now I won’t be here all the time, so I’m going to have to taxi from Prospect to Flinders every day to be with you Hudson. “

  “Can’t you drive?” he asks and I shake my head.

  He huffs and rests his head back onto his pillow. “Fucking Dogs,” he mutters.

  “What I really want is to be able to stay here. I don’t care if I have to sit in a chair all day and night, I just want to be by your side. After thinking you were dead, I don’t want to be away from you any more than I have to.”

  “I’ll be back in a minute,” Denzel says and stands abruptly and walks from the room.

  I look at Hudson and then at Macca and we all have the same confused look on our faces.

  “That was weird,” Macca says and walks over to Hudson. “Anyway I’m glad you pulled through, mate. Even though I tease the fuck out of ya, you’re still one of my best mates and I never want to see you hurt.”

  “Are you going all soppy on me, lieutenant?” Hudson asks making Macca and I both laugh.

  “Fuck no! I was just being nice in front of your missus,” he says with a smirk and goes and sits back down on his chair.

  “So, I’m your missus am I?”

  Hudson smiles at me. “I think you never stopped,” he says and I smile leaning in to kiss him softly.

  “Get a room,” Macca calls out and we both laugh as Denzel comes back in with a nice looking lady, her skin the same chocolate tone as his and she is stunning.

  “I thought I would get someone to check on you, but I also wanted to introduce you to Victoria—”

  “Vicki,” she says with a smile.

  “Vick, is my wife and the head of the Surgical Ward,” Denzel tells us.

  “Oh, hey Vicki, nice to see you again,” Hudson says and I smile at her and shake her hand.

  “I hear you want to stay here, but you’re being discharged from the hospital Violet, is that right?”

  I nod and smile. “Yeah, I really don’t want to leave Hudson’s side. I know there are visiting hours and things, but I honestly don’t want to leave him. Especially now, he’s awake.”

  She looks at Denzel and she frowns and he looks at her sideways enticing her to say yes.

  “I promise I won’t get in the way,” I say as Hudson holds my hand tightly.

  “I don’t know, it really is against hospital regulations.”

  “Vicki, please. I thought I’d lost Vee forever. I don’t want to spend a second away from her, especially when I can’t protect her. I’m completely useless like this and I don’t want to feel like less of a man than I already do. You don’t want me to feel like less of a man do you, Vicki?” Hudson asks and the rest of us smirk at his coercion.

  “C’mon Vick, for me? Hudson and Vee need this,” Denzel asks.

  “And what do I get out of this, huh? Other than a headache if the head of the hospital finds out,” she says smirking.

  “How ‘bout I take some time off when Stone is back in action and we take that trip to Hawaii you always wanted?” Denzel says.

  “Really? You’re not just saying it this time?” she asks tilting her head and creasing her brow like she doesn’t believe him.

  “Really sweetheart, you do this for him and I’ll even make sure I turn off my phone when we go. Hell, I might even retire so we can go for longer, how about that?” he asks and I look at her face which is lit up like the spectacular giant ball in Times Square at midnight on New Year’s Eve.

  “Seriously? You want to retire?” she asks looking around the room at all of us.

  Hudson and Macca both look kinda shocked.

  “Yeah, after this debacle I think I’m done with this life. The stress is giving me heartburn,” he teases.

  “Sorry Chief,” Hudson says and Denzel smiles at him.

  “I’m old honey. It’s time. Let me take you away from all this, but can you just do this one favour for us?”

  “Okay fine, you can stay, but I can’t get you a bed or anything and when he leaves the Surgical Ward I’ll make sure you can stay in the ward with him too. Only because Jim thinks so highly of you. And don’t tell anyone, okay?”

  “If I could stand I would hug you right now.”

  “Oh honey, no need for that. I would’ve let you stay anyway. I just wanted my holiday,” she says smirking at her husband whose real name is Jim. Who would have thought?

  He shakes his head as she walks over to Hudson and checks his obs. “You’re doing well, Hudson. You’ll be out of the Surgical Ward before you know it. Just stop thrashing about all the time and opening up your wounds.”

  I think I love her!

  “Yes ma’am. I’ll do anything you want me to from now on. Thank you. I really appreciate you helping us like this.”

  “Anything for young love,” she says and walks toward Denzel kissing him on the cheek.

  “I still want my holiday,” she says with a chuckle.

  He nods and smiles at her so lovingly it makes my heart flutter as she walks out the door.

  “So you’re totally playing favourites Chief,” Macca says and we all laugh and then Hudson and I
both frown from the pain. He takes my hand and smiles at me. And right now I’m the happiest I’ve been since I was told Hudson was alive. And at this moment, even though they’re two other people in the room, Hudson is staring at me with nothing but love and adoration in his eyes. And right now I know with every fibre of my being that Hudson and I are going to be one hundred percent okay.

  I’m sitting in this God awful chair, the same one I’ve been in for three weeks since Hudson woke up. He’s asleep right now and his recovery is driving me insane. I just want him happy and healthy. He seems to be in good spirits and the doctor says that he’s doing really well and should, hopefully, only be in for another month and a half, which still seems like ages to me. I wish I could just take him home and look after him, but I guess that’s a little hard when I can’t even walk on my own.

  Maybe he is better off here.

  His family comes in to visit. I didn’t know, but they’ve been here every day since he came in, we just kept missing each other. But now that I’m basically living in Hudson’s room the day I was discharged I saw them again. Holden and Flynn were their usual boisterous selves. Bill and Fran were really nice to me even though they know my injuries and Hudson’s are related, but they haven’t been told what happened. Hudson and I want to keep Cupiditas from them, so we just told them Hudson was working on bringing the Dog’s down and they came after me to get to him. Brige cried when she saw me for the first time, and I cried with her. Seems like that’s all I do these days. My tough walls have shattered and evaporated and now I feel every emotion and I can’t seem to block them out anymore. Guess going through trauma will do that to you.

  It’s getting close to dinner time and Hudson has been asleep for hours. I’m starting to wonder if he’s okay. But he does have up and down days. One day he’s awake all day and the next he’s asleep for hours on end. Today is one of those days, and even though I let him sleep so his body can heal, it still hurts knowing he’s so badly injured because of me.