A Different Shade of Violet?

by K E Osborn

  “But if they didn’t know about Cupiditas, it wouldn’t have happened. I lead them here—”

  “Stop Carlos! I won’t let you take responsibility for this. Their actions were of their own, not because of something anyone else did. They wanted the cash and that was that. Stop blaming yourself. Please, for me?”

  “I don’t know why you’re so nice to me, Boss,” he says and I pull him in for another hug.

  “Because Papi, you’re my family.”

  I reach out and grab Star pulling her to me and hugging them both together.

  “How are you holding up Star?” I ask and she smiles.

  “I’m okay, better now you’re back,” she says and I tense up because I know I need to tell them sooner or later and maybe now is the time. I should probably just get it over with. I let go of Papi and Star and lean back against my desk.

  “While you’re all here there’s something I need to discuss with you all,” I say and they all look at me raising an eyebrow.

  “You okay, Boss?” Rosie asks and I smile at her.

  “I’m okay, but I do need to change my life a bit. It’s been a hectic few months and I realise that maybe the things that used to make me happy, don’t anymore.”

  They all stand up a little straighter. I start to feel lightheaded as that gnawing feeling in my stomach is back, even worse than before. I take a steadying breath as they all watch me sway. I take hold of the desk behind me to steady myself.

  “You okay, Boss? You look pale,” Papi asks.

  I nod. “I’m okay thanks. What I’m trying to say is that even though I have built this place from the ground up, it has some great and also some terrible memories for me. I have decided that even though I love you guys like blood, I can’t continue to be here. For the sake of my sanity and also for the sake of my relationship—”

  “What are you saying, Boss?” Sheila asks abruptly.

  I take a deep breath while everyone holds theirs. “I’m selling Cupiditas,” I say as I look at all of their stunned faces. It’s deathly silent for a few seconds and then suddenly it starts. They’re all talking at me and surrounding me.

  “What do you mean you’re selling?”

  “What does that mean for our jobs?”

  “What are you going to do?”

  Questions keep flying at me and it’s making me dizzy. They move in surrounding me and I feel like I’m trapped in with no way out. I feel hot and suddenly I can’t breathe. My stomach lurches into my throat and I start to see stars while darkness begins to cloud my eyes.

  “Boss?” Angel says and then everything turns black as I fall to the floor.

  I wake up to hear a slight beeping noise. It’s familiar. I open and close my eyes a few times trying to get my bearings. I realise I’m moving from side to side and I can’t seem to gather my thoughts.

  “She’s awake,” someone says as they shine a light into my eyes. I flinch and shut them moving my head to the side.

  “Violet, can you hear me?” a male voice that I don’t recognize questions. I nod my head and open my eyes to see an ambulance officer staring at me.

  “Where am I?” I ask as I look over to see Angel sitting opposite me.

  “You’re in an ambulance. You fainted and we’re taking you to the hospital for some testing. Just lay back and relax,” the ambulance officer assures as Angel takes my hand.

  “What’s wrong with me?”

  “Not sure honey, but you have pretty low blood pressure, and you are dehydrated. Probably just exhaustion, but we need to check you out. We should be at the hospital any second now, okay?” the man states and I nod as Angel watches me with a concerned look on her face.

  “Will I be at the hospital long?”

  “Not sure depends on the tests, but don’t worry they’ll look after you,” he says as the ambulance pulls up. I look at Angel and she smiles reassuringly. The back doors open and they wheel me out of the ambulance and inside the hospital. Angel keeps hold of my hand as a nurse comes across and talks to the ambulance officer.

  “Don’t tell Hudson I’m here. He doesn’t need to worry. I’ll probably be out in an hour anyway,” I say and she bites her bottom lip and nods.

  “How are you feeling?” she asks and I have to think about it for a second.

  “Umm… not great. I feel really flat like I have no energy.”

  “Yeah, I should’ve known you weren’t feeling the best. I could see how pale you were getting. Everyone’s sorry they flew off the deep end like that. We’re all just shocked, you know?”

  “I’m sorry to do this to you guys, but I need an out. You understand don’t you?”

  She nods. “I really do. I thought this might happen, to be honest. I’ve seen how unhappy you were there for a long time, even before all this happened,” she pauses, “Sell it to me.”

  I look at her and open my eyes wide. “What do you mean?”

  “Sell me Cupiditas? I know how it works. I run the joint. Hell, I live there. Who better to own it than me?” she asks and I burst into tears.

  “Oh, shit, sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you,” she says stroking my hair.

  “No, I’m not upset. I’m just so happy. I was really worried that some pervert was going to buy it, or that you would all be out of a job. I’ve been wracked with guilt over my decision to leave, but knowing you are there to pick up my pieces makes me feel… amazing. Are you sure?”

  “Yes Violet, I’m sure,” she says and the nurse comes over interrupting us.

  “Hi Violet, I’m Dante. I’ll be looking after you today. Are you in any pain at the moment?” she asks and I shake my head.

  “No, sorry these are happy tears,” I reply and she smiles.

  “Well, let’s get you into the ward and run some tests to see why you passed out,” she tells me and I nod.

  Angel holds my hand while they wheel me through to the hospital emergency ward. I’m placed in a bay and strapped up to a heart monitor and some other things. I feel stupid for passing out like that. I must’ve been over-exerting myself. My leg is hurting a little bit and maybe I have some bug or something, and that’s why I keep feeling sick. But I really don’t want all this fuss. Hudson is the one who needs looking after, not me! I just hope I can be out of here before dinner time, so I don’t have to worry him.

  Angel pulls up a seat next to my bed while Dante takes some blood from me.

  “Do I really need to be in here? I mean is it a necessity that I stay? I feel okay now, and I only just got home from a hospital a little over an hour ago. I really don’t want to be back in one so soon again?” I ask and Dante smiles at me.

  “Don’t worry I’ll have the tests back in a little while and if everything is fine and you feel okay, and your blood pressure rises then you can leave. How’s that sound?”

  “I’m going to have to tell Hudson aren’t I?” I ask Angel and she bites her bottom lip.

  “I might’ve already called him, when you were passed out,” she says and I go to berate her when the curtain pulls back revealing Hudson and Thor.

  “Vee, what the hell happened?” Hudson asks and is by my bedside in an instant. Angel moves out of the way so he can have the chair. “Thanks Angel,” he says and she smiles and walks over to Thor.

  “I’m sorry guys, but we can only have two people here at a time,” Dante says.

  “Vee, I’m going to go and fill Chris in on what’s happening, I’ll check back in a little while, okay?”

  I nod. “Thanks Angel,” I say remembering why I gave Thor his nickname in the first place. It’s always weird to hear their real names.

  Hudson caresses my face tenderly. I look at him and he looks terrified.

  “Thor came over and said that Angel had taken you to the hospital and that you fainted,” he asks and I nod.

  “Yeah, I don’t know what happened. I felt dizzy and hot and like I wanted to be sick and then everything went black and I woke up in here,” I say and he exhales and shakes his head.

&
nbsp; “I came as soon as Thor got to the house. Angel called and moments later he was there to pick me up. Dad and my brothers are still at our house, Mum and Brige should be there soon, but I’ll tell them all to leave if you want to go home to a quiet house,” he says and I smile.

  “No, it’s okay they’re there for you and I stole the limelight. I’m so sorry to wake you, I know how tired you were—”

  “Stop. You know I’d drop everything for you, baby. Everything!” he says leaning in and gently kissing me.

  “I hope you didn’t strain yourself getting to me?”

  “Only a little,” he says and takes my hand in his.

  “I’m sorry if I scared you,” I say, “but I’m fine, just a little flat I think.”

  “It’s okay, try not to worry. Once the tests are all done, I’ll take you home and we can both rest in the comfort of our bed, preferably naked. How’s that sound?” he asks and I blush as I look at Dante, who’s smirking. She finishes her tests and walks out leaving me with Hudson.

  “That sounds perfect,” I say and he smiles.

  Two hours later and multiple calls from the people at work and Hudson’s family, Dante comes in with a doctor with my results from my blood workup.

  “Hello Ms. Dyson, how are you feeling now?” he asks and I nod.

  “Better actually, thanks doc. Can I go now?”

  “You can go shortly. I just have to inform you of your results,” he says looking through his notes. I watch him as he reads over them and smiles.

  “So doc, is she okay?” Hudson asks. I smile at him and he winks at me.

  “Well, Ms. Dyson… congratulations are in order,” he says and I recoil and look at him furrowing my brow.

  “Congratulations?” I ask as Hudson watches me.

  “Yes, I’m not sure exactly how far along you are. We’ll need to do some more testing to figure out the exact dates, but it’s definite - you’re pregnant,” he says and my heart stops beating while Hudson looks at me and smiles so brightly.

  My whole body tenses and I start to shake my head as I try to wrap my head around what he’s just said. I think back to when I last had my period and I can’t remember. It was well before we were at the cabin. How could I have not noticed? I know I’ve been rather preoccupied and busy recovering and then helping Hudson recover, but what kind of idiot doesn’t realise she has missed her last three periods?

  “No, that can’t be right. That has to be wrong. Can you test again, please?” I ask while sudden panic sweeps over me. I feel hot again, and my skin is clamming up with a cold and unstoppable sweat. Hudson takes my hand and looks at me concerned.

  “Ms. Dyson, we don’t need to take the test again. It was an absolute positive,” the doctor says and I start to breathe really fast.

  “Vee, what’s wrong?” Hudson asks as I sit up in the bed. My head is pounding and so is my chest.

  I can’t be pregnant.

  No fucking way!

  “I can’t do this,” I say and Hudson frowns.

  “Vee, what’s going on? Talk to me.”

  I pull the blanket off me. I need to get out of here!

  “You did this to me,” I yell at Hudson taking him aback.

  “What?” Hudson says as I jump down from the bed and frantically pull the heart monitor plugs from my body. The machine beeps while people surround me.

  “Fuck off,” I say as the nurse and doctor try to get me back into the bed. I can’t hear what they’re saying over the ringing in my ears.

  This can’t be happening.

  I can’t see through the salt water that’s welling in my eyes. I fight my way through them all and run. I don’t know where I’m running to, but I need to get the hell out of here.

  “Vee,” I hear Hudson calling out to me and I know he can’t run after me, and I hope he doesn’t try.

  My chest is heaving violently as I run the halls. As I run the ache in my leg is so bad it’s forcing me to limp with every step that I take. My heart is pounding hard and it feels like it’s going to burst right open and splatter all over the nearest wall… maybe it should?

  How could I have been so utterly stupid?

  I’m sure I was taking the pill at the cabin, that’s when this must have happened, because we haven’t had sex since Hudson has been in a hospital and it would be impossible in the state he’s in right now anyway. My leg gives out, and I fall to the floor in a screaming pile. I scream out loudly into my hands while the tears fall so hard and fast I can’t see anything. I know there are people watching me, but I don’t care. I’m a horrible person, how the hell could I let this happen?

  How can I look at Hudson the same, now that he’s done this to me?

  I’ve gone against everything I swore since the accident. In two months, it’s their six year anniversary and what do I do to remember them? I get knocked up.

  I cry into my hands, heaving as my chest constricts so tight it’s hard to breathe.

  I don’t know how to fix this?

  I don’t know what I’m supposed to do?

  “Vee?” I hear Hudson’s voice, but I can’t see him through my foggy eyes.

  “Go away,” I sob while I hide into the wall and cradle myself, ironically into the fetal position.

  “Baby… talk to… me,” he says through staggered breaths.

  I feel bad for a moment, knowing he’s probably over-exerted himself trying to get to me, but I don’t care right now, all I care about is that fact that I’m… oh God… pregnant!

  I. Am. Pregnant.

  “You did this to me, Hudson,” I say through sobs as I rest my head against the wall.

  “Jesus Vee, what the fuck is wrong?” he asks and I feel him sit next to me then he pulls me into his lap. I don’t fight against him, I don’t have the strength right now. I wrap my arms around his neck and hold onto him tightly as I move my face to his neck and cry into his shoulder. My whole body is reverberating with my sobs.

  “Baby, please tell me… what’s happening,” he asks as he caresses my hair trying to calm me.

  It isn’t working.

  “I can’t do this, Hudson,” I whisper.

  He holds on to me tightly. “Can’t do what, baby?” he asks running his fingers through my hair.

  “Be a… Mum,” I say the last word in less than a whisper.

  Hudson is silent for a moment and I feel his chest heaving against me. I know I’m upsetting him by being so desperately upset, but I can’t help it.

  “Violet, is this because of Caiden?”

  I recoil from him and stand up wanting to be far away from him right now.

  “How dare you!” I say and he stands up slowly and looks at me while I fall apart.

  “Vee, is it because of Caiden?” he repeats, and anger surges through me like I’ve never felt before.

  “Don’t you dare say his name! You don’t get to say his name. Not after what you’ve done to him,” I yell.

  He winces and shakes his head. “What do you mean… after what I have done? Vee, I don’t understand what’s happening,” he says staring at me while I wipe the tears away from my face.

  “You’ve made me replace him! With your fucking baby, Hudson. How the fuck is Caiden going to feel knowing that his mother has so easily replaced him with another baby, by a man that’s not his father, huh? How is my baby boy going to feel, knowing what a whore his mother is?” I scream and Hudson’s eyebrows squeeze together tightly while he reaches out to take me in his arms. “No!” I yell and push on his chest to get him away from me.

  He backs up and breathes heavier. I think I just hurt him, which makes me cry even harder. I don’t want him near me, but I want him to hold me desperately.

  What the fuck… I’m so confused!

  I back up against the wall and put my head in my hands sobbing into them.

  “Oh God, Caiden, I’m so sorry baby. Mummy is sorry she did this to you. I love you. I love you so fucking much it hurts baby boy. I wish you were here,” I whisper hoping he
can hear me, wherever he is. I scream loudly at the top of my lungs letting all my frustrations out as I slide back down the wall.

  Hudson is by my side in an instant and holding me to him. I grip onto his shirt for dear life. The pain is ripping through me, tearing at every inch of my insides with its nails as it claws away at my black soul. The thought of replacing my baby boy is too much to bear and I collapse into Hudson’s arms while he holds onto me so tightly rocking me back and forth.

  “I’m sorry, Vee. I hate seeing you like this. Knowing how hurt you are kills me,” he says and I can hear that he’s crying too, and if there’s one thing that hurts me more than anything in this world it’s when Hudson is upset, especially when caused by me. I grip at his shirt and nuzzle my head into his neck trying to get as close as I can, to comfort him and me.

  “I miss him, Hudson. I miss my baby boy. I can’t replace him. You know that right?” I whisper through sobs and Hudson strokes me all over trying to placate me.

  “Vee, you know how much I love you, right?”

  I finally gather the strength to look at him. His eyes are red and he’s pale, but he looks at me with nothing but love in his eyes. I nod as I try to catch my breath.

  “Having our baby, doesn’t mean you’re replacing, Caiden—”

  “Please don’t say his name,” I say as he wipes fresh tears from my face.

  “Okay. But you know our baby won’t be replacing him? It’s adding to his family, not trying to make up for his loss. You are… we are, giving him a sibling, and that’s what you always wanted for him, wasn’t it? Didn’t you always want to add to your family?”

  “I don’t have that family anymore, Hudson, and starting a new one is like telling my old one I don’t care about them anymore… which isn’t true. It’s just not true. I miss Caiden so much, Hudson. It burns… my insides are burning with how much I miss my boy. You know he would be Bridgitte’s age right now, and every time I look at her it reminds me of him. I just can’t stand how much this hurts. And even worse than that is that I want Danny. He would know how I feel. He would understand. You can’t possibly know what this is like, Hudson,” I say and his bottom lip trembles and the tears flow over his eyes.