The Walrus and the Warwolf coaaod-4

by Hugh Cook

  He was upset to find that, when he lobbied for King Tor, others failed to share his enthusiasm. Jon Arabin was still dead against a war of empire. Drake, who had no inkling of Arabin's religious objections to such a war, said:'Jon, you must support King Tor!'

  'Who are you to tell me what I must and must not do?' said Jon Arabin.

  'Jon, it's for your own benefit I'm saying this. Here's a great chance, man! Wealth, fame, power! When I'm king on Stokos, you can be lord of all my seapower.'

  'And what makes you think,' said Arabin, 'that I should rejoice at the prospect of serving under a greasy under-sized mannikin who's been for so long my cook's boy?'

  Without waiting for a reply to that question, Arabin turned his back on Drake and strode away – leaving Drake feeling cut to the quick.

  As the pirates once more gathered in from the islands for a general assembly on Knock, Drake made further attempts to recruit Arabin to Tor's cause – but was again rebuffed. He saw his chances of power and kingdom slipping away from him. In desperation, he ventured to the cave where Slagger Mulps lived, determined to lobby the Walrus.

  'The situation,' explained Drake, 'has changed. It's no longer a few wild pirates seeking invasion of Stokos. No – it's civil war we're planning. Once Tor steps ashore at Cam, half the city will rise to his support. We've no longer ogres to fight against – the ogres are on our side.'The green-haired pirate chief was suspicious.'What's in it for me?' said Mulps.

  'Survival,' said Drake. 'Muck has strange ideas. If he gets to rule the world, you die.''How so?' said Slagger Mulps.

  Drake explained Gouda Muck's ideas about what flesh should live and what flesh should die.

  'I've got no prejudice myself,' said Drake. 'Why, man, I seek to marry an ogre – and they're as weird as ever was, or ever could be. So it matters not to me that your hair is green, aye, and your eyes as well. But Gouda Muck would have you killed for such.'

  Drake by now knew that Slagger Mulps was intensely sensitive about his odd appearance. So he played on that as best he could – but, when the day of the meeting came, Drake was still unsure which way the Walrus would speak and vote.

  Once more the pirates crowded into their huge meeting cavern. This time, Drake did not come equipped with dead fish, but with a speech carefully worked up with help from both his brother Heth and his uncle Oleg Douay.Drake was the first speaker.

  He climbed onto the podium and faced the mob of pirates. He breathed their stench, and breathed, too, the fumes of half a thousand pipes – a ship laden with tobacco had recently been captured by the Teeth, and many of the pirates were doing their best to dispose of its cargo.

  In that cave, dimly lit by air shafts and torches, Drake recognized scarcely a single face. He was speaking to strangers who, if displeased, might throw things – or tear him apart in the mindless rage which could so easily overthrow the sanity of a crowd.

  Drake felt unsteady on his feet. There was a strange taste at the back of his throat – a taste like metal. His mouth was dry. He cleared his throat, then hawked, and spat.'Aagh,' said Drake.'Stand up!' yelled a wit.

  'Man,' said Drake, 'if the good King Tor was here, I'd stand on his shoulders. Then yOu'd see me right enough. But Tor can't be here today. Not today. Not any day. And why? Because he's too great-girthed to dare our tunnels. You've seen him, aye. Surely. That's a monster true. Our monster, if we turn our will to Stokos.'

  That opening was impromptu. But, while it had not been planned, it had come out smoothly enough. Now for the prepared speech. Drake looked out over the heads of his auditors. His first move was designed to slit Jon Arabin's sails right down the middle. Very well then.

  'Boys, some of you know me, some know me not. I'm Drake Douay. Born on Stokos, aye, and there on Stokos raised. When last we met together, boys, all crowded here as close as buggery, you heard the good Jon Arabin speak well of me.

  'Friend Arabin, my captain true, he named me as the one man who knows of Stokos as more than a name. I told Arabin well enough of Stokos, aye, and of the ogres. Hence Arabin spoke against a war on Stokos. And rightly so – for who here could chest it out with an ogre?

  'But times change. Now the greatest ogre is ours. King Tor, that's him. He'll not fight against us. No. He's ours. He's with us. And so is every other ogre born on Stokos. For Stokos has fallen to the madness of an old old man called Gouda Muck, who hates all ogres and has sworn to kill them out.'

  'With reason, perhaps,' yelled an anonymous heckler.

  'This Gouda Muck has got no reason,' said Drake, 'for he speaks against copulation, aye, against men with women, against men with men, against cats with dogs for all I know. He stands against drinking, too. And rules out gambling. He worships what he calls purity, by which he means the end of joy, starvation of the flesh and all.'

  Then Drake proceeded to paint a picture for the pirates. They would land on the coast of Stokos. They would rally the countryside. They would march on Cam. The people would rise against Gouda Muck. Tor would be victorious.

  'Then,' said Drake, 'we can break apart the Orsay Bank. That's fabulous wealthy – and Tor, he loves it not. Yes. King Tor has sworn that our reward will be every treasure looted from the bank. That's wealth for all. Wealth almost beyond imagining.'

  Drake spoke the truth. Tor had no love for the Orsay Bank, and was ready to sacrifice it to the pirates.

  Drake, having said his piece, sat down. Pirates whistled, stamped, shouted, clapped and threw things. A mixed response, in other words.What now? Will Arabin speak?

  Drake knew Arabin would find it difficult to win much credibility if he chose to speak as an expert on Stokos. Drake had indeed slit Arabin's sails – and he knew Arabin would be furious. Someone was coming to the podium. Who? Why-Grief of death! It's Sully Yot!

  Up on the podium climbed Sully Yot. The lanky wart-faced youth looked flushed, manic, wild-eyed, half-crazed. He screamed at his audience:

  'Evil! Evil! Evil! Tor is evil! Gouda Muck has spoken! Praise to Muck! He learns us truth! Some flesh is pure, but other flesh is born to evil. Tor is a monster. Monsters are not human. Tor has teeth which are wrong, limbs which are wrong, hands which are wrong. Only those with a fist of five digits are human. Tor has six fingers.'

  'Hey!' yelled the Walrus. 'What's this nonsense about the fist deciding the man?'

  'It's not nonsense,' shouted Yot. 'It's truth! Muck's truth! I've heard the news from Stokos! Muck has spoken, Muck has revealed. Muck is the High God of All Gods. And you – you've two fists on each hand. You're a monster too. You don't deserve to live. You-'

  Sully Yot was hauled off the podium and pulled into the crowd. For a moment he vanished. He resurfaced briefly, then disappeared again. People were fighting, some obviously trying to kill Yot, others to protect him. Finally, Yot was hauled to safety.

  By Quin Baltu, Ika Thole, Shewel Lokenshield, Peg Suzilman, Jon Disaster and Jon Arabin. By Harly Burpskin, Raggage Pouch, querulous old Jez Glane and slim dark Salaman Meerkat. By Lee Dix, Goth Sox, Hewlet Mapleskin and others – the entire crew, it seemed, of the good ship Warwolf.Drake groaned.

  'What is it?' said his brother Heth, who was standing next to him in the crowd.

  But Drake had no chance to answer, for uproar broke out as a very angry Walrus gained the podium. Slagger Mulps displayed his two-thumbed fists to the crowd then made them into fists.

  'These hands,' shouted Slagger Mulps, 'these hands are ready for war.'

  He wrenched down his trousers and showed off his male pride.

  'And this – this, boys, this is ready for war as well. I'm built for action, that's the truth.' He pulled up his trousers.

  'Arabin,' said Mulps. 'Arabin so old that every bit of hair has fallen from his head, he can stay behind on the Teeth. Aye. Mount sentry over rat, mouse and cockroach. But I'm for war, boys. War. Conquest. Gold.

  'Last time I spoke, I spoke against empire. But times – well, as Drake Douay says, times change. We've got a king on our side. An ogre on our sid
e. All the ogres on our side. Half of Stokos on our side. That alters odds.

  I'm in for gold, conquest, wealth, women. Who's with me?'

  A roar of approval showed that most of the pirates were. Drake knew that many other people would speak before a final decision was reached. But he was already sure of what would happen: the pirates would vote for empire.

  After much heated discussion – in which another half a dozen pirates died – the reavers of the Greater Teeth did indeed vote for a war for empire. And Jon Arabin sent Harly Burpskin to tell Drake Douay that his days with the Warwolf were finished. Drake had expected as much.

  He did not rightly understand why Arabin was still against empire, but knew his public opposition to Arabin must end their friendship. But to be an outcast still hurt. He had admired Jon Arabin, had rejoiced in Arabin's approval, had struggled hard to win promotion from ship's boy to crewman-And now it was all over.

  Still, he was in amongst friends. His brother. His uncle. His king. And others from Stokos. And they had their own ship, the Tank, to make ready for a preliminary probing raid on Cam.

  The probing raid was a disappointing, almost fruitless affair. The Tarik, with Drake aboard, sailed the six hundred leagues or so to Cam. As they dared the approaches to the harbour, three ships came out to meet them. Those ships chased the Tarik right round the shores of Stokos. Finally, in bad weather, the Tarik shook off the pursuers, and headed north.

  They had learnt that Sudder Vemlouf, ruler of Stokos, had a navy of at least three ships.

  'What we should do,' said Drake, 'is go in force. Aye. Half a dozen ships. Or send in spies. Perhaps we should ask Sully Yot to spy for us – he's got Muck's trust.''That's an excellent idea,' said King Tor.

  So Drake arrived back at Knock with his hopes high. Sully Yot would be asked to spy for them; Yot would refuse; Yot would be thrown to the sharks or tortured to death, which would be a just and proper punishment for killing Drake's much-loved dog. (And, of course, for attempted murder of Drake Douay.)

  When Drake landed on Knock, he was disgusted to find that Sully Yot had sailed with the Warwolf, bound on a raiding expedition to the Ravlish Lands.'What else is new?' said Drake.

  The latest excitement proved to be the challenge which Lord Menator had set Slagger Mulps. It seemed the Walrus was demanding to be Grand Admiral of the Fleet of Imperial Conquest. Menator had doubts about his worthiness, but had given the man a chance to prove himself.

  If Slagger Mulps could sail to the terror-lands beyond the protection of Drangsturm, capture one of the monsters of the Swarms and bring it back to the Greaters as proof of his prowess, then he would be 'seriously considered' for the position of Grand Admiral.

  'It sounds to me,' said Drake, sagely, 'that Menator thinks Mulps is too big with ambition. So Menator wants to kill off Mulps. But he doesn't want the blood to show too clearly on his own hands.'

  Drake's analysis was correct. Menator wanted to appoint only his own men to positions of power. Menator knew such a policy would not win approval from the pirates – so he had chosen to try to kill off Slagger Mulps subtly, by tempting him into accepting a suicidal dare.

  To Drake's surprise – and to the surprise of others -Slagger Mulps took up the dare, and began to ready his ship for a voyage south.

  'The man's mad,' said Drake to Drake. 'And I'm glad I've no part in that madness.'

  Slagger Mulps was due to sail on the first day of spring. The day before the Walrus set sail, Drake was called to a conference with King Tor and Lord Menator. It was Menator who did the talking.

  'We've thought long and hard about this challenge we've set for Slagger Mulps,' said Menator. 'We can't think of any way for him to cheat – but he's a pirate, so there's no telling what devious tricks he'll turn to. Thus we want someone aboard his ship to be our eyes and ears. To report true as to where he goes and what he does.'

  'Man,' said Drake, 'then don't look at me. I crewed with Jon Arabin, sworn enemy of Slagger Mulps. If I were to go aboard his ship, his crew would kill me. Why, my own worst enemy sails with the Walrus. That's Atsimo Andranovory, a man made for murder. So I'll stay with King Tor, thank you very much.'

  'You'll do no such thing,' rumbled Tor. 'You'll sail for the south with Slagger Mulps. Not least because I need"to test you. You've been chosen to marry my daughter. You've been chosen to inherit my throne. I need proof I've made the right choice.'

  'Why,' said Drake, 'surely you can trust your own judgment.'

  'In my youth,' said Tor, T studied the Inner Principles of the Old Science, just as you did. From that, I learned that judgment is best supported by experiment.'

  T see,' said Drake. 'Perhaps . . . perhaps a test to destruction.''That depends on what you're made of,' said Tor.

  'The Walrus sails tomorrow,' said Drake. 'Have you jacked this up with Slagger Mulps? Is he happy to have me on board? Have you got a promise of safe conduct out of him?''We've not spoken to Slagger Mulps,' said Menator. 'Nor will we,' said Tor.

  'Then how,' said Drake, in something close to despair, 'how do I get on his ship? And if I do – how do I survive?' 'That,' said Tor, 'is your first test.'

  16

  Name: Slagger Mulps.

  Alias: the Walrus.

  Birthplace: Ch'enameg.

  Description: very tall; very thin; long sharp nose; green hair; green beard; green eyes; long arms and double-thumb fists.

  Career: started life as a gardener's boy, then had to depart hastily from Chenameg. Lived as a limmer in Jone (in Selzirk) until sentenced to life as a galley slave after being caught raping a pig in a public toilet hard up by Ol Ilkeen. Liberated after five years when Abousir Belench, an Orfus pirate, dared a dawn raid on Lake Ouija. Thereafter prospered as a blade of the free marauders.

  Status: Orfus pirate; cave owner and slave owner on Knock (largest of the Greater Teeth); ship's captain.

  Ship: the eponymous Walrus.

  'This good place,' said Whale Mike.

  He held aloft his lantern. By its yellow light Drake saw three stoves, heaped sacks of charcoal, a huge hammock in which a horse could have slept in comfort, casks which presumably held ale or stuff yet stronger, hams hanging from hooks, strings of onions, boxes, crates, ropes, a heap of timber and a rack of tools.'This place is huge,' said Drake.

  'Well, I not'small,' said Whale Mike. 'This ship, she was Gol-sa-danjerk. That her name. Now she Walrus. This was hold, but I make changes.''Have you always been ship's cook?' said Drake.

  'Oh, I many things. But I good cook. I do that long time. Cook always eat well – that not so?'

  And Whale Mike laughed.

  Drake looked at the array of tools – hammers, mallets, chisels, awls, a variety of saws and other implements.'Who owns these tools?' he said.

  'Oh, they mine,' said Whale Mike. T carpenter. I do many jobs. We not got big crew. Some of these jokers, they not so smart. They not understand carpentry stuff. But that no problem for me. I smart joker.'

  Drake thought Whale Mike's estimate of his own intelligence was, to say the least, optimistic. But he did not say so. Instead, he said:'Thanks for bringing me aboard.''That okay. You my friend. That not so?''Definitely so,' said Drake.

  'You sleep,' said Whale Mike. 'You get rest, talk good tomorrow. You have to talk fast, that not so?' 'Very much so,' said Drake.

  Wondering how he would fare on the morrow when he had to face the Walrus.

  'Under there,' said Mike, pointing to the shadows beneath a rack of hams. 'There sacks. That comfortable, that not so?''Surely so,' said Drake.

  And crawled in under the hams, and laid himself down on the sacks. It was comfortable enough. He stared up at the bulky shadows of the hams. How well were they secured? It would only need one to fall. . .

  Whale Mike began to hum a happy song. What was he doing? He was sitting on a coil of rope, working on something. What? Ah . . . the tooth of a whale. The lamplight gleamed on Whale Mike's sallow, swollen face. No ears. Was it cold, having no ears? What was i
t like to be stupid?

  A shadow jumped onto Mike's shoulder'. A ghost? A demon? No – a cat. Slowly, Mike turned his head until he was staring the cat in the face. Was he going to bite it? Eat it? Tear it apart and gullet it raw?

  As Drake watched, Whale Mike kissed the cat. That settled it! The man had to be soft in the head!

  Footsteps thumped over the deck above. A voice called down the companion-way which led down into Mike's all-purpose cabin.'Mike?''Yol'said Whale Mike.

  'We're bringing the water aboard. Can you give us a hand?''No problem,' said Mike.

  The cat jumped from Mike's shoulder as he stood up. Though he was more than twice Drake's height, his head did not quite touch the ceiling. He must be very important to rate so much space. But of course – when there was a battle to fight, or an anchor to pull up, or a monster to kill, Mike must be the ideal person for the job.

  When Mike left, Drake began to explore. The cat – perhaps it was psychic – immediately hid.

  'Puss puss puss,' said Drake, trying to tempt the cat into kicking range.The cat prudently stayed hidden.

  Drake examined Whale Mike's scrimshaw. The whale's tooth was being worked into a representation of the writhing bodies of a dozen naked men and women. It was obscene. Fascinating. And very delicate. Done with great skill.

  'He must've stolen it off someone,' muttered Drake. T hope he doesn't wreck it trying to finish it.'

  He heard heavy feet and profound thumps up above as barrels of water were brought on board the Walrus.'I must be crazy,' said Drake.

  Stowing away on the Walrus at risk to his life – yes, maybe he was a bit crazy. How would he explain himself to Slagger Mulps on the morrow? Perhaps he could ask

  Whale Mike to hide him here for the entire voyage. No. That was too dangerous. Mike might get sick. Or die. Or fall overboard. Or the ship might flood. Or sink. There were a thousand ways in which he might be discovered.

  He would have to win over Slagger Mulps. Get protection from Mulps. But . . . what if Mulps once again handed him over to Atsimo Andranovory? Drake remembered Andranovory demanding a suck. Having him hauled into the sky on a rope. Remembered his long agony as he swung from the end of the rope . .